Garet's Crack Stories
By Joker's Specter

This should be a sitcom.
-Joker

On his way back to the campsite, with the kids closely behind him, Garet made a point of walking by the plaza where the party was being held.

"I'm not having fun. This totally sucks. Just thought I'd update you on that," he exclaimed loudly so everyone could hear as he marched through the party.

Nobody cared.

Garet grit his teeth. "I bet they tricked me into drawing the shortest straw," he muttered as he left the plaza.

Back at the campsite all the kids settled down in various spots around the blazing campfire. Garet sat down on a wide log between a frightened looking set of boys.

"You know, you two remind me of me when I was younger," the large adept grinned, ruffling their hair with his gloved hands. "I could easily use that as a great way to start a story about my youth. Ahh, if ever there was a perfect childhood..." he added with a far-off look in his eyes.

But then he snapped out of it. "Instead, you get this next story, which is equally as awesome as my childhood. Fwoosh!" he said, running his hands over the flames in the fire pit and making them shoot upward.

!-Dullahan and Mimic's Excellent Adventure-!

Life in a dungeon is a tricky one. It was dark, cold, and boring. One could say it just wasn't as fun as it used to be, sitting there and waiting for an unsuspecting victim to come along. Most of the monsters in the dungeon hadn't had a proper meal in centuries. The mimic was one of them.

"I hate this," Mimic growled. Of all the talented creatures out there to be, he had to be born as a mimic-Mother Nature's drunken experimentation. Not only that, but he was a mimic in the worst of all places-a dungeon unreachable by humans. It was a cruel, cruel life.

Centuries had gone by where he could do nothing but scuttle around, talk to the other dungeon inhabitants (they thought their current predicament sucked, too), and maybe hold a party or two every few hundred years. He had long since completed the seemingly unending "Song That Never Ends", and even Marco Polo wasn't a blast to play anymore with his friends.

In short, his was a cursed life.

The day that he decided he had had enough was the day the other chests no longer looked even remotely attractive to him anymore. They all had the same curves. "I need to bust out of here," he said to himself. "It's done. It's done, it's done, it's done. I'm through with this place. I'm gone."

And this time he meant it, too. Lesser monsters would've caved already, but he held out for as long as he could. He told himself it would be worth it to see the human's face when he started gnawing on its leg, but it just wouldn't be worth it anymore. It was his time to see the world-time to retire from his career. What kind of job was eating humans when there weren't any around?

"Dullahan!" shouted Mimic as he scuttled into a particularly large chamber of the dungeon. "C'mon man, let's ditch this place!"

Dullahan flashed into view in all his glory. A giant suit of armor, but with no helmet. A red cape flapped dramatically behind him. He was the image of pure terror. He also happened to be Mimic's best friend.

"What do you mean?" his voice echoed. Despite having no head, Dullahan was quite the conversationalist.

Mimic pumped his claw into the air. "We're better than this! What kind of life is sitting around, waiting centuries for people who probably won't get past the entrance? What's keeping us here, huh?" the little abomination exclaimed loudly.

Dullahan shrugged his big shoulders. "Well, I'm bound by godly forces to protect this tablet," he said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder to indicate the summoning tablet shining brightly on the altar behind him. "It's all in my contract."

"Wait," Mimic said. "You have a contract?"

"Of course I do. I would never take a job without one. You know how many people get scammed out there?"

Mimic frowned. "Well, crap. That's lame. How do you get out of it?"

Dullahan pointed to the dark doorway. "It works like this. When the people come in through there, I unleash unholy pain and frustration on them and I keep my job. If I'm defeated and I lose the tablet, then I'm fired and the contract is void."

While Dullahan still motioned to the doorway, a flash of light appeared behind him. He turned around to see Mimic gnawing on the tablet. A few seconds later, it disappeared.

Dullahan dropped his sword in shock. "Stop that!" the giant yelled.

Shivering, Mimic walked away from the empty altar. "Whoa. What a rush. Does this mean Iris is my slave-girl now?" Oh, the possibilities.

