Quoshoopy

'Vocalization Specialization'

Enter the boy. He moves into the room, he plops down on the sofa. He leans back, closes his eyes, and, for just a moment, surrenders to the perfect silent sort of solitude so rare, so rare, so very damn rare.

Enter the girl, peering around the corner. She hesitates because the boy looks tired. "Want some dinner?" she asks. He smiles, eyes closed. Smile to a grin, ear to ear, voice out and over and saying, "That'd be great, Kairi. You're amazing."

That'd be great, Kairi. you're amazing.

"God, Sora... Do you remember how great we were together? Everyone said it was going to me you and me, you and me, you and me. Together forever, now and always. And whenever they said it, I don't know why, but I was so proud. I felt so happy thinking like that-- feeling like I knew something-- like I had this one solid piece of something that I could be so certain about. That I was going to be with you and you were going to be with me. Through sickness and in health and all those things we joked about when we were kids, remember?

"I always took your silence to be something of your other side. Your softer side. Your shy side."

Enter the boy. He slips his backpack off one shoulder and it hits the ground with a dull thud. He reaches for the light switch, curses when it doesn't work, and simply leans against the wall, beside the closed door, hiding behind closed eyes, trying desperately to close off his mind.

Enter the girl, smiling brightly and radiating, pulsating with the sort of energy that comes from that one solitary little feeling. That one solitary little knowledge: 'I can make it better, I can make him happy, I can make him feel good!' And she tries. Wrapping her tiny hands around his skinny arm, she tilts her head, she peers up at him, she giggles and flirts and shines for all she's worth and she thinks she's won him over. He grins and laughs and tries to make a big display of how strong he is, how courageous he is, how manly he is because, indeed, he is a man and men don't cry.

"When I think about how all of it might have been an act... I can't help but hate you just a little bit. And I hate myself for hating you, really I do. Because I love you with so much of my heart, not only as someone I gave my first kiss to, not only as someone I would have given everything to, but as my friend. And I hate you because you never seemed to know just how much of me you had. And because you gave it away without ever knowing that..."

Kairi's head broke the surface of the water, her lungs sucking in great gasps of air as she stared at the ceiling. The bath had long since lost its warmth, the bubbles now reduced to nothing more than a few patches of sudsy white clinging to the water's surface. Sighing, Kairi slumped back against the rim on the tub, elbows hooked on either side of her, fingers trailing in the water.

I need to talk to somebody... I need to tell somebody what the heck's going on...

She clambered out of the bathtub and unplugged the drain, perching on the edge and watching the water and the soap swirl and twirl and eventually disappear into some sewer system of some unknown somewhere. She slid on her pink bathrobe, toed on her one last silken little slipper, and padded silently out the bathroom and into the living room, where she sat down and proceeded to dial The Number.

The phone rang. It rang, rang, and rang. And finally a familiar, cheerful little voice picked it right on up, filling her ear with and expectance "Hello?"

"Sora?"

"Oh, Kairi!"

"Can you talk for a minute?"

"Ah... yeah, sure!"

"Listen... are you and Riku... are you guys okay?"

"As far as I know. Why, what's up?"

"Nothing."

"Aw, come on, Kai. You know you can tell me whatever it is."

"Yeah."

"...Kairi?"

"I'm not so sure, you know?"

"About you being able to tell me whatever it is, or...?"

"No... Yes... I'm sorry, I don't know! It's just..." Kairi sighed, static on the phone as her breath pushed against it. "It's Riku. I want you to talk to him. Please, Sora. You don't understa-- you do understand how he is. Better than I ever did. I don't know what to do with him, he's just so-- so angry and nothing I say... Nothing I say goes without him either taking it the wrong way or just completely blowing me off!"

"That's how Riku is, Kairi. Come on, you know tha--"

"No!" Voice insistent, Kairi gripped the phone tighter, eyes squeezed shut. She tried again-- "I'm sorry, Sora. But he's not like this." She rose from the sofa, bare feet slipping over the polished hardwood as she came to rest by the window, arms against the sill. No sound came through the line and she could just picture the boy on the other end, standing stupid with not the slightest idea as to what exactly it was he was supposed to say. "Where are you?" she asked quietly. "Where have you been?"

"A-around. I mean. At home, mostly. ...I'm going out with Tidus a little later on for a job interview. We could be playing blitzball again! Well, yanno, coaching kids on how to play. Isn't that cool?"

"Yeah. ...Cool." Kairi licked her lips and had to stifle another sigh because the thought flickered in and through her head that perhaps, if she sighed too much, she would lose so much precious oxygen that she might just pass out on her apartment floor. And then who knows how long it would be before someone would stumble upon her airless little body. "Sora," she continued. "I meant what I said. I want you to talk to Riku."

"Kairi, I don't want to talk to Riku right now. I don't think it'd do any good."

"You were fine talking with him the other night!"

"Well, yeah, but that's different! You were there!"

"Oh, so that's it then. Suddenly I'm the spine in our friendship?"

"Well, yeah. If you're gonna be blunt about it--"

"You have no right, Sora! You have no right to destroy something so important and neither does he! God, how can you both be so stupid! You're too busy feeling sorry for yourselves to understand you're destroying everything!" All those years-- we pulled through. The three of us. Together. Doesn't that mean anything to any of them?

"Listen, Kai. I don't know what's got you so wound up, but you really need to cool down. I--"

"You sound just like him." Kairi's voice cut through his, sharp and accusatory where his was soft and pleading. Neither said anything for a moment-- Sora, probably still reeling from her snap, slice, and skewered words, and Kairi probably still trying to find her self-control, to find her voice she'd been so content using for so long. Her calm self. Her centered self. Breathing out slowly, she said, "Selphie left the country."

"What?"

"She's gone."

