Disclaimer: Owned by JKR. HP/SS… Not beta read, seemed to have lost another. If interested please leave email add.

This will not be a Harry returns to the muggle world story.

Stumbling Uncertainty

Chapter 4

By WittchWay

Graduation at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry was little more than a luncheon on the front lawn of the castle. In attendance were seventh year students, professors, the schools Board of Governors, close family and friends.

It was an impressive luncheon, with even more impressive foods and deserts, long tables crisscrossed each other making a X, blankets with a mound of pillows lay out under trees waiting for those looking to rest after dessert or just in the mood to sit and chat.

Headmaster Dumbledore made a short speech mid luncheon, the speech had varied little over his years as headmaster, it was the same every headmaster or mistress made at the end of term, whether wizard or muggle; go out into the world and live up to your talent, live a prosperous life, multiply and go forth with care…

Overall it was a very pleasant day, the sky was blue, cloudless, sun was shining bright, birds were singing, and the giant squid was lazily sunning its tentacles on the surface of the lake. Further more Certificates of Completion were passed out early so that students could walk around with temporary pride and gloated to their loved ones that they were suddenly valid, full members of the wizard society.

Harry Potter snorted as he moved through the crowd, desperate to be quit of them all. Clutching his mug of mead tightly to his chest, ignoring those around him, or at least those that greeted him as he passed. Of course it could be Rosmerta's mead talking or perhaps he was a bit cynical today, but no matter what, he did notice there was nothing about being happy mentioned in the headmasters little speech…Not a thing.

People never talked about happiness when they spoke of the future, only of job advancement, promotions, and money, but never of happiness… it was always assumed if you had one the other would follow… it rarely did.

Harry moved closer to the castle wall as he cupped his mug. It was more than half empty and not his first of the day. There had been butterbeers pre-breakfast sent to his dorm mate Ron Weasley as a graduation gift from the twins. There had been whiskey shots late morning with several of the seventh year Hufflepuff boys in the third floor bathroom smuggled in by a friend of a friend. Hufflepuff's he noticed always seemed to have this type of thing.

And then there had been Rosmerta's finest mead at every place setting on the table during lunch, a pitcher of it every couple of seats. He had drank with intent of lightening his mood… but the mead had had the opposite effect as alcohol was prone to do.

Of course it hadn't helped that he had been chauffeured around by his fellow students, introduced again and again as the boy who lived, as the chosen one. It hadn't helped that they had stared at him, whispered right there in front of him, pointed at him again and again, had mentioned Voldemort more times than he cared to remember. The braver of those in attendance had relived his whole story to their families over and over again… as if the others didn't already know it.

Harry stumbled slightly, plainly ignoring Molly Weasley waving him over as she lined up the family to take a few pictures. He could see Arthur Weasley behind her struggling with loading film in a very muggle looking camera.

That of course was part of the problems as well, family. He had none and it was never as noticeable as it was today. Yes, Molly Weasley had hugged him, but not before Ron. Yes Arthur had clapped him on the shoulder, even the Grangers had congratulated him. Kind as they all were none of them were his family.

There's a burning sensation in his chest every time his parents had been mentioned, your mothers eyes, how much he looked like his father. Parents who were there with their own children, watching them complete a momentous event in their life. Insensitive lot.

Harry passed the last of the groups, looking back over them and snarled.

He was going out into the world alone no parents to live with or fall back on like Ron did. He would leave this school and simply go to the Auror training academy, there was no in-between for him. He was a man without a home. He was nomadic… Harry snorted, taking a sip of his mead, sloshing some down his front. perhaps he was being dramatic but he simply did not care. Running his hand along the stone wall he could only hope the corner he found was shadowed enough that they wouldn't notice if he stayed there the rest of the day.

Harry stumbled around the corner of the castle keeping to the shadows as he went, finding a nice spot as far away from the festivities as he could get. Slumping to the ground, this time not letting a drop of the mead spill, Harry pulled his legs up to his chest and shut his eyes. Breathing a sigh of relief.

He sat there so long his legs had gone numb from the position he sat but he didn't care. As long as he could block out the distant chatter of the students and families he was fine and would stay where he was. As it was he was barely aware of the potion masters approach. It was until Severus Snape cleared his throat that Harry looked up, his eyes taking their time focusing on the looming figure hovering over him.