"I just sent the down-payment on a new sword! I needed this job!" Dullahan yelled, glaring at his little friend.

Mimic was used to Dullahan's hissy fits. "What's wrong with the one you have?" the monster questioned. He burped out a piece of the tablet.

Dullahan kicked the blade he dropped on the floor. "It's not big enough! Catastrophe has me beat by a mile! And thanks to you, I'll never pass him up!"

The small monster scurried up next to Dullahan and pat a claw on his armored foot reassuringly. "Hey now, c'mon big buddy. Think of the roads I've just opened for us! Now you can make a fortune doing things you love!" he said with a toothy grin.

Looking down at Mimic with his headless body, Dullahan said, "Doing muscular poses?" He sounded hopeful.

"Er, no. I was thinking of shedding the blood of innocents. That sort of thing."

Dullahan sighed. "I suppose," he murmured, running his hand over his biceps absentmindedly. "But it's just not as fun without a bigger sword."

Mimic winked. "How about we make a pact then?" he asked.

"A pact?"

"Sure!" Mimic said. "All great adventures begin with a pact. 'We'll always be friends' or 'We won't let fame and fortune get to our heads', that sort of thing. I was thinking our pact could be that we don't slaughter innocents until we get you a sword bigger than Catastrophe's."

"And sharper?"

"And sharper than Catastrophe's", Mimic added. "That way, we won't ruin the experience until we're ready to enjoy it."

Dullahan looked back sadly at the empty space where the tablet used to be. "...I guess we may as well, now that I'll be fired."

Mimic jumped for joy. "Great, Dully! You've made my day!" he squealed enthusiastically.

"Hold on," Dullahan said, snatching his friend out of mid-air. "I need to pack."

"Whoa, whoa! Wait! Not that!"

Despite Mimic's protests, Dullahan packed his things into the chest-like monster. "Less baggage this way," he reasoned.

"You ath!" Mimic growled with a full mouth.

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

It took them ages, but they finally got out to the world. They tried for days to get out the front entrance somehow, but to no success. Then Dullahan remembered there was a back door to the place, and soon the pair were on their way. Dullahan had fashioned a carrying mechanism so he could sling Mimic over his shoulders and carry him on his back, making travel easier.

"Ithn't thith gweat?" Mimic said in a sickingly happy tone of voice through a mouthful of Dullahan's unmentionables. "The thun ith tho muth bwightew than I eveh thought pothible!"

For his part, Dullahan had no clue what Mimic was saying. "Thanks, you have beautiful eyes too!" Dullahan said cheerily, completely misunderstanding his companion.

The time they spent traveling was much quieter following that. It wasn't until sundown that Dullahan decided to stop.

After retrieving the tent from Mimic's mouth, Dullahan began to set it up. For his part, Mimic decided to start a fire. Once the flames were roaring, he spat Dullahan's things out on the ground next to the tent, and sat near the fire. A moment later, he was joined by Dullahan, who let out a relaxed sigh.

"So, Dully," Mimic said after they finished breaking out in campfire songs. "Where are we headed, anyway?"

If Dullahan had eyes, they would've been lost in thought. The giant poked and prodded the fire with his armored foot. He had a specific place in mind, but he wasn't sure if going there was the best idea. It would open up old wounds.

"I had a half-brother at one time," the giant suit of armor replied quietly. "It was ages ago. He and I used to be inseparable."

Mimic listened silently, staring at the flickering fire.

"Despite that, I was always jealous of him. He could sweet talk all the ladies. They would fall for every trick in the book with him," Dullahan said, turning a log in the fireplace over. "Heh. As for me... I used to terrify them. Sure, I may have accidentally killed a few and damned them to Hell for all time in the process, but I was going through a weird phase."

"Bad breakup?" Mimic questioned.

"No. Puberty."

"Ah, say no more," Mimic said with an understanding nod.

"It just wasn't fair. Everybody glorified him. He was also a brilliant craftsman. He could make anything he wanted. People would come from all over to see him and request things. I suppose deep down I always hated being with him, because it made me realize I would always be beneath him, his appeal, and his talents."

