A compilation of exaggerated/made up stories from Garet. Quick
(sometimes longer) random stories intended for humor. Fear the Random.
-Joker
Disclaimer: Golden Sun is owned by Nintendo and Camelot.
"Gather 'round the campfire, little ones,
And I will tell you the stories of my mind.
Come listen now, from the beginning,
Lest you wind up left behind.
Garet is what everyone calls me,
I'll be your entertainment for tonight.
Relax your bodies, tune in your ears,
For my stories of humor and fright."
A pause.
"Is that everyone, then?" asked Garet, looking around the campfire to all of the little children's faces peering back at him through the tall flickering flames.
A few of the little heads nodded, so Garet smirked in satisfaction. "Very well. Since I'm babysitting all of you little kids while the rest of the adults are off celebrating the new season, I'm going to do exactly what I said I'd do in that poem. I'm gonna tell you all some stories. Now how does that sound?"
Some more nods, with a few shrugs mixed in.
"I see... Parents fed you peanut butter before you got here, huh? Hard to open your mouths? Ah, well, no problem kids, since I'm going to be doing most of the talking here," Garet said, grinning. He reached into a bag near him and pulled out a canteen of water. After swallowing some water and wiping his mouth off, he put it back.
He moved his eyes across the small campfire area he'd set up in Vale, meeting the eyes of all the children who were brave enough to look at his face. "Now then," he started, leaning back against a log, "I think I'll start with the story of the Wise One's child. This story oughtta get you all speaking and asking questions. Plus, I had a big part in it too, ha... Anyway..."
He cleared his throat and began.
It was a dark, dark morning in the town of Vale. Hideous gray clouds flooded the sky with a sense of dread. A cold chill rushed through the town, causing people to look over their shoulders everywhere they went, fearing for their lives. Not one person was comfortable that day.
The person who was possibly the least comfortable of all, however, was Mia, a blue-haired girl who hailed from a small snowy village called Imil. She was still learning many of the ways outside her village. For example, she never thought it would be possible to get pregnant and then have the child the very next day.
She also thought it would never be possible to give birth to what she had apparently just given birth to in her sleep.
"Calm down, Mia!" shouted Jenna over the girl's cries of terror. She held her friend's head against her shoulder, patting Mia's blue hair lightly on the back of her head.
"No, no, no, no, noooo," Mia sobbed through her tears. "It's not possible!"
Jenna sighed, saying, "Well, apparently it is. Though I don't know how..."
"But I didn't even...you know...do it with him!" Mia shouted, pulling her face away. "How could I get pregnant! All I did was visit the Wise One for a few moments to ask him some questions!"
Garet, who was leaning against a wall and eating a banana, spoke up. "Well," he said, "he's not exactly human. Maybe just touching him can get you pregnant. I mean, you did touch him, right?"
Mia's lower lip quivered slightly. "Y-Yes..."
"Well, there you go," Garet replied, nodding and exiting the room.
Mia's wails filled the room again. "NOOOOOO... I'm a SLUT!" she cried, falling to the ground and getting in the fetal position.
Jenna rolled her eyes. "Mia, you are not a slut. You didn't even have sex with him. This is just some weird...mistake, I guess."
Meanwhile, upstairs in Mia's room, Isaac, Sheba, and Ivan were staring in awe and confusion at the small baby, which was wrapped in a blanket and sitting in the middle of the bed.
"I don't...get it..." Sheba said quietly.
Ivan shook his head. "I don't want to get it. The mental images are not pleasant."
Isaac just stayed silent.
"Heya guys, how's the little one doing?" Garet asked as he entered the room, tossing a banana peel onto a nearby desk.
"Good, I guess," Isaac said, falling limply into a sitting position on the floor. "Good... Yeah..." He had an expression on his face that told the others his mind was in a far off place. They couldn't blame him, since he was just about to marry Mia, and suddenly she pops out a baby that wasn't his.
Garet walked up to the bed and removed the top layer of the blanket. He sighed and shook his head when he saw the baby. It was a rock with a single eye.
"Ugly little guy, isn't he?"
