Title: Breakdown
Author: DarkDreamer56
Archive: If you want it, ask please!
Rating: T
Pairing: Warrick/Sara friendship, but lots of Nick as well (hey, I'm a Snicker hours away from the season finale…what do you expect?)
Disclaimer: If I owned them, then of course I would know how the season finale ends! But alas, I'm left to bite my nails and consume large quantities of Ben and Jerry's new flavor Chocolate Therapy.
Spoilers: spoilers for the season finale
A/N: Well, first I dedicate this to Mel (Happy belated Birthday Shimmy!) You rock for your awesome new video. I've been reading spoilers all season, but most of what is contained in this fic is based off of the promos they've been showing every two seconds on CBS. I guess this is my way of interpreting some of the scenes we've been shown, and I wanted to get this out before the episode actually airs. Enjoy!
"No!"
Sara jumped as Warrick shouted at the computer screen, trying to fight the urge to throw up. She couldn't believe that this was actually happening.
Sara had been sitting at the computer with Archie, taking her turn at the gruesome task of watching Nick slowly suffocate. There was nothing they could do, but it was still a good idea to know what was happening to him, so each took their turn at the screen, trying not to break down while watching him fight for his life. Sara glanced away for a moment, rubbing her eyes, and when she looked back, Nick had begun to freak out, banging his fists against the Plexiglas enclosing him, his eyes screwed up in torment. Sara thought for a moment that it was good that there was no sound attached to the feed; she didn't think she could bare the terrified screams she knew must be reverberating in the enclosed space. She refused to even think the word coffin. It was then that Sara noticed Nick pick up the gun. They knew it was there, Grissom had spotted it earlier in the night, but this was the first time anyone had seen Nick actually handle it.
Archie glanced over at Sara, who was unconsciously digging her fingernails into the palm of her hand. She brought one hand up to her mouth in shock, and managed to choke out, "He's losing it!" Grissom looked up from the table behind her, and Warrick stepped into the room after hearing Sara's panicked voice, pushing Archie out of the way.
Sara could feel her throat beginning to constrict as she followed the movement of the gun with her eyes.
"No man, please no," Warrick choked out.
"Please Nick, please don't do it," she pleaded in a whisper, terrified of what was coming. She couldn't believe that Nick, no matter what the situation, could ever end his own life. But here they were, and no one could do anything to stop it.
Grissom had the foresight to move her out of the way gently, but when he took one look at the screen, he was already off and running down the hall, bellowing Catherine's name.
Sara stood stock still, rooted to her place on the floor. Warrick began to pace and mutter under his breath, as her eyes remained riveted to the screen. Images flashed through her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted so badly to look away, to erase the memory of Nick's terror stricken, anguished face, clutching the gun to his side, but Nick deserved better than that. If this was the way that it was going to end, then Sara was going to be there for it. He deserved that much from her. Still, that didn't stop her from praying with every fiber of her being that he would just put the gun down.
After Warrick screamed, Catherine and Grissom came running into the room, extremely out of breath and eyes blazing.
"Oh my god, what happened?" Catherine exclaimed, looking back and forth between Sara and Warrick expectantly.
Sara averted her eyes briefly, hastily brushing away a few tears. Nick had fired the gun alright, but it had been angled down and between his feet. She couldn't even begin to process why exactly he had done that, but she was thankful that he hadn't ended it all.
Still, that didn't stop the bile from rising in her throat. It was too much, watching Nick slowly slipping away from them, with no way of letting him know how frantically they were working to find him. She quickly pushed past Catherine and Grissom, and took off down the hall towards the parking lot.
As the humid night air hit her, Sara gasped for breath. She doubled over, hands on her knees, as she tried to stop hyperventilating. As soon as she got her breathing under control though, she felt the bile rise once again, and she barely found a trashcan before she brought up the meager contents of her stomach.
After a few minutes of dry heaving, Sara stepped back and sunk down to the curb, tears streaming down her face. She had worked so hard to keep it all together, to stay strong, but that just wasn't going to work anymore. They were running out of time fast. Sara choked on a sob and buried her head in her hands.
