Note: Okay, several reviews have stated that the translations after the paragraphs are a jolt and problematic. sigh We personally hate having to scroll up to find out what a translation means, then scroll back down to try and find where we left off. We have tried to put translations in brackets, parentheses, etc to make it easy for your eyes to "skip" over it. Evidently, doesn't like it when you do that. Grrrrr.
So, here are the words we've used and what they translate as:
-dono: a very, very polite title.
de gozaru: Kenshin's way of making everything he says polite.
-san: polite Mr. or Miss or
Mrs.
-sensei: teacher, doctor, or master of field.
-kun: manner of addressing a male younger than
you or a male your own age
-chan: manner of addressing a female younger than you or a girl your
own age. When in reference to a boy, it's kinda like calling him little
busu: ugly
hitokiri: assassin/killer/manslayer
geta: shoe/sandal
Aku Soku Zan: Kill Evil
Instantly
gi: shirt that men
wear traditionally paired with hakama: skirt like pants
Tanuki: Nickname for Kaoru.
Raccoon spirit.
shinai: wooden practice sword, less sturdy than a
bokken
engawa: Japanese porch surrounding a traditional home.
Ch'kso: Dammit
teme: jerk
Jou-chan:
Little Lady. Nickname for Kaoru from Sanosuke.
Sou: That's right/That's true
shihondai: assistant master of a style (We've also seen it spelled shihandai. Anyone know which it is?)
rurouni: wanderer
Iya: No
Hai: Yes
Sumanai/Gomen: I apologize.
ka: makes any statement a question
Mou: exclamation of frustration
katsujinken: sword that protects
Ne: a gentle "Hey"
satsukin-ken: sword that kills
Megitsune Megumi
+ Kitsune
no baka: You idiot
Omae: A very rough "you". Can be translated as "bitch", "bastard", etc.
Oro: no definition, just a sound
Ano: attention getter
shinobi: ninja
Che: swear word.
Arigato: Thank you
Nan desu te?: What'd you say?
Oi: Hey!
shishou: master/teacher
Okashira:
Leader
Aah: yeah
Kasshin no Kokoro
By Mirror and
Image
Kaoru smiled to herself. After having rain threatening for two days, it was very nice to actually have the sun shining. And it looked like the sun would be shining for the rest of the day. That was very good; she had a lot to do. She wrapped her dark blue shawl around herself; the wind seemed to have a slight chill in it.
"Kaoru-dono," a gentle voice called out. Kaoru couldn't help it. She turned and smiled.
"Yes, Kenshin?"
"You're going out de gozaru ka?" he asked, shifting the bucket of laundry in his arms.
"Yes," she replied, smile still bright. After the whole ordeal that was Enishi, things were finally getting back to normal; and what made Kaoru's smile all the brighter was that she and Kenshin were starting to work on an actual relationship. They were both tentatively reaching out and starting to try the give and take of a loving couple instead of the just-friends that they had been for what felt like a lifetime.
"When will you be back?" he asked, smiling gently at her. Those little smiles were so precious.
"Well," Kaoru murmured, thinking, "I'm going to visit Tae-san to try and pay part of our tab, then I'm going to visit Megumi-san at the clinic. I've been meaning to volunteer there for a while, and I understand that Megumi-san and Gensai-sensei have been getting quite a few patients with colds and flues. After that I'll head to the market." That was her list for the day. Of course, she wasn't going to mention to Kenshin that she was going to the market for a kimono. She'd been saving up for a new one as a sort of commemoration of her budding bond with her bashful boarder. "I think I'll be back after lunch."
"Then why don't we make it a late lunch de gozaru," Kenshin offered.
"That sounds wonderful," Kaoru agreed.
"Don't be too late, busu," Yahiko called out from the yard where he was practicing his strokes. "You promised to help me with that new move you showed me."
Kaoru growled briefly, but kept smiling. "I think another five hundred swings should do for a good warm up, don't you?" she shouted back, sugar dripping from her voice. "Be sure to start them this afternoon before I get back! And don't forget to help Kenshin with the dishes. You made a mess, so you have to clean it up!"
She shut the door so Yahiko's insults could bounce off the walls, rather than chase her down the street. First stop, Akabeko, and she hurried to her destination.
Saitou was irked. It was not easy to irk him. Irritation was usually very, very far beneath him. But at the moment, he was irked. It was two o'clock, and he was supposed to meet an informant over two hours ago. The informant was late. And if there was one thing that Saitou couldn't stand, it was incompetence. Granted, this particular informant could provide some very good information, not that Saitou ever told him that, but the informant was also very fond of finding a woman to screw before he actually talked.