"How... how did you find out? Wh-- are you serious? Well what are we gonna do? Am I supposed to tell Tidus?"

"Do whatever you want." God, do I sound like a total bitch... "...I'm... I'm sorry. ...My client. She found out about me through Selphie, who she met at the airport, just for a short time. She was leaving with her wedding dress."

"Why on earth would she...?"

"Oh, I don't know, Sora. I just don't know."

"Hey... are you okay?"

"I'm confused."

"About what?"

"Nothing."

"Kai, that's not you."

Outside her window, Kairi could see the tops of the trees from the park-- orange, red and gold in color, hanging under a heavy grey sky. The whole thing seemed entirely too staged, too reproduced, like it was something from long ago brought back into the world, a saturated film in an IMAX theatre, voiceless actors with dubbed over accents.

"Do you really know what's me, Sora? Because clearly I'm not so sure what was you and I'm not so sure what is Riku and I think there are so many secrets..."

"Well, there are always going to be secrets. Even between friends like us! People need secrets."

"We're not like we used to be, Sora," Kairi murmured. "I'm not like I used to be. I know that much."

"...Kairi, what's wrong?"

"Something happened last night. Aside from Riku, I mean."

"What'd Riku do?"

"We fucked like crazy, Kairi," Riku whispered. "Standing up against the wall. You know. Like horses. Horses fuck standing up, too."

"He was angry and bitter... I think something's wrong between him and Leon, Sora. I think something's really, really wrong there and it's hurting Riku so much. But that's not what it was, that's not... After he left, my client came over. She said she wanted to introduce me to someone and, and she brought over that taxi driver. The one who drove you home the night you... you broke up with me. Remember her?"

"Uh. ...Vaguely, distantly, not really?"

"Well she remembers you. And me. I've run into her once before after that and she still knew who I was..."

"Kairi Okada, meet--"

"Whoa, no way! Okada? Japanese?"

"Uh... yeah. Half. Well. A fourth, really. ...Not like... completely. ...Or anything."

"Yuffie Kirasagi here, at your service!"

"Kairi, Yuffie's going to be your chauffeur to the fundraiser. You don't have a car, right? We've hired her out for a few weeks, just until everything gets settled. Feel free to give Yuffie a call if you need a ride anywhere, okay?"

"Yep! Here's my number!"

"Uh... O-kay. ...Oh! I'm sorry, uh, c-come on in! Sorry, sorry... uh..."

How do I explain it when I don't know what to say? Well... that makes things difficult. Such a stupid little girl... She cut herself off before she got started, before she could bring in the drawings, the fittings, the pins, needles, beauty and perfection. Before she could possibly bring herself to explain it all, to explain Aerith. To explain the words Yuffie had said to her.

"Hey, I'm not going to give you a hard time about your boy, m'kay? He's crazy if he left you. Just damn crazy, yanno? Say, if I were you, I would've sworn off boys just from that. Seven years, you say? Yeah, just take a break from them. There are other options, yanno. What do you think about open-mindedness?"

The two were focused on Aerith who stood across the room as she flipped through a selection of fabrics, mulling over each and every one, pink lips pulled into a perfect little frown of concentration. The two were focused on her hands, on her nails, her wrists, eyelashes and the shadows they cast over her flawless face. Perfection.

"I don't know... What do you mean exactly?"

"What I mean is, there's a whole other gender. A whole other fifty percent. What do you think about open-mindedness?" she asked again.

Aerith's creamy skin and light bell laughter. Aerith's style, grace and composure. Kairi's dying tan and unstable girly giggle, her clumsiness, awkwardness. What do you think about open-mindedness?

"What are you going to do, Sora?" Kairi finally asked, shattering the silence that had swelled up between the two of them. Somewhere outside a siren went off and somewhere on the other end of the telephone line Sora was snapped back into the present, away from wherever his mind had wandered off to.

"Huh?"

"What are you doing? With yourself. ...With your life."

It was Sora's turn to sigh, to avoid and back-stab the conversation with a tone that-- while meant to sound older and tired-- only came across as being childish, just like the rest of him. "Don't get on my case about it, Kairi. Not anymore, would you?"

"So what am I supposed to do? Stand around and watch, I suppose?"

"You could try being supportive instead of nagging me, for starters."

"Nagging you? Sora, I'm worried about you, for God's sake. I'm not nag--"

"Okay, okay. ...Kairi there are just... things and... they're weird to explain. I don't really want to... things aren't... haven't... worked out and I... just need to figure them out, okay? Nothing went right..."

"Nothing went right."

"Yeah."

Nothing went right for you? You knew it all along, didn't you? This wasn't some midnight realization you just suddenly had to approach me with. This wasn't something that you suddenly saw in yourself and thought-- God, I have to tell her, I can't string her along. You knew... long before. Back when I was making plans and being stupid. You made an ass of me and a liar...

Kairi wasn't sad and broken anymore. She turned away from her picturesque window and tore into the phone, into the silence on the other end-- "...Is that all you are now? Are you reduced to something so low you can't speak-- can't make a sound that isn't hurt or stupid? Like a little kid who didn't get what they wanted on holiday?" She let it hang, she hoped her words carried some of her rage across. But there she was, crying again, being stupid and broken and tired again.

"Selfish," she hissed before turning off the phone and flinging it across the room, onto the safety of the sofa and away from her clawing, prying fingers.

Just another stupid kid who didn't get what she wanted. That's just me. Him too. And all of us. We're so stupid and childish and blind.

For several days after that, Sora and Kairi did not speak again. From time to time, Sora would catch himself wondering if she was alright, if she was okay. But he kept his hand from the phone every time the thought became too strong, steeling himself against that immediate reaction-- that immediate, protective reaction. I can't keep coddling her all the time... right? She has to get over it. ...Eventually.

