Roo: It's been a while since my last update, but I'm back in action! ... And I have a cold that won't go away. T.T I'm also hungry. Feeeeeed meeee.

Kari: Shut up.

Roo: In exchange for a nice little disclaimer, I'll consider it.

Kari: Fine. Roo doesn't own any of the characters, and if you think she does, you have one warped little mind. Roo is not making any money off of this, so don't expect her to buy you anything fancy.

Roo: Kay, I'll shut up now and type...

-Chappie 8-

-Of Supposed Pork Chops and Dinners of Doom-

-Zim's PoV-

Just when I thought this day was so insane that it could make Gir seem normal, I was proven wrong.

I was invited to an Earth-stink's house for dinner. Dib's dinner, no less. Now I must endure this horrible "feast" that involves meat in one form or another. Heck, I'm not even sure if that is meat... Is it? I heard the Large-headed-one call it 'pork'. I have heard of this 'pork' before. Gir likes to flush it down the toilet and then stick it in a bowl of week-old ramen noodles. He also likes it on his POOP-cola flavored pizza. I don't think I will ever understand his eating habits.

And then there is this... Oh, I forgot what it was called. Um... lemme think... Oh yeah! Tuna. Yes, tuna. The substance that contains tuna, tuna, tuna, more tuna, pickles, and tuna. Gir prefers coating my antennae with it to eating it. If makes my antennae bleed. The Almighty Tallests think it's humorous. I think it's painful. Gir thinks it's... I dunno. Funny? Amusing? It makes him laugh like a hyena. But, then again, what doesn't?

So, here I am. Musing about food and what pain and torture it causes me and sitting at the Dib-demon's dinner table. What a horrible fate. All for the sake of the mission, I suppose...

I think that me musing about food is kinda insane though. And I am not an insane person, despite popular beliefs.

I begin stroking my mustache again. Everyone seems to think it is nonexistent, but it is very much real. Dib seems to be laughing at me, along with Tak. Curse them. Dib's father figure thinks it's 'cute' that they are laughing together. I think it is incredibly disturbing. Gaz is looking at Dib and Tak with utter disgust. Funny how, despite my superiority in species and my incredible Zim-ness, we always find Dib to be disgusting. That makes me feel happy.

Tallests save me; the Large-Headed-One's father is giving me pork and TUNA! Just like any other food, it appears to be mocking me. Laugh while you still have a mouth to laugh with, but I shall RULE YOU!

... Too bad I just said that line out loud. Gaz is staring at me like I'm a complete moron.

"Give the world conquest a rest, Zim. It's pork and tuna, you dork. It's not like it can eat you alive." She takes a bite of it like it's nothing. Just like she was able to do with the pizza at skool. She has the power to tolerate these foods. I must learn from her ways.

Despite her powers, she does not know that this food... It could probably devour a planet whole. I should take note of the power of pork and tuna and tell the Tallests of my findings. They could use this knowledge for the next Operation: Impending Doom.

"What's the matter, Zim?" hisses Tak before she takes a fork-full of the tuna and puts it into her mouth. "Scared of a little food? How pathetic." She continues eating the vile substance, glaring at me, obviously knowing that it can and will do me harm.

Heh heh heh, I'm going to show Tak that I am NOT afraid of Earth's filth. I shall succeed! I shall EAT this CRAP. I AM ZIM!

So, I end up grabbing the fork and picking up a mixture of tuna and pork, despite what my remaining common sense shouted in my ear, and shove it into my mouth. Oh, how HORRIBLE it tastes! YUCK. How can ANYONE eat this stuff?

"Zim, you look like you're having a seizure over there," says Dib through his laughter. He and Tak are laughing together again. This worries me.

I have bigger problems at the moment, though. My throat hurts, and so does my blood. I think my blood is on fire. GAH IT BURNS! GETITOFFAME!

Alright, I'm good. But still, that hurt. It also leaves a strange taste in my poor, superior mouth that tastes a lot like burnt tires. Ew.

-Zomg, 3rd person.-

Professor Membrane magically summoned a notepad, writing down Zim's reaction to the food, not considering that it could be something as simple as allergies. He was starting to act more like Dib than anything else, and this caused our Irken homie-G great mental disturbance.

Tak and Dib, meanwhile, were still laughing like deranged hyenas. This reminded Zim of the time meat had fused with his skin and the Tallests were laughing at his pain and despair. They had always found humor in others' suffering, and that was probably why they were loved and hated by so many, Irken or not. Zim always laughed with them, but not when it would be considered laughing at himself.

'Because that would be just plain stupid, in that Dib-like way,' thought Zim, obviously after reading the above sentence through telekinetic powers. Without these powers, this feat would not have been accomplished. Unless, of course, he had the non-existent script.

"Zim," began Gaz in a very annoyed voice. "Stop reading what the author is writing and eat." She grabbed Zim's fork and piled the supposed food onto it, shoving the substance into his mouth against Zim's noisy protests.

'If this night is any indication, I will never get back to Irk alive…' mused Zim.

-Sometime later at Zim's base/home/secret lair/portable toilet…-

"MASTA'S THROAT SWEEEELLLEEEDD!" screeched Gir as he ran up the wall, obviously after watching too many ninja movies.

Zim was sitting on the couch below the monkey portrait in his living room, glaring at his sidekick while itching his swelled, red throat. The skin was all scaly, boil-covered, and over all "eeeeeeewww."

Gir stopped roaming the ceiling and plopped himself on Zim's skinny little lap like a kid plops himself on Santa's fat, obese lap… only not.

"Masta want more tuna?" asked the dysfunctional SIR unit.

Resisting the urge to strangle Gir, Zim simply glared at him. He was in too much pain to take him apart.

"No, Gir. I DON'T want the very thing that is causing my throat to grow to the massive size of Dib's massively inflated head."

"Aw, Masta's depressed. I know what'll cheer you up! An Oprah marathon!" screeched the little silver robot with a pedophile-like grin.

"Alas, Gir. This is one thing that Lady Oprah cannot fix," said Zim, ever so dramatically. He regretted saying it in that tone, for Gir would start talking like that due to his tendency to copy many things.

-End o' Crappy Chappie (hah, I rhyme. xD)-

I know, this was short and incredibly stupid, but this was very quickly written… and I just wanted to update. xD I wrote this chappie during two-and-a-half hour's intervals of the day, due to the fact that I had to bottle-feed the puppies every two-and-a-half hours. Yah, I have little golden retriever puppies running amuck. They were born last Wednesday. :D Ten of them! I had to bottle-feed them today because the one of our momma dog's nipples are infected and puss is getting into the milk coming out of that nipple. And that could make the puppies all siiiick. D: And that wouldn't be cool.

Sorry about the stupidity and overall crappiness of this chappie. I need to get with the groove. D: I hope the next one will be better (and quicker).

Also, most of this chappie was written while listening to 'Garden' by Dir en Grey. :3 Just so you knooooow.

-Roo