Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge
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Pissed off to learn of how the one he loves is being treated, Hiei goes on a mission to finally tell how he feels! But can Hiei tell the one he loves in time before he's swamped by rampant Mary Sues, horny authoresses, comrades that are out-of-character, and even more Mary Sues? Warning: General Stupidity of Sues, OOCs, authors, and this author.
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Flowers
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"... They want to do what to-?"
"Hi, Hiei!" Someone shouted into Hiei's ear, and he spazzed in pain for a moment before whirling on the shouter.
It was Yuusuke.
"What the fuck did you do that for?"
"Mmmm, I don't know," he smiled, "but the look on your face was priceless."
"I hate you."
"Want to spar?"
"No."
"Oh ..." he said, and then he paused for even longer, taking the time to look around the sparse room of Minamino Shuuichi's backroom which held the computer and a few heavily filled bookshelves, and to pick at something in his ear. "So! What're you up to?"
Hiei sighed, "Kurama said that I should read these stories on the internet."
"Oh, yeah? What're they about?"
The Jaganshi mumbled, "The degradation of everything we know about."
"Cool."
"You don't know what 'degradation' means, do you?"
Yuusuke smiled, and gave him the thumbs up, "Not at all!"
As Hiei sighed, the hanyou leaned over Hiei in the chair, and began reading a few lines before blanching, "Uh ... wha ...?"
"It's called yaoi, and I think that Kurama's been reading too much of it."
"Kurama? But this is about you - you and me!"
"There are more of Kurama and I," Hiei quickly pressed the back button, and popped up the reviews of one of the stories shown.
Still a bit perturbed, Yuusuke read a few of the reviews, "People actually like this stuff? ... Hey, why's it say: 'grumbles about evil PERSON THAT HIEI LOVES'? ... Wah! I didn't mean to say that! I meant to say PERSON THAT HIEI LOVES! ... Oh, shit! I did it again!"
"Calm down. It's kind of like a bleep for the story ... a really bad bleep, but it's not for swearing as we can still say: damn, fuck, and shit - or anything else that I can't really remember right now."
"Then what's it for?"
"Isn't it obvious? Someone up there doesn't want others to know who I'm in love with."
He grinned, and poked at Hiei's shoulder who glared at him, "Oooh, who does Hiei love anyway?"
Hiei opened his mouth, "PERSON THAT I LOVE."
"... Okay, that's creepy."
"I know. And what's worse is that it only works when I'm referring to THIS PERSON in a loving way or in case I could possibly reveal them to the readers - like I might have done just then since I was using a pronoun which might have alluded to PERSON THAT I LOVE's gender."
"Oh ... Want to spar?"
"No! Are you even reading what they're saying about PERSON THAT I LOVE?"
The hanyou shrugged, "What the hell are you going to do about it? It's not like flaming back will do you any good."
"So you're saying I should maul them?"
"Yes - No! No, no, no. Bad Hiei." Yuusuke shook his head hard. "You got to ..." A light seemed to go on in his head, "You have to (oh, fuck! Who said that? Someone just talked over me!"
"No, they didn't."
"... Really?"
"It's called an author's note. People usually ignore them because they state the obvious, or make fun of the author behind their back because the author thinks that they made a joke."
"Really? ... Was it funny?"
"It was a stupid obvious-slash-funny author's note. You're better off not knowing."
Yuusuke awed, "A guy has to be really careful in this internet place, huh? Readers are stupidly loving drivel, and those author-guys are stalking us or something!"
"Actually, those are the Mary Sues," Hiei said.
"The-?"
"You really don't need to know, and nor should you ever want to."
"Got it ... Want to spar?"
"No! I don't want to do anything with you! PERSON THAT I LOVE needs me to do something about this! PERSON THAT I LOVE is practically begging me to stop all of this cruelty towards THIS PERSON! I need to find PERSON THAT I LOVE and tell THIS PERSON just how I feel!"
It took Hiei a moment to notice that half of Yuusuke's face looked slack and numb. He was staring at the screen of the computer behind Hiei, "Wow ... those readers really like those stories ... maybe ..."
