Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
CHAPTER TWO – Tea Time
After a long and disturbingly nauseating trip, the three time travelers reappeared for an unknown reason ten feet up in the air. They had enough time for Harry to shriek like a girl, Dobby to exclaim, "Wubba!" and Hedwig to squawk indignantly. Hedwig managed to right herself and began hovering in the air. Harry and Dobby, both incapable of flight, came crashing down into the cold ocean water.
"Aieeee!" Harry shrieked again feeling the chilly temperature as he began to doggy-paddle to stay afloat.
"Master!" Dobby yelled as he struggled to stay at the surface of the water. "Patch!" He exclaimed in between great gulps of air. "Swim!" He added, unable to string two words together. "Can't!" He said as he began to sink.
Harry caught on to what Dobby was saying. "Hold on, Eddie!" He quickly grabbed a hold of Dobby and lifted him up into the cold air. He rested him on his shoulders, while he continued to doggy-paddle and keep from sinking.
"Oh thank you, Master." An extremely relieved Dobby said.
"Eddie." A shivering cold Harry said. "No problem." He shuddered and began to fear he was going to go into shock. "Eddie." He said, before pausing and getting out, "Warming charm."
"Oh sorry, Patch." Dobby said and with a snap of his fingers the air and water around Harry began to heat up to an extremely comfortable temperature.
"Lovely." Harry said calmly in spite of his frantic little arm movements. "Umm, Eddie? Do you happen to see land in any direction?"
Dobby squinted his eyes and looked in all directions. "Nope, Patch. I don't."
Harry considered his options and came to a conclusion. "Well crap on a stick."
"But," Dobby interjected. "I think Hooters does. She seems to want us to follow her in that direction."
"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. "Thanks Hooters! Lead the way!"
Hedwig flew down and puffed herself up proudly before beginning a lackadaisical pace that Harry could maintain with his unimpressive doggy-paddling prowess.
Harry was not a very accomplished swimmer, but he was able to keep them from drowning, and Dobby was able to keep them warm. They had a long doggy-paddle ahead of them, so Harry started off their conversation.
"Umm, Eddie? Was that dot in the sky what I think it was?"
"I think that depends on what you think it was."
"Good point. I think it was an alien spaceship coming to take over the planet."
"In that case, no, I don't think it was what you think it was."
"Oh." A deflated and confused Harry said. "So what do you think it was?"
"I believe you tried to summon a rock, and that was just what you did."
"There's rocks in the sky?"
"No Patch. That's not what I meant."
"Oh."
"I think you summoned an asteroid or a small planet or something from outer space. Not from the sky."
"Ohhhhhh." Harry said thinking that made sense. "That makes sense."
"I thought so."
"Because I mean, I'd think the aliens could resist my summoning charm."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Patch." Dobby explained with a chuckle, enjoying his slow ride towards land. "There aren't too many things out there that can resist your charm."
"Oh you're just a barrel of laughs, aren't you?"
"You focus on the paddling, Master. Don't try to take on too many things and confuse yourself by thinking."
"Oi! Alright then, Eddie? You ready for your first swimming lesson?"
"Sorry Master. I just know if you think that you're thinking and then you think about thinking that you're thinking, you might pull a brain muscle, and it's more important that you paddle than start pulling muscles."
Harry started snickering while he was paddling.
"Not that kind of muscle pulling, Patch. Now keep her steady as she goes. I see land."
"Come on Eddie! Say it for me!"
Dobby smiled brightly and yelled, "Land ho!"
They made it to a nearby dock and saw signs marking this as the port of Boston.
"Boston, eh?" Dobby said with his Canadian accent. "We're in the States."
They snuck there way to a deserted part of the pier and Harry used his wand to dry them off. "Well we know where we are, let's see when. Tempus."
The spell responded 3:17 PM December 16th, 1773.