Sara soon felt another person sink down next to her, and an arm went around her shoulder, pulling her close. She dimly registered the smell of Warrick's aftershave as her body shook with sobs. She knew that her breaking down was accomplishing nothing, and that she was wasting precious time, but try as she might, she couldn't stem the flow of tears.
"It's okay Sar, just let it out," Warrick murmured hoarsely, rubbing her shoulder gently until her violent sobbing subsided.
"What if we don't find him in time?" The question that no one had wanted to utter all night spilled out before she could even register speaking.
Warrick sighed deeply, Sara knew it was a question no one wanted to answer. "You can't think like that. We're going to find him, we have to."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, ashamed of falling apart when she should be focused on finding Nick. "This isn't helping." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and then tried to stand up. Unfortunately, the sudden emptying of her stomach made her a little wobbly, and her legs chose not to cooperate. She fell back, bumping Warrick's shoulder, and let out a frustrated groan.
"Sara, it's okay to worry about him, and it's okay to let yourself fall apart for a minute. One of the lockers has a dent the size of my frustration. Just sit here for a minute okay?"
Sara sighed and leaned against Warrick again, closing her eyes as tears streamed down her face. Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke. "Do you think he knows?"
"Knows what?"
Her voice broke. "That we'd do anything to find him." Warrick hugged her close as she began to sob again.
"Yeah, he knows, because if it was any one of us, he'd been doing the same thing."
"But it isn't one of us…it's Nick, and he's got to be so scared, and he knows he doesn't have much air. And it's so hard, watching him, and not being able to tell him that we're gonna get him out of there. But not knowing what was happening…"
Warrick's voice betrayed the emotion bubbling dangerously close to the surface. "It's a blessing and a curse."
"When he picked up the gun, you know what I thought? I mean, right before I went numb and couldn't process anything else?" Sara paused for a moment as she tried to get her voice back under control; it didn't work too well. "I thought back to all the times we worked a case, or we went out together, even stupid stuff he's said to me. But you know what? There was nothing recent there. I couldn't tell you the last conversation I had with him that consisted of more than 'hi' or 'how was your shift?'"
Warrick cut her off gently. "Sar, don't let your mind go there. Nick knows how we all feel about him. This team split has screwed up a lot of things, but we all know where we stand when push comes to shove."
"It's stupid, I know, I'm sorry…nothing makes sense right now." Sara just felt so lost, sitting in the middle of the crime lab parking lot with Warrick. Everything was falling apart around them. She had worked so hard to stay in control, to keep everything inside until Nick was safe and back with them, but that damn live feed had done her in. There was no way she would ever be able to forget the image of Nick fingering the trigger of his gun, the look of terror etched across his face. It had been added to the small catalogue of memories that Sara knew would haunt her until the day she died.
Warrick sighed and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay; we're each allowed one breakdown. And then we go back to work. It's already been me, Greg, and now you."
Sara leaned against Warrick for another moment, and wiped her face one more time before attempting to rise to her feet again. This time it worked, and she held out her hand to help pull Warrick up. She was still worried, and she was still terrified, but after a few minutes of giving in to her fears, Sara knew that nothing would make her feel better until they brought Nick back safely ; she found it oddly comforting to know that she couldn't feel any worse. She refused to entertain the idea that Nick wouldn't make it, so until they found him, Sara would deal by working this case with more voracity than any other in her life.
"I'm going to go over the trace again, there's got to be something that we're missing." Sara was quickly slipping back into work mode, determined to find something to connect Walter and where he had buried Nick. They walked back to the lab purposefully, intent on bringing Nick home. Sara was about to head to Trace when Warrick stopped her, resting his hand on her arm.
"Sar…why don't you stay away from the AV lab for awhile? I'll come get you if something changes." Sara nodded, thankful that Warrick understood how much the last feed had shaken her. Besides, right now she needed to focus on the evidence; that was what was going to find Nick.
And they went back to work.
FIN.
And now I'm off to buy the biggest box of Kleenex I can find…