Title: Interloper
Summary: Rose finds herself a new pretty boy – Jack and the Doctor discuss.
Author's Notes: This was a plot bunny that just grabbed on for dear life at about midnight last night, so I had to get it out of my system.
The guy was a time agent.
He was tall, blond, handsome in a floppy sort of way.
They'd met him on some planet during a temporal storm – messy business, those storms – he'd got them out of a sticky situation, and then buggered off back to his own fancy ship.
"Arrogant arsehole," the Doctor declared.
"Snobby," Jack concurred.
"Gorgeous," Rose sighed.
And then the arrogant snobby gorgeous arsehole had come back and asked her out.
So they'd agreed on a time and place for their first date – dinner in some fancy restaurant on a deep space plateau a few hundred thousand years into Rose's future.
She got all dressed up in an outfit that made Jack and the Doctor find interesting things to look at on the ceiling, and swanned off in a haze of silk and perfume.
"It'll be over within a week," said the Doctor.
"Less," said Jack hopefully.
She and the time agent – who had a name, it turned out: Nick; the Doctor and Jack changed it to something slightly ruder – saw each other on and off for a few months.
The day they had their first fight, her two favourite boys were there to make her feel better with hugs and ice cream and plasma storms (chick flicks just didn't cut it any more).
"He's not worth it," the Doctor told her firmly.
"You can do so much better," said Jack. They shared a brief glance.
The next day Nick was back with apologies and flowers and Rose forgave him.
Since she seemed so keen on the guy, they thought they should give him a chance.
Rose seemed genuinely thrilled when they announced that they were going for a boys' night out with Nick. She planned a girls' night in with the TARDIS, just for balance.
He drank the wrong beer, for a start.
And his jokes weren't that funny.
And the lustful look he got in his eyes when he talked about Rose made them want to punch him.
"Wanker," said the Doctor with feeling, after he'd gone.
"Totally," slurred Jack, who was vaguely plastered.
On one occasion, Nick spent the night in Rose's room in the TARDIS.
They found him eating burnt toast in the kitchen the next morning wearing only his boxer shorts. "Bloody toaster doesn't work," he informed them. "And why's the fridge empty?"
So the TARDIS didn't like him, either.
Rose showed up looking mussed and beautiful and made some very scrummy omelettes which took their minds off things. Slightly.
"Far too much body hair," said the Doctor later.
"He's in poor shape, too – couldn't possibly keep her satisfied," Jack added.
They glared venomously at the floor.
A few months later, Nick was hanging out in the TARDIS control room with them all and decided – in a not entirely unplanned fashion, it turned out – to drop to one knee and propose.
Rose looked particularly stunned.
"What the hell?" the Doctor and Jack roared simultaneously.
"Erm," said Rose politely, "can I have some time to think about it?"
She locked herself in her room for two whole days 'thinking about it'.
The Doctor and Jack pushed bits of food and essays on Why Marriage Should Be Banned through a custom-made slot in her door.
Eventually, when they threatened to tunnel their way in, she allowed them inside.
"Don't do it," said the Doctor desperately. "Say no."
"He's so wrong for you, Rose," said Jack, stroking her hand.
They kissed her.
Some time later the Doctor murmured against her bare stomach, "We love you."
"We need you," Jack added, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. "More than he does."
"Show me again," she whispered. So they did.
Nick was understandably upset, but the Doctor and Jack escorted him rather forcibly to the door and he felt obliged to leave.
"Good riddance," declared the Doctor.
"Never liked him anyway," said Jack.
Rose, watching them fondly from across the room, just rolled her eyes.