When it all falls down

Summary: When everything seems to fall apart ... will Sho be able to help Kei pick up the peices? Or are they too broken to cope? Shounen-ai for now.
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonchild, nor do I own Hyde, Kei, Gackt, or Sho ... as much as I would love to. They belong to themselves and their label companies.
Notes: I must apologize to my readers for the lack of updates. And also for this chapter. When I sat down and started writing the chapter for the job, I couldn't stop! I didn't want the second chapter to be about 5 times longer than the first, so I split it up into "Part A" of Chapter 2. Don't hurt me, please! I recently cosplayed Kei, so I am in the 'writing zone', as it were, so expect another update soon. And comments to reviews will be at the bottom of each chapter. :D

I knew the dream would come as soon as I closed my eyes, and I wasn't disappointed. The same dream would replay in my mind practically every night – Luka's spirit wouldn't leave me alone though his body left this earth years ago. I guess the anger never left me, even though I had dealt with the grief ages ago. How dare he leave me alone! I did end up surviving, though I tried many times to join him in the afterlife … whatever afterlife we vampire received. I hadn't thought of Luka often when I was with Sho during my waking hours, but his haunt stayed in my dreams.

As usual, I saw his suicide replay … still singing the song he had taught me while I was still new to vampirism. The sun grew bright in my dream – my nightmare – until the pain became unbearable. My eyes flew open as the flames surrounding Luka burned his body to nothing but ash. The light above my bed burned into my retinas … dammit, I left the light on again … forcing my eyes to squeeze shut. With my eyes shut and the spirals dancing behind my eyelids, I tried to catch my breath. I didn't realize I had been panting while I was dreaming, but apparently my body wasn't as still as it normally was.

When the spirals left my vision, I slowly opened my eyes and gave them proper time to readjust to the lighting. I looked towards the window, frowning when I saw it was still light outside. … Dammit, I needed a cigarette. I sat up on the bed, looking around to see if the kid had returned yet. I wasn't disappointed. Sitting on the bed stand beside me was a pack of my brand, complete with a lighter on top and an ashtray beside it. Sho could be so thoughtful sometimes.

With a small smile I pushed myself to sit against the wall and open the virgin pack of cigarettes. A lone cigarette was soon between my lips and lit … the toxic fumes filling my lungs in diseased bliss. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall, letting the smoke tendril from the parted lips. I heard the gentle creak from the well worn leather pants Sho insisted on wearing as he entered the room. I heard the smirk in his voice. "Good morning, Kei …"

I smirked in return. "Afternoon, from the glance outside." I gestured with the cigarette in hand towards the curtained window.

He looked where I pointed and shrugged with a small smile on his lips. "I suppose it is." He walked over to the chair beside my bed and sat down, stealing one of my cigarettes and mimicking me with my nicotine craving. "The dream again?"

He didn't even look at me when he spoke, but I knew he had taken in my appearance when my eyes were closed. I sighed out the cigarette smoke in my lungs and turned my head to the side….away from Sho. It was bad enough I had to face my own inner demons in my dreams, but Sho had to be brought along for the ride?

He took my silence as a yes and sighed along with me. "Kei … "

"Sho … Don't." I practically commanded. He shut his mouth with a small frown, growing silent as he was consumed by his own thoughts. A sniff brought a rather unpleasant scent to my nostrils…Ewww. "…I'm going to go take a shower." I told him, startling him out of his daze.

"Um … okay." I could hear the dazed tone to his voice. That boy could go into his thoughts and loose track of everything, including his own bodily functions. It's quite disturbing, actually.

I shook my head, to get out of my own thoughts about Sho and stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray. I pushed myself up off the bed … Shit … dizziness assaulted me as soon as I stood. I made sure that only a minor wince broke through, least Sho worry about me. Unfortunately, my wish wasn't granted. He caught the wince and looked worriedly at me. I gave him a rare smile and moved to rub my lower back in explanation. He didn't seem too convinced, but he let my go get my much needed shower regardless.

Once I was in the bathroom, I shut the door and leaned against it … slowly sliding to the floor. Dammit, I didn't want the dizziness to persist. Once I felt steady again, I slowly stood up to the chorus of pops in my knees and back. Man, I was getting old, it seems. My own reflection caught me out of the corner of my eye – I stared back at myself with a drained look. Tch, no wonder the kid was worried. A soft sigh was all I gave to the wan reflection and I started my shower. The warm water flowing over me tense shoulders brought a low moan of pleasure from me. It's easy to forget how good a nice hot shower can be on occasion.

The mirror was fogged over by the time I stepped out of the shower with the fluffy towel wrapped securely around my thing waist. I was getting thinner … I really should eat something. After this job tonight, I think I'll have to get something to eat before the animal inside me shakes loose from its cage and runs ramped. I wiped away some condensation off the mirror and smiled happily at my new reflection. It's amazing what a good shower can do to one's complexion.

I gave myself a brisk wipe-down … just to get rid of the access water so I wouldn't drip all over the floor outside the bathroom … and then wrapped the towel around my waist again. I left the clothes I'd worn for the last couple of days in the bathroom and padded out towards my room. Sho was nowhere in sight, which was a plus. He didn't need to see how thin I had gotten from my most recent starvation diet. I couldn't help my diets … they were randomly scheduled. Sometimes, I just couldn't stand taking anymore life … I just couldn't take making anymore die under my own hands. It's so much easier to kill with a gun; a gun is such an impersonal way to kill … cold, distant, and removed. It's far easier.

I didn't realize my automatic movements while immersed in my thoughts, but when I came back to my physical body, I was changed and ready for the job that night. I glanced out the window and had to correct myself … the job tonight. I stretched my arms over my head … almost reveling in the popping sound they made and the pleasure stretching caused brought a low moan for myself. I brought my arms down and reached down to get the lower part of my shirt out of my pants…feh, that was annoying.