...But is it even about us anymore? Or is it about Riku and everything else? Is she really just worried? Are things falling apart on her end? Man... This is impossible.

x x x

A few days down the road, Sora was making his way through the city streets, a loaded bag of groceries toted in each arm and a whistled little tune fresh on his mouth. For Sora, pretending obliviousness was often the easiest way out of most problems. Once people figured he was too stupid or lazy to do anything to help them, they generally left him alone and the entire situation eventually blew over on its own accord. And though Sora was truly neither stupid nor lazy, he just... didn't know what to do sometimes.

But then, through the crowd, he could make up a mess of blonde, spiky hair that could only truly be one person.

"Cloud!"

"Hey there."

Cloud smiled as Sora bounded over, shopping bags bobbling and wobbling and threatening to spill at any given second. Showing no signs of worry whatsoever, Sora's grin was overpowering as he fell into stride beside the taller man. "Hey! Guess what?" He didn't wait for a response, didn't even need one, really, for he assured himself he was just that damn happy and excited-- who needed answers when everything came in the form of a paycheck and a game ball? "I got the job! Me 'n Tidus-- we got the job! The coaching job, you know? For blitzball!"

"Exciting. So when do you start?" Shifting his briefcase to his other hand, Cloud snagged one of Sora's grocery bags, arm wrapped around it as he followed Sora. Surprisingly enough, Sora didn't argue. But upon realizing he'd made the mistake of grabbing the heavier bag, Cloud rolled his eyes and did his best to hide a smile. No wonder Sora didn't whine about me stealing his precious food. It weighs a ton.

"Two weeks. Man, finally, right? I've been lazing around forever. Thought I'd never get off my ass!" Sora laughed, clapping his free hand to the back of head and toddling along the city streets, face taking on a rather thoughtful sort of expression. "Though now that I think about it... I'm gonna miss sleeping in. Walking around in my boxers at three in the afternoon, ordering Chinese whenever the hell I feel like it. ...Aw man, maybe I made a mistake!"

"What exactly was it you were doing all this time? You don't exactly pay bills off of nothing, do you?"

"It's a long story."

"Hm, unusually quiet, I see."

"It's a biiig long scaaary story, Cloud! Ooo-ooh. Lots of ghosts and demons and life and death-- peril, torture, distress, blood, gore, doom, gloom-- the whole nine yards!"

"Now I'm intrigued."

"Nah, my mom just likes to baby me."

"...Are you serious?"

"Yep."

"Talk about anti-climactic."

"No kidding. If she had her way, I'd still be living under the same roof as her. Or just within reach of her sugar-coated claws." Sora laughed loudly, but shook his head and shot Cloud something of a half-smirk as he tried to explain. "It's not that she smothers me. She just cares... too much, sometimes."

"It's cool, I get it." Cloud smiled warmly, easily. It came to him almost as a sort of second nature when he was around Sora-- that easygoing smile. He hadn't thought of it until that moment and he wasn't entirely sure he even wanted to think of it at all. Thinking would mean acknowledging, and acknowledging would mean remembering. So he pushed his smile away in the next moment, replacing it with a thoughtful frown. "You shouldn't give her a hard time on it, though," he said after a moment. "Sounds to me like she just loves you."

"I know she does!" Sora was carefree as ever when he asked it-- curious and polite at the same time. "Hey, so how 'bout you and your 'rents, huh?"

Cloud blinked. Oh. "...They're alright."

"'Hm! Unusually quiet, I see!'"

"...You're a nutcase."

"Aw, you know you love it." Sora's laughter only last half a second before he realized what he said. Face reddening considerably, he stuttered out, "Uh, I-I mean..." Cloud had tensed beside him and the Sora awkwardly stared at the cross-light, which chose that exact moment to switch to WALK. With the two men practically bolting across the street, neither thought to even try and acknowledge what had just happened.

Until they rounded the corner.

Until they approached Sora's house.

Until the unavoidable question loomed in front of them, asking, "Well, what next?"

Up there on the stoop, the two set their bags on the ground as Sora dug around in his pocket for the key. But just like that, he suddenly froze, almost as though startled to death, right before looking up. "Hey, we're okay, right?" he asked. "I mean... We're not... I'm... Listen, I didn't mean to make things awkward! I'm sorry!"

"Sora, uh..."

"I'm really, really sorry. I feel like such a loser, you know? I swear it just slipped and then it was way awkward later and now they think-- and then we-- in your-- and the blitzball-- and Tidus, but he doesn't know-- I mean, think-- he doesn't think-- well, he doesn't think much anyway, but he doesn't think we're--!"

"Sora, it's o--"

"But then the thing in your... and the... with the..."

"The... um... the kiss?"

"Yes! The kiss!"

"That was my fault."

"No it wasn't! I told you about what I told Kairi and RIku and it was a big lie and I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, Sora..." Cloud gaped at the kid who stood before him, drawn, withered, and drained of all his words that had before reproduced in his head like bunnies in heat. But just like that, he'd soaked them all up and let them all go. One fell swoop. "Hey, come on. I said it's alright," Cloud insisted softly.

"But it's not. I still feel bad."

"...Are you hungry?" Sora shook his head. "Do you want to listen to some music?" Again, an apparent no. Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, Cloud studied Sora for a good long moment, completely aware of how the other slowly began to turn a darker shade of pink, then red-- right before his very eyes.

"Hmm, this feels familiar somehow..." Cloud's mouth pulled into a small smile, one hand coming to rest on Sora's shoulder. He bent his head down at just such an angle and Sora nearly found himself broadsided by the sheer memory alone.

"You okay, kid?"

The man smiled, though it seemed a bit stressed and puzzled, clearly wondering at Sora's mute nature. Maybe the kid actually was mute. A few awkward moments passed between the two and the man glanced around the bus, drummed his fingers against the tiny gadget in his hands, tapped his foot against the leg of the bench in front of them... Finally he said, "Anyway. Sorry 'bout that. You know. It's really none of my business if-"

"It's okay!" Sora quickly interjected, falling silent again and blinking up at the older man with almost unnaturally large eyes.