"Wait, we're not talking about Catastrophe, are we? Is this where the whole 'bigger sword' thing comes in?"

"Pfft, no way. I'd throw myself over Gaia Falls if Catastrophe was my brother. He's a jackass."

"Oh."

Dullahan kicked back into a reclining position. "Well, anyway... My brother had this group of friends. They were a bad influence on him-always telling him to do good things and whatnot... It wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't actually listen to them. Those accursed adepts."

Mimic hissed and clicked his claws together rapidly. "Devour! Maim! Kill!"

"Oh, I tried," Dullahan said with a wave of his hand. "I was all ready to remove their bones from their flesh and make wind chimes out of them, but my brother stopped me. He told me, 'Everyone tells me I should get rid of you. I never wanted to, but this is the last straw. Your heart is too evil.'"

"So he ditched you?" Mimic gasped, his eyes widening. "Cold, man! Cold!"

"And how! He stopped hanging around me. We shared a home, but he threw me out. Heartbroken, I was forced to wander aimlessly since then, because nobody wanted to hire a giant, headless, sentient suit of armor. I did a short gig as a spokesperson for Armor N' Things, but they fired me when I kept decapitating the customers. I was jobless and homeless until several hundred years ago when I got that job as a live-in protector of that tablet you destroyed."

"Man... Harsh. I'm sorry, Dully. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't know what you were going through."

Dullahan put a hand on Mimic's head and caressed it gently. "Don't worry about it, Mi-mi. I'm enjoying myself out here, with you," he whispered breathily.

Mimic used his spidery legs to back away slowly.

"Anyway, I think I want to go back. That's where I'm headed, but I'm not so sure it's the best idea I've ever had," Dullahan said. Doubt continued to plague him, even though it was his only idea.

Mimic looked at Dullahan in surprise. "Back to your brother's place?"

"Yes. He lived in a town called Vale, up north."

"Huh. What's the point of going there? Is he still alive?" Mimic inquired.

Dullahan was silent for a moment. He gazed upward at the stars with the gaping abyss in his armor between the shoulder plates. "If he's dead," the giant said in barely a whisper, "I'll pay my respects."

Mimic moved closer again, having a hard time hearing Dullahan. "And if he's alive?"

Turning to his friend, Dullahan said in a more audible tone of voice, "If he's alive, my plan is to have him make me a sword bigger than Catastrophe's, kill him with it, then pay my respects. After that, I'll show off to Catastrophe and laugh at him while he cries."

Grinning, Mimic jumped in the air. "Then we'll go devour things! I think that's a great plan! Let's do it!"

Dullahan nodded enthusiastically with his torso and pumped a fist into the air. "And we'll spread terror and destruction all over Weyard! It's settled then-to Vale!"

"To Vale!" Mimic echoed.

They spent the rest of the evening eating gooey s'mores and swapping scary stories, until adjourning to the tent where Dullahan cuddled up with Mimic in his strong arms and slept. Mimic couldn't get out of the grip the entire night.

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

"This is Vale?" Mimic asked in astonishment.

"Yes," Dullahan answered as he scanned the town.

"Boooring~!" Mimic said, faking a yawn. He had long since ditched Dullahan's stuff.

The pair had reached Vale a few minutes before sunrise, and were looking out on the town while hiding behind some trees. Mimic wasn't very impressed. The fish they had for breakfast appeared tougher than the residents of Vale. It looked like they could kill everything in town just by breathing on them.

Dullahan ignored him. His mind was focused on just one thing.

Mimic jumped up onto Dullahan's shoulder. "Do you see your bro's place?" the little monster asked.

"Yep. It's the tallest one," he stated, pointing toward the town.

Mimic slipped when Dullahan pointed and fell into his armor. After rattling and clanging down to the crotch-piece, Mimic said with a grunt, "Well, at least his place is still there. That's a good sign, right?" It wasn't an uncommon occurence for him to fall into Dullahan. The first time it happened, Dullahan told Mimic he was the first person to ever be inside him. Mimic often walked by himself while traveling after that.

