Chapter One: Hakkai's Solitude

Setting: Hakkai's room

Time: 10am, Togenkyo time

"Here you go, Hakkai."

"Arigato gozaimasu, Gojyo."

Hakkai reached forward and took the box Gojyo was holding out. The pillow beside him fell off the side of the bed as he did. Goku stooped down and held it back at him.

"Arigato, Goku. Are you sure you're alright without me?"

"Hai hai, Hakkai-san! Don't worry about us, just take your rest!"

Hakkai leaned back on his pillow. Gojyo and Goku were watching him. He looked away. He didn't want them to worry about his condition. He was feeling okay, although he had already finished a whole box of tissues. Besides, the doctor said his fever won't last very long. Just a couple of days or so. But Hakkai didn't like being bedridden. He felt that he was responsible for everything.

Sitting outside was Sanzo, reading his newspaper as usual, smoking his tenth pack of cigarettes. Or so they thought. Sanzo was staring at the paper, his eyes transfixed on a specific part. He was just too stubborn to show that he was worried about Hakkai's condition too. He didn't really get sick for this long, he thought. Something's probably bothering him…

Earlier that day:

at the inn, dinnertime

"What do you want for dinner, Goku?" Hakkai called out from the kitchen.

"Dinner?" Goku's eager face peered out at him from the door. "I want sukiyaki!"

"Sukiyaki! Again?" Gojyo entered the kitchen, an annoyed expression on his face. "Don't you want anything else?"

Hakkai chuckled. They have had sukiyaki for the past three days. Gojyo was already complaining of throwing up; Sanzo didn't care and Goku---well, he wouldn't really mind, as long as it's edible.

"Sukiyaki! Sukiyaki!" Goku cheered, a big wide smile plastered on his chibi face. "Sukiyaki! Sukiya---OI, ERO KAPPA!"

Gojyo covered Goku's mouth and tried to drag him out of the kitchen. Goku flailed his arms wildly, legs kicking the air. "LET ME GO, YOU STUPID COCKROACH! HEY HAKKAI, SUKIYAKI OK?"

"Stop it with that sukiyaki thing, bakasaru!"

"Don't call me 'bakasaru'!"

"Why, isn't that true?"

"Of course it's not, ero kappa!"

"Oh yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"It is!"

"It's not!"

"URUSAI!"

Sanzo's voice echoed across the walls. He was sitting in the living room, a long distance away from the kitchen. He raised his shourejyu in the air and fired a warning shot.

"I'M TELLING YOU---IF YOU GUYS DON'T SHUT UP I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA KILL YOU!"

Sanzo lowered his shourejyu again. Those two really get my blood pressure up, he thought. He listened intently for any sound of noise. Gojyo and Goku covered each other's mouths and were quietly heading for the exit.

Good, he thought. They finally stopped bickering.

"Oi, Hakkai, you done yet?"

"Nearly." Hakkai called out.

"Hurry up. I want to rest."

"Okay."

Hakkai went back to his cooking. Those three really don't appreciate my effort, he thought. Hakkai this, Hakkai that. When are they gonna learn…

He shivered. It was really getting chilly tonight, even though he was at the stove. And he was feeling pretty tired. Today they drove for a long time before they finally found an inn. And he had barely sat down when it was dinnertime once again.

What's wrong with me today? I don't feel like myself…but then again, I don't really show it.

The ladle suddenly slipped out of his hand, splashing the soup all over his clothes. He raised the bowl. He was feeling unnaturally weak today. That's the third time he dropped anything light. It was getting really odd.

"Hakkai?"

Gojyo peeked in the kitchen. He saw Hakkai holding the bowl and the soup all over his clothes.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just lost control of the ladle, that's all." His vision was blurry. He was sweating very hard now, and he was feeling extremely cold. The next thing he knew he collapsed on the floor, the bowl flying out of his hands, and he could no longer see a thing. The last thing he remembered was someone shouting, the sound of running footsteps, and voices calling his name, before he completely passed out.

"Goku! Sanzo! Hakkai collapsed!"

"What!"

Footsteps were echoing across the room. Gojyo was sure it was coming towards the kitchen. Sure enough, Goku ran towards Gojyo, who was still standing there at the kitchen door looking at his friend. He was pale and his eyes were panic-stricken.