"Hey! We're less than a century 'til the headmaster is born." Harry stated. He pulled out his trunk, enlarged it and changed his clothes. He also grabbed a few owl treats. "Hooters!"
Hedwig flew down and landed on Harry's shoulder. "Here you go, girl." He said offering her the owl treats. "You saved us again. Thanks for that."
Hedwig just nodded and with her eyes replied. "I only did it for the owl treats."
"What the jeeves is going on down here?" A staunch and proper professional looking man demanded. Bustling next to him was an agitated younger man.
Harry looked at Dobby and Hedwig and replied. "Just minding our own business. Nothing to see here."
"Well around these parts, everything is my business." He said with a pompous sneer.
"Not too friendly, are you?" Harry asked.
The younger man gasped. "You will treat the governor with respect!"
"Governor?" Dobby asked.
Both men jumped startled, as they hadn't expected the odd looking midget to speak.
"Yes, I am Governor Thomas Hutchinson." He said with his chin held high so he would look down on others. "And who might you be?"
"Well, 'ello, gubner!" Harry said with a smile. "I'm Patch and this is Eddie." He finished jabbing his thumb towards Dobby.
"Patch? What sort of name is that?" The Governor replied. He scrutinized Harry closely. "Are you a pirate?"
"A pirate? Golly. I'm as much a pirate as Hooters here is a parrot." Harry responded as he gently rubbed the top of Hedwig's head.
"That's not a parrot at all!" The man who had yet to introduce himself exclaimed.
"And who might you be?" Harry boldly reiterated.
"Hmph." The man replied before puffing himself up. "I am Percival Wellingsby. Personal Assistant to the Governor."
Harry wasn't too impressed but he was grinning at the comparison his mind was making. He mockingly acted impressed. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. Now I think we'll just be going."
"Not so fast," the Governor interrupted. "If you're going to be parading your savage around, I need to know if he is a danger to me… err I mean the public."
Harry looked over his left shoulder, and then looked over his right. "My savage?"
The governor sniffed haughtily and pointed at Dobby. "I assume this Indian belongs to you. Otherwise, we must arrest him for disturbing the peace."
"Disturbing the peace?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Indian?" Dobby asked with a raised eyebrow.
Wellingsby frowned and seemed to be inspecting Dobby. "This Eddie certainly is the most peculiar Indian I've ever seen. If he even is an Indian."
Harry panicked and said, "Of course he's an Indian. What else would he be?"
Dobby turned and gave Harry an unhappy but curious look.
The Governor took a step forward closer to Dobby. He apparently felt this lower life form would understand English better if it was said really loudly. "TELL ME, SAVAGE. WHY IS YOUR EAR SO REPULSIVE?"
Dobby growled, while Harry quickly put a calming hand on Dobby's shoulder. Harry answered, "Oh err, scalping practice accident, you know." Harry chuckled nervously.
"Practice?" Wellingsby asked askance.
"Sure," Harry said. "It's not like they're born with instinctive scalping skills. Takes dedication. And heart."
"And a tomahawk." Dobby added.
"So you really are an Indian?" Wellingsby asked in a much more normal voice.
Dobby looked at Harry, who was nodding vigorously. "Certainly, err… umm… I mean, 'How, white man.'" Dobby stiffly said holding up his left hand. It was the common way to greet the evil invaders who were going to rape your land, destroy your people, and eradicate your entire culture.
Harry looked at Dobby sincerely impressed. He turned to the Governor and said "Don't worry. My friend here wouldn't dream of upsetting your civil peaceful life here."
Hedwig chirped a laugh and got stared at by Harry.
Harry plastered a fake smile across his face. "We'll just be on our way if you please. I don't suppose either of you two fine gentlemen could tell us a good place to get a nice cup of tea?"
"How dare you!" Wellingsby exclaimed.
The Governor stiffened and angrily asked, "Are you mocking me, boy?"
"Pardon me, sir," Harry said confused. "I meant no offense. We just would like a warm beverage to soothe our parched throats."
