Author's notes: This is a fic I posted on the Nsider Forums. A lot of people really liked it, so I decided to dust off my really old account and post it here. The first few chapters were written with a friend, so that might clear up some confusion.
Chapter 1: The Day After Yesterday.
(The story begins after the events of Pikmin, were the various groups of creatures have gone nuts after the sudden death of the Grand Emperor. Even though he was, like, fat and stuff. Trying to get things organized, Titan Dweevil calls for an emergency meeting the following night...)
Titan Dweevil: We all gather here today to make sense of a horrible event and to recognize a growing threat: THE PIKMIN STOLE MY BOTTLE CAP!
(Crickets chirp).
Titan Dweevil: Oh, and they also killed the Grand Emperor.
(Everyone else goes completely nuts. They all settle down when Ranging Bloyster enters)
Titan Dweevil: You're LATE! Where have you been?
Ranging Bloyster: Sorry Titan, but I found this neat bottle cap on my way here and I just couldn't leave it on the ground! (Shows everyone bottle cap)
Titan Dweevil: HEY! That's mine!
Ranging Bloyster: Nu-Uh!
Titan Dweevil: Uh-Huh!
Ranging Bloyster: Nu-Uh!
Titan Dweevil: Listen here punk: I am the ruler of all that is shiny, Which obviously shows that you stole it! HAND IT OVER, LEECH BOY!
Ranging Bloyster: Ruler of all that is shiny my foot!
Waterwriath: But you don't have a-
Ranging Bloyster: Shut it WaterWuss!
Waterwriath: It's WaterWRIATH.
Draslushee: Actually, it's WaterWRAITH.
WaterWRAITH: Then why does it keep showing up as WaterWRIATH?
Draslushee: Because Ghostpikmin didn't know how to spell your name.
Ghostpikmin: Heh heh, oops...
Titan Dweevil: Wait, what're these tiny people doing in here?
Draslushee: They're onto us! RUN AWAY! (vanishes)
Ghostpikmin: WAIT FOR ME! (vanishes)
Titan Dweevil: Um...where were we?
Ranging Bloyster: I think it was WaterWuss' turn to talk.
Waterwraith: It's WaterWRAITH! I'm tired of you guys making fun of me!
Giant Breadbug: CoughWUSScough
Waterwraith: That's it! You're dead! (Punches Giant Breadbug)
Giant Breadbug: HE HE HE… That tickles!
Waterwraith: Curse you watery arms of mine…. CURSE YOOOOUUUU!
Titan Dweevil: The point is that is my bottle cap, now hand it over!
Ranging Bloyster: No, you listen here! All the creatures in the Perplexing Pool know that I am the true ruler of the shiny stuff! Ain't that right?
Giant Breadbug, Waterwraith, and Beady Long-Legs: Word.
Widow Empress: Wait a second, it's called the Distant Spring!
Ranging Bloyster: Not anymore.
Widow Empress: Why not?
Ranging Bloyster: Because the Grand Emperor is dead, and the Perplexing Pool sounds cooler than the Distant Spring. Ain't that right?
Waterwraith and Beady Long-Legs: WORD UP, DAWG!
Giant Breadbug: (Eating ham) Yeah, sure, whatever.
Waterwraith: Ah HAH! (Punches ham)
Pileated Snagret: And that was supposed to do… what?
Waterwraith: Now the ham is all moldy and stuff!
Giant Breadbug: My ham! (Gets serious) Oh, it's on now! (charges up, Dragon Ball Z style) KA... ME... HA... ME...
Waterwraith: No energy attacks! It's against the rules of the fic!
Giant Breadbug: Awww...well then, take this! (lunges at Waterwraith)
Waterwraith: Hey what are you doin- HEY! (Shrinks until he vanishes)
Giant Breadbug: (burps)
Waterwraith: Hey! You drank me! Let me out!
Giant Breadbug: Oh, I'll let you out alright, in 2 hours!
Waterwriath: Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad…
Giant Breadbug: Wait until you hear which path you're taking out of my body and you'll change your mind!
Waterwriath: OO AHHH! LET ME OUT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! AHHHHH!
Giant Breadbug: At least you don't have to share the ride on the same route as the ham.
Waterwraith: BAD IMAGES! VERY BAD IMAGES!
Titan Dweevil: Ok, let's have a vote so we can decide who is officially the ruler of shiny stuff! All for me?
(Titan Dweevil, Raging Long-Legs, and Segmented Crawbster all raise hands)
Raging Long-Legs: Wait, I don't have a hand...
Titan Dweevil: Neither do I, just shut up and let your vote be counted. YAY DEMOCRACY!
Ranging Bloyster: HAH! I have 4 votes to your 3! What are you going to do about that?
Titan Dweevil: Uhh, the Giant Breadbug ate Waterwuss, so you also have 3 votes. It's a tie!
Raging Long-Legs: Boo democracy!
Ranging Bloyster: Nonsense! We just have to wait two hours! Then I'll be officially the Ruler of Shiny!
Titan Dweevil: (readies weapons) Tell me something: how can you be the ruler, if you're DEAD?
