Endless Darkness

Chapter 3

"Ponderings"

---Somewhere over the Lands---

---Sesshomaru---

He should have known that she just wouldn't come quietly. No sooner than he had picked her up into his arms than she had started squirming and fidgeting. "Let me down Sesshomaru, I don't have to go with you." Her voice was belligerent and pouty like a child's. He tried not to smile. Rin never took that tone with him, child or not; but at the thought of Rin, his amusement faded. He really had to get to her soon. His cloud, controlled by his mind, moved faster, picking up speed in it's race across the sky.

In his arms, the girl Kagome squeaked and clung to him, clearly afraid that she was going to fall off the cloud; and this, for some reason, brought the amusement back to Sesshomaru. She was an enigma of a kind, this miko.

Feeling as if he owed her something, anything, but not understanding why, Sesshomaru tried to think of something comforting to say. He didn't try to understand it, though he desperately wanted to. Why should he care if this miko was feeling upset over her lover's betrayal? Why should he care that she was silently crying into his kimono? Why should he care enough to make sure she was happier? He tried to reason it away, saying that if she were happier, she would be able to heal Rin faster; but he knew it was no use. He was lying to himself.

With a small frown, Sesshomaru spoke, "When we arrive at the castle, you will be brought to your room, and you will sleep. In the morning you will attend to my ward. Understood?" He tried not to notice that her nod was halfhearted; at least she knew now that she was to be sleeping in a normal room and not a dungeon of some kind. That was all he would say of it for that time.

They flew across the sky, each lost in their own thoughts. Kagome's were probably of Inuyasha and Kikyo, but Sesshomaru's were of her. The miko in his arms was a contradiction, something beautiful and mysterious, but yet so open and trusting. Inwardly he snarled at himself; that statement in and of itself was a conundrum. The miko was turning his mind in circles and he really didn't want to admit to himself that he didn't mind it. Kagome had been on his mind and in his thoughts far longer than he really wanted to realize.

From the first moment he'd seen her, talking to his idiot half brother, Sesshomaru knew there was something not quite right about her, something different from what all other humans and mikos possessed. He'd attacked his brother, using the un-mother to trick Inuyasha into the land of the In-between. The plan was in all aspects perfect…or so he'd thought. He hadn't paid that much attention to the miko that traveled with his brother; after all she was human and beneath his attention. But she'd shown Inuyasha that the woman wasn't his mother, had helped him defeat Sesshomaru, and above all…she had been the one to pull Tetsusaiga.

At the time Sesshomaru had found the event perplexing and interesting, a matter to be studied, but over time, as he had continued to quietly watch the miko through all his brother's endless travels and stupid fights, he saw that she was no ordinary miko, that she was in fact the reincarnation of the protector of the Shikon no Tama, and more powerful than her predecessor. He saw that she was kind and caring and merciful, adopting an orphaned kitsune and taking it in as her own child. She had put up with his brother's abrupt mood swings and cheating habits, and he had seen her more than once disappear into the forest and cry as though her soul were broken, out of frustration and sadness. He found her to be a source of endless entertainment and fascination. He saw her close friendship with the demon slayer called Sango and her endless well of patience with the lecherous monk Miroku. It amazed him, the power that was contained in this one small human girl, and there were few things that amazed him in life.

He looked down at Kagome. She had stopped moving in his arms some time ago and he wondered why. Looking at her he could see that she had obviously cried herself to sleep. As he watched her sleeping face, his eyes moving over the clear tear tracks, he wondered what drove his brother to break this girl's heart so very often. She was everything that Inuyasha could want and more, but still he chose the undead Kikyo. It was a subject that Sesshomaru had often pondered when he would be spying on the group and see Inuyasha run off to his lover in the middle of the night.

Kikyo was Inuyasha's first love. Sesshomaru remembered when Kikyo had been alive and Inuyasha was still living in the Palace, he'd done nothing but talk of the priestess. Sesshomaru had found it sickening and amusing at once; his brother really did take after their father, but the elder brother had done nothing to correct his brother's relationship. So when Kikyo pinned him to the Tree of Ages with a sacred arrow and a spell, Sesshomaru found it almost fitting; is father had been done in by the love he bore fir a human woman and now his youngest son had fallen prey to the same fate.

