Title: In Transient
Author: Elsalhir
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: M
Summary: "If you never say goodbye to the best things in your life, there are things you don't appreciate at all."
Despite the foreboding overtone, it has a happy ending. It's far longer than I intended it to be, but...yeah.
In Transient
The one hand throws the whisky, the other throws the gun
As he cries out to the heavens, I am not my Father's son
"Yuugi, please tell me you're not serious?" Jounouchi yelled, watching with tired eyes as the smaller male flitted from one side of the room to the other, picking up myriad items from various places, throwing them carelessly into a rucksack. "Are you listening to me?"
Yuugi halted suddenly, resting the bag on the arm of a chair. Gazing around the room he briefly wondered if he'd forgotten to grab anything in his haste, but let the feeling subside. Material possessions really didn't concern him at the moment. Chewing on the inside of his lip, he frowned gently, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Jounouchi-kun, please don't," Yuugi begged, unhooking his jacket from the back of the door. "He really needs someone right now."
Jounouchi sighed, falling backwards into the couch. He plucked a cushion from the pile and settled one behind his head, closing his eyes. "Yuugi, the man is an emotional reject. He doesn't need or want anybody. You realise he's just gonna' turn you away don't you?"
"I have to at least try!" Yuugi defended ardently, Jounouchi opening his eyes at the outburst. The erratic-haired male massaged his forehead, frustrated and stressed beyond belief. The decision to do this had been utterly spontaneous, and Jounouchi's incessant rambling about the mistake he was making was disturbing the faith he'd had in the idea to begin with. He heard the blonde sigh, utterly exasperated, but Yuugi had no intention of letting his best friend change his mind, no matter what he said. He had to do this for his own peace of mind, if nothing else, and even as his gaze fell to the window, noting the darkness that enveloped the street and the downpour of rain, he wasn't disheartened any more.
"Jounouchi, would you drive me there? That weather looks awful."
The taller of the two's jaw fell open, surprised by Yuugi's audacity after everything he'd just said about what he was doing. "No!" he responded, standing in indignation. "I'm not gonna' help you to make an idiot of yourself Yuugi! He'll tell you to piss off before you even get to the door, you do know that don't you?"
Yuugi swallowed, "Ok, Jounouchi. I understand."
Jounouchi's expression softened, Yuugi's despondency almost infectious. Assailed with guilt, he clenched a fist, opting for standing his ground on this one. What his best friend was doing was an entirely ridiculous idea. He had a heart of gold, but did the small male really think this was something he was going to achieve? Jounouchi certainly didn't, looking on in silence as Yuugi heaved his rucksack over his shoulders and headed for the door, bracing himself for autumn's chill. Opening the door, amethyst settled on the street and he wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck. He smiled briefly over his shoulder at Jounouchi, a sad, gentle, forgiving smile, and then he was gone, closing the front door behind him. Stepping out from the safety of the porch, he dragged his hood up over his head. The weather was even colder than he'd expected it to be, the rain icy, stinging his skin, numbing and harsh and bitter.
Tipping his head down he began to walk, pace quick and hurried. He turned right down the street towards his destination, his legs feeling ice cold rain seep through his trousers, shoes absorbing the water that fell in puddles. He was doing the right thing, wasn't he? It wasn't just to make himself feel better at all, of course not – he wasn't that sort of person after all- so the least he could do was offer his friendship.
But he'd been doing that for years without success.
Maybe now his mind would change, now the situation called for friendship so much more than it did in the past…
Yuugi hadn't gone far when the honking of a horn broke him from his reverie, a car pulling up beside him, headlights briefly dazzling his eyes. Bringing a hand up to shield his eyes, Yuugi squinted, still unable to see the driver until the window wound down, revealing honey-brown eyes and flaxen hair, two attributes that belonged to a familiar face Yuugi was only too pleased to see. "Get in," Jounouchi ordered; looking as if he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life. Yuugi smiled, jogging around to the other side of the car, and hopped in.
"Thanks Jounouchi-kun."
"Yeah, yeah," Jounouchi replied, smiling, waving his hand dismissively. He'd do anything for his best friend, just to see him happy, just to make up for the years he missed out on being his friend. "Just don't say I never do anything for you, ok?" Yuugi nodded, the two falling into silence forthwith.
They reached the gates little more than half an hour later, the car rolling to a slow stop. Yuugi took a breath, looking up at the looming gates grimly, the bars trembling with ice. Jounouchi squeezed his arm supportively. "You're a better man than I am," he said softly.
"I'm just doing what I think is right."
Jounouchi nodded. "Good luck, Yuugi. I may not like the guy, and he might just be the biggest fucktard I know, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I just hope he appreciates what you're doing for him."