"Sulking mister Potter?"

Harry narrowed his eyes but said nothing only taking a sip of his mead.

"Or is it Auror Potter."

"Go away pro--- Snape." Harry took a larger sip, remembering he no longer had to call the man professor.

Snape rolled his eyes and sat down next to him, their shoulders touching.

"It wasn't an invite," Harry shook his head.

Snape pulled his wand flicking once, a pitcher of mead and another goblet appeared. Harry watched as Snape poured himself a drink and then topped off his.

Harry barely noticed, he only drank, he knew he was passed drunk and was more than a little sleepy but he still could not bring himself to care. Not even to care about Snape's presence, though he was sure the insults of him would start soon enough.

He watched Snape sip his own drink, his long legs stretched out before him crossed at the ankles, looking out over the grounds of the castle.

"Nice dank corner you got yourself here Potter…. I especially like the stone wall." Snape commented without a glance at the boy.

Harry snorted, feeling a little unbalanced, rested his cheek on Snape's shoulder, had he been sober he would have dared but as it was he did not care, muttering "I knew you would appreciate it." his words were more than a little slurred.

Snape gave a upward nod, his lips pressed together in a amused sort of way, "How long is the self pity going to last."

Harry inhaled deeply, thinking it over, he wanted to say a lifetime but couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, "At least the rest of the day… tomorrow as well I imagine."

Snape gave another nod.

Harry waited for more, waited for some kind of Snape'ish sort of insult on his intelligence or weakness.

They were silent for a long time, long enough that the shadows on this side of the school grew larger, a light came on in Hagrid's hut, a nice shine sparkled in the forest fluttering about, Harry could only imagine it was some type of bug with the way it darted here and there.

Leaning in closer to Snape, Harry let his head drop, he was comfortable and warm, he was unconcerned it was getting late. Though not totally dark. The luncheon on the lawn seemed to have ended as there was no noise drifting toward them any longer.

"They want me to be an Auror," he said suddenly.

Snape looked down at the small raven head, nearly laying on his chest, he had almost forgotten the boy was there.

"I don't want to be an Auror… I've done my dues." Harry muttered again, his voice groggy and slightly slurred.

Snape wasn't even sure if the boy new what he was saying let alone who he was saying it to.

Harry raised his head willing his eyes to focus, "Bet you'll be glad when I'm gone, huh?"

Snape just stared at the boy, Potters face was unbelievably close.

"I've never been more thrilled Potter," he said dryly.

Harry stared at his ex potion master, the small lines around his eyes, his hooked nose, the slight hollowness of his cheeks, his thin bottom lip and somewhat plumper top. A lip that looked quite tasty… well his alcohol soaked mind thought so.

As Harry leaned forward with every intent of pressing his lips to those of his potions master but long fingers suddenly carded through his hair pulling his head back.

Snape's onyx eyes looked at him intensely.

Harry blushed with the way Snape was looking at him, his cheeks flushed a glorious pink, his hair somewhat tousled laid his head on Snape's chest, his eyes shut contently.

"Potter," Snape said softly, petting the boys hair, "Harry…?" when he again didn't stir.

Snape pulled the boy away from his chest, seeing that Potter had turned into nothing more than a rag doll, limp and asleep in his arms… passed out.

/SShpSS/

Harry woke the next morning face down on the Gryffindor common room sofa. His left arm trapped under beneath him was tingling something awful.

Turning over Harry held onto the sofa for dear life. The room went lopsided and began to spin, his stomach spasm, vile rose in his throat. Harry pulled himself upright and nearly vomiting on the sofa.

"Pepper up potion." Ron Weasley chuckled leaning over the back of the sofa.

Harry wanted to nod but didn't think his head could handle the movement. He reached out a hand instead waiting for the vile to be placed in it.

"Small sips… Hermione says," Ron laughed again watching his friend take the smallest of sips. "I thought you had gotten lucky when I saw your bed empty…"

Harry narrowed his eyes, thinking, it seemed there was someone with him last night he just couldn't think who… or what house she was from.

Grimacing Harry stood looking over the room, feeling better, "Where is everyone?"

"Down in the great hall saying their good-byes. You coming."

Harry rubbed his temple, "No." smacking his lips together, his mouth tasting foul, his body ached, "I need a shower, clean clothes."