The expression must have struck the other as amusing, for the blonde laughed cheerfully and pull his headphones off. He spun one of the tiny earpieces around his finger and surveyed Sora with a practiced ease, a smile still tugging pleasantly at the corner of his mouth and an amused look still firmly embedded somewhere within his gaze.

"It's Bob Dylan. You ever listen to him?"

"'Life is sad, life is a bust, all you can do is do what you must...'" It was Sora's turn to smile and smile he did, a broad grin and a healthy glow back to his face and skin and eyes all alike. "Heh."

"You remember."

"Of course I do."

"Sora..." And suddenly the two were presented with a moment in which Cloud was close and Sora was close and the neighborhood was deserted and the groceries were out of their arms and there was nothing left to do but to do the absolute obvious, to do the only thing they could, to solve and bring to conclusion the one truly pressing issue of the moment.

"..."

"..."

"Y-you have some pillow fluff in your hair." Cloud let out the dying breath he'd realized he'd been holding in all along, reaching up and tentatively plucking the sad little piece of fuzz from Sora's messy hair. Honestly, Cloud wouldn't really have been surprised if Sora hadn't even brushed the brown mop since he'd woken up the previous day. And yet somehow, that fact wasn't the least bit disturbing. In fact, it was just disarming, instead.

...Honestly, the next thing you know, I'll be saying the kid's knuckles have a certain flair to them that just can't exist on the knuckles of any other person. That his knuckles are magical. Special. I've got to get out of this.

And though it was no surprise (to anyone but Cloud), he found himself in Sora's foyer. Then in Sora's kitchen. Then on Sora's couch. Sora proceeded to move them from room to room until he absolutely ran out of rooms altogether, save for avoiding the bedroom like the plague. On their second trip around the house, Cloud began to get more than a little concerned and didn't move when Sora suggested they go outside for some fresh air. He just sat there on the couch, staring at the poor boy in front of him with an expression that asked for something. Just something. It didn't even have to be a big something. But it couldn't just be reduced to shoveling a body from place to place.

Whether Sora understood this or not, he didn't try to move Cloud again. He stood in the center of the room, hands dangling helplessly at his sides. And, after a moment, he quietly asked, "Cloud... w-was it an accident... that one night?"

"Was what...?"

Sora stepped forward, he leaned down. He placed one hand each on Cloud's shoulders, studied Cloud's mouth, Cloud's eyes, the dip of Cloud's chin and the soft, almost invisible sway of his cheekbone that disappeared in a fray of blonde bangs. He smiled a little, awkward a little-- leaned forward a little and gently kissed Cloud-- "That,"-- before pulling away.

Oh. That.

"I..." The words didn't make it out of Cloud's mouth-- they barely made it up his throat before they wilted away into nothing but dead air. He was killed once, resurrected, and killed once more by the pair of blue eyes across from his, so very different from his own, yet... It was all he could do to resist for a few moments, to take a quick short breath before leaning forward on his own accord and pressing his mouth to Sora's once again.

The room was nearly silent during the minutes that followed. But inside Sora's head was a roar of blood and a crash of something else-- something he wasn't quite familiar with. He could feel so much and it was nothing short of overwhelming, nothing less than overpowering. Moving onto the couch, he slid his palm up to rest against Cloud's chest, feeling the beat of his heart through skin and fabric alike. He wrapped an arm around Cloud's broad shoulders, he leaned in closer, he gasped for air, he craned his neck, he-- for all he was worth, he tried to make it good.

And when he felt Cloud's tongue flick tentatively against his lips, he didn't resist. He parted them slowly, he adjusted to the feel of someone else's tongue brushing against his in such a different way. This is nothing like kissing a girl. ...This is nothing like kissing Kairi. And indeed, it wasn't. Cloud had an air of purpose in each movement he made, from the way he pressed against Sora, the way his fingers moved against the back of his neck, around to his ear, his jaw, his shoulder.

"I'm sorry..." Cloud murmured then, lips still only breaking apart a few chance centimeters. But his eyes showed it-- he really was sorry.

"Don't start up with that again."

"I'm taking advantage of you..."

"No you're not."

"I shouldn't..."

"Shouldn't what?"

"But..."

"But I want you to do it again." This bold little statement of Sora's was only perfected by the following grin and gentle tug on the front of Cloud's shirt, where Sora's hand still rested innocently, fisted in the soft fabric. "Is that okay with you? I mean, you understand, right?"

Cloud pulled back further to study Sora's face for a moment-- exactly why, he didn't quite know-- but that only succeeded in giving the brunette enough wiggle room to free both hands and take Cloud's face between them. Really, it must have looked quite silly with the slender little excuse of a boy cupping the face of the older, taller, blonder of the two, but no one was watching and no one was really caring. No one outside of the room's two sole occupants.

"You get that, right?" Sora asked again.

"I get it, but..."

"Okay then. That's all you need."

"You don't know anything about me..."

"So?"

"So don't let me do any of this to you."

"Too late."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is." Sora's pout was borderline furious when Cloud didn't move. He hadn't exactly pulled further away, but his arms purposely remained glued to his own sides, well away from Sora. "Why are you making this so hard?" Sora demanded. "It's okay, Cloud... Isn't it? Y-You want it. ...I know you do."

"I have to go." Cloud moved to stand up from the couch, Sora slipping off of him, stunned into silence for all of a split second before his arms flew out and wrapped themselves around Cloud's waist.

"No you don't!"

"I'm sorry, Sora." Cloud pulled, stubborn, and Sora, even more stubborn, not only held on for dear life, but proceeded to actually climb up Cloud's back, arms and hands snaking up around Cloud's shoulders, dead set on never letting go.