"So you're not one of them?" Wellingsby asked.
Harry looked at Dobby who shrugged before readopting his stiff posture. Harry replied, "Well I reckon I'm not one of them, but I can't be sure as I don't know what we're talking about."
The Governor smiled. "Just some low class ruffians, refusing to pay the duties they owe, and keeping us proper folk from being able to enjoy a nice cuppa. Tonight's the deadline for the ships to deliver their cargo and we're expecting trouble. But you seem to be cut from finer stock. We'll let you go on your way now. Enjoy your day."
Harry smiled and nodded even though inside he was mighty tempted to just curse these two pompous arses. "Thank you, Governor. Good day."
As they were walking away and just as Hedwig was about to start chirping Harry's ear off, the Governor offered one last bit of advice. "Oh, and keep a firm hold on your savage. We don't want any accidents." He said the last word with a warning undertone.
Dobby hadn't turned around and was reigning in his anger, while Harry just frowned, turned, and nodded. They had only gone a few steps further when Dobby clapped his hands together, and Harry saw the telltale glow of magic. Harry just smiled back at the Governor and his Assistant and hurried away with Dobby and Hedwig.
"Alright, Eddie, what did you do?" Harry asked once they were far enough away.
Dobby smiled his feral smile. "Just a small compounding diarrhea curse." Dobby answered innocently.
Harry guffawed. "Oh dear. What the heck is a compounding diarrhea curse?"
Dobby explained. "Gives him painful and excessive bowel movements. And then anyone he orders to do something gets diarrhea too. But he gets it twice as bad. Unless he orders another, then he gets it three times as bad. And so on, and so forth. Just depends on if he orders work."
"Oh man. That's twisted, Eddie. Where could I learn something like that?"
Dobby smiled. "Is old house elf prank. Elves felt they deserved to be punished like Masters, just maybe not quite as much as Masters."
"That's ruddy brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. "Alright, let's find someplace to get some food, and see if there really isn't any tea in this town."
Hedwig didn't feel up to some dingy pub, so she flew off on her own. Harry had pieces of parchment and metal that were already charmed to appear like whatever currency a proprietor was expecting. Harry and Dobby found a decent looking place called a very unoriginal 'Tavern'. Harry and Dobby entered and asked, "Can a fella get a decent meal here?" A man sitting at the bar yelled back. "You can get a meal here. But I'd never call it decent."
"Oh shush, Sammy," the man behind the bar said. "Sure. We'd be happy to serve you. As long as you got the money for it."
"Great!" Harry responded. "Can a guy get a cup of tea to go with a meal?"
The bartender nearly dropped his glass.
"Hey!" A drunk guy, a few seats down from Sammy, exclaimed as he jumped out of his seat. "We don't take kindly to people asking for a cup of tea in these parts."
The bartender was a bit frightened. He tried to mollify the drunk guy. "Now, Skeeter, we don't want no trouble."
Harry was a bit unnerved to see Skeeter calmed immediately, seemingly unconcerned, and sat right back down. He wondered if anything good would come of calling this man 'Rita'. Harry doubted it.
"So that pompous arse was right?" Harry said as he and Dobby walked in and sat themselves down at a table not far from the bar. "There really isn't any tea because people refuse to pay a duty?"
"You ain't exactly from around here, are you?" Sammy asked from the bar.
"Not exactly, no." Harry said with a winning smile.
"Well," Sammy began. "Some rich politicians across the ocean seem to think they have a right to completely govern our lives."
"Aren't you all citizens of that government, though?"
"Well… I mean, that's not the point." Sammy responded a little flustered. "They, over there, should not be dictating us, over here. This isn't even about what's in our best interests. It's just them trying to rub it in our faces that we're second class citizens. The rejects of that land who just wanted to practice our religion and not be persecuted for it. Well this aggression will not stand. No taxation without representation. That's what we say. Without a voice in a government representing the colonists' interests, we got no way to prevent ridiculous insulting duties being levied."
