TITLE: Jenova's Witnesses
AUTHOR: Carmilla
RATING: G
SUMMARY: Vincent's had about as much as he can stand. Post-game sillyfic. For Flonnebonne, who requested: A silly (but clever!) fic with the title "Jenova's Witnesses." And with Vincent in it, because I luvs him.
DISCLAIMER: Squaresoft owns them, I merely play.
A curious feature of the human condition is its tendency, in the aftermath of crises, to turn to some form of religion for comfort. A curious feature of the human brain is its ability, given sufficient time and misinformation, to make a legend out of anything. Vincent, whose brain was no longer entirely human, understood neither of these features, especially in the form in which they had presented themselves on his doorstep this morning.
"'Then Mother Jenova spake, saying: "Take of me and grow strong," and lo! those who took of her grew strong beyond the dreams of men, and changed in mysterious ways…'" The young man trailed off as he saw the look Vincent was giving him, cleared his throat and fiddled nervously with his tie. "Yes, well," he continued, remembering his script, "if you'd like a copy of the holy text we'll very happily provide one for you."
Vincent kept glaring at him, not bothering to waste words on such an obvious moron.
"If you'd like to reach a greater understanding of the text, we have weekly discussion meetings in the Rocket Town Hall. Tea and biscuits are provided -"
Vincent snapped. "No, I don't think I'll be going to your discussion meeting, tea and biscuits or no tea or biscuits. And do you know why? Because I met Jenova. I saw her, I fought her! And do you know what she looked like? A huge, dripping mound of slime with tentacles! Lots of tentacles! And frankly, that's not what my idea of a Supreme Being looks like! Alright?"
The young man hesitated for a moment. "Can I give you a leaflet?"
"Tentacles!" Vincent practically screamed, and slammed the door in his face. Grumbling, he headed towards the kitchen, hoping Shera might be making tea – tea not accompanied by lunatic religious ideas.
Next time one of them turned up, he swore, he was going to introduce him to Chaos.