"You're not going yet," Sora insisted. ...Whined. Pleaded. Call it what you will.

"Sora, get off."

"Only if you help."

"What?"

"I can't believe I just said that..."

"Sora, please."

"Nuh uh. Sorry, Cloud. But I'm not moving. Not until we figure some things ou-- wh-- hey!" Sora gawked at Cloud as he found himself practically upside down on his own sofa, somehow flung there by the blonde who, at that particular moment in time, seemed to be freaking right the fuck out.

"Just... just stay there, okay?" Cloud begged. His arms here in front of him, hands held out to stop Sora, to push him right away even though he hadn't even moved towards Cloud again. He was backing toward the door, toward his briefcase and toward some conclusion Sora knew he didn't want him to make. He turned his back towards Sora, scooped up his briefcase and began to open the--

"Cloud, if you walk out that door..." He paused. "If you walk out that door, you'll regret it forever! Because I could get hit by a bus tomorrow-- that same stupid bus we sat on that first time, you know? And then that bus that permanently has your number rubbed backwards on one bench-- that bus'll have my blood all over it and you wouldn't have said goodbye."

"Sora..."

"I'm serious! You're so dumb sometimes, Cloud!" Breathing heavily, Sora swallowed. His eyes were still rooted to Cloud's back, and suddenly he didn't want the older man to turn around for fear that it would make Sora just break down and cry. He didn't know why, but he knew it would happen. Just as he should have known the phone would start ringing-- of course-- right then. He ignored it.

"I wouldn't... I wouldn't let you touch me if I didn't want you to," Sora said. "I wouldn't just set myself up for something I didn't want."

"The phone..."

"Let it ring, okay? This is important." Sora closed his eyes, trying so damn hard to control himself. He hated not controlling himself. He hated looking like a baby. But that was exactly what he was, wasn't it? Kairi was right all along.

Cloud was by the window then, and Kairi had been right all along.

"What are you thinking about, Cloud?" Sora asked quietly. "...You're not gonna answer me, are you?" There was no response. Not that he'd expected one. "And you're not gonna tell me what you want or how you feel. ...How come, I wonder? What's wrong with saying things like that?"

"I don't know." Cloud closed his eyes when he felt Sora move to stand behind him, when he felt those skinny little arms around him, a chin tucked between his neck and his shoulder. And somewhere, the phone was still ringing. Had been ringing. Wouldn't ever seem to stop ringing.

"But you think and feel things all the time. Don't you wanna talk about 'em?"

"No."

"Never?"

"No..."

"No what? No you don't wanna talk about them ever, or no you do want to talk about them sometimes?"

"Sora, wh--"

The answering machine light flashed-- once, twice, three times. The message played and the room was spun straight to silence, all with the exception of the one harsh voice, the one harsh and painfully familiar voice. "Hey, Sora. ...It's Riku. Uh. Listen. Call me back when you get this, got it?"

Sora fell into the silence, sliding off to one side as Cloud continued to look blankly out the window. A half-assed job of a front yard and a pleasant suburban side-street-- nothing more, nothing less, and nothing really, truly, his. He knew that both he and Sora were hearing those words on replay, hearing his voice on replay, hearing "It's Riku, It's Riku, It's Riku" so many times over it could well be a broken record.

"You love him, remember?" Cloud asked quietly.

"Don't do that." Sora was back on the couch again, trying to pretend like he didn't want to just bury his head in his hands and forget the past month had ever happened.

"Why not? It's true, isn't it?"

Voice taking on a slight desperation, Sora hopped to his feet and strode over to the blonde once more. "Cloud, that was a while ago. He loves someone else. And then there's you..."

He reached up, wrapped his arms carefully around Cloud's shoulders, cheek pressing softly against his back. Again, again, Sora did it all again, trying to get closer to Cloud and doing everything possible to make him understand because Sora couldn't put it to words without messing them up, without changing them into something they weren't supposed to be.

Since when did "I think I might possibly love you" turn into "Let the stupid phone ring, okay? We have nothing to say to each other anyway"?

Sora breathed out slowly, carefully-- breathed in, taking along Cloud's warmth and breath and faint cologne.

"Then there's me."

"Yeah, you. Stupid."

"Sora..." Cloud sighed. He really didn't want to get into it. It would mean more questions and more talking and more explaining than he wanted to do right then-- hell more than he ever wanted to do given an entire lifetime. "It's more complicated than you think."

"How?" When Cloud didn't say anything, Sora moved to his side, pulled his arms away and settled for hooking his hands around Cloud's wrist, shaking it to get his attention-- "Let's go away... just for a little while. Okay? Let's do that. My mom-- she has this cottage up a ways by the lake. An hour's drive. Let's go for a few days. Let's just get away-- just for a few days. Only a few days."

"We can't do that..."

"Why?"

"I have to work. And you just got that job."

"Forget that job! Forget any job, Cloud... Just for a few days..."

"That's not the way it works, Sora. Nothing works like that..."

"Only because you say it can't." Sora bit his bottom lip and was afraid that he was losing when Cloud's gaze turned back out the window. Again, he pulled on Cloud's arm-- Look at me, dammit! "There are turtles up there," Sora rattled off frantically.

"...What?"

"At the lake, Cloud. And... and they die if they stay in the water too long. The turtles. They're so slow and gentle on land, right? Like every move they make is so cautious and careful and they're safe and away in their shells. But when they go in the water, if they get stuck in the water and can't get out, they die. Their shells rot and they die." Sucking in a deep breath Sora nodded urgently, forcing a new purpose into this. Yeah, his words and meaning got twisted and lost somewhere along the way, but... heck, it just might be a plan half-baked enough to work. "I have to save the turtles," Sora concluded.

And Cloud... could only stare. "Sora...?"