"Ahhh," Harry said with dawning understanding. "You're the low class ruffians."
"Excuse me?" Sammy asked.
"I had a brief run-in with the esteemed Governor Hutchinson." Harry explained. "Complete pompous arse, from what I could tell."
Sammy, Skeeter, and the bartender were all chuckling.
"He warned me about the 'low class ruffians' refusing to pay proper duties. Little does he know, low class ruffians are usually my favorite kind of people."
"Yeah, that sounds like the Gubner alright." Sammy explained. "He refused to let the ships leave without unloading their tea, despite the fact that we refuse to pay the duties for the tea."
"What?" Harry exclaimed. "You mean all this time the tea is just sitting out there on the boats?" Harry asked, terribly disappointed in these people. "And yet still you drink this dredge called coffee?"
"Well," Sammy rationalized. "It's a matter of principle. And for the record I don't drink the dredge. I just drink beer."
"Yes, yes, yes." Harry nodded. "Principle's great and all. Stick by those. But, you're supposed to be low class ruffians! Take advantage of that fact."
"What do you mean?" Sammy asked.
Dobby feared what was coming next.
"Refuse to pay the duty. Stick by your principles." Harry pointed out as though this was as clear as day. "But for the love of Darjeeling, low class ruffians!" Harry yelled while pointing all around the room at everyone. Harry waited and saw no one, other than perhaps Dobby, understood what he was saying. "We can go steal the tea!"
Dobby could feel the wheels of chaos had already begun turning. He made sure that both he and Harry would have magic beans ready to leave in an instant.
"Steal the tea!" Skeeter exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of that!"
"Maybe I was wrong about you." Harry shook his head in sadness looking across at Sammy, Skeeter and the bartender. "Maybe, you all are middle-class ruffians."
"Hey!" Skeeter exclaimed indignantly. "We don't take kindly to folks calling us middle-class in these parts."
Harry meekly replied, "Now, Skeeter, we don't want no trouble."
Sammy and the bartender chuckled, as Skeeter sat back down appeased.
"Besides, Skeeter, don't you want to get that tea?"
Skeeter nodded.
"How bout it, Sammy? You ready to live up to your title of low class ruffian?" Harry asked.
Sammy was hesitant. "I have a healthy respect for the law and fear this may hinder our moral standing. Particularly at a time when we are trying to stick to our principles."
"But you are sticking to your principles! You're refusing to bow to the demands of The Man! You won't accept them just throwing out any new law or duty your way. You need to make a stand. You need to tell them, you're mad as hell, and you're not going to take it anymore! You need to stick it to The Man!" Harry was picking up steam. "And by God, if that as a result leaves you with plenty of delicious tasty tea to drink, then that is the burden you must shoulder! And considering this latest duty, you know there have been many duties in the past, which you paid, and they probably had little to no regard for your wellbeing either. Consider that the payment for the tea you deserve. Now it's just a matter of taking what is yours by right to take. You have an obligation to respond, and to stick it to The Man!"
And at that moment, a fire was lit deep in the heart of Sammy. A fire that would spread all across the colonies. They were mad as hell and they weren't going to take it, well, too much longer.
"I'm in." Sammy declared.
Skeeter had tears in his eyes. "That was beautiful, err… umm… what'd you say your name was again?"
"Oh, sorry." Harry said with a sheepish shrug. "The name's Patch. And this here is my friend, Eddie."
"Evening gents." Dobby bowed his head and said. "And don't take Patch here too seriously. He has a bad habit of inciting revolution whenever he can."
"A revolution!" Harry exclaimed. "Brilliant! Forget sticking it to The Man! Become your own Man!" Harry turned to Sammy, "Then me and Skeeter can stick it to you! You and your uppity principles." Harry was growling at Sammy by now.