The smaller of the two nodded and clambered out of the car, waving slightly as his best friend took off down the road. Yuugi walked up to the gates, finding they were already open. With a frown he stepped inside, looking around for any signs of life.
No one. No security. No driver. No servants. Where were they all?
He continued to trudge along the gravel driveway, eyes roving back and forth from window to window, hoping to see a figure. He reached the marble pillared porch, ascending thee stairs to get to the front door. Pressing the bell, he waited. And waited. And waited. There was no answer.
He pressed the bell a second time. Still nothing.
Frown deepening, he reached for the handle, pushing it down to find the door unlocked. It creaked open ominously and he crept inside, into a harrowingly dark hallway. Music drifted from somewhere, classical piano melodies that would have been soothing had the whole house not been devoid of light but for the shaft that illuminated part of the hall, filtering from beneath the door at the far side of a long corridor. Yuugi could hear his heart hammering inside his chest, mind screaming with him to change his mind. Maybe this was a bad idea after all…
…But no! He was doing this for a friend. It didn't matter if the relationship was one way.
The music wasn't coming from there. It grew louder as he approached the grandeur stairway, eyes lifting up as he ascended, one foot after the next, left, right, left, cold hand gripping the dusty banister.
At the end of the hall was a partially open door, the same melodies shivering in the air. He moved towards it, only hearing his heartbeat over the music. He reached for the handle and opened it slowly…
The past would haunt him forever.
As shadows grew cold upon the satin sheets of his bed, he curled tighter within himself, pallid skin trembling. Grey specked brunet hair lay haphazardly across the mattress, sapphire caught behind a harrowing concrete exterior and the harsh fragility of youth. Twitching fingers flexed in the sheets. Night had come. But Seto Kaiba did not sleep.
Empty bottles were scattered on their sides across the expanse of a littered carpet, glass glinting in mid-night autumn moonlight peering through partially closed curtains. The scent of past rain drifted in from the open balcony door, damp russet brown and silver leaves blanketing white marble. A southern breeze danced with royal blue curtains, sifting into the room like sand through a timer. Time waited patiently. Life was beginning to sleep.
Seto Kaiba did not. The man turned over onto his other side, slithering further under the covers, away from intruding light. His head throbbed. A sliver of hatred mingling with fear was tangled up in a listless heart. Piano harmonies almost blocked out dark thoughts and a scolding mind. Almost.
With a groan the man threw off the covers, caring little for the cold that greeted him. Swinging his legs to the side, he pressed bare feet to the plush carpet, just barely missing one of the discarded bottles. Bloodshot eyes blearily focused, and he swooped down to grab another bottle, swigging down the remaining liquor. A heavy head fell into his hands. He felt old. Old. He was thirty next month. Old, going grey and becoming an alcoholic.
With a self-derisive snort he fell backwards into his pile of sheets, muttering to himself. And then he noticed the figure standing in the doorway to his room out of the corner of his eye, a hue of purple staring at him with curiosity and concern.
"Y-Yuugi?" the CEO said softly, blinking as he sat up. Yuugi smiled warmly and, sliding his bag from his shoulder, he let it fall to the floor with a thud. He strode forward, trying to be as energetic as possible, perching on the edge of the bed a few feet from the CEO. "How did you-?" the man mouthed.
"Door was open!" Yuugi shouted over the music.
"What do you want, Yuugi!" Kaiba rubbed his eyes, the noise of his own voice giving him a headache.
"I thought you might need a friend!" Yuugi shouted, becoming irritated with constantly having his voice raised. His focus snapped to the hi-fi, eyes narrowing at it. He stood immediately, switching it off.
"Don't you appreciate a genius like Eric Satie?" Kaiba snapped, the question rhetorical to any idiot. Yuugi merely stared at the once intimidating man, pitying him, understanding his pain. With the music off there was silence. The mansion seemed so cold, so empty and lifeless.
"Do you really think drinking is going to help, Kaiba-kun?" Yuugi began.
Kaiba pursed his lips. "Spare me the lecture," he sneered, standing. "If I wanted to hear this I'd talk to my psychiatrist. Now go home."
"I'm not leaving you alone- you need to talk to someone," Yuugi protested, following Kaiba around the room. The brunet halted suddenly, grabbing another bottle from the desk in the corner of the room. He unscrewed the bottle and took an almighty swig from it, gasping as the burning substance slithered down his throat.
"I just lost the most important person in the world to me! I don't need to talk, Yuugi, especially not to you!"
"You have to grieve!"