But Kagome had released her predecessor's spell, reviving Inuyasha to the waking world and falling in love with the half breed. Inside of himself, beneath the emotionless mask he always held in place so vigilantly, Sesshomaru was willing to admit that perhaps he felt a little more than respect for the woman in his arms, but he tried to forget about it and concentrate on making his way to the Palace. It was no use though, inside himself, a small voice was rousing his inner youkai with thoughts of taking Kagome as its mate, making her his forever. Sesshomaru's mask slipped for a second and a small frown appeared on his lips. He battered back the youkai in him, sending it back to its cage with a snarl and banished the little voice. What an absurd idea…taking a human, a miko no less, as his mate! It would be against all the principals he had bred into himself, the idea that he had fought against. It was not to be even considered!

That damned voice in the back of his mind spoke up then, in a small voice, "If it is not to be considered, then why does your blood heat so? And why does your heartbeat speed up? Why is your body raging at you to take the girl in your arms as your own?"

Sesshomaru's inner youkai roared, "She is ours…we must make her ours for all to see and know. We must." The urge to do as the youkai said was so strong that Sesshomaru's cloud stopped moving, and he stared down at the sleeping girl, his golden eyes tinged with crimson.

It would be so easy, and it would be what he wanted. A warm body and a pleasing mate. He could have any woman in all the lands, but his blood only boiled for this miko; his body only wanted Kagome. The crimson filled his gaze and Sesshomaru felt his grip on his control rapidly slipping away. He had no control over himself, and watched in silent fascination and horror as one of his hands, seemingly of its own violation, rose to the miko's cheek. A single clawed finger brushed her skin, and he felt the girl shiver in his embrace. The youkai was taking control and Sesshomaru was running out of ideas as to how to stop it.

His eyes were almost completely crimson now, and Sesshomaru, with the last of his control, willed the image of the girl in his arms to shift, to change, and imagined the face, body and scent of the miko Kikyo. It was his only chance to regain his control and he pushed the illusion on in his mind, pushed it toward his inner demon.

Almost immediately the youkai retracted in disgust and shocked anger. The two mikos might look the same but their scents were completely different. The smell of old bones and clay filled his nose, and the body in his arms suddenly felt boney and thin and altogether malnourished. The face became paler, thinner and her hair became straighter. The youkai growled inwardly, directing its question to Sesshomaru. "What is this? Who is this woman? She is not our mate, though she looks like her. Where is the other miko? The one called Kagome?"

Sesshomaru pretended to be bored, "This one is called Kikyo and you've made a dreadful mistake in thinking she might become our mate. Go back and wallow in the regret and fear of the stupidity you almost committed us both to." He watched patiently as the youkai turned and walked into the shadows of Sesshomaru's mind. When the demon lord was sure he was far enough away, he slammed the mental door closed on the youkai's cage.

The demon whirled to face him, "What is this? Why have you locked me away? For what purpose?" Then, through the eyes of the now fully in control Sesshomaru, the youkai watched the illusion melt away and saw that the body was not Kikyo but indeed Kagome. The youkai roared, "That is not fair! You tricked me. She is our mate!" The youkai tried to shake the bars of the mental prison, "Release Me!"

Sesshomaru just smirked, "No." With that he threw the mental cage into the farthest region of his subconscious, listening to the grumbling of the youkai before he once again fell into the submissive position within Sesshomaru.

With a sigh, Sesshomaru looked down at the miko, his eyes once again golden in color. He was loathe to believe that the beautiful, small, slip of a girl in his arms had caused that massive break in his control, but it was true nonetheless. Kagome had fired his blood, released his inner youkai and some how managed to sleep through the entire thing. Sesshomaru, deep down inside, felt guilty. He'd been ready to claim her, right that moment, but she'd just suffered through the turmoil of finding out her lover was once again with another; and she learned it from a stranger no less. Then, that stranger, one who she had previously fought against and defended herself against several times, abducted her and was taking her to a far off palace. He could understand her weariness.