Dobby cleared his throat. "Patch," Dobby said shaking his head sadly. "Remember, in public, you have to think before speaking. That was our agreement."
"Fiddlesticks, Eddie." Harry pouted. "You're no fun."
"A revolution…" Skeeter said nodding his head. "I like me the sound of that."
"You can't seriously be suggesting…" Sammy asked incredulously.
"Baby steps, Sammy. Baby steps." Harry explained. "First, we take care of our tea problems, and see how The Man reacts. If he's open and honest and fair, and treats us as quality legitimate citizens of the government with the rights and responsibilities we deserve then we got a pretty good deal. If not, then well… we'll see. Besides, a revolution takes time."
Sammy nodded, half-agreeing with this insane young gentleman.
"At least a good couple days of planning." Harry finished. "But tea, tea we should take care of tonight. So come on Sammy, Skeeter, unnamed bartender. What can you tell me about these boats with the tea?"
Sammy thought about it. "I'm pretty sure there are three of them with the stuff just sitting out there at the port. Let me get my old buddy Tommy. He knows a lot more about this."
"Tommy, eh? Not Tommy the Guv'ner, I hope." Harry cautiously inquired.
"No, no. Thomas Paine. He's actually an excise officer, but he's a good chap."
"Ahh okie." Harry said. "I used to know a Tommy."
"Friend of yours?" Sammy asked.
"Naw. Horrible horrible person. Literally the worst sort."
"Oh." Sammy uncertainly responded.
"Don't worry." Harry said with a smile and a nod. "I killed him."
"Umm..." was able Sammy could say.
"He deserved it. I'm not some bloodthirsty killer." Harry began to realize that this information might not sit well with them. "And in fairness, I did sacrifice my life to kill him."
"Err…" Sammy added.
"Oh, I'm not crazy either. It was just a little case of death. I got better. It wasn't the big one."
Skeeter chuckled. "Little death. You know what the French call 'Little Death'?"
Harry frowned and took a guess. "Those horrid hats they always wear?"
Skeeter got confused picturing some truly scary hats.
Dobby could see Sammy really didn't know what was going on. "Settle down, Patch. I'll explain it to you when you're older. Sammy, you want to go get your friend Tommy now?"
"Yeah…" Sammy said. "I'll just… go now."
A few minutes later, another gentleman entered the bar, with a pale Sammy following behind him.
"Evening. You must be Patch," the man said sticking out his hand to shake. "I'm Tommy."
"Pleased to meet you Tommy. To be honest I got the feeling Sammy here was making a run for the hills."
Tommy laughed. "Oh he was trying to, but when I heard what you wanted to do tonight, I knew it was too good to pass up."
"Lovely. So they tell me, you know where the tea is at?"
Tommy nodded. "Yup. There's three boats with it. And I can get a group of fifty stand-up guys to help us with this. I completely agree with the need to stick it to The Man. And frankly, I think a revolution may be unavoidable."
"You got yourself a whole bucketful of common sense there, don't you Tommy?" Harry replied with a smile.
Tommy immediately took a liking to this young low class ruffian. "I used to wonder that until I realized so few others had any common sense." Tommy smiled. "It's amazing how many of those types of people are politicians."
Harry looked out the window. "Alright, it's getting dark out. So we need to come up with a plan real quick like here. Tell me what you know about the tea, where it's at, who's guarding it, anything."
Tommy got a serious look on his face. "Three ships out in the harbor. The Dartmouth, the Eleanor, and the Beaver. The Governor is supposed to have a dozen men there tonight, including himself to ensure no one messes with it. I'm not sure, but I think it's two stationed on each ship, and the Governor and a half dozen others armed with muskets patrolling the port. So exactly how we're going to pull this off, I am quite curious about."
Harry smirked. "Well I happen to have strong faith in the fact that the Governor and perhaps a fair amount of the people working for him are going to be having extremely upset stomachs. A common affliction us low class ruffians refer to as the 'chocolate trots'."