Dullahan casually retrieved Mimic and dropped him to the ground. "I guess so."

"So what are you waiting for, Dully? Go knock."

Hesitantly, Dullahan took a giant step forward. Then immediately moved back behind the tree again. "I don't know, Mims" he said. "What if he's not home?"

Mimic let out a frustrated sigh. "You pansy! Get moving! We came all this way, and I'm ready to devour somebody," he exclaimed, getting behind Dullahan's leg and pushing him forward. "May as well start with this village you dragged me to."

"But what if he doesn't remember me? Then my revenge won't be as sweet." Dullahan was rubbing his arm nervously.

Mimic continued to shove against Dullahan's foot. "Take it from me, Dully-you're not the type to easily be forgotten. Now come on!" With one final push, he managed to get Dullahan walking.

They weren't too worried about staying hidden at that point. Fortunately, it was early enough in the morning that nobody was around yet to scream and alert the town to the duo's presence.

"Hey, look, an inn!" Mimic pointed out. "After we finish dealing with your brother, we should totally go eat there."

Dullahan shrugged. "I'm not really in the mood for that. Old people usually run the inns. The younger crowd works at item shops," he said, motioning to the building that advertised various wares in its window. "We could try for something a little fresher."

"Ooh, good idea. Let's plan on that."

"It's a date, then," Dullahan said cheerily.

A little weirded out, Mimic made sure to stay a few feet away from Dullahan the rest of the trip to his brother's place.

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

"This is his home?" Mimic gasped as they walked around the interior. "He must be loaded!"

"Well, he ought to be. Like I said, he can create anything he wants," Dullahan said with a sad tone. The jealousy was thick in his voice.

The pair walked through the open, brightly-lit chambers of Dullahan's brother's home. Elegant statues and decorations were placed all over. Mimic got a weird sensation while scuttling around. It was as if the place was...holy. A shiver ran up his wooden spine.

"Cold?" Dullahan asked, seeing Mimic visibly shake. "I could warm you up."

Mimic jumped back faster than he ever thought possible. "Nah, man. I mean, I just don't like it in here. It gives me the creeps."

Dullahan slowly turned his massive body around, gazing at the walls and archways. "It does have that whole 'Evil will be smitten' feel, doesn't it?"

"Definitely. Let's do this and get out of here," Mimic grumbled, shivering. "Call your brother. That way we can save ourselves the trouble of searching for him."

"Right, right. Good idea," the giant suit of armor said. "Let's see if it still works the same way..."

He proceeded to spread his legs a little bit and extend his massive arms upward. Blue flames erupted around his body, and an eerie howl rang out from inside his torso.

"Ahahahaha!" he cackled loudly. "Here I am, ready to steal the Elemental Stars! Oh what a positively evil, devious person I happen to be! I intend to bring back Alchemy to Weyard!" he said in a demonic sing-song voice.

Mimic stared at the spectacle with an open mouth. "Whoa. Relax man. I didn't want you to go all psycho on me."

Suddenly, a puff of smoke and confetti burst forth from the air in the middle of the room. A party whistle could be heard as the confetti rained over Dullahan and Mimic.

"Who dares enter my realm, and attempt to steal the sacred Elemental Stars?" boomed a deep voice.

From within the smoke cloud, a spherical floating figure materialized. Its giant eye swiveled around the room, until it rest on the intruding pair.

Dullahan cleared his non-existent throat. "Hey bro," he said with a wave.

Mimic coughed up some confetti. "Your brother is the Wise One?" he exclaimed, looking back and forth from Dullahan to the Wise One.

"Half-brother, yeah. He was my upper half," Dullahan explained. "Like I said, we were inseparable...until he removed himself from my shoulders and kicked me out.

"Dull One?" The Wise One exclaimed, stunned. "What are you doing here?" He zoomed down to hover right in front of Dullahan and Mimic. "It's been ages!" he added.

"Dull One? What's he mean by that?" Mimic asked quizzically.

The armor that made up Dullahan's body started to tint red slightly. "Er, well... That's my original name; The Dull One."