"Please, let's just go."

"..."

"..."

"...Give me a day to let the guys at work know..."

"Thank you, Cloud!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"You're amazing."

"...Stupendous?"

"Stupendous."

"Extraordinary?"

"Absolutely extraordinary."

"I'll take it."

"You'd better."

And they both took it, after all. Sora called Tidus and told him that something had come up, that he'd be out of town for a few days and that their job interview would have to wait until Monday. Of course the other pitched a fit, but it was to be expected and Sora won out in the end with promises of practice sessions and drill plans over a glass of beer and a TV remote one fine afternoon following his return.

Cloud had a considerably easier time getting off work than he thought. Having the appearance of a workaholic and the demeanor of a heartless ice cube paid off in the end, what with everyone suddenly all support and smiles and "Go on, Strife, you could use the vacation. Hell, I don't think I've ever seen you take a day off since you started working, have you, Wakka? No way. Take a day, take two-- heck, three days. What the hell."

It was with some delight and a little bit of hesitancy that the two met up at the bus stop a day later, as planned, each carrying a pack of clothing and a sweatshirt slung over one arm. So similar and yet somehow different-- Sora dressed in a worn pair of blue jeans fraying at the knees, a tee which read Bob's Bait and Tackle on it above a dead fish-- Cloud decked out in tan corduroys and a loose white button-up. The meeting-moment passed and Sora's grin stretched far and wide as the bus pulled up. He mouthed the word "thanks" and started up the stairs without looking back, trusting and knowing Cloud would follow.

Which he did.

Seated side by side on a bus once more, Cloud and Sora were content to just look out the window, Sora's head eventually tipping and falling against Cloud's shoulder as the boy slipped off into a light sleep. Cloud couldn't keep a soft smile from his face, not as they stopped at the stops of the city streets, not as they moved out and onward into the further reaches of the sprawling residential neighborhoods, eventually giving way to open farmland and a wide autumn countryside, speckled with red barns, crisp hay, and a never-ending spectrum of leaves flung up against an afternoon sky.

An hour later, sure enough, the driver came to the end of the line and Cloud gently shook Sora from his sleep. The brunette stirred slowly, rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and looked out the window where a light sprinkle had started to fall. "Oh," he said. "It's raining." And it was all Cloud could do to keep from laughing and holding onto the boy for dear life, for fear that that moment would slip and fade away forever.

It didn't. It hovered and clung and remained even after they stepped off the bus. Neither had thought to bring an umbrella, but neither had thought to mind, Sora letting out a delighted little laugh and grabbing hold of Cloud's hand, leading the older man away from the bus and the tiny little town community they'd come to find themselves in. Down the dirt road and between the trees, Sora took a sharp left and they vanished into the woods, pelted by the occasional wet leaf or drop of rain that had slipped through the falling canopy. The end of their journey brought them-- still hand in hand-- to a small, tidy little cottage nestled between two others, grey-brown shingles and an earthy, rich smell, a clean and natural sort of smell that mixed with the rain and the leaves and left Cloud and Sora breathing it in as deep as they could.

"Here we are!" Sora chirped, right before spinning off around the back of the cottage, leaving Cloud to follow. The rain picked up to a heavier drumming force, knocking against the cottage and the lake it overlooked. "There's a porch back here!" Sora called out. "It'll be dry... Or not." Rain passed through the floorboards of the porch hanging over them and Sora laughed again, cheeks flushed and wet. "So much for that idea."

He picked up one rock of three situated beside the door, turning one the size of his palm over and detaching the key that was taped there. With a wink in Cloud's direction, he unlocked the door, stepped inside, and shook off the rainwater within the dark and quiet that hung there.

"Don't just stand there," Sora chided. "Come here, already!" Cloud... wasn't entirely sure what was meant by this. Sora's outstretched arms seemed to beg for a hug, but to assume that was their purpose seemed too forward, too brash somehow. Nonetheless, Cloud risked a bit of boldness and stepped awkwardly into Sora's arms, unable to contain a gruff little chuckle as they closed around him in a warm embrace, Sora's head plopping against his chest and resting there, turned to one side.

x x x

Kairi worked the fabric through her fingers, an array of pins protruding from her puckered mouth. Occasionally should reach up and grab one, careful not to stab herself in the process. She was alone in her small little workspace at the office, the room filled with concept sketches, pins, needles, fabric bolts, color swatches, jewelry catalogues, ad clippings, photographs, scrap, scribbles, snatches of this, that, and the--

"Kairi, are you sure you don't need any help?"

"I'm okay Tifa."

Yeah. I am okay, aren't I? And she couldn't help but grin a little, pause a little, think a little. She dusted off her knees and backed away from the mannequin she'd stood in front of her desk. Far too short to be Aerith, but the measurements were exact. The fabric pinned to the fake woman in front of her would fit just as well, if not more so, on the real one. The real Aerith.

Grin faded to a smile, Kairi could only feel something she had to call 'satisfaction.' Satisfaction wasn't what it was, but she found she didn't have any word to call it by. It just was what it was, and only Kairi would ever be able to truly feel or understand it.

x x x

"Let's seeee... what've we got here?" Rummage, rummage, rustle. Squeak. "...Um... A jar of peanuts..."

"What kind of peanuts?" Cloud asked.

"Honey roasted."

"Sounds good."

"...Good. Because that's it."

"What?"

"Unless you can eat coffee filters, plastic spoons, or waffle mix..."

"What about waffles then?"

"No eggs, no milk."

"Peanuts are good."

"I'll never look at peanuts the same way ever again."

Cloud smirked, holding up a lone peanut between two fingers, looking at it closely with what appeared to be the most contemplative stare he'd yet to master. "Probably not," he agreed. "From now on, any time you see a peanut like this, you'll have to think of this afternoon. For the rest of your life, you'll be haunted by the memory of you and me sitting here with nothing to eat but a jar of peanuts."