These men showed their mettle by giggling at the picture Harry's words were painting.
"I doubt we're lucky enough to have grounded all of them to the porcelain bus, but it should be significantly less opposition than planned. As for how, they seem to be expecting some trouble, so what we need to do is give them something they're not expecting."
Harry was thinking and was tapping himself on the chin. "You know, the Governor took particular offense to my friend Eddie here."
Dobby growled. "He seemed to think I was an Indian. And he seems to have a pretty low opinion of Indians."
"In a show of solidarity, and as a perfect distraction," Harry suggested. "I say we all make ourselves look like Eddie."
Tommy and Sammy and Skeeter all looked at each other. "How are we going to manage that?"
"Well with magic of course." Harry said obviously. Dobby responded by pinching Harry extremely hard, who fell to the floor like a ton of bricks squealing in pain.
"What Patch here means, is the magic of disguises. The mystery of the unknown."
"No, that's not what I meanneeeooooowww!" Harry finished in another squeal.
"As touched as I would be by the gesture," Dobby said. "Perhaps, it would infuriate the Governor more if we pretended to be Indians."
Harry finally stood up, rubbing his pinched thigh. "Actually, that's a pretty good idea. If we encounter any resistance, they'll recognize that we're Indians and fear us."
"But I want to look like Eddie!" Skeeter whined.
Tommy looked at Skeeter oddly. He turned to Harry who just shrugged. Tommy replied, "Perhaps you can Skeeter. We've already identified that the Governor seems to associate that look with Indians."
"Alright," Harry continued. "We're going to need three chiefs for our tribes. One for each boat. Tommy, I think you should be one, and get the fifty stand-up guys to help us. Personally, I think I should lead another, and Eddie should lead the third. Me and Eddie have some experience in low class ruffian work, as well as weaseling our way out of tight spots. That said I call dibs on the Beaver."
"Damn!" Dobby replied. "I'll take the Eleanor then."
"And that will leave me and my tribe to get the Dartmouth. So the plan is to just hope no one is there, and grab the tea, and walk off with it?" Tommy asked.
"Well personally, I hope it's not as boring as you describe it, but yah. You got the gist of it." Harry stated. "If we run into any trouble, just yell out an Indian war whoop. And the other two tribes will stop what they're doing and either come help, or run for cover. I definitely don't plan to get pinched, and more than likely no one's going to get hurt. Let's not hurt anyone patrolling, just doing their job if you can avoid it. Sound good?"
Tommy shook his head and smiled. "Yeah, just let me get drunk first. I'm getting a little scared."
"Tell your friends to get into disguises and we'll meet up near the docks at about 9. After that, come on back here and we can get drunk together before heading towards the docks."
Harry and Dobby had made a couple of Indian disguises for themselves. Even Hedwig was resting on Harry's shoulder, because you know, Indians and animals get along and stuff.
They broke up into their groups and they all made their way onto the boats without anyone noticing. Harry was leading about fifteen other guys, all with very poor disguises. Just as they had planned they encountered nearly no resistance at all. Harry told his men to pair up and they could together each carry a large crate of tea.
"Halt! Who goes there?" an unwelcome voiced called out to Harry in the lead. He and a friend of Tommy's named Paulie immediately stopped moving. They just stood there holding a large crate of tea, hoping perhaps this guard had extremely poor eyesight and wouldn't spot them if they weren't moving. Not the best plan in the world, but Harry figured it was worth a try.
"I can see you right there. What are you doing with that crate?"
Harry subtly shook his head at Paulie indicating he shouldn't make any sound.
"You know I can see you. You shook your head."
Harry and Paulie slowly set the crate down. Harry turned to the guard. "How, white man."
"How?" he asked. "With my eyes, you imbecile."
Harry tried to do some quick thinking but only gave himself a headache. Perhaps getting drunk just before coming wasn't the best idea. "Me, Chief One-Eye. Chief One-Eye strong. Chief One-Eye muscle."