Mimic just shook his head. "Wait, wait, wait. So let me get this straight. You two used to be conjoined? And you were called The Dull One?"

Dullahan sighed. "If I knew I'd have to explain my life story to you, I'd have left you at the door," he murmured. "Yes, we were one being. And yes, after we separated, he was dubbed The Wise One and they called me The Dull One."

The little chest-like monster cracked up.

"Wait a moment, Dull One. Speaking of the door-how did you get into Sol Sanctum? The door should have been sealed," The Wise One said, eyeing the two suspiciously.

Dullahan and Mimic exchanged looks. "The door was open, actually..." the giant explained.

Wise One's blue eye widened, and he spun around a few times. "So if you didn't open it... Ah, crap. Pesky Proxians again..."

"Proxians? What are Proxians?" Dullahan asked.

"One sec-gotta purge the place. Be right back. Don't touch my stuff," Wise One said. He hovered high into the room and began floating around in circles. "Emergency! Danger! Ree-roo-ree-roo-ree-roo! Time to go all Home Alone on these Proxians!" he howled. Then, in a puff of confetti and smoke, he disappeared to the tune of a party whistle.

Dullahan and Mimic stepped aside to avoid the confetti.

"So, there you go. Meet the family," Dullahan said sarcastically.

Mimic shook his head and looked up at his buddy. "Dang man. No wonder you're so messed up."

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

Mimic and Dullahan passed the time by admiring the scenery in the many rooms of Sol Sanctum.

"You'd think with the ability to create anything, the guy would make something besides statues," Mimic mused while running his eyes over one of the many sculptures lining a wall.

"Well..." Dullahan said, "he always had a thing for statues, being a rocky-looking thing himself."

Their conversation was cut short by the honking of a horn. The Wise One shimmered into view in the space above their heads, along with several party balloons. The balloons burst when they hit the ceiling, raining candy down on Dullahan and Mimic's heads.

The Wise One swiveled his eye until it focused on the monster pair below him. "I apologize about that delay. Those Proxians won't know what hit them," the spherical figure chuckled. "So, what brings you back here, Dull One?"

Dullahan scratched his arm nervously. "Uh, for starters... I've changed my name. I go by Dullahan now."

"Dullahan? Why?"

Looking away, Dullahan sighed quietly and muttered, "Dull One is a degrading name."

The Wise One chuckled. "But it suits you! You have nothing upstairs, if you know what I mean."

Dullahan growled, causing Mimic to scurry away a few feet. "I'm not stupid!" Dullahan said to the Wise One. "Just because I don't have a head-which is your fault, by the way-doesn't mean I can't figure things out."

The Wise One's eye narrowed as if he were studying his half-brother. "Hmm. If you say so. Very well, then-congratulations on your new name. Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No..." Dullahan said. He hesitated, looking back at Mimic.

Mimic gave a reassuring look to his friend, motioning for him to continue.

"Umm... You can still create whatever you want, right, Wise One?" Dullahan inquired.

Wise One tilted his body in the air. "Of course. I've been particularly fond of creating three-headed creatures lately. Did you want three heads?"

Dullahan made sound of disgust. "Heck no. One head was bad enough," he said bitterly, glaring at his other half.

Making a motion that looked much like he was shrugging, Wise One floated down until he was level with Dullahan. "Okay, so what did you want?"

Dullahan stood his ground. This is the moment he'd been waiting for. "I want... I want a sword bigger than Catastrophe's!" he blurted out after a moment's hesitation.

Wise One's eye narrowed. "A weapon? That's what you come and bother me with? There's enough violence in this world, you fool! We're back to square one from centuries ago!"

"You owe me! You kept my furniture when you kicked me out!" Dullahan practically shouted.

Rolling his eye, Wise One said, "So I'll have it shipped to your place. That junk is collecting dust in the attic."

Dullahan stamped his foot. "Stop being so difficult and help me out for once in your life! I need thisss!" he whined.

"What you need is to get out of my home! Until you stop killing humans and adepts, you're not welcome here. Out! And take your walking foot-rest with you!"