"It's a classic."

"Naturally." Taking a handful of the nutty goodness Sora had set out on the counter, Cloud walked across the kitchen, back towards the living room. The rain was still going, but oddly enough, it fit. In the height of autumn, the water would be too cold for swimming, the trails too slicked down by leaves for hiking. Sora appeared at his side and Cloud felt a pang of something too similar to fear to be ignored. He did something he tried to avoid. He started a conversation.

Not because he feared the silence, but because he feared what Sora was capable of filling the silence with.

"So where are the turtles?" Cloud asked.

"Oh they're out there. You just need to look real hard sometimes. They don't come out when it rains, but they like to sun themselves when it's warm and clear outside and if they can climb up on something solid for long enough."

Cloud scanned the water intently, only half believing Sora, really. He'd fallen for the turtle ploy because it had seemed significant at the time, because Sora had seemed on the brink of absolute hysteria and the absolute last thing Cloud wanted to watch him do was that that one little step over the edge and straight on into it.

Not once had he honestly thought that Sora might actually, possibly be saying something remotely logical.

Idly, and out of a simple, content kind of curiosity, Cloud gestured toward the lake, towards a clump a debris that seemed to be stuck floating in one particular spot, four yards or so out from the dock. It wasn't a turtle, but... The more he studied the lake, the more he saw similar shapes sitting rather stationary in the water.

"What're those?"

"Turtle perches."

...Turtle... perches?

Sora shot Cloud a triumphant little grin as he stretched and leaned forward, towards the window, towards the lake. He said, "All they're really made of is driftwood. Driftwood, spare old wood that was lying around, and some parts from this old life ring... thing. The turtles climb up on them to get in the sun and dry off their shells."

"...Huh. So you were completely serious about saving those turtles after all."

"Of course I was! Honestly. You act like shell-rot is a laughing matter or something."

"Not laughing at all."

"Not you, no. Not ever."

Both Sora and Cloud exchanged glances of the utmost serious nature. Yet Sora couldn't help himself in the end and tweaked Cloud's nose and Cloud flinched and jabbed Sora's ribs and Sora yelped and grabbed Cloud's wrist and the two went tumbling down together in a sprawling heap of bones and limbs and clothes, right onto the strategically placed sofa. They sat for a moment, somewhere between a haze of consciousness and some state above it.

Across from them was a picture window that looked out across the lake. It was riddled with the pattern of the falling rain and growing darker with the procession of leaves that fell and littered its surface. The driftwood bobbed silently in the water, the sand grew darker still and the grass grew greener, the sky darker. All these things pointed towards the passing of time, but neither seemed to care. Somehow, leaving like they did, they'd managed to snip themselves free from time itself and all its troublesome little side-effects.

"This is... nice," Cloud finally said.

"Mm." Sora giggled a little, shamelessly nuzzling his face against Cloud's shoulder. He considered telling the older man that he smelled like peanuts, but then came to the conclusions that not only was that little statement of fact probably unnecessary, but it would probably also ruin the mood. ...Then again, Sora ruined the mood anyway.

"My grandpa and I used to go fishing up here all the time. Riku and Kairi and me came up here a lot... I tried to get them to fish once."

"You fish?"

"Not very well, no." At Cloud's chuckle, Sora could only scowl and punch him playfully in the arm. "Hey, It gets boring. But my gramps used to tell me stories about the fishing lures to keep me interested."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah... it's stupid though, so nevermind."

"No, no, come on, I wanna hear. Tell me all about the bait and tackle."

"Don't be mean about it!"

"I wasn't. I want to hear." Cloud leaned back further into the sofa they were settled on, one arm wrapped around Sora and tugging the younger boy along with an almost practiced ease. Sora threw him a doubtful little stare, but Cloud's all-too-sincere voice could only win out in the end. "Tell me?"

"Well," Sora declared. He folded his hands in his lap and took on a most regal air as he began: "Once upon a time there was the red-eyed-wiggler and the tiny-go-deeper."

There were no words to describe the noise Cloud made then-- something between a lung-wrenching guffaw and a snort of absolute hysteria as he keeled over on the couch in a peel of sudden, painful laughter. Sora bristled indignantly, bottom lip puckered into a pout-- "You said you wanted to hear!"

"I do, I do!" Cloud gasped out between laughing fits. "The... the red-eyed-wibbler and tiny-go-whatter?"

"The red-eyed-wiggler and the tiny-go-deeper, Cloud!"

"They sound like godawful porn star names."

"Well look, I don't know about you, but I can't possibly imagine getting off to anything that wiggles and has red eyes." Sora frowned and tilted his head to one side for a moment, clearly lost in thought. "Or anything called the tiny-go-deeper, for that matter," he continued. "It seems rather futile for the tiny to go any deeper if they're really so tiny."

This only set Cloud off once again, sending the poor man collapsing onto the floor in a laughing, gasping heap of blonde hair and corduroy. Sora could hold himself in no longer and was soon desperately covering his mouth to keep from howling with laughter like an idiot, only to find a hand clamped around his ankle one second and his body pulled onto the ground the next, flopped on top of Cloud and still dying from the lack of oxygen making it into his little body of laughter.

In all honesty, nothing Sora or Cloud said or did that evening was particularly funny in the slightest. Neither was intoxicated or high or under the influence of much of anything-- with the exception of the high that comes from making a most daring and treacherous escape from the prison of the real world. That evening, in the darkness of a cottage that legally belong to neither of them, both Cloud and Sora were giddy with the idea of their secret and unplanned adventure.

Arms crossed on Cloud's chest, Sora's chin rested atop them with a smug little smirk settled across his face.