"You honestly expect me to believe you're an Indian?" the guard asked.
"Chief One-Eye not know." Harry said with a shrug. When his partner groaned, he added, "Paulie Red Ear shut mouth."
"Alright," the disbelieving guard said. "Prove to me you're an Indian."
Harry thought about it. "Chief One-Eye could scalp you?"
"No, no. No scalping tonight." The guard irritably exclaimed.
Harry smiled and looked towards the rest of his tribe. "Chief One-Eye needs peace pipe. Who have peace pipe?"
Apparently no one in his tribe brought a peace pipe.
"Hmm, no pipes and no drums. How about you make your Indian war call?"
Harry began coughing. "Chief One-Eye smoke peace pipe too much. Chief One-Eye have low voice."
The guard smirked. "Chief One-Eye better improve I'll be firing my bangstick at Paulie Red Ear."
Harry sighed loudly. When the guard began to point his musket at Paulie, he started up with a very quiet whooping sound and was tapping his mouth in a poor attempt to mimic an Indian.
"That doesn't sound like any Indian I've ever heard of. You're supposed to be loud. Say goodbye to Paulie Red Ear."
Harry quickly gave in and began whooping as loud as he could. It echoed around the port in the crisp quiet night.
Immediately there after, a great number of splashes were heard as his fellow tribesman were apparently abandoning their plan and getting while the getting was good. The quickest solution was for the pairs of people to heave their crates overboard. It wasn't long before they were all doing that, except for the tribe still on the Beaver.
"Hey!" the guard yelled across the docks. "What are you doing! Stop that!"
Harry scrambled forward to the guard. "Chief One-Eye has secret to tell white man."
Harry moved forward and wrapped his arm around the guard. With his right hand on his crudely fashioned tomahawk held behind the guard's back, he leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Stupefy!"
The guard crumpled to the floor unconscious. Harry was then extremely grateful that Dobby had the bright idea to tie a rock to his wand and call it a tomahawk.
Paulie was shocked to see the man go down. "What did you do to him?"
Harry thought about it and answered, "Vulcan Death Grip. Chief One-Eye trade secret."
Paulie shook his head at him.
"Alright guys, it sounds like we may have lost the tea on the other boats, but we can still salvage this stuff. Let's get going." Harry explained.
"Patch!" Paulie franticly called. "Chief One-Eye!"
"What?" an irritated Harry asked.
"The British are coming! The British are coming!"
Harry looked over and saw more guards making their way towards the boats, being led by the Governor. "Crap on a stick!"
Harry began looking around for options and saw none. "Alright. We've got to cut our losses, but let's not let them have any tea. Toss the rest of 'em overboard, guys. On three. One, two, three!"
Harry explained, "Alright, I figure the others all got away already. I'm going to lead and distract them. You all just run for it. Preferably in different directions." Harry ordered. "Hooters! A little help, please?"
Hedwig, who had been circling above them swooped down. She knew she only had one shot, so she needed to make it count. She flew right towards a guard making him fall to the ground to duck, and lined herself up. She timed it just right and laid an egg. Nailed the Governor right between the eyes and he fell backwards on his rump screaming bloody murder.
Harry began sprinting towards the guards. "Chief One-Eye highly contagious!" He began whooping his Indian war cry. "Chief One-Eye give back white man sick!"
The guards who had been taking aim all stopped and began sprinting away from the small rampaging Indian tribe.
Paulie saw the remaining guards helping the Governor up and scurry away. "I cannot believe that worked."
Harry had stopped his angry chanting and loud foot stomping now. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people are stupid." Harry smiled at Paulie. "Present company excluded."
"No no," Paulie said. "No. Trust me. We're stupid too."
"Yes we most definitely are. Let's go see how Eddie and Tommy's tribes did. I'm sobering up, and that's never good news for anybody."