"Stop shouting!" Kaiba screamed, headache reaching explosive. Yuugi fell silent, discouraged. "Go. Home."
"No," the shorter insisted obstinately, expression resolute. "I want to help you, Kaiba-kun, don't you understand? You're my friend."
Kaiba snorted. "What, you think you can take his place, Yuugi? You think you can make everything ok again?" He took a predatory step closer, eyes filled with fear and rage and sorrow. "Do you think you can bring even the slightest bit of happiness into my life?" Another step. Yuugi backed away. "Does it make you feel good about yourself that you can help everyone!" He latched onto Yuugi's wrist, forcing him backwards against the desk. His legs buckled against the jutting edge and he stumbled back onto his rear, Kaiba still hovering over him. "You think you mean anything to me at all!" He twisted the small wrist in his fingers brutally, taking pleasure in the pain he was causing. Yuugi could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath and grimaced, turning aside. "Do you think you've ever been anything more to me than a rival?"
"K-Kaiba-" he stuttered, trying to pry himself free. "Don't-"
"You couldn't possibly begin to understand how I feel at the moment, Yuugi. You haven't got the faintest fucking clue have you!"
"Kaiba-kun!" Yuugi yelped, struggling. "You're hurting me!"
Silence.
And then the brunet relinquished his grip slightly, letting the small hand fall into his palm. Sapphires glittered, gazing in awe at the digits that trembled in his grasp.
So much like his… So small and perfect and…
Kaiba turned away, taking another swig from his newly opened beverage. He gasped as the neck fell from his lips again, wiping his brow with an un-cuffed sleeve. "I wish… I wish I could block out this pain, Yuugi…" Kaiba whispered, a hand holding his head. "I wish I knew how to make myself forget." It felt like he was falling, deeper and deeper, deeper into an abyss that had no end… "I wish I knew who I was anymore."
"Kaiba-kun…"
"What do I do? How do I love anymore? What do I have left?" Kaiba lowered himself onto the bed once more, the bottle falling from his grasp, its contents spilling onto the carpet. His head fell into his hands, beginning to sob brokenly, weeping as if the last remnants of his soul were leaving him. Yuugi hesitated and then moved forward, encircling the man, bringing his head against his chest.
"It's ok, I'm here," he whispered, hand smoothing up and down Kaiba's back. He continued to sob, hands knotting into Yuugi's jacket.
"Everything I did was for him! Everything, Yuugi!"
"I know, I know," the smaller male comforted, hands moving to comb through brunet locks, gripping them tightly to reassure the other he was there, he was listening and he cared. Kaiba was convulsing with the strength of his sobs, clinging urgently. This breakdown was heartbreaking. Anyone with a heart of stone would have melted, pitied this poor suffering creature that had depended on no one and nothing for so long.
He barely realised he was cradling the other man until Kaiba's cries had begun to subside, body still wrought with tremors. Yuugi stepped back, cupping the brunet's face in his hands to see the emotions in his eyes. He smiled desolately, wiping the remaining tears from his cheeks. Kaiba's eyes drifted closed, his hand covering one of Yuugi's, entwining with it in gratitude. "Let me be your friend…" Yuugi requested, "Let me be there for you and you won't be alone. I can't take his place, but I can help you to carry on with your own life if you just let me into your heart."
Kaiba's eyes lifted, looking at Yuugi with an unreadable stare. Amethyst shivered with the intensity, brow cursed with a confused furrow. Sapphires were sad, lonely, taken in by the gloom and despair that consumed his heart, yet it was emptying- slowly- but yes, emptying. Yuugi smiled gently, fingertips caressing the CEO's cheek. "Will you let me?"
"Your kindness amazes me…" Kaiba said, eyes puzzled. "Why would you do this for me after the way I've treated you for all these years?"
Yuugi sighed, guiding Kaiba's hand to his chest over where his heart was beating. "I know you have a heart the same as I do, Kaiba-kun. I know you can love someone as much as any other human being can. You might be able to hide your emotions from others, but not from me. I can see it in your eyes, Kaiba-kun; I recognise it because I've felt the same pain myself."
"I-I don't understand."
"When I lost Yami- my other self- it felt like half of my soul had gone. It felt like I was dying inside, like nothing in the world would ever matter to me again. I love him so much. I love him in every sense of the word and I always will…" Yuugi swallowed, the memories reaching the surface burning something inside. "At first being without him was like living life inside a black hole. I felt nothing, I knew nothing, but gradually I realised that the rest of my life was ahead of me and this was just the end of a chapter… There's so much more to live for and experience, Kaiba-kun. Don't you see that?"
Kaiba seemed to consider this for a moment, gaze briefly averted before he looked up again, straight into Yuugi's eyes.