"Once upon a time," he said, "there was the red-eyed-wiggler and the tiny-go-deeper. Each and every day they sat alone and unused in the tackle box alongside all their friends until one day two people decided to use them. With the red-eyed-wiggler on one line and the tiny-go-deeper on the other, they were taken to the edge of the dock and cast into the water. But the two were so terrified when they were apart that the red-eyed-wiggler refused to wiggle and the tiny-go-deeper would not budge a foot deeper. The fisher-people were at a loss of what to do, so for lack of a better plan, they cut their line and let the two lures loose into the lake, where they sank to the very bottom."

"What a dreadful tale."

"It doesn't end there."

"Well, why'd you stop?"

"That's all I feel like telling right now."

"You're kidding."

"Yeah, you're right. I just can't remember the rest, really, but it'll come back eventually. Nooo worries."

Cloud smiled at Sora, Sora smiled at Cloud, and then the room was plunged in a pleasant silence. ...A pleasant, relative silence.

x x x

It was late. Kairi was tired. She wanted to go home.

Her radio had been acting up and she craned her neck around the mannequin full of pins, needles, and tacked-on-cloth to spot it sitting up on her desk. Antenna stretched towards the sky, the poor pathetic thing struggled to pick up any reception, buried as it was beneath the papers and the building and the crowded city streets. "Zzzththshhh-- that, la--shhshhzuhzuhzweeoo-- lemen, was 'Revolve,' perfor-- thththeesshhh-- band--"

That was when it hit.

Revolve. ...Revolve... Kairi's eyes widened, her head pounded, her heart raced. Holy shit, that word. She flew up from the ground and raced across to her desk, fumbling around for something-- anything-- to write with. She wrote it once-- REVOLVE-- on the back of a sketch. She could see Aerith's arms and limbs and hair burned through the paper, searing onto the back, over the word.

She wrote it again. REVOLVE.

It wasn't hitting it, it wasn't doing it. She could still see Aerith-- the woman was distracting. Angry, Kairi shoved the paper to the floor where it landed upon a mass of equally scrawled, scratched and tortured sheets in its very likeness. She grabbed for a new piece of paper. For the third time she began to spell it out-- slowly, painfully, trying for all she was worth to milk the meaning out of the word and try and understand just why exactly it had shocked her so. It was important. But how? How the hell...?

R-E-V-O-L-- Wait.

She went back. She erased the R. Evol. Evolve, evol, evolve, evil? Evil? No. Evol.

Kairi's normally crisp, precise handwriting was reduced to a hectic chicken scratch as she wrote out the letters again and again, trying to get a handle on it. Evol, evol, evol. She paused. E-V-O-L. L-O-V-E. ...Well, duh. There was a rather sudden stunning silence as the radio fuzzed out into blank static and the office was plunged into a cold, dead silence. No one was there. All the sane workers had gone home. That left Kairi and her pencil and her paper and her word.

She had a moment to breathe before the memory washed in.

"You know, love spelled backwards makes 'evol.' And if you add a 've' you get 'evolve'. Did you know that?" Her eyes were bright, green in the daylight, but almost some sort of eerie, off-kilter glow-in-the-dark by lamplight. When her companion said nothing, she pressed the question. "Did you know that?"

"I... I guess not. I'd never thought about it, really."

"Well, it does." There was a silence. Sometimes there was a silence. Rarely there was a silence. But sometimes... "...Hey Kairi?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's possible for love to evolve into something else?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... When two people meet each other, they can become friends. Then they can become lovers. ...But what about after you're lovers? What's after that?"

"Well... I don't know. The... the love grows, you know? You... get married. You become spouses, I guess. Maybe there's nothing after becoming lovers. I just-- I really just don't know."

"What... if... the love doesn't grow anymore? What if it stops growing?" Voice quiet, hesitant, the girl refused to look at anything but the sky above them, refused to acknowledge anything but the earth below them. She didn't want to hear the answer.

"Then you just don't become anything else."

"It just dies? The love just dies? Does-- does it become extinct? If animals can't evolve, they become extinct, did you know that? Does it just die? Kairi, it doesn't just die, does it?"

"It doesn't have to die, Selphie. Maybe it just..." Kairi rolled over onto one side. She saw the lamp between the two of them, stupid little girls they were laid out on the back lawn with nothing between them and the grass and the dirt but a thin, worn quilt. She didn't realize she'd stop talking until she looked up to see those wide eyes so fixated on her, on her every single word.

"No," she continued. "It doesn't die. Maybe it just stops."

It was eleven o' clock when she pulled out her cell phone, when she glanced at the slip of paper clutched in her hand and punched in the numbers. Slowly, painfully. She could understand the numbers. They weren't like the letters. And she could understand the voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Miss Kirasagi?"

"Kairi? Hey, hey, uh, it's Yuffie, yanno. Not Miss Kira--"

"Yuffie, you're my chauffeur, right?"

"At your service. You need a lift?"

"If it's not too late, yes. I need one right away. I'm at my office. Do you have the address?"

"Yeah, Aerith gave it to--"

"Good. I'll be waiting outside. I have some things I need to take care of, okay? You're not going to be busy for a while, are you?"

"I'm all yours."

"Okay. Thank you."

Yes, Kairi understood. And it was the understanding that killed her. The fact that she had actually understood long, long ago, but had simply forgotten.

(x) (x) (x)

Important Note 1: No, Cloud and Sora have not just had sex.

Important Note 2: I'm not entirely sure what I was going for with this chapter, but sorry it was so long in coming. XO And I know that last scene is really 'WTF?' and I apologize. Er, just take what you want to from it and the rest will make sense later-- I promise! Be prepared for more Riku and Leon than you'll know how to handle in the next chapter. Sadly, Cloud and Sora won't appear again until chapter nine.

Um, um, and yes. I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I hope the (ridiculous) chapter length sort of kind of starts to make up for it?