A/N: Umm...I have no clue why/how I wrote this. Just because, I suppose. Don't freak out. I'm still trying to write my SO3 fanfiction, so don't worry. It's just easier to write crazy things than it is to write doom and gloom. Yes, I am fully aware that I don't own Jade Empire, though why I have to tell you this still eludes me. Yeah. The main character in this is Rambo. I love that name. Yes, I realize that it is silly. Yes, it is supposed to be silly. Questions, anyone? Good. Now you may read.
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"Stupid kid for interrupting…" a young monk thought to himself as he jogged down a dirt path, "he just had to come in when Master Li started talking about how awesome I am…" The monk stopped when he got to the small bridge that spanned the stream, raising a very awesomely shaped eyebrow when he saw the two people arguing there. Gao and Dawn Star were apparently having another 'lover's quarrel', or so Gao would tell him later.
The monk walked nonchalantly across the bridge and said casually, "Hello Dawn Star. I certainly hope I am interrupting." Dawn Star jerked her head in the young monk's direction and smiled warmly, happy for the excuse to get away from Gao the Lesser.
"Not at all, Rambo," she replied, switching her gaze to Gao, who was now glaring in the monk's direction. Gao made a strange, guttural sound when he turned his back on the other two, mumbling something about how he wouldn't allow Rambo to have all of the glory in the battle to come.
"Oh, that's right," Rambo mused, scratching his chin, "Master Li told me to come see you about the bandits that are attacking the village. Walk with me?" Dawn Star nodded her head and fell in to step next to the tall man, casting a sidelong glance in his direction. He indeed looked like a monk, with the six circles tattooed on his forehead and his hair closely cropped. His features were very gaunt and gave him the impression that he was stern, though Dawn Star knew differently. Rambo could indeed be harsh at times, but that was only when the situation warranted it. He was usually cool-headed and calm, as he was a monk.
"Are you alright?" Rambo questioned, lifting his hand and placing it on Dawn Star's forehead. Maybe she was feeling sick… Dawn Star squealed and jumped away from Rambo's cool touch, reaching for the long sword that was strapped to her waist. "Hoooly shit…" the young monk thought as he saw his long-time friend's strange reaction. "Apparently not…" he murmured, stopping to stare confusedly at the young woman. Dawn Star mentally shook herself, relaxing somewhat as she smiled apologetically to the tall man.
"S…Sorry, Rambo. I was just lost in thought. Let's continue to Two Rivers, I'm sure the bandits are there by now…" the young warrior apologized, forcing herself to walk past him at a brisk pace. Why had she reacted like that?
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Beads of sweat formed on Rambo's forehead as he stared at the two weapons presented to him. Damn it, if this wasn't the most difficult decision he had faced so far! Long sword, or…staffy thing with a blade on the end? They both were certainly deadly. They both were shiny. The both would look most glorious with blood spattered over them. Rambo covered his eyes with a hand and held out his other hand, deciding that he would just pick one at random. His hand seized up, however, and he just stood in the middle of Gujin's shop, his head beginning to throb. This was just too f-ing hard!
"Gyah!" Rambo yelled, throwing his arms up in frustration and turning around to storm out of the shop, "I don't care…! You choose, Dawn Star!" Dawn Star stared after Rambo and shrugged, turning to look at the two weapons that Gujin presented to her.
"Umm…I'll go with this, then," the young warrior said, reaching out for the bladed staff. Rambo turned around when he heard her and let out a slight yelp as he rushed back into the shop, waving his arms in the air furiously.
"No, not that one, you dolt!" the monk yelled, shoving Dawn Star aside and reaching out desperately for the sword, Fortune's Favorite. Rambo beamed at the sword as he sliced it through the air experimentally, turning to regard Dawn Star, who was glaring at him with her arms crossed. "…what?" he asked, quickly grabbing the sheath from the flustered weapon master and strapping it to his waist. Dawn Star sighed and shook her head, deciding to just forget about the strange antics of her companion.
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"Nyah ha ha!" a strangely clad man who was standing on a boat laughed as he saw Dawn Star and Rambo approach. "Get them, my pretties!" he screeched, pointing an accusing finger at the pair and cackling all the harder to himself. Rambo raised an eyebrow and rushed into the middle of the battle, using his preferred battle tactic, Leaping Tiger, as he ripped through one of the bandits. Dawn Star stayed behind him and slowly took out her own sword that Gujin had given her, deftly dodging one of the bandit's attacks before swinging her sword sideways to gracefully chop his head off. Dawn Star grimaced as blood sprayed throughout the air. The young woman's eyes widened when she heard a loud 'BOOM', looking up in time to see the ground explode in front of her as a cannon ball ripped through the bandit's that she had previously been fighting.
"They're using cannons, Rambo!" she yelled out to her companion, who popped his head up from a group of bandit's and looked around with wide eyes.
"Cannons?" he said incredulously, "…that's cheating." Rambo narrowed his eyes and then went back to rending his victims limb from limb with the sharp, silver claws that were somehow attached to his knuckles. Dawn Star sighed in relief when she knew that Rambo had heard her warning, turning back to face another bandit who had been waiting patiently for her brief exchange with the monk to be over with. Dawn Star smiled and stabbed him in the face. Really, these bandits were just a waste of time.
"Fuuuuuuuuck!" Dawn Star heard Rambo exclaim, turning around quickly to see him and all of the bandits he was fighting explode in a spray of dirt, water, and gore. Dawn Star gasped and waited frantically for the smoke to clear, hoping that Rambo had somehow defied common sense and had lived throughout the explosion. When she could see through the smoke, however, Dawn Star's worst fears came true when she saw the mutilated bodies stacked there, knowing that Rambo was now among them. Tears sprung up in her eyes when she turned back around to kill another bandit, her resolve now strengthened with the death of her companion.
"ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit…!" a strange, chant-like voice found it's way to Dawn Star's ears as she hacked through the limb of yet another bandit, and she turned around when she recognized who it was.
"Rambo!" she yelled, watching in disbelief as he ran past her, a group of bandits on his heels. A glowing aura surrounded him as he desperately attempted to heal the wounds that the cannon had inflicted on him. Dawn Star watched anxiously and prayed to all the gods she believed in that he would be alright. Dawn Star gasped when she saw his steps falter, then ran to aid her comrade. White letters formed above the monk's head that read 'insufficient chi'. "No…" Dawn Star whispered as she jumped in front of the group of bandits, separating Rambo from their deadly weapons.
"Dawn…Star…" Rambo gasped, writhing in pain on the ground, "switch…to…'support mode'…" The young woman nodded and backed away from the bandits, switching to support mode so that she could heal her friend. Dawn Star smiled when she heard Rambo chuckle to himself as he picked himself up off of the ground.
"Beat that, bitch," He growled to a bandit as he impaled the whimpering man through his spleen with a claw that was now dripping with blood.
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A/N: If any of you like it, I'll write more. But don't expect anything long. I'm just writing for fun here. Woo!