CSINut214's A/N: I'm a horrible person. I was supposed to update this in October. ScullyAsTrinity is so patient with me. Thanks to LauraKatharine for the read-through, and thanks to anyone still reading!
"What about Bob?"
His hand made lazy circles on her flat stomach, and he spooned her a little closer.
"Rubbing my belly won't make a baby appear any faster, Grissom. Didn't you take anatomy?"
"Bob is a good name. Solid name."
She shook her head, and he caught the faint whiff of her shampoo. "Bob makes me think of bobbing for apples. And the head we found bobbing in Lake Mead. What about John?"
"A john is a toilet," he replied. "No way my son's going to be named after a toilet."
"I take it Dick is out of the question then." She giggled as he tickled her side lightly.
"Jimmy?"
"Makes me think of sprinkles. Plus the guys would think we'd named him after Brass, and they'd be hurt."
"Okay," he ceded. "What other ones do you like?"
"Hmm," she pondered. "Freddy?"
"As in Nightmare on Elm Street?"
"No Freddy, then. Scotty?"
"Like the dog?"
"Jebediah?"
"Now you're just screwing with me."
She laughed and turned in his arms, snuggling her face against his chest. "I suppose Gil is out of the question?"
"Yeah, babe, that one was nixed right around the time that you started screaming it out during sex. Besides, it'd be creepy, hearing you holler 'Gil, put your diaper back on' all the time."
"So our son will be an exhibitionist?"
"If he's anything like his mom."
She grinned into his skin as his hands wandered lower. "The doctor said I'll be most fertile on the fifteenth of the month, so we should probably hold off on any extracurricular activities till then."
His groan of disappointment seemed to echo throughout the house. "Well, then we'll need to keep trying to pick a name, because otherwise I can't take responsibility for how my mouth chooses to entertain itself."
"What about family names?"
"Not on my side," he said. "My mom's name is Ethel, and my grandmother was Dorcas."
"We, ah..." She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "We could always call her Dorky."
"You're not a nice lady. What about naming her after something we have a common interest in?"
"Like what? Forensics?"
"Well, no..."
"Body farms?"
"Sara."
"Hot and sweaty marathon sex?"
"Okay, interests are out. So we're back to names we like. Walter?"
"No way. Have you noticed that, like, every other suspect we have is named Walter or Adam? I'm vetoing both of them."
"Donald?"
"Like the duck?"
He smoothed back her hair, kissing her temple. "Perhaps we should work on picking a girl's name first."
"Okay," she agreed. "Suggestions?"
"Mary is a nice name.""Too religious. Plus the boys will call her 'Virgin Mary.'"
"Damn right they will," he huffed. "If we have a girl, I'm installing a ten-foot wall around this house. And she'll wear a chastity belt till she's thirty. And maybe a GPS device, too."
"Yeah, that's not creepy or anything."
"What about Kathleen?"
"Too much like Catherine. Jennifer?"
"Too common. Dana?"
"Makes me think of Agent Scully. What about plant or flower names?"
"Like Heather?"
"Okay, so no plant or flower names," she said quickly. "Theresa?"
"No saints. Lorena?"
"As in Bobbitt?"
He felt the involuntary flinch of terror in his groin – the one that every man seemed upon hearing that dreaded name. And judging by Sara's low chuckle, she'd felt his flinch, too.
"Maybe it would help to picture her," she suggested lightly.
"Lorena Bobbitt?" he asked, horrified.
"Our daughter, dummy. What do you think she'll look like?"
"Oh. Well, odds are she'll have brown hair."
"With a natural curl," she added. "Brown eyes or blue?"
"Brown," he said immediately. At her questioning glance, he added, "What? I can't want our daughter to look like you?"
"Brown is the dominant gene," she acceded. "But I hope she gets blue eyes."
"And your nose."
"And your butt."
"Oh, I'm the creepy one? Who's putting my butt on a baby?"
One of her hands snaked over his waist to pinch the subject at hand. "Mmm, love your butt. What were we talking about?"
"Naming the baby, I think. Jesus, Sara, stop squeezing."
"Mmm. Anyway, what about Wendy?"
"Makes me think of Peter Pan. Margaret?"
"No way, a Judy Blume book scarred me for life on that one. Tonya?"
"As in Harding?"
She heaved a sigh. "Think, Grissom. A little girl with brown, curly hair."
"And brown eyes," he added.
"Or blue."
"And your smile."
She didn't bother mentioning the gap. For some reason, he found it cute. "So, brown hair, brown eyes, big smile."
It dawned on him, then. A simple, traditional name. "Sara, what about Gretchen?"
She paused. "Gretchen. That's... huh. Gretchen. I like it."
"Yeah?"
Leaning forward, she kissed him lightly. "Yeah."
"Excellent." Terribly pleased with himself, he hummed a little. "Then it's settled. Gretchen Grissom."
They both froze, then glanced at each other.
"Right," she said. "So, not Gretchen."
"Nope. What about Lauren?"
"Ugh, don't get me started."