"But-!"

"Out!" The Wise One boomed, steam rising from his rocky body.

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of sparkles and glitter, and the next thing Dullahan and Mimic knew, they were standing outside Sol Sanctum, sparkling in the sunrise and covered in glitter.

Mimic shook his body, causing most of the sparkles to fall of. "Wow. Who knew someone called 'The Wise One' could be such a jerk?"

Dullahan ignored his friend and stormed off toward Vale, muttering angrily to himself.

Mimic was about to follow behind Dullahan, when a sudden, violent tremor threw him on his face. "What in Weyard was that?" he shouted, coughing up dirt. He looked behind him at the mountain that housed The Wise One. It was shaking violently, sending loose rocks and boulders flying everywhere. Storm clouds began to gather over the mountain, eclipsing Vale from the sun.

"Oh man..." Mimic groaned as rain began to pour all around him. Raindrops hit his face and eyes. "This is bad for my paint job... Dully!" he shouted, running after his friend. "Dully, let me inside you!"

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

Dullahan wasn't paying any attention to where he was headed. It didn't matter. He just needed to vent. What right did his brother have to throw him out again and refuse to help? The giant was just following his nature. He couldn't help it if his inner-voice told him to be evil.

"Stop being mean!" a shrill voice shouted.

Stopping in his tracks, Dullahan tapped his chest. "Inner voice? Was that you?"

"Ow! You're hurting me!"

Dullahan apologized quickly, and then asked his inner-voice what to do.

It was a few moments after waiting silently that he realized the person speaking wasn't inside him. It was a little girl standing down a slope, on a dock that had a river running alongside it. She was screaming and crying while an older kid-a boy this time-was pinching her and giving her wedgies.

"I'm going to tell Mom, Felix!" the girl sobbed.

"Stop being a baby, Jenna," the boy named Felix said, pinching the girl's arm again. "This is what you get for ruining my time with Kay."

Jenna screamed loudly. "I just wanted to say hi to her!" she moaned pitifully through tears.

"Yeah, well, you ruined my make-out session with her. So you get to suffer the consequences!"

Dullahan applauded the boy's actions. So deliciously cruel and vile, treating a little neighbor girl like that. It warmed his black heart to see the new generation following the right path.

"I wish I never had you for a brother!" Jenna screamed.

It was like a punch in the gut. They were siblings! And the brother was treating his sister so cruel and vile! It was horrifying! Dullahan cracked his knuckles and strode toward the pair, glaring at Felix. He'd give the boy something to think about when treating his sister mean.

The two didn't even notice Dullahan until he jumped across the river and landed on the dock.

"What the heck?" Felix yelled, falling over. Jenna's eyes went wide and she screamed.

"You!" Dullahan shouted, pointing to Felix. "You will rue this day of ill will toward your sibling!" He grabbed Felix by his shirt and hoisted him in the air.

"AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH!" Felix and Jenna screamed.

Dullahan's body sparked with electricity, and then a torrent of blue fire shot out around him, giving him a frightening aura. The gray clouds in the sky turned completely black. Lightning and thunder were suddenly present in the air above.

"Doom and suffering to you! Blood and terror is my name!" The flames shot outward as an eerie wail filled the air.

Felix nearly fainted when he looked into Dullahan's armor and saw ghosts and spirits howling and flying around, wailing, "Death is upon you... Death is upon you..." Blood bubbled out of the gaps in Dullahan's armor.

"Straight to the pits of Hell! Bones to ashes! Skin rupturing and torn away! Demons feasting on your soul eternally!" Dullahan bellowed in a demonic voice. "Damnation! Damnation! You will burn! Hellfire shall torch your soft, fragile sad excuse for a body!"

Felix peed his pants and continued screaming like a girl. Jenna had passed out moments before.

Evil, roaring cackling rang out from Dullahan's soul, filling the air and overtaking the thunder. Dullahan's armor was pitch black and hot to the touch. Electricity caused the oozing blood to sizzle and fill the area with a rancid smell.