"Or she," Ivan added.
"Or it," Sheba finished, shaking her head and sitting on the edge of the bed.
About five minutes passed before anybody spoke again. Garet had already left the room a few minutes before without saying anything.
"I think you should name it Rocky," Ivan suggested.
A couple of days later, after both Isaac and Mia had come to terms with the newborn child, and agreed to raise it with the love and care that they would a human child of their own, the pair had gathered at a table in Mia's house, eating breakfast together.
"Honey, what's the matter?" Mia asked, looking at Isaac with concern, who had been poking at his eggs with his fork for quite a while.
"Ah, nothing..." Isaac said, laying down the fork and leaning back. "I'm just not looking forward to giving Rocky the birds and the bees talk."
Mia nodded, "Yeah, I've been thinking about the future too... We'll have to make sure we don't take him near any deep lakes, or the ocean... Wouldn't want him sinking to his death."
"Uh huh... Also, how do we feed him? I mean...he hasn't even MOVED...at ALL. I'm so confused..." Isaac said, falling over and banging his head on the table in frustration.
Mia walked up behind Isaac and gave his shoulders a massage. "Well...at least we won't have to change diapers."
Later that night, after Mia had tucked little Rocky in for bed, a shadowy figure snuck into the child's room through the window.
"Ah ha...revenge by killing Mia's child. Perfect," the figure said, grinning from ear to ear. He scooped up Rocky in his hand and got out of the house as quickly as he could. Within moments, he was next to a river.
In the moonlight, anybody with eyes could clearly see it was Alex. In his hand, he held Rocky.
"Time to sleep with the fishes," Alex said, tying a rope around Rocky. He searched around the ground, and then found a good sized rock. "This'll make you sink, unluckily for you," he explained as he tied the other end of the rope around the rock.
He tossed Rocky into the river, and watched as a few bubbles broke through the surface as the child sank to the bottom of the river.
A few minutes later he realized just how pointless it was to tie a rock to Rocky to make him sink.
"My baby! He's missing!"
Mia's wails and cries once against filled her house for an entire morning, while the others just stood around wondering what to do. Isaac held Mia as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"Gah...I can't take this anymore!" Garet shouted, clearly annoyed at Mia's mourning. He leaped up from his chair and pointed to Mia. "Now look here! You never had a baby. It was all just a joke!"
Mia's head snapped around, and her eyes met with Garet. Her face was soaked from her tears. "W-What...?"
"Er..." Garet rubbed the back of his head. "I mean...yeah, it was a joke. I didn't think it'd go this far, but it did, and...uh...sorry?"
Isaac groaned. "Garet, what did you do?"
Garet grinned sheepishly. "Well, I was kinda bored...so I thought it'd be funny to see what Mia thought if she had a Wise One kid, or something. I think I was really tired...so the details are vague, but yeah." He coughed, and then added, "It was just a rock with a little plastic eye glued on. But man, seeing Isaac doing baby talk to a rock was hilarious!"
Silence.
Mia jumped to her feet and slapped Garet. "You touched me down there?" she shouted.
Stumbling backwards and holding his face after wincing in pain, Garet shouted, "No, no! I used a slingshot!"
Groans of pain came from the Elder's Sanctum all afternoon, causing people who walked by to peek in out of curiosity. Most of them quickly began laughing, and left, leaving Garet red in the face in embarrassment.
The Great Healer shook his head, clicking his tongue in disappointment. "Now tell me again just how this rock became lodged in your nose, young Garet."
Garet ended the story, and stood up. "So, whatcha think kids?"
One kid looked up at Garet with a confused expression. "Did you get into my daddy's alcohol cabinet?" he asked.
Garet smirked. "No, no, I just thought that would be a funny thing to tell you kids... Guess not. My friends wouldn't be that stupid. I could never fool them like that for real...even though that would be really funny." He sat back down on the ground. "Anyway, the next story may interest you kids. If not, oh well! Sucks to be you, 'cause you're all stuck with me the rest of the night!"
Laughter from a certain Mars Adept echoed into the night.