Title: Toby's Favorite Elephant

Author: coffeeplease

Rating: CHILD

Category: humor, fluff

Spoiler Info: Everything up to 2162 Votes

Disclaimer: WB, NBC, John Wells, Aaron Sorkin own them. I just rent.

E-mail address for feedback: permission: Sure, just tell me first

Notes: This is pretty much all dialogue, a conversation between two characters. Silly piece of fluff.

"I don't think we've ever met. I'm Matt Santos."

"No kidding." Toby mumbled.

"I'm sorry..."

"No, no, its... its fine. Toby Ziegler."

"Yes, I know." Matt smiled benignly.

"You could have said "no kidding." I wouldn't have been offended."

"I don't like to steal other people's material."

"Yes. One of your many attributes." Toby sounded far from sincere, as he flipped open his notebook and began quickly scratching words down.

"Have I... done something to offend you?"

"Not that I can recall." Toby barely looked up from his notebook.

"You seem a bit..."

"Crusty? Grumpy? Malcontent?"

"I was going to say offended..."

"I'm not that either." Toby eyed Santos for a moment and quickly went back to his writing.

"I'm sorry... were you for Russell?"

Toby laughed. At first it was small and almost painful, then he erupted into belly laughs and threw himself against a nearby wall. "Was I for Russell... that... that's... you have no idea." He suddenly stopped laughing. "You need to call Will Bailey right now. If you don't have his number, get it from Josh. You need to call Will Bailey and tell him that you thought Toby Ziegler was for Bob Russell. He'll laugh so hard his spleen will rupture."

"You want Bailey's spleen to rupture?"

"Well, his career already has, so a few internal organs going down with the ship..."

"So you don't like Will Bailey..."

"He's a decent poker player with bad taste in sweaters."

"And you don't like Russell..."

"Whatever gave you that impression?"

"Wild guess."

"Your guesses are good." Toby became serious. "You should guess more often."

"What do you think of Russell's chicken fighter?"

"Who?"

"You know, she's blond, very pretty. Great mind, Russell should have used her better. I think she worked in the White House with you and Josh. Donna..."

"Donna Moss."

"That's her. She worked with you guys, right?"

"Yeah, she definitely worked with Josh," Toby said softly. He put down his notebook for a second and bit his lip.

"You want her to bust a gut, too?"

Toby looked at Santos sharply. "No, she's already had enough organ damage for the next ten lifetimes."

"I'm sorry?"

"She was on the Codel. The Codel in Gaza, the one that was attacked... she was in the car that exploded..." Toby watched Santos pale. The next few sentences he said very quickly and quietly. "Donna was Josh's assistant for almost seven years. She nursed him back to health after he was shot. I was the one who told her about the MS. She saved me from having to retire prematurely in Indiana. She always stole the last egg roll. Yeah, I know Donna Moss."

Toby quickly looked back down to his paper.

"Josh never talks about her."

"I'm not surprised."

"Things end badly?"

"I don't know if things really ended or rather Donna..." Toby abruptly stopped. "I don't want to speculate on what happened."

"I understand."

"Its not my place and their relationship has been under enough speculation the last seven years."

"They had a relationship?"

"Again, not something I feel comfortable talking about."

Santos nodded. It would have been the end of the subject if Toby hadn't put his notebook down and turned to face Santos head on.

"It was the elephant in the room for seven years. And at first you were weary of it and then you were annoyed by it and often times endeared by it and you'd watch it and strange sensations would emanate from your chest... almost like, you know, watching some girl movie, one that you'd never admit knowing the title of to another real man. The last six months you wanted them to get a rabbi, get a room or get a gun and shoot the damn elephant. So in answer to your question, they had a relationship, it was an unconsummated, rather large, rather annoying elephant that sat in our White House."

"Okay..."

"I've never watched any of those girl movies."

"Okay."

"Will Bailey has the entire Nora Ephron collection on DVD, however."

"You never get tired of insulting him."

"Get to know him better, you'll find there's nothing more relaxing." Toby returned to his writing.

"So an elephant in the White House, huh?"

"Yeah." Toby paused for a few moments. "At times it was comical, at times it was heartbreaking. However, most of the time, I just didn't care."

"Because you don't watch girl movies?"

"Exactly."

