Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers nor any of its characters
Author's Note: This is mostly an AU fanfic--it takes place years after the anime in a mostly modern world--the only difference being that magic is still slightly in use, but its held in a different light. I'm not at all familiar with the novels or mangas, so I'm sure a lot of my characterization/info is just plain wrong--which is one of the main reasons I'm labeling this AU.
Pairings:Mostly Traditional w/ the addition of X/F
Reality and Madness,
Illusion and Sanity
What if… What you believe is madness is actually the only true sanity you have left to cling to? And the dreams you scoff are a reality you've merely tried to forget? Then where does illusion end? In madness or sanity and how can you be sure which is which…?
Chapter One
She slowly lifted her head and met his brilliant eyes; "I loved you… I really did."
Among the rambunctious actions of her fellow classmen, Filia's statuesque silence and calm stood out. Around her, students exchanged high fives and tearful hugs while a few huddled in corners, sobbing as friends tried to comfort them. Her blue eyes took in the commotion around her, but she really didn't absorb it. These days she rarely absorbed anything. She felt as if she were trying to swim through sand, yet the sand was quickly turning into quicksand and the more she swam, the farther she sank…
"Aren't you gonna see your score?" The bubbly voice belonged to the girl standing at her right and slowly she turned her head toward the voice. Red hair… She blinked and focused her attention more closely on the girl, but was sadly disappointed. The red hair was sleek and short, her eyes a shining green, and her shape was definitely not flat… Filia shook her head and looked away, her feet carrying her through the crowds of people. Most moved aside for her to pass, their eyes watching her warily. She supposed they feared her… After all, with some of the stories floating around…
"Hey?" That girl was trying to follow… Filia kept her eyes focused ahead. Red hair… She blinked once and frowned.
It always reminded her of fire…
Her brother found her outside, sitting in the front passenger seat, her hands placed neatly in her lap. Always prim and proper… At first glance she was so damn proper… But if one just looked a bit longer, a bit closer, they might notice how she sat too still or the bead of sweat that slid down her temple. For a second, he just stood there and watched her. He could remember when she'd smiled nearly all the time and forced him to endure hours of tea parties… He could remember how excited and nervous she'd been before the Junior Prom… She'd been so full of life, yet always trying so hard to be the proper little princess. It had never really worked; she was just too… Too alive…
Or had been… Before the accident…
He opened the door and sat behind the wheel, "I thought you were inside."
She nodded, "I thought so." Her head turned away from him and she stared outside, her eyes focused on the school with the stream of students pouring from it.
He forced a grin, "At least, its Friday, eh?"
Filia merely nodded again and he sighed, focusing his attention on the car as he pulled out of the school parking lot. He glanced toward her then shook his head mentally. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was suppose to be the moody, rebellious one… Not her… Not that she was very rebellious, but she definitely had the damn moody part down.
Val glared at nothing as he drove them home.
Filia sat down on her bed, glad to be away from her parents' concern filled eyes. Where had that concern been when they— She didn't want to think about that…
Her eyes traveled over the golden walls with their posters and average teen female's obsessions. She didn't particular even like that band, but her mother had thought… She fell back onto the pink and white bedspread, her eyes following the cracks in the ceiling. Perhaps she should mention them to her parents… But the thought was soon forgotten as she curled up on her side. She felt… Depression… Yes, that seemed the right word for it. Sorrow, despair, grief. They plagued her… And the pain… The loneliness. This feeling that she'd lost her purpose, her faith…
What a feast…
She ignored that thought, ignored the tiny voice that pondered on how such emotions could be considered a feast… She was quite good at ignoring herself… And the voices… The voices that spoke inside her head, the voices that appeared at such inappropriate times.
"That's the Filia I know."
She blinked and pushed the voice away… Strange how the voices seemed to believe they knew her when she didn't even truly know herself… Not anymore… Not after—
"Filia? Filia? Fi-chan?" He brother's teasing voice reached her from the door and she slowly sat up, forcing her feet off the bed and the blonde stood. "Fi-chan, dinner's ready!"
Her hand touched the doorknob.
"Come on, Fi-chan. Just answer me!"
And pain exploded behind her eyes.
"Fi-chan!"
Filia screamed as she fell to the floor.
Val had received his answer…
"Sometimes… Sometimes, the thing we should really fear… Is ourselves…"
"What do you mean? Why should I fear the one person I can rely on?"
A broken sword lay at the woman's feet… All golden… Gold fire, gold ice. A sea that tugged and ripped and prodded and coaxed… Crystal eyes and crystal souls that broke with a glance… Shattered at her feet, all at her feet… Except the blood… The blood was on their hands… And there was a sea of it… To bathe in it, to drink it, eat it, chew, swallow, devour… Breathe it, live it, die in it…
A sea of red and gold…
"Filia! FILIA! Damn it, Filia! LOOK AT ME!"
She blinked and stared as her brother shook her, her head dangerously close to the floor with each shake. The pain slowly subsided into a familiar dull ache and Filia raised a hand, "I'm fine… Val… Stop it."
The wild gleam in his eyes faded at her words and he pulled her close, only to have her pulled away by their mother, who was sobbing as she clutched Filia to her chest. Val felt himself being lifted to his feet by his father and struggled to regain control over his emotions. They were dangerous, he knew that… He was dangerous if they were allowed to become dangerous… He knew that…
"I'm fine." Filia spoke her voice soft and beautiful to the ears of those that so rarely heard it these days. "It was just… A migraine…" She looked nervous and panicky when her mother made another move to hug her and quickly backed away, trying to ignore the hurt she saw in her mother's brown eyes. "I… I'm just…"
"Come and eat, Filia." She looked up into her father's warm face and slowly nodded.
The family made their way downstairs…
A normal day in the Ryo family, Val thought bitterly.
"Do you think we'll ever be complete?"
"We are complete!"
A sigh.
"Ok, fine… So we're missing something… But it can't be that far away!"
"How do you know, Miss—"
"How many times I gotta tell you not to call me miss!"
"Gomen nasai…"
"Any ways, I know because…" Dramatic pause.
"Sore wai himitsu desu."
"Don't interrupt me!"
Sigh. Sounds of fighting.
"I don't think we'll ever know now…"
Reviews would be greatly appreciated--especially constructive criticism, as this is my first foray into the world of Slayers fanfiction Thank you!