Chapter 2: A Happy What!

A couple of days later...

Well, that night, Rose is so fed up with her fiancé and family, she decides to end it all and just jump off the ship. So she's standing on the railing about to jump, when suddenly Jack Dawson comes over, riding a unicycle. He jumps off the unicycle.

"Wow, you're pretty," said Jack truthfully. "Say, did it hurt?"

"I didn't jump yet!" exclaimed an impatient Rose. "What are you talking about?"

"Actually I was making a pick up line, but forget it. Anyways, don't jump. Because if you do, that would mean I have to help you and forgot my swimsuit, and I dropped out of Lifeguard school..."

"You don't have to help. Please leave me alone. I'd like to commit suicide in peace!"

"Please don't! You don't want to do this!"

"Yes I do!"

"No you don't!"

"I'm about to jump!" Rose held her breath preparing for the moment.

"Please–" Jack knew what to do. "If you don't stop, you're going to make me do something terrible!"

"Do it all you like, you won't stop me!"

"Okay then." Jack hated when he had to do this. He began to do the MC Hammer.

"What the...?" Rose was lost at words.

Now, Jack was doing the MC Hammer, and singing, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, it's better than yours..."

"No, stop it!" Rose stopped her ears with her hands. "Please."

But Jack only got louder! "I could teach you, but you have to charge!"

"Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" This was torture for Rose.

"If you wanna be my lover, you got to get with my friends..."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop...I'm coming back." Rose came back over the railing, willing to do anything for this man to stop that...mental torture.

"Good," said Jack, who stopped dancing abruptly. And then he thought of something. "Say don't you think it's strange I'm singing the Spice Girls in 1912?"

"Yes," Rose agreed.

Suddenly, and officer, Cal, and Lovejoy walked over.

"Rose what happened?" said Cal. "We heard you screaming!"

"And I heard the Spice Girls!' exclaimed an excited Lovejoy, as he pulled out a T-shirt that said, I LUV Spice Grls 4 Lyf! "Where are they?"

And everyone stared blankly at Lovejoy, who suddenly turned a shade of red, realizing what he said.

"Now that was strange." said Jack.

"Yeah," agreed Cal. "Anyway, Rose what happened?"

"Oh nothing," said Rose, trying to sound as calm as if nothing happened. "I just met a man, and he saved me! Say...what is your name?"

"Hmmm..."said Jack thoughtfully. Should he tell? "Well, my real name is FBI agent John B. "Smiley" Stevers. But my undercover name is Jack Dawson."

"Oh, we weren't listening what did you say again?" asked Rose.

He shrugged. They had their chance. "Jack Dawson."

Cal observed the young boy. He shook his head disdainfully. "Ick, he's probably steerage! He's p...p..po..poor!" said Cal, spitting the word "poor" out as if it had a bad taste.

Jack was indignant. "Look lady, that's not necessary!"

Cal only yawned. "Here's a five for saving my fiancee's life," he said as he threw it at him.

"Wow, a nickel," said Jack in a sarcastic tone. "I'm immensely rich now! Now I can a happy meal!"

"A happy what!" asked the disturbed Cal.

"Oh, hush!" said Rose. She turned to Jack. "Listen, come have dinner with us tomorrow night!"

Jack thought about it for a while. He had a choice: dine in luxury with a beauty and her arrogant fiancé ...or eat steerage crap...ah, to hell, if steerage threw better parties and the people of first class were snobs! He'll eat real food! He'll be smothered in luxury for one night! He could try to woo this little princess. He'll be stupid to refuse an offer like that!

"Sure, count me in," he said.

"Whatever, just ask us one question though," said Cal, who was still confused and disturbed.

"And that is..."

"What is a happy meal? Is that a sexual term?"