Dullahan dragged Felix towards the gaping abyss in his torso where his head would be. "HEART FULL OF RAGE, SUFFERING BEFORE DEATH!DEMONIC LEGION READY TO DISEMBOWEL! YOU WILL KNOW PAIN AND DOOM AS NO PERSON HAS BEFORE YOU!"

Again, Felix peed his pants. Lightning struck a tree a few yards away, and the downpour of rain seemed to only fuel the fire erupting from Dullahan. His red cape flapped behind him, licking the crackling, flaming air.

"BLOOD TO A BOIL, SKULL AS MY TROPHY! THE REAPER KNOWS YOU, FOR I AM HE! YOUR SOUL IS MINE!"

Lightning struck Dullahan's body, releasing a howl of ear-piercing demonic laughter. Any sunlight that had been around was no more as the sky seemed to cave in toward the dock.

"NOW FACE ETERNAL DAMNATION, YOU DIIIIIIIIICK!"

And then he punted Felix into the river.

Dullahan put his hands to the gap between his shoulders and called out, "And get a haircut!"

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

Mimic searched frantically for his pal. The rain was getting much worse, and the wet look just wasn't his style. Vale was a bust, so it was time to leave. Why in the world was it so hard to find someone as out-of-place as Dullahan?

To make matters worse, townspeople had began to panic at the mountain's crazy seizures. Boulders were raining down everywhere, and they were running around like little ants trying to stop it. It would have been funny to watch, except Mimic was right in the middle of it, too.

"What? You think I should just leave my stuff behind?" a small voice exclaimed.

"Yeah! Garet, we need to get to safety! There's no use having stuff if you're not alive to use it," replied a more urgent, equally high-pitched voice.

Mimic turned the corner of a building to see two little kids standing in a yard. After a few seconds of silence, the red-head boy said, "Okay, you're right. I can come back for it later. Let's go, Isaac!"

The pair hurried off to wherever they thought safety might be. Not a bad idea, Mimic thought, if he could just find his friend.

But then, all thoughts of Dullahan left him. In fact, the only thing on his mind were curves and corners. Beautiful, shapely, wooden curves and corners.

"My heart be still," Mimic gasped. Sitting in the middle of the yard and lashed with a rope sat the most beautiful chest he had ever seen. It was so...so big! The shapely chest seemed not to notice Mimic's awkward steps toward it.

Mimic chuckled as he came closer. "I see you're into bondage. Oh, we're going to have some fun!" he stated, grinning broadly.

He ran a claw over the woodwork of the chest's lid. "Don't be frightened," he cooed. "I'll make you feel good, baby."

!-N- -O- -W- -A- -T-!
!-C- -H- -I- -N- -G-!

Dullahan and Mimic met at the town's entrance later that morning.

"So there you are," Mimic muttered. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Dullahan shrugged, not even looking at his friend. "I had some business to take care of."

Mimic eyed Dullahan, then sighed. "I wish we could go back to our place. This was a drag. I wish we never made that stupid pact to begin with. Now I can't eat the shop keeper."

Dullahan waved his friend's concerns off. "I was feeling like eating some sea food anyway. Maybe we can head to Lemuria next. I suppose Poseidon's trident will have to suffice as my replacement weapon. It's no sword, but it's bigger than Catastrophe's."

After a murmur in agreement, Mimic changed the subject. "Well, you missed my big discovery."

At that, the giant turned to look at his smaller companion. "Discovery?" Dullahan replied questioningly.

Nodding, Mimic picked at some grass absentmindedly. "Yeah. Chests just aren't for me, man. I'm sick of them. They just lay there like a dead fish and make me do all the work. I'm giving them up and moving on to something better."

Dullahan sat on the grass next to Mimic. "I have no idea what you mean, but you have my sympathy." He put a hand on Mimic and began to rub the top of his box-like body.

Instead of moving away this time, Mimic turned to look at his friend. "I need to stop running away from what's in front of me," he said quietly.

A nod from Dullahan.

"Do you really think I have beautiful eyes, Dully?" Mimic whispered the question.

"Sure," Dullahan said hesitantly.

