The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.
Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?
Chapter 1: Ice Ice Baby.
Hi! ILoveMyGojyo here. This is my first Full Metal Alchemist fanfic. I haven't seen very many episodes, but I pretty much know everything about it now. My friend Dragongirl04 does lots of research on the Internet and tells me everything. I hope you like. Please read and review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.
If you get the chance you absolutely must read "The Way to a Man's Heart Is Not By Crushing His Ego" by Kaiya-Chan. That is the best fic ever. Well, here goes nothing.
A young, petite woman can be seen walking through the halls of the Military Headquarters. Her long, brown hair is in a large bun on her head. She looked at the passerby's, mostly men, through her large round glasses. The men are all looking at her up and down and whistling. She blinked her large blue eyes as she hugged her books closer to her chest and nervously continued on her way.
"Excuse me," came the voice of Riza from somewhere behind her. The young woman turned around and gasped at the presence of the lieutenant. Riza walked up and stood in front of her, "Might I ask who you are?" she said as she looked down at the tiny woman with stern eyes.
She blinked once more as she looked up at the intimidating woman, "I-I-I'm Amy Forest," she managed to spit out, though it was not easy.
Riza crossed her arms over her chest, "And what are you doing here?" she asked as she looked her over with her eyes.
"I-I-I'm Major A-A-Armstrong's n-n-new assi-ssi-ssista-ta-tant," Amy answered, her stuttering getting increasingly worse.
"I'm Lieutenant Hawkeye," Riza smiled as she reached her hand out to shake Amy's. Amy looked surprised by this gesture. She dropped her books and saluted Hawkeye. Riza gave her an odd look before pulling her hand back and wiping it on her shirt, "Ok, well you may want to get your books," Riza smiled as the two knelt on the floor and picked up the woman's belongings.
"Th-th-thanks," Amy stuttered once again.
"Well, that's hot," came Havoc's voice from above them. The two women jumped up and Riza handed Amy her stuff, "You don't see legs like that everyday," Havoc continued as he looked Amy up and down.
Riza smacked her forehead with annoyance before looking back down at Amy, who was considerably shorter than herself, "You must forgive him, but your attire isn't exactly what is expected. Tell me, who gave you your uniform?" Riza asked as she motioned to the woman's attire.
Amy swallowed hard, "Colonel Roy Mustang," she answered simply.
Havoc laughed a little as he continued to look Amy up and down, "I knew I liked him for a reason," he said.
Riza gave him a dirty look, causing him to look at her and straighten up.
"I should have known," Riza said as she shook her head, "That man has no shame," she said slowly.
"What do you mean?" Amy said as she looked down at the very short, very tight miniskirt she had on, "Colonel Mustang said that this is what all the women wear," she said confused.
Riza groaned with annoyance, "Really, do you see me wearing one?" she asked as he motioned to her pants.
Amy blinked and hung her head, "I feel so embarrassed," she said weakly.
"The only reason you don't wear a skirt is because nobody wants to see your chicken legs," Havoc said as he looked down at Riza's legs and back up at her. By the time he looked back up, a gun was pressed to his forehead, "Ma'am," he said weakly, as if this would make what he said any better.
"Get this woman some pants, I have to have a word with my boss," Riza said bitterly before stowing her gun.
Havoc looked a bit disappointed, "Ok," he whined as he began leading the girl down the hall. He stopped and looked at Riza, "When you see Mustang, give him a message for me. Tell him that I love him and I will follow him to the ends of the earth. If he weren't a man, I'd marry him," he said before turning around and continuing his walk, obviously not noticing the odd looks he was getting from passerby's.
Riza took her gun out and check to see if it was loaded, "After I'm done with him, there will be no body left to tell," she smirked before walking down the hall in the opposite direction.
"No Winry! You can't come along!" Ed yelled frantically as the two stood in the middle of the street.
Ed and Winry are mere inches from each other's faces and Al can be seen standing behind the two of them with a very large sweatdrop on his head, and his eyes wide with fear. The two had obviously been going at this for quite some time.