Saitou took a long drag from his cigarette before crunching it under his feet. Normally, he'd give this informant about an hour of leeway since his information was always accurate and irrefutable; though making Saitou wait meant very unpleasant things. However, this informant always came within an hour of the agreed time. This was two hours. And the informant was working on a sensitive case.
"Dammit."
Saitou stepped out of his waiting spot and started heading towards where he knew the informant liked to do his screwing. He sent his ki out, searching for the damnable fool who was going to face severe punishment for making a wolf wait.
Within fifteen minutes Saitou found the low-rent room that his informant used to relax before facing Mibu fangs. The door was slightly ajar. He didn't bother to knock, but just slammed to door open and gazed in.
"Shit."
Saitou thankfully, didn't have to wait two hours for his message to get across this time. Simply sending out a battle ki was enough for the person he wanted to see to come running. Without fail, Himura Battousai arrived before Saitou could even get a decent drag from his fresh cigarette. ki: best translated as spirit
"Saitou," was the only greeting he received as the Battousai slid down the alley, violet eyes glaring. "What do you want de gozaru ka?"
Mibu's wolf smirked. The reaction would certainly be amusing, when Battousai saw what was in the room. Saitou didn't reply to the underlying growl in the former hitokiri's words, and instead gestured with his cigarette to the room. The Battousai glared at Saitou briefly before closing the distance between them and entering the room.
Inside reeked of piss and smoke, and the room hadn't been cleaned in a very long time. The only light came from the open doorway and the mid-afternoon sun. Crates littered the space, and along the back wall was a dirty unaired futon that Saitou's informant used for his relaxing. The Battousai didn't bother to slip out of his geta and instead stepped up into the room ignoring proper decorum. Within a few steps, violet eyes of a dragon were riveted behind a crate.
"That's how I found them," Saitou stated flatly, stepping up behind the shocked Battousai.
Before them was none other than Battousai's woman. Her hair was spilling down, dull, and tangled. Her face was bruised and bloody. Her eyes were glassy, and she smiled faintly. On top of her lap was Saitou's informant with a sword protruding from his back. "I thought you might want to tend to your woman," Saitou continued, amused with the Battousai's shocked and blank demeanor. "After all, I'll have to question her about what happened."
The woman gave no reaction at all to their voices. Her eyes remained dull, staring straight ahead, never wavering from whatever point in space that she found so fascinating. No sign at all that she was even aware that there were two men in front of her after the experience she had just been through. The flat eyes were offset by the soft, faint smile that had no place being on her face for what had no doubt happened to her. It was almost like she found something about her situation pleasant. Battousai's woman had ki that was very weak. Even an amateur could see the damage her ki had suffered and it was far from the vibrant, damnable perky cheer it usually circulated as.
That seemed to pull the Battousai out of his stupor.
"Kaoru-dono!"
Battousai blurred and reappeared by the woman's side. "Kaoru-dono? Kaoru-dono, can you hear this one?" The hitokiri pulled the corpse off of his woman's body and Saitou himself winced internally. The kimono was torn open, ripped in the manner of sword strikes. White skin was unbearably bright in the dark, smelly confines, but was smeared with blood and dirt. Battousai had to tug the cadaver's hands out from his woman's legs and away from her bust.
Saitou scowled as a brief image of Tokio overlay the woman against the wall before them. The informant may have been useful, but to take a woman with a sword was pure evil.
Battousai quickly removed his gi, separating the inner and outer layers and covering his woman with it. He quietly murmured soothing sounds in her ears, trying to sooth her dull, flat ki with his own bright, worried one. She didn't even flinch as he put his arms around her as gently as he could and picked her up. It was like she was unconscious, but her eyes were wide open. It didn't make any sense. A woman who had just been in that situation would be as skittish as a horse on a battlefield. But she gave no reaction.
Saitou narrowed her eyes. Battousai turned and glared at Mibu's wolf. "Kaoru-dono clearly cannot answer any of your questions," he stated coldly.
"But she will eventually," Saitou replied, his voice as sharp as ever and revealing nothing.
Battousai didn't dignify Saitou with a response. He only offered a cold glare before exiting the room in swift strides and disappearing onto the roofs with his legendary speed. Saitou took a long drag from his cigarette as he stepped out of the room and its stench. He needed a bath, but his day just got a lot longer.
Outside the clinic, there was a long line of people waiting just to get into the waiting room. Many of them came because they had no other resource. Though they were leery of a female doctor, there was no doubt that this clinic was the best for those who may not have the money for a physician's care. And if any were concerned about being treated by a woman, there was always the elderly doctor if one didn't mind his two granddaughters being underfoot.
However, many of the patients outside wondered if they'd ever get the chance to be treated for the various colds and flues that they were facing. After all, the line lead outside. People shouldn't have to wait outside for medical care.
A sharp gust of wind ripped through the waiting patients, and they all turned to the red-haired man who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