The suddenness of Kaiba's lips against his sucked the air from his lungs, the kiss so sweet and tender it barely registered as a kiss. Yuugi's hands came up to push against the brunet's chest to urge him away, to tell him this wouldn't solve anything but before any protests were voiced Kaiba dragged Yuugi down beside him, body sliding up over his own.
"K-Kaiba-kun…no," Yuugi whispered, trying to stop the hands that roved over his body. The CEO's exploits continued, one hand dipping beneath Yuugi's leather buckled shirt to smooth across freezing skin, every tiny hair standing up on end. Tremulous lips fell to his neck, raining kisses from jaw to collar, teeth finding delight in nipping briefly at the bone. A whimper fell from Yuugi's lips, body reacting to the scintillating touches and caresses with as much fervour as his voice had done.
"Please… Please don't leave me…" Kaiba begged, ceasing his actions to clutch to the smaller man. Yuugi allowed his breathing to return to normal before he formulated a response.
"I won't leave you," he said. "I promise." Kaiba clung tighter, trembling.
"I loved him, Yuugi… I loved him so much it hurt," he mumbled, face buried in Yuugi's shirt. "Protecting him; making him happy, that was all that mattered to me. My world centred on his. What do I have now?"
"You have me?" Yuugi offered. The brunet craned his neck upwards to look at Yuugi, his expression speculating. Yuugi stared back patiently, hopefully.
Kaiba huffed, but he was smiling, just enough for Yuugi to be able to see it. "Your endearments are amusing…" he said without a hint of emotion, "But… I… I appreciate the thought." He sat up suddenly, flushing. "I'm sorry, Yuugi, I don't know what came over me. You just… You reminded me of… I…" he trailed off, frowning. "It doesn't matter."
"What is it, Kaiba-kun?" Yuugi pressed, sitting up so he was beside the brunet. "What's wrong?"
"I think you should go, Yuugi," he said quickly, standing and distancing himself from the slighter male. "You can see yourself out."
"But-"
"I said go!" the brunet insisted, stamping his foot. "Did you hear me!"
"Kaiba-kun, please calm down!" Yuugi stressed, also standing as if the added height would make him even the slightest bit intimidating. He stood his ground, eyes fixed on cool blue. "Don't turn me away now! I said I wouldn't leave you, and I won't!"
"He did," Kaiba growled, strolling towards the mini-bar on the far side of the room. He bent down and retrieved a bottle of sangria, flipping the cap off with his thumb. "This is why I don't allow myself the luxury of friends, Yuugi. One way or another, they will leave."
"Kaiba-kun…"
"Tempus vincit omnia, Yuugi…."And with that said, the CEO downed a quarter of the bottle in his hand, wiping the remainder off his lips with his sleeve.
"I prefer Amor vincit omnia, actually…" Yuugi said with a hint of a smile. Kaiba looked at him, momentarily impressed with his knowledge of Latin.
"Your sentiments mean very little to me," he said solemnly.
"Why did you make me promise not to leave you, but now are ordering me to leave you here to wallow in self pity. "Yuugi's voice had grown darker, amethyst simmering with anger. "I didn't think I'd ever see the day Kaiba Seto was this pathetic and weak, but here it is anyway! You must think you're the only person to lose someone."
"I've not just lost someone though have I!" Kaiba replied just as darkly. "I've lost everything!"
"Bullshit!" Yuugi raged. He strolled right up to Kaiba, stretched to his full height. He jabbed the CEO in the chest. "You are such a prick sometimes! What the fuck is wrong with you!" Kaiba's brow furrowed, more than a little thrown off guard by Yuugi's sudden authority. "I wish you'd make up your fucking mind! You trust me with some things but not with others? Why are you such a temperamental jerk? What do you think I'll do, run out and tell all of the newspapers? 'Oh look, Seto Kaiba has feelings!' Shock-fucking-horror!"
Kaiba took an awkward step backwards, hanging his head shamefully. "I can't tell you this, Yuugi. No one can know…" His tone was soft, pleading. Yuugi's shoulders heaved, drained of his anger. He closed the distance between them, and leaning up on his tip-toes, pressed a kiss to the CEO's lips.
"I'll understand," he whispered softly in his ear, one hand cupping his cheek. "Please trust me to understand." Kaiba drew his gaze aside, yet Yuugi's hand remained where it was, thumb tenderly stroking back and forth, "Trust me, Seto."
The brunet drew in a breath. "I loved him, Yuugi."
Yuugi took a step back, brow furrowed. Did he mean…?