As I searched around for my cigarette pack, the scent of coffee and smoke came to my nostrils. I learned the truth of the missing cigarette pack – Sho. Another sniff and I couldn't help but smile at the scent of my favorite flavored coffee. Like I said, he knows all the little things and can be quite sweet. I made my way out into the kitchen, leaning against the doorway and admiring the domestic view of Sho in his black leather pants and shirt reading the paper through the veil of smoke from his cigarette and keeping an eye on the brewing coffee. Though he was now a young man, he reminded me of a child who wants to play Daddy in the game of House(1).

"I thought we didn't have any vanilla(2) coffee yet?" I called out to him as I pushed myself off the doorway towards the mugs to grab one.

He jerked as my voice came to his ears and he looked up at me, smiling. "Did you have a good shower?"

I paused for a moment, contemplating his question. It was so weird and almost childish, but coming from Sho it was perfectly natural. Had it been anyone else, I'd have looked at them like they were from a different planet. But Sho? I looked at him over my shoulder and smiled a little bit. "Yeah, I did." I pulled out the sugar and the creamer and started to make my coffee. I have no idea how Sho could drink it straight: my coffee was always a combination of creamer, sugar, and a little coffee.

"That's good." He looked at my face for a long moment, before smiling again. I knew he wanted to say something else, but he decided it was better not to. That was very smart of him; I wasn't in the mood to hear any concerns. Once my coffee was stirred, I tapped the spoon to get off the excess goodness and placed it in the sink. I took a sip and smiled slightly to myself. I hadn't had this kind of coffee for a long time now, it felt so good. The dizziness decided to take away that blissful moment and forced me to sway a little. Thankfully, I hadn't moved far from the counter and just leaned my hip against it. A half-lidded glance confirmed the suspicion that Sho caught that sway. "…You okay?"

Instead of growling at him like last time, I knew he'd think something was up if I consistently growled at him, I smiled instead and took another sip of the hot coffee. "Mmm…Yes, I'm fine." He nodded, only partly convinced, but let it lie. I sneaked beside him and stole back my pack of cigarettes before plopping in a chair beside him and lighting another cigarette. "Ahh…" I let the little sound of contentment through my lips as I let out another puff of smoke. Good coffee I thought we were out of … my cigarettes … my still damp hair from a cleansing shower …soon to be more money… and Sho in those skin-tight leather pants. Life was good.

He chuckled a little at me, but went back to reading the paper as I finished my cup of bliss -- I mean vanilla coffee -- and cancer stick. After the last smoke had cleared from the stubbed cigarette, he turned to look at me again and folded up the paper – I still can't believe he was actually reading it, though. "Ready?"

I nodded and stood, thankfully as gracefully as usual without any dizziness, and went to retrieve my red coat. Ahh … the memories this red coat and I had. It was lightweight and large, able to hide my thin frame easily, and red … to hide any blood if I got injured or if I was a messy eater. But what really made it all the more special to me was Sho. Sho had gotten it for me for my birthday a few years back … and I'd held it dear ever sense. It wasn't my true birthday, I forgot that ages ago, but the day the two of us met … he considers it my birthday. It's quite cute, in a way. I slide the worn fabric over my shoulders and indulged in a small sniff … it still held Sho's scent on it – cologne, sweat, cigarette smoke, and that inherent scent that was merely Sho.

I meandered out towards the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe again and smiling at him as he straightened out his jacket, checking the mending on it. I had done a good job of mending that hole that seemed to upset him so much. He looked up and grinned, tossing me my pack of cigarettes, which I naturally caught and hid in my pocket. "Let's go!"

He had so much energy in him, I couldn't help but smile and gesture towards the door in a 'Lead on' gesture that he understood perfectly and the two of us left. I couldn't suppress a small shudder as I shut the door to our apartment … I just felt someone dance on my grave. A light frown was all I gave the omen before shaking off the feeling and following Sho's leather clad ass to our job.

(1) I'm not sure if it's popular elsewhere, but some children like to play a game called 'House' ... where they pretend to play family. Some pretend to be Mommy -with the cooking and wearing an apron, Daddy -reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee, and the children - acting like children and calling the others 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' respectively. I'm from a weird place in the States.

(2) I had to add this. I LOVE Vanilla coffee (complete with vanilla creamer and sugar). I couldn't help but add it. Kei, to me, seems to be the kind who would drink his coffee straight, but I wanted him to have as sweet tooth. And no, it's not against the rules. .

Agacissko -- I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I am so continuing. XD Much love for the Kei!

fujipuri -- Thank you. And yes, his lips nibble worthy. Like Kei's hair play with me now.

Lady-Willowish -- Oh? You just recently saw it? Well, then it's my duty to help corrupt you in all the wonderful ways of Moonchild fanfiction!XD I'm glad you enjoy this fic. Continue, I will, no doubt about it. (Sorry, saw Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith recently.)

Tixxana -- XD Woot! Enthusastic:D I didn't even realize I put in random words. x.o I usually say 'Sou ka' on regular occasion. I didn't do it this time (...I think), since it does get kinda annoying to read. And yes! Slash isht good! Pokes Speaking of slash ... you got me hooked on your Moonchild fics ... you must write too:E

hydraspit -- I have a phrase for you: "I like bread." grins Told you I'd say it somewhere. But serious, thank you for the review. :D And, just for you, I will try to include far more Toshi in this story than was originally planned out. And there's no need to worry about lack of yaoi hints, you know me. .

yuki-nakayama-hidaka -- Thank you for the review. I plan on letting the evil plot bunnies have their way with my fingers to type more. :D