"You can't tell me what I can and can't do. I'm seventeen years old and perfectly capable of making my own decision!" Winry retaliated her voice getting louder with every word.
"Um, brother," Al whined as he tried to break up the fight, "Maybe we should let her come, it wouldn't really hurt anything," he said innocently, trying desperately to find a solution to the problem.
Ed closed his eyes tightly as his anger began to rise to extreme measures, "Fine, she can come with us until we go back to Resembool, than you're on your own. Got it!" he yelled as his temper went through the roof.
Winry smiled, "Fine by me, when are we going back anyway?" she asked curiously as she put her hands behind her back and began to stroll down the street.
"To get rid of you, hopefully tomorrow," Ed mumbled under his breath, smirking at the thought that Winry didn't hear him. He thought too soon. He squealed with pain as Winry's wrench met with the back of his head, "Oww," he moaned from his place on the ground, "What did you do that for!" he yelled, his eyes black from all the anger.
"I heard what you said," Winry smiled as she swung the wrench over he shoulder and walked away.
Al's eyes were wide once more as he knelt by his brother, "Are you ok Brother?" he asked nervously as he helped Ed to his feet.
Ed rubbed the back of his head, "No," he moaned as he and Al followed Winry.
When they finally caught up with her, she was standing in the street looking off toward the alley.
"Umm, is everything ok Winry?" Al asked as he and Ed examined the vacant look on the young girl's face.
"Who is she?" Winry asked absently as she pointed in the direction she was looking.
Ed and Al followed where she was pointing and saw what she was staring at, "I don't know, but she doesn't look too good," Al commented.
They were looking at a young girl, who couldn't be any older than sixteen. She has long black hair that comes down to the small of her back. She's wearing very dirty, torn clothing. The most interesting feature was her left arm and right leg. They were considerably shorter than their counter parts. She was using a stick to help her walk. They watched as she went into the dark alley.
"Maybe we should follow her," Winry suggested as she looked around at Ed.
Ed crossed his arms as an anger cross appeared on his forehead, "No," he said sternly as if saying 'what I say is law and no one is to question'.
Winry looked at Al and smiled, "Will you come with me?" she asked sweetly.
"Uhhhh," Al said nervously as he sweatdropped appeared on his forehead, "I...uh..." he began as he waved his hands defensively.
"Good," Winry smiled as she grabbed his large metal arm and dragged him with her to the alley.
Ed's jaw dropped as he watched this sight, "I thought I said no," he said bitterly before reluctantly following.
"Hello!" Winry yelled, her voice echoing off the walls of the vacant alley, "Is anyone hear!" she called again.
"Apparently not," Ed said bitterly as he crossed his arms and closed his eyes, "Now let's stop wasting time so we can take you back to Resembool."
Winry gave him a dirty look before continuing her search.
"Can we please get out of here?" Al whined from where he was hiding behind Ed, "I don't like this place."
Winry sighed with defeat, "Ok," she said reluctantly as she hung her head and turned around. They were about to leave when the sound of sobbing could be heard. Winry stood up straight and spun around, "Did you hear that?" she asked as she began to run down the alley.
"Unfortunately," Ed whined as he and Al slowly followed.
Winry looked desperately as she followed the sound of the sobbing. Her eyes widened when she spotted the young girl curled up in the corner crying.
"Are you ok?" Winry said as she closed in on the young girl.
The girl looked up at her, her large green eyes filled with fear, "Get away," she ordered as she used her right hand to wipe a tear from her eye.
"We just wanted to help," Al chimed in from his place behind his brother.
The girl's eyes widened when she saw the huge suit of armor. She got to her feet and leaned on her stick.
"I know alchemy you freak, don't think I won't use it on you," she said nervously, trying desperately to hide her fear.
Al's face went blue as he whined a little, "What? I'm not a freak," he said as large tear formed in his eye.
A large grin appeared on Ed's face, "Alchemy huh, let's see than," he said as he crossed his arms.