Kaiba mistook his expression for disgust and snapped. "I knew it. I knew it! You don't understand at all!" The slighter man let Kaiba shoved him aside, dumbfounded. The brunet paced back and forth for a few moments, picking up his half empty bottle and downing the rest, "So why don't you go and tell everyone, Yuugi? Seto Kaiba was in love with his brother. 'Look at that sick freak. How can he own a toy factory the disgusting...'-"
"I never said I didn't understand," Yuugi interrupted, prying the bottle from the brunet's fingers. He curled his fingers around Kaiba's clenched fist, lifting it to his chest. "I'm not about to judge you. I never will."
Silence. Kaiba swallowed. Yuugi was smiling, just a little.
"How do I know I can trust you at all?" Kaiba murmured, eyes narrowing apprehensively. "How do I know you won't go and tell your little packrat friends?"
Yuugi smiled just a little bit more. "We've all grown up, Seto. We're not gossiping teenagers anymore. But I still want to help you like I wanted to help you back then." His smile turned sombre, gaze shifting to a place on the carpet. He grimaced momentarily at the host of empty bottles, sighing wearily. "Whatever you felt for Mokuba isn't important anymore. You've admitted it, and now you have to move on from it."
"And how do I do that?" Kaiba said dryly, moving away from Yuugi to the open balcony doors, peering between the curtains as though someone was watching. The breeze against his face wasn't comforting. Feeling a presence at his side he looked over his shoulder. Yuugi patted his arm before interlinking with him, pressing against his side.
"You let your friends teach you what life is. You let us in."
"I'm not going to hang around with your pathetic little posse of losers." Yuugi grinned widely.
"That's the Seto I remember!" he chirruped, tweaking the brunet's cheek. The man wrinkled up his nose, slapping the hand away and Yuugi chuckled, pulling open the curtains to be greeted by a still and undisturbed night. The moon was new, glowing playfully amidst the stars upon a backdrop of blue-black. "I don't mean you should forget Mokuba, or even what you felt for him, but-" The man took a steadying breath, closing his eyes, "Maybe you can learn from it."
Kaiba arched a quizzical eyebrow, before turning away to stare into the night once more, "I'm getting old, Yuugi. I don't think I have the strength to start learning from mistakes. I've never made one before."
Yuugi sighed softly, stepping away. He pushed open the balcony door wider, stepping out into the night, "You know Seto, if you never say goodbye to the best things in your life, there are things you don't appreciate at all..."
His attention focused on Kaiba, gentle, warming eyes searching his soul for a response. The other was pensive. "Where do you come up with this crap?"
But he was smiling. Properly smiling. And inside Yuugi was cheering.
"Why I make it up of course!" the slighter man said cheerfully. Kaiba rolled his eyes.
"You're making my headache worse." Yuugi laughed again, tugging the CEO out onto the balcony with him.
"So what do you say, Seto? Willing to give me a try?"
Kaiba resisted the urge to burst out laughing at the innuendo, arms folding against the balcony banister. Yuugi joined him, remaining close. "What do I get if I agree?" Kaiba asked, almost mischievously. Yuugi side-glanced, grinning.
"Is that a yes?" Kaiba gave him a dry look, sighing through his teeth.
"I take it you're not going to leave me alone, are you?"
"Seto, it's been eleven years. Why would I give up on you now?"
"Because you have something better to do?" Yuugi winked. It looked comical, "Well that was a silly question, wasn't it?" The man nodded.
"So, where do we start?" Yuugi asked cheerfully, watching grey clouds drift by, a distant smile on his face. Kaiba sighed for the second time, wistful and resigned. After a minute or more of contemplation he turned around, back pressed against the banister. Folding his arms across a broad chest, he frowned thoughtfully. Yuugi waited patiently, eyes drawn to the delicate fountain spurting silver water.
"Why don't you tell me about the pharaoh?" he murmured almost to himself. Yuugi's smile faltered.
"If that's what you want to hear about," he responded finally, continuing to look out across the garden, expression cool, level. "But if I do, you have to tell me about Mokuba."
Kaiba stiffened just slightly. Swallowing loudly, he nodded.
"It's a deal."
With a sincere smile, Yuugi turned and, without a second thought, he pulled the taller man into an embrace, "Welcome to living, Seto Kaiba."
Fin
Notes-I wasn't so into the whole "I love you" cliché stuff, so I gave it a miss because real life rarely happens like that. I have my own thoughts and meanings for everything else. You can figure out your own The title lyric is very significant, I'll say that much. Oh and the summary comes from a song called "Postcard from Heaven" by the Lighthouse Family. It's also Yuugi's penultimate line and is the basis for the whole thing really.
Hope it was enjoyed!