His red eyes widened in horror, "No! Look away!"
"But ..." his voice slurred, "the readers like 'em ... wanna read some more of that other story." Yuusuke smiled, and it was creepy with how only one corner of his lips could seem to lift up, "Let's read that story of you an' me together, Hiei ..."
"Over my dead body!"
"We could do that too ..."
"..." Hiei shook his head hard, and shuddered, I need to get out of here. It must be by a miracle alone that I haven't been affected. Yuusuke wasn't that smart to begin with, but this is just sad! Maybe there's some kind of clinic that he can go to so he can get over this.
Leaping away from Yuusuke's suddenly outstretched arms, Hiei ran in a fit of terror from the hanyou. The whole situation was disturbing him immensely. As he ran down the hall, he ran into Shiori, and relaxed slightly - She would never read any of those awful stories. I should be just fine with her for now, so he thought until she turned around, a knife clutched in her hand.
"Oh, Hiei-san," she smiled, her head tilting to the side at an odd angle, "have you seen Suichi?"
"Su-?" His eyes bulged out, "No! Not you too! It's Shuuichi! You're saying your own son's name wrong!"
She only smiled wider, "No, no, it's Suichi now ... where is he?"
Eyes narrowing, he began going slowly down the hallway, trying to go around her, "Ah ... his room maybe? I don't know I haven't seen him much today."
Abruptly, she screeched, "My worst fears! You were with him all day, weren't you? My poor boy seduced by another!"
Hiei ran again.
He really didn't want to hurt Shiori and then run into an angst ridden Kurama from one of those horrendous stories. Who knew. Maybe some were true after all ... Gah! No! I can beat this! Those people don't resemble the people I know whatsoever. I'm not going to turn into some zombie uttering garbage to another zombie!
Once in the street -a street far from the Minamino residence (Why is it always called the Minamino residence?) - Hiei ignored the author, and walked down the sidewalk, thinking over his plans. PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED needed to know just how much he cared about THAT PERSON, and he needed to make a lasting impression on both the readers and THAT PERSON.
A half-assed job wasn't going to cut it. Unfortunately for the Jaganshi, he hadn't trying any wooing for quite some time. There was the possibilty that he was very rusty, and out of practice.
He needed to make sure THAT PERSON knew just how important THAT PERSON was in his life, and that he'd do near to anything for THAT PERSON. Even kill a certain author for stupid blocky words.
Hiei saw a shop out of the corner of his eye, and read the sign above it, 'Alexia's Florist Shop.' "Hmmm ... or maybe ..."
A certain author was saved from a gory fate as he stepped inside of the store.
Everyone seemed to like being given dead flowers which wilted and died within a few weeks, so maybe it would do him good to find a bouquet for PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED.
A flower caught his eye, but he blanched upon recognizing the rose - How cliche. - and looked around some more kind of flowers. Only to come to a horrid conclusion.
The whole store was filled with roses.
Trepidation stirred in his gut as he turned to the person at the cash register, "Uh ... hello?"
The brown and doe-eyed girl, with curves all in the right places - even though over half of her body was hidden behind the counter - smiled dreamily, yet there was a deep sadness in her eyes, "May I help you?"
"Uh ... no. Never. I mean, never mind." Hiei backpedaled out of the story, making sure not to show her his back. When he escaped the store, only then did he turn away, heading for the park, Maybe I'll pick some flowers on my own ...
I'm back! Back into the rhealm of new YYH fics anyway. All that I've been spurting out lately is DBZ. I've been like ... reverting back - de-evolving ... who knows. But I'm back - kind of.
I hope that this isn't too stupid to be called humor. I'm kind of trying to get a point across. Not just the point of how stupid this fandom's readers and authors have gotten ... ;;; please, readers, don't leave me. Some of you are good - really!
Anyway. Be warned that there will be more Mary Sues - ones that aren't too busy being deeply sad or whatnot. Also, I'm sorry if any of the Sues that I make up are ... well, any of yours, but that's not on purpose. In fact, if you recognize any of these Mary Sues as having characteristic's of your OCs, rewrite your story - or at least rewrite your OC.
Ja mata!