They both were silent for a moment, Toby jotting things down furiously and Santos absently scratching his chin.

"So, it was "Sleepless in Washington"." Santos grinned.

"More like "When Josh Met Donna." But, again, I'm only basing these things on the titles."

"So he quit to get me to run and then she left to work for Russell?"

"Other way around. She left first, its the other way around." Toby looked up sharply and chuckled. A quick chuckle, as if something momentous had just occurred to him. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what?"

Toby laughed again.

"I don't know Donna Moss. Josh has never mentioned her."

"Congressman... sir... you should know that the reason you are the democratic candidate for president, the reason Josh left the White House to run your campaign... you owe all of this to Donna Moss."

"I do?"

"Absolutely."

"I don't owe it to my exceptional staff or to the fact that I don't steal other people's material?"

"Well, I was being dry when I said that. You steal, everyone in this game steals. And yes, Donna Moss is the key. She's the answer. She's the reason behind this wacky political season." Toby laughed dryly again.

"Josh would've still..."

Toby interrupted quickly. "He would never have left the White House if she had stayed. Never. Even when there were times when any sane man would have walked, he stayed."

"He stayed because of her?"

"That and he's an egomaniac who thinks that the country falls apart when he's not in the room, yeah. But there were times, months even, when he came to work everyday just because she would be there. And he held her back just so he wouldn't lose her."

"And he lost her anyway?"

"Yeah. That's what happens when you forget to feed the elephant."

"I'm starting to see the Nora Ephron possibilities here."

"You wanna know something?" Toby threw his notebook to the floor. "The first day without Donna... the first day... he left to go see you in Houston. Three weeks after she was gone, he resigned. He lasted two weeks and six days without her. I don't know how many hours or minutes or seconds that is but I'm sure he can tell you."

"For not caring at all, you seem to know a lot about this."

"It was an elephant!" Toby shouted. "A football stadium and a small country combined to make an elephant the size of Pluto." He lowered his voice. "And like I said, there were moments when it was oddly endearing."

"Like Nora Ephron."

"Not having seen the movies, I cannot comment on the similarities."

"This is good, Toby. I'm getting more insight on my campaign manager and his love life."

Toby grunted. "If you want more insight on the elephant and Nora Ephron, give C.J. Cregg three grasshoppers and she'll prattle on about why Donna refused to get Josh coffee."

"Okay..."

"She might also call me a pain in the ass, but I assure you she has no idea what she's talking about."

"I'm going to hire Donna."

Toby raised an eyebrow. "Good choice. She's excellent... Are you going to tell your campaign manager?"

"The last time I hired someone behind his back it was Amy Gardner."

"Did the vein in his forehead pop with that one?"

"He was none too happy."

"Tell him before you hire Donna, but he'll be happy about it. Overjoyed, even. Like I said, he just wants to be near her."

Santos grinned. "I get to run for president and be a yenta. This is a great life I lead."

"A yenta, not so much. More likely the new zookeeper for our favorite... elephant."

"I should hire you, too."

Toby looked Santos directly. "I already have a job."

"Bartlet administration is winding down."

"No two people are more aware of that than myself and the aforementioned C.J. Cregg, but we're the last two children left at home and we need to see Dad through this a little while longer. You understand what I'm saying?"

"I do."

"And... this is Josh's show. I can't... can't be a part of it."

"Are there... problems between you and Josh as well?"

"Like I said, sometimes we act like children."

"I see."

"But it was.. it is... a family. And if you win, you'll have your own and you'll know what I mean. You, you're at the beginning of this. I'm at the end."

"You're through with politics."

Toby stuck his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. I'd like to... teach I think. At the college level. Write a book, maybe. I don't know. I've got two young children. I would like to spend more time with them."

"Damn shame. The great Toby Ziegler leaves the field. The crowd goes wild."

"Yeah, they'll hang my jersey from the rafters."

"Well, it was good talking with you about... whatever it is we just talked about."

"I believe the technical term is "gossiped like little girls"."

Santos chuckled. "Anyway, I'm proud to inherit the Bartlet administration's prize elephant."

Santos turned away.

Toby cleared his throat. "I am working on one more speech."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I've been working on while we talked. Your inaugural address."

Toby tossed the notebook at Santos.