Goku ran towards Hakkai and checked his condition.

"What happened to him?"

"I don't know. I was asking him if anything was wrong, then he suddenly fainted! Hey, check if he has a fever or something!"

Goku placed a hand on Hakkai's forehead. Then he gasped.

"No, I don't believe it…Gojyo, call a doctor! His fever's really serious!"

Gojyo turned a bit more paler at his words. He muttered a quick "Okay," and ran out of the room to look for a doctor.

"What's wrong with him, Goku?"

It was Sanzo. He had finally arrived and he was standing against the wall, his face expressionless.

"Sanzo! Hakkai collapsed and his fever is really high, I told Gojyo to get a doctor!" Goku said, breathless. He stared in surprise, a bit irritated at seeing Hakkai like this and Sanzo just standing there looking like he doesn't care.

Sanzo looked at him. Then he said, "Ch. You told Gojyo? I never knew you could think of such a brilliant idea. And I can't believe that that ero kappa did what you told him."

"Sanzo, this is serious! What are we gonna do?" Goku was shouting now, and he was trying hard not to strangle that emotionless and insensitive monk. What's the matter with him? he thought. If Hakkai dies he won't even care!

Sanzo stared at him. Then he turned away. "Put him down on his bed. We'll just have to wait for the doctor." He walked off back towards his room.

"Oi, Sanzo!" Goku called, "His room's up two flights of stairs!"

"Carry him, then," Sanzo said carelessly.

"But he's heavy! Help me carry him---oi, Sanzo! SANZO!"

But the monk had already closed the door and locked it. Goku dragged Hakkai towards the stairs, muttering to himself. "Darn it, he always leaves things up to me!" He looked up the stairs, groaned loudly, and started climbing, Hakkai in tow.

Finally, after ten minutes…

"I'm here. I thought I'll never make it. If you weren't so good, Hakkai, I would have probably left you down there." Hakkai made no reply, as he was still unconscious. Goku sighed, and then he pushed the door open.

Gojyo was already there, together with the doctor. Sanzo was sitting out on the balcony reading newspapers and smoking. They looked at him.

"At last you're here! What took you so long, bakasaru!" Gojyo called out.

"Don't call me that! And Hakkai's heavy too, you know! You could have helped me carry him!" Goku replied angrily, panting.

"Well, I just walked three kilometers to get to the doctor's house and now YOU expect me to help you? Ha! Forget it!"

Sanzo took out his gun and fired another warning shot.

"URUSAI! Why don't you stop that bickering so Hakkai could be examined!"

"Fine, fine, don't get all annoyed." Gojyo retorted, looking at Sanzo. The doctor moved forward and started taking out his instruments. Goku looked curiously at the instruments and Gojyo, sensing trouble, instinctively moved between the doctor and Goku. Sanzo had turned back to his reading.

The doctor was quiet most of the time during the examination. Hakkai was still unconscious and was breathing very slowly. His pulse was slow too. It looked like he had been in a critical situation.

After a few minutes…

"Well," said the doctor, removing his stethoscope after the check-up, "It was a good thing you called me. He had already gone to my clinic before when you got here and I remember telling him to take a rest. Looks like he didn't listen." He sighed. "Anyway, just give him these medicines and tell him to take a rest, for about two days. This time if he won't follow he might suffer serious complications. And he'll probably catch a cold tonight. Give him plenty of liquids and don't do anything to make him tired."

"Okay." Gojyo said.

"I'll be in my clinic if you need me."

"Okay. Thanks, doctor."

The door slammed shut as the doctor left the room. Gojyo was looking down on the floor. Goku was observing Sanzo, who was still outside at this time of the night. It was unnaturally quiet.

Finally Goku broke the silence.

"Hey, Gojyo, now who's gonna make the dinner? Harahetta," he whined.

"Bakasaru! After what happened to Hakkai you're still thinking about food!" Gojyo shouted.

"Of course! I carried him for two flights of stairs, he should be thankful!"

"Well, I fetched the doctor three kilometers away from here! He should thank ME!"

Suddenly something gold and flashy whizzed through the air and hit Goku right in the face. It knocked him off the bed, where he was teetering dangerously, and landed down on the floor.

"Itai! What was that?" Goku complained, rubbing the spot where he was hit.