Ron nodded starting for the door, "You going to avoid Hermione forever?"

Harry squinted at the overly bright room, he was not in the mood to discuss this so he ignored it all together. "I'll be down in a bit." and walked from the room.

/SShpSS/

It wasn't until nearly a month later with the castle empty of students, the Hogwarts Express long gone with the students that it hit him, he was leaving the only place he had ever called home. The only place that he ever felt normal. It was depressing.

He knew he should feel like an adult, fully trained wizard but he didn't. He felt like a child playing an adult game. He found it all so strange that once your final year of school was over or once a birthday passed that it was expected that everything about you changed at the stroke of midnight. That suddenly every childish, young feeling or thought you had vanished that instant.

Harry Potter tried not to think about all of it as he knelt in front of his Hogwarts school truck studying its contents. The emptiness of the castle was haunting in a way. He had never been more aware of the magic the school itself possessed. It was so pronounced now the very walls of the castle seemed to crackle with energy, hummed with power and the sheer strength of the wards and spells protecting its ancient stone walls… it was a little unsettling to see armor moved about the school with the purpose of visiting another piece of armor or even a portrait.

A bareness had settled over the Gryffindor common room as well, it was now more evident that the school not only housed a large number of students but a large number of house elves as well and during the summer they no longer hid in shadows. They seemed to emerge in large packs armed with mops and feather dusters, buckets and brooms, walking freely about with only thoughts of their summer cleaning in mind.

Harry looked down again at his school trunk and shook his head. His life's possessions were few, and if not a little sad. School books from every year since his arrival at the school, he had parted with none of them though his intent every year had been to post them for sale on the bulletin board in the Gryffindor common room like all the others in his year did, except of course Hermione, he simply had never gotten to it. The end of school years were always filled with battles with Voldemort or some battle, or adventure. A few school robes, one dress robe from forth year he had only wore once, personal clothes that hadn't been in the best of shape when he received them and after seven years of wear were now on their last leg. A few magical supplies, cauldron, ladle, quills, even broken ones, ink bottles empty and current ones in use, parchments, sneakoscope, a dragon model of the Hungarian horntail he had been pitted against in his 4th year, a wizard chess set he rarely used as they usually played with Ron's set, a broken mirror, a half melted knife set, invisibility cloak, wand and the only thing of muggle origin a tin horse with chipped paint that he won his first year of primary school for good grades on a spelling bee.

Nearly eighteen years on this earth and all he possessed could fit in one school issued trunk and it wasn't even magically expanded like the other students had done… it simply wasn't needed.

"Taking stock of life's possessions… is always questionable Potter."

Harry's head snapped around and frowned.

Kingsley Shacklebolt chuckled as he pushed off the doorway he had been leaning against and strode with more grace than Harry ever possessed toward the young man, coming to kneel down next to him. Looking down at the trunk and the possessions inside, "Did you need anything else before we leave Potter? Once you enter the training hall there's little time for shopping."

Harry sighed, "I guess another pair of boots, a pair of pants. I don't think there is much else I need."

"No, the academy will provide everything else. Lets be off then we'll stop at Madam Malkin Robes for all Occasions on the way." Shacklebolt pulled Harry along with him as he stood tossing the boy his cloak and magically shrunk the boys school trunk until it was about the size of a travel bag, another flick and it grew a long strap so it could easily be carried over ones shoulder.

Harry picked it up, sling it across his back. He cast a final look across the room that had been his home for the last seven years only the numbers on the door changing from one year to the next. The four post beds had been striped of all their bed clothes while he had been down at breakfast. The curtains gone from the windows, even the mattresses were gone from each of the beds, his included. The house elves were serious about their summer cleaning and while none of them had complained about him stay behind, he could tell from the looks they gave him he was only in their way.

Sighing again Harry followed Shacklebolt down the stairs and across the common room he tried not to stare at everything as if it was the first time he was seeing it but he couldn't help but not. The same with the portraits in the corridors and the grand staircase that would lead him out that door forever never to return to Hogwarts. He knew he was being dramatic, but he wasn't ready for this.

No that wasn't actually true, he wasn't ready for Auror training. It wasn't what he wanted but that was neither here nor there anymore. He would do his duty and serve, protect and perhaps stumble into some sort of middle ground where he could be happy…. Or at least live a life where he didn't want to toss his self off a cliff.