The girl's eyes filled with anger as she looked at Ed's disbelieving attitude, "Fine," she said sternly, "But don't say I didn't warn you," she said angrily as she closed her eyes to concentrate.
"But she didn't warn us," Al whined as he hid behind Ed once again.
The girl let out a yell as she placed the center of her left forearm over the center of her right forearm. She opened her palms in the direction of the three nonbelivers and an icy mist came out in their direction. After she was done she grabbed her stick to catch her balance.
"Did I hit anyone?" she asked as she opened one eye to see the damage she did.
Winry, Ed, and Al looked at the frozen trash can on the other side of the alley, "No, you missed by a mile," Ed said as he began to laugh uncontrollably.
The girl hung her head in shame.
"Well, you almost got us," Al said innocently, trying to make her feel better.
The green eyed girl looked up at him, "Don't try to make me feel better you useless hunk of metal," she said sternly causing Al to sweatdrop, "I won't miss this time."
She pulled off her torn jacket. The other three gasped at what they saw. Her left arm was considerably shorter because it was an automail arm that looked as if it needed a serious upgrade. There was an alchemy circle tattooed on the top of her right forearm and an circle ingraved in the bottom of her left forearm. That explained where the alchemy came from. She yelled once again as she placed her left arm over her right, unfortunately it didn't occur fast enough. She let go of the stick to do her alchemy and ended up falling over.
Winry gasped and ran to her side, "Are you ok?" she asked nervously as she looked the girl over.
The young girl sat up and hugged her knees as she cried, "Stupid leg," she whined.
Winry gave her an odd look before looking down at her leg. She could see automail through a hole in the young girl's pants. Bye the looks of it, it was in even worse shape than the arm.
"How long has it been since you've had your automail lengthened?" Winry asked as she rolled up the girl's pant leg to reveal the automail on her right leg went from her knee down, but wasn't nearly long enough.
The girl wiped tears from her eyes, "Six years, why?" she said simply.
Winry looked up at her and smiled, "I think I can fix this, if you'll let me," she said as she looked back down at her leg and began to flex it, "This is really nice, whoever made this is very good," she said as she examined the craftsmanship.
The girl pulled leg back and gave Winry a dirty look, "I don't want help from you, the freak, or shrimpy. Got it?" she said bitterly as she got up and leaned on her stick.
Ed began to freak out just as he normally did, "I'm not shrimpy!" he began to yell, his arms in the air.
Winry gave the girl a dirty look as she ignored Ed's rambling, "I was only trying to be nice," she said bitterly.
The girl shook her head as she walked past the group of them, "I've done good by myself for this long, I don't need help from anyone," she scorned as she rounded the corner.
Al, Winry, and Ed just looked at each other in silence.
Mustang can be seen sitting at his desk in his office. He's working on his paperwork. Havoc is sitting at his desk doing just the same. They both look up when they hear the door opening.
Riza can be seen walking into the office, she was tapping her shoulder with her gun, "Let's see here, I was trying to find a decent punishment for my boss, but didn't want the Fuhrer involved," she said as she looked to the floor and thought.
Mustang swallowed hard. He was trying to figure out how she knew what he did.
"What are you talking about Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Roy asked, his voice cracking slightly.
Havoc looked a bit scared, "I think it best if I leave now," he said as he slowly got to his feet.
Riza pointed her gun at him, "Sit," she ordered sternly. Havoc sat down without saying another word. Riza turned and faced Mustang, "Well, I think I found the best punishment for a male chauvinist pig that makes a poor defenseless woman parade around in a miniskirt for his own sick humor," she said with a wicked smile. Roy gave her an odd look, "So I brought a little present." The boys eyes widened when Riza held up two miniskirts on hangers, "I hope you shaved," she said with a voice even more wicked than her smile.
Well, that's all for now. I hope you like it. If there are any problems, please let me know. I hope everyone is in character. Please read and review.
ILoveMyGojyo.