He looked around on the floor. "Sanzo--your credit card?" he said in surprise, picking it up.

Sanzo looked up from his newspaper. "Go get something to eat. And get Hakkai his medicine." Goku stared at him. Gojyo didn't move.

"Seriously, Sanzo?" Goku asked, bewildered.

"What happened to you!" Gojyo asked unbelievingly. "Since when did our great Sanzo-sama ever care for his companions?"

They both ran outside at the same time as a shower of bullets rained down on them.

Almost an hour has passed since the doctor left and still Hakkai lay asleep. Gojyo was watching over him. Goku was right beside him, yawning widely. Sanzo was already in his room sleeping. He had instructed the two of them to keep watch.

Finally Hakkai stirred. He rolled over and slowly opened his eyes. He looked weary. His green eyes were still a blur.

"Gojyo? Goku? What happened?"

Gojyo sighed, obviously relieved by Hakkai waking up. Goku stood up and checked Hakkai's fever again. He smiled.

"Well, your fever's gone down at last." Goku took out a pill and handed it to Hakkai. "Here. The doctor told us you should drink this. Don't worry, it doesn't taste bad! It's actually strawberry-flavored."

"He couldn't resist taking one," Gojyo explained. "He said he'll check if it was poisonous or not, but I know he just wanted to eat. Again."

"No I don't!" Goku protested. Hakkai chuckled.

"I'm fine. I don't need to take any medicine. Have you eaten? I can prepare some midnight snack if you want." As he said this Hakkai made to get off the bed, but Gojyo pushed him back.

"No. The doctor said you should take a rest. For two days in fact. Just leave it up to us. We could survive, don't worry!"

"But---"

"No, Hakkai," Goku said firmly. "The sooner you get better, the sooner you can cook me some food again!"

"Why you bakasaru! Is food the only thing you think about!" Gojyo remarked angrily.

"I was just giving Hakkai some advice!" Goku shouted.

"Alright, alright, I'll rest," Hakkai said, drawing the sheets up again. "You should go get some sleep too. Sorry if I troubled you."

"Nah, it's alright," Gojyo said, heading for the door, "Sanzo's paying anyway."

"Right. We'll be going now, Hakkai!" Goku jumped up and followed Gojyo out of the room. "Don't think too much!"

"I won't." Hakkai smiled at them as Goku closed the door.

It was a dark night. Rain had started to fall slowly, quietly. The window was open, and the night breeze was filling the entire room. Hakkai got out of bed and leaned out the window. The sky was dotted with countless stars amidst the slight shower of rain. He sighed. It had been a long time since he last thought deeply about his past. I won't forget it, he thought. It's a part of me, however hard I try to erase all the memories of the past.

It was Kanan's death day that night. He couldn't stop thinking about her that day. Of course Gojyo didn't notice it. He always had everyone fooled by that deceiving smile of his. It was hard work, pretending to be happy when your insides are burning up with pain. But he had mastered the art. There was no person alive who could top his feat.

He looked out the window. There was no one in the street now. He listened for any kind of sound. Gojyo was already snoring in the next room. Goku was sleeping soundly, judging from the loudness of his snores that might have even topped Gojyo's. There was no sound at all from Sanzo's room, so Hakkai thought that everyone was already asleep.

He got back to bed and drew the sheets tightly around him. He couldn't sleep. Everytime he closed his eyes Kanan would appear. She lingered on for quite some time, smiling happily at him, before her image was replaced by the memory of that fateful night, when she was kidnapped and committed suicide. Each time Hakkai would wake up, sweating hard, a few tears in his eyes. And each time the rest of the Sanzo-ikkou failed to notice what was happening to him.

He took the pill Goku left him. It was strawberry-flavored, just like what Goku said. He looked at the label. It warned of causing drowsiness as a side effect. Great, he thought. A sleeping pill. Just what I need. He rested his head on the pillow and looked at the ceiling, thinking deeply. How long will he have to pretend to smile?

He sighed. He recalled all the happy days he had with Kanan. It was all a blur now. Everything happened so quickly, it was as if Kanan was just a dream. Maybe it was. A beautiful dream that wasn't meant to stay…

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. It was another agonizing thirty minutes of solitude before he finally fell asleep, tears shimmering as he slept.