Dobby was sitting in 'Tavern' waiting on Harry to show up. Harry and Paulie walked in the door. Harry spoke first, "You might want to check your intel there, Tommy. There must have been fifty guards on the Beaver."
Tommy, who was once again three sheets to the wind, asked, "Really?"
Paulie rolled his eyes. "I think Chief One-Eye lacks some basic mathematical skills."
Dobby smiled and asked. "I'm going to guess he was off by somewhere between 49 and 50 in his estimation."
Paulie just laughed at the blushing young man, indicating the accuracy of his friend's assessment.
Harry growled. "Maybe I should have just let him shoot Paulie Red Ear." He said and stuck out his tongue at the man. "So did anyone get any tea at all?"
Dobby and Tommy shook their heads. Tommy said, "Although Sammy was quoting me his dying requests."
"Oh shush," Sammy scolded. "What the hell were we thinking? Trying to steal three boatloads of tea."
"Beats me," Harry said. "But did you guys chuck it all overboard?"
"Yup," Dobby said with a nod.
"Sure thing," Tommy said with a smile.
"Us too," Harry concurred. Harry considered whether the night overall was a success or not. "Well, we may not have gotten our tea, but we did stick it to The Man."
Tommy cheered. "Yeah we did!"
"And," Harry added. "For what's it worth, my owl laid an egg that hit the Governor in the face and knocked him on his arse."
Everyone started cracking up at that one. Skeeter even fell out of his bar stool.
"Alright, fellas. I think it's time I headed on out of here. I definitely think, if the government's giving you any lip over this tea thing still, you really should show some backbone."
"You're going?" Tommy asked with a sad face.
Dobby nodded at Harry. Harry smiled and said, "Yeah. The Governor saw my face. And my owl. And will probably come looking for me. You all can deny everything, thanks to your ingenious disguises." Harry said proudly. "And honestly, no tea? I can't stay around here. That's just madness."
"You really think we should revolt?" Sammy asked.
Harry immediately retorted, "Well, no," He shrugged, "not if you're a bunch of pussies."
"Oi! Watch it." Tommy smiled back.
"You know," Harry drawled. "If you really want to stick it to 'em…" Harry paused making sure he had their attention. "You should really try and get off the tea. Start getting hooked on coffee. That'll show The Man."
Sammy gave him a mirthful smile. "I'll try and trick some friends into it. But not for me. For me? Beer. Always a good choice."
"Good call, Sammy." Skeeter cheered.
"You're always welcome here," Tommy said.
Harry shook his head. "I'd end up destroying this place. I mean you lot have known me for just a few hours and already we've committed several major felonies together."
Dobby smiled and added. "Yes. Think of the women and the children."
They all bid their goodbyes and Harry and Dobby headed back to a dark alley. Harry called Hedwig down and they were about to eat their beans when Harry held out his hand to stop Dobby. "Wait." Harry was thinking. "That Governor really rubbed me the wrong way. And I mean... well... you, Eddie, you gave him diarrhea. And you, Hooters, squirted an egg right on his face. What have I done?"
Dobby shook his head. "Master, you have just put him on the wrong side of an upcoming revolution."
"Really?" Harry asked amazed.
Dobby nodded and made a show of putting his magic bean in his mouth.
"I guess it'll have to do. Hang on, Hooters." Harry said grabbing hold of Hedwig. "Three, two, one." And with only a small burst of light, the three disappeared from the city of Boston.
Author's Note: For those curious about just what sort of learning I have tricked them into: Paulie Red Ear was Paul Revere, who got a little practice in on his famous line. Thomas Paine writes Common Sense and helps start the revolution. And of course Sammy, a.k.a, Samuel Adams, actually has nothing to do with the beer I kept serving him and ad campaigns he quoted. If you're feeling daring look up the history. There all just vague enough that you must wonder, were Patch and Eddie really there? Reviews are appreciated.