Harry shook his head to clear his mind, he had the same thoughts over and over again since school had ended, the same negative thoughts had clouded his mind since the presentations and he was sick of it. He could not change his life all he could do was make the best of the life dictated to him and career he was about to enter into and make his friends and professors proud of who he was about to become.

"Snort" Harry almost busted up laughing, he had become one those people… the ones that had to talk themselves into believing everything would be okay… at least you have your health people. Those stupid sickening people.

Kingsley Shacklebolt stopped, turning slowly around, "Everything okay there Potter?"

Harry bit his bottom lip and nodded, wonder absently if they checked for mental health at the Auror Academy, "Yeah …sure," he ground out…. Who was he kidding his life sucked.

Harry moved slower down the corridor and hadn't even realized until half way down the main staircase that he was in the last stretch before he left the school permanently… a slight panic gripped his heart making it almost hard to breath.

"Harry," Shacklebolt called breaking the thought had had just entered his mind, the Auror already at the bottom of the staircase, the headmaster and his head of house stood next to him.

Inwardly Harry groaned, he hadn't expected them or anyone for that matter to come see him off. Dumbledore and McGonagall together was not good, If either of them gave its for the best speech he was going to scream.

"Harry Potter," Dumbledore twinkled, "So you're leaving us at last." though it really wasn't a question. Harry smiled politely as he made his way down the last few steps.

"My boy, it has been a pleasure having you as a student at Hogwarts. Go out into the world and do great things my child and know we are always here for you." He clapped the young man on the shoulder, "A small gift for you to open later." He winked.

Harry took the package, it felt like socks.

Harry barely had time to say a thank you before Minerva McGonagall pulled him into a hug, nearly crushing all the air from his chest. "Now Harry, I want you to make us all proud, great wizards have entered the Auror's academy and even greater wizards have come out of it. Do your parents proud." She to shoved a small box into his hand and started blotting her eyes with a small handkerchief she had up her sleeve.

Harry smiled nervously at them both. Juggling the two packages delicately. He knew he should say something to them, something meaningful but nothing currently came to mind. So he ended up nodding rather weakly. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was walking to his death.

Following Shacklebolt out the door of the castle Harry tried not to look back but he couldn't help it. The castle had been his home for seven years, the only place he had felt protected. The only place he could truly call home.

Harry stopped to look up at the stone castle, the towers and high windows, the gargoyles perched along the entrance way, balconies and turrets, the odd owl perched in a dark out of the way corner, nesting or sleeping. His own owl had been sent ahead this morning to the academy.

Just as Harry was about to turn around he noticed one of the shadows moved ever so slightly. Squinting he watched again as the darkness of the shadow unfolded at the base of the castle, a small golden flame lit a little brighter and then disappeared.

"Potter," Shacklebolt called, coming to stand next to the boy, realizing Harry was watching something in the shadows he to narrowed his eyes and was silent a moment.

"Snape," the Auror said, tugging on Harry's' sleeve he turned back around.

Harry didn't move, he watched the blackness of the shadow push away from the wall and exit the shadows fully.

Severus Snape moved smoothly toward him, a black thin cigarillo pressed between his lips, pulling way a small thin stream of smoke followed.

"Dumbledore finally kick you out of the castle for smoking Professor," Shacklebolt chide.

Snape frowned, ignoring him, "Leaving us so soon Mister Potter?"

"I'm not your student anymore." Harry snapped, Snape's tone always drove him mad.

"Indeed, I do seem to remember some sort of ceremony and certificates of completion being passed around. Though I must say I never thought this day would come."

Harry clenched his fists, he was about to spit forth some name calling when Shacklebolt spoke up. "Okay professor that's quite enough. Lets get going Potter. We don't have all day." Grabbing Harry by the arm he pulled the boy back to the dirt path and toward the embankment that led to the exit gates. Harry didn't pay any attention, his eyes were on Snape, his black robes billowing around him in the midmorning breeze.

Something seemed awful familiar about Snape, besides the obvious, the way the shadows moved around him, almost seemed a part of him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. Seems there was something about shadows and Snape he should be remembering.

Harry didn't have time to think it over, Auror Shacklebolt was in full lecture mode, talking about goals and lists for the day. Harry had little choice but to follow Shacklebolt from the castle out to the apparation point.

TBC

Review please.