Mimic moved closer. "I've always craved this. I just didn't want to admit it."

Dullahan stopped rubbing. "What do you mean?"

Exhaling heavily as his eyes stared deep into Dullahan's armored torso, Mimic said, "I mean...this."

In a hasty move, Mimic jumped onto Dullahan's torso, knocking the bigger monster over onto his back on the grass. Mimic then scuttled up to Dullahan's neck-hole and proceeded to kiss and lick around it, wiping his tongue around the rim and shoving it in. The creature made kissing sounds as he closed his eyes softly.

Dullahan screamed and threw Mimic off him. "What the hell are you doing, Mimic?"

Mimic looked stunned. "But...I thought you wanted that!"

"Sick!" Dullahan shouted, jumping to his feet. "Why would I want your grimy tongue all over me?"

"B-but, you're always giving me hints! Rubbing me and saying weird things!" Mimic sputtered.

Dullahan shuddered and wiped his torso off frantically. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mi-mi, but you've got the wrong idea," he muttered, making spitting sounds.

Mimic looked heartbroken. "But I thought..."

"You thought wrong, Mims. Let's just drop it. I don't swing that way. I'm only attracted to summons."

Mumbling, Mimic scuttled away. "Probably why you're so obsessed with Catastrophe, then..."

Dullahan gagged. "No way in Hell. Like I said, he's a jackass. I'm talkin' Iris," he said, walking up beside Mimic as they traveled out of Vale. "That's why I took that job in the first place."

Mimic calmed down a bit. "Yeah, but the tablet doesn't exist anymore..."

A shrug from Dullahan. "That's okay. I've got plenty more back under my bed at home."

Mimic shot Dullahan a look. "What? You have more?"

"...Yeah. I mean, I don't keep them under my bed for any special reason. Just, uh..."

"Say no more," Mimic cut in. "She's a hottie. I understand completely."

Dullahan nodded. "So, no hard feelings?" he asked, extending his hand down to Mimic for him to shake.

Mimic sighed. "No... No hard feelings. I'm sorry I made out with you, Dully."

After shaking Mimic's claw, Dullahan waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. It's flattering. You're the first person who ever wanted to do that."

Suddenly, Mimic froze in his tracks. "Wait a second. You have more tablets, you said?"

"Yes," Dullahan answered, slowing his pace for Mimic to catch up. "Back home, under my bed, for non-specific reasons."

"Doesn't that mean you still have a job?" Mimic asked, falling into step beside Dullahan again.

Now it was Dullahan's turn to freeze. "Wait a minute... That would be true, wouldn't it?"

"Dully, you still have your job! We have to get you back before you get fired! I want to go home!" Mimic yelled in a panic.

Dullahan chuckled. "Mims, I've accrued enough paid vacation time in the last few centuries to cover this whole trip. I think I'll be okay."

Mimic glared. "Wait, you get paid vacation time? How come I don't get that?"

Patting his friend's head, Dullahan answered, "Well, I'm a boss. I get more benefits."

Mimic frowned. "Mannn... I was definitely born as the wrong monster."

Dullahan hoisted his friend up on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Mi-mi. How many monsters can say they've ridden on my shoulder?"

"Just me, I guess," Mimic said with a small smile.

"Right! And I still have vacation time we can use. It's a magical world, Mims, ol' buddy... Let's go exploring!"

And with that, they disappeared down the road from Vale as Mt. Aleph continued to cause havoc behind them.

!-Dullahan and Mimic's Excellent Adventure-!

Garet ended his story by blowing a party whistle.

"Wow," one kid said in awe. "What happened to dem?"

Looking around to make sure nobody else was watching, Garet reached into his bag. "Well, I fought Dullahan once."

"You did?" some of the kids gasped in surprise.

Garet nodded, still concealing his hands. "In fact, I killed him...and brought his headto show you!" Garet shouted eerily. He whipped his hand out of the bag and clutched...nothing.

The kids screamed. Some fell over backward.

Garet cracked up. "Okay, I lied. I'm having more fun than I thought," he admitted to nobody in particular.