Ranging Bloyster: Bring it, you 4-legged freak!
(Beady Long-Legs and Raging Long-Legs both glare at him.)
Ranging Bloyster: Oh… Umm…. I was talking to Titan Dweevil.
Beady Long-Legs: Yeah. Right. So you have something against four-legged stuff, do ya?
Raging Long-Legs: Perhaps you would like a big foot on your HEAD.
Beady Long-Legs: Hey, where does his head start, anyway?
Raging Long-Legs: I'm not sure...
Ranging Bloyster: Yeesh, you're one to talk, you don't even have a...
Raging Long-Legs: WHAT WAS THAT?
Ranging Bloyster: Nothing.
Segmented Crawbster: THAT'S IT! This stupid argument has gone on LONG ENOUGH! (Smashes bottle cap into the wall, and it bounces off and hits Man-at-legs in the head, waking him up) Can't we just hurry up this meeting so the few of us that do have lives can get back to them?
(Man-at-legs gets up and looks around. Titan Dweevil and Ranging Bloyster both point at Segmented Crawbster.)
MAL: (Target sighted. Eradicate. Eradicate. Must pwn thrower of shiny thingy that owied me.)
Segmented Crawbster: What? Why are you all staring at me like that? (turns around) WOAAA! (Gets fired on by MAL)
Titan Dweevil and Ranging Bloyster: (to each other) This is all YOUR fault! start fighting
Giant Breadbug: When in Rome, do as the Romans do…
(everyone starts fighting)
Segmented Crawbster: THIS MORE FUN THAN A MINDLESS PIKMIN MASSACRE! BWAHAHAHA!
MAL: (Intense chaos detected. Response: Party down.) (gets funky and fires everywhere)
Giant Breadbug: Um...surrender, Titan Dweevil! Teh Cheese commands it!
Titan Dweevil: Teh Cheese can go jump in a fondue pot! (fires flames at Giant Breadbug)
Giant Breadbug: (runs away screaming)
(Everyone stops fighting)
Raging Long-Legs: (still angry, trying to calm down) Stay calm… Remember your Nintendo things… Stay calm…
(Doodlebug runs into the meeting and runs up to Raging Long-Legs)
Doodlebug: Hey Raging! Check out what I can do! (farts)
Raging Long-Legs: Calmness... calm... go to the happy place... the happy place of NES... haaapppyyy pllaaaaccceeeee... (sings the Mario Bros. melody in a shaky voice)
Doodlebug: Hey, that's a cool tune! (farts to the tune)
Raging Long-Legs: BLASPHEMER!
(Steam comes out of Raging's "head" and he goes nuts stomping everywhere. Boulders fall all over the place.)
Beady Long-Legs: Ok, take it easy bro… Deep easy breaths.
Raging Long-Legs: (eyebrow twitches) Ok, two things: first, who brought Doodlebug?
Giant Breadbug: (whistles)… What? Just practicing my whistling…
Raging Long-Legs: Second, how do you think we can stay safe from the Pikmin?
Burrowing Snagret: Uhh… Why don't we stay underground?
Raging Long-Legs: Pardon?
Burrowing Snagret: Think about it, the Pikmin have never gone underground. I say we all just stay under ground until things cool off, that way we can safely come up with a way to destroy them.
Segmented Crawbster: I'm with that idea. All approve?
(Everyone raises their hand)
Raging Long-Legs: Great! This meeting is over! You may all continue with your lives!
Ranging Bloyster: Like your life of sitting in front of the NES all day? Ha ha...
Raging Long-Legs: (eyebrow twitches)
Beady Long-Legs: Bro, that's the second time that's happened, and we don't have eyebrows...
Raging Long-Legs: seething DO NOT QUESTION WHETHER I DO OR DON'T HAVE AN EYEBROW, BROTHER...
Beady Long-Legs: ...Okay...
(Everyone starts walking away. Raging Long-Legs walks toward Widow Empress, widowed because she was the wife of the Grand Emperor, who got, like, deadified by Pikmin)
Widow Empress: Yeah?
Raging Long-Legs: (ahem) You see, a while ago one of your kids borrowed my Game & Watch. Being that they are all adults, I'd really appreciate it if I could have it back, as such antiques are so hard to find these days.
Widow Empress: Sure, I'll let them know.
Raging Long-Legs: It means a lot to me, and it sure would be… unfortunate if anything bad happened to it...CAPICHE?
Widow Empress:… Sure, I'll tell them right away.
Raging Long-Legs: It's good that we understand each other.
FIN
Thus concludes the first chapter of this epic saga. However, many questions remain unanswered... how will the creatures fare against the Pikmin should they rise up once more? Will the Widow Empress' daughters return Raging's Game & Watch? How can Raging's eyebrow twitch if he doesn't have an eyebrow? Will the Waterwraith safely make it out of the Giant Breadbug? If the Titan Dweevil had fried the Giant Breadbug, would he be a Giant Toastbug? Why am I asking you all these questions? I'm one of the ones writing this fic, shouldn't I know this stuff? Make sure to come back for the next chapter to find out!