Harry Potter And The Endless World of Cliches
Chapter 2
I do not own Harry Potter. Once again, complete silliness. Pass over this if you require more…sophisticated reading.
"Grave danger? What could be worse than Voldemort killing Sirius?" Harry cried. Dobby cowered.
"Do not say his name, Master Harry Potter! Say You-know-who instead!"
"Oh shut up, you poopy coloured runt." Dumbledore growled, kicking him. "I'll tell you Harry, you see-"
"It's time for your sponge bath!" a hot nurse said as she entered the room.
"I'll tell you later, Harry. I have a …previous engagement!" Dumbledore said, licking his lips. He scurried out of the room behind the nurse.
"Do you know anything about this, Dobby?" Harry asked. But the poopy coloured runt was no where to be found.
"Dobby?"
"Harry!" a familiar voice exclaimed.
"Hermione!"
"Harry!"
"Ron!"
"Hermione!"
"Ron!"
"Ron!"
"Harry!"
"Ron!"
"Harry!"
"Hermione!"
The room fell silent.
"Harry!"
"I didn't get any letters from you," Harry said sadly. "But I bet Dobby the house elf stole them like he has in previous years, right?"
"Wha?" Ron asked. "Letters? What are you-" Hermione nudged him. "Oooh…Um, Harry, truth be told…we sort of…forgot. Sorry." Ron said. Harry began to cry. Suddenly, Neville appeared in the doorway, red faced, hair askew.
"Harry! Hagrid's missing!" he cried.
"Are you sure? Maybe he's fell asleep on the can again." Harry suggested, shrugging his shoulders.
"That's the first place we looked! The very fact that we could come out alive proved that he was more than ten yards away!" Neville cried. Hermione began to sob.
"Hagrid! Nooo! He was my only friend!" Harry and Ron stared at her strangely.
"Well how do you think I feel? Her was my BOYFRIEND!" Harry sobbed. Every one stared at him, eyes wide. "Oh, like you didn't feel the chemistry!"
It was then that Professor Dumbledore came back, a big grin on his face.
"Now Harry, where were we?" he asked, his robe open. Hermione screamed. Harry averted his eyes. Neville had magically disappeared long ago. But Ron couldn't tear his eyes away.
"Oh. Pardon me, kids. Don't say anything about this, we don't need a Michael Jackson trial attracting eyes to the wizarding world. Harry?"
"Harry, there's a horrible plot underway."
"WHAT?" Harry cried, thoroughly shocked. Who would have thought that after seven years, a horrible plot would come underway! Why, they hadn't had a horrible plot since Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix! "What type of horrible plot, Professor Dumbledore? Wait, let me guess…is one of our teachers a werewolf?"
"God your dumb! We already did that one! No, this is worse. You see, Harry, there is a horrible rumor going around that in this book, I am going to die! Oh, and also Hermione and Ron go nuts and kill you."
"What! No! Hermione and Ron are my two best friends! They would never do such a thing!"
"There's more, Harry. The author of this has made the shocking announcement that more of us are going to die. A major character will be killed off, Harry, and we are powerless to stop it!"
"NO!" Harry cried. "First Cedric, then Sirius, now Hagrid! Does the pen have no mercy?"
"Hagrid? What are you talking about? Hagrid got sent to Azkaban for holding up a Burger King. He'll be out in a month. But Harry, you also must know this:" he took a deep breath. "Harry, there's a new kid at the school. Another celebrity. Harry, I hate to say it, but…your position as being the most special is being greatly threatened."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Harry took a breath. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and then fainted from lack of oxygen.
Oooh! Who is this mystery child?