Looking down and away from the miko, Sesshomaru saw that they weren't too far from his home, and that indeed, they were only a few moments walk away. With a firm nod, Sesshomaru flew his cloud closer to the ground and allowed it to disappear from beneath him; landing carefully on his feet. He decided to walk the rest of the way to the palace, and as he walked, his mind once again wondered.

He often thought of Inuyasha as the miko's lover, but in truth, he could tell by her scent that she was innocent and pure. It only enticed his inner youkai further; she was untouched by another and he found that he wanted to be the first to teach her of the pleasures of the flesh. A growl rose in his throat; he couldn't afford the weakness his youkai was bringing up in him…he would not bed a human woman, he refused to be like his father.

He walked on, his mind fighting with his body. His body wanted her, his mind fought on the basis of her species. She was human and miko, he was full demon and a lord at that. Such things were looked down upon…especially by him.

With another sigh, Sesshomaru looked up. There, resting on the hill rising in front of him, was his Palace. It was late and it was dark but he could still here the sounds of several humans moving about in the inner corridors of his home. He wondered dimly what they were still doing but decided to let his curiosity pass; honestly, the miko must be having some effect on him…he never thought about humans and their chores and their resting hours!

Tired of being outside for the time being and quite content to get inside and become comfortable in his study, Sesshomaru used his demon skills and approached the castle at an incomparable speed, jumping and landing gracefully on the balcony outside on of the many guest quarters. He proceeded into the room, finding it warm and comfortable; as it should be…he'd asked the servants to prepare the room before he left.

He moved toward the large bed which was covered in all sorts of silks and satins. He pulled back the covers and placed her under them, trying not to notice how that damnably short skirt rode up her thighs. He paused to look down on her features, seeing immediately that she was even more beautiful when she was asleep and in peace. Wait…beautiful? Where did that come from?

With a growl at his youkai, Sesshomaru resolutely tugged the covers up to the girls chin and turned on his heel, exiting the room and shutting the door with a quiet click. When he was out of there, he walked down the hall and toward Rin's private rooms, still thinking.

There would most certainly be rumors and all sorts of palace gossip about his choice of rooms for the miko…a place in his own wing, an area that he only shared with Jaken and Rin. Oh yes, he could just hear all the foul and malicious things that would be said. With an inward sigh Sesshomaru made a mental note to assign Kagome a maid that could be trusted not to say such things in front of her…Gods forbid that the miko become indignant and refuse to help Rin. That would be the end for his ward and he knew it. That simply could not come to pass.

As Sesshomaru came up to the double doors that led to Rin's room, he readied himself, for seeing Rin in such a state was hardly appealing and never easy. With a defiant nod, the Lord pushed open the doors and stuck his head in, not willing to go in fully. It wasn't that he was afraid of catching an illness or that he was ashamed that he cared for the girl. No, it was simply that seeing her in such a condition left him physically and emotionally weak and he couldn't stand to be next to her. The waves of emotion and pain that poured off his tiny charge were effecting any who came near her, demon or human alike. It was as if she were deliberately trying to show them what she was going through, since she herself could not convey the feelings through words.

Sesshomaru nodded slowly when he saw that Rin was asleep in her bed, but the aura of pain and despair in the room was powerful and Sesshomaru felt his great strength being sapped as he watched her inhale in her sleep. With a strangled sound of outrage, Sesshomaru pulled out and closed the door, leaning against it momentarily.

Gods, he just wanted her to get better! She had to; she meant something to him, though what that feeling was, he wasn't prepared to admit to yet. With a shaky intake of breath, Sesshomaru stood and walked into his chambers across the hall, slipping from his clothing and falling onto his bed. He was completely naked and pulled the covers up to his chest, leaving his arms, chest, neck and head exposed. Tokijin was placed on the bed behind him, laying in the space where a mate might lay, in easy reach should Sesshomaru need it. With an aggravated growl, Sesshomaru closed his eyes.

He knew he could do nothing for Rin right that moment, but he would awaken the Miko tomorrow and she would hopefully heal the girl and with any luck, his carefully ordered and controlled world would right itself again.

He fell into sleep, deep and troubled, plagued by visions of Rin crying out to him silently and Kagome's tears falling into a pull of blood as she was carried away into the sky by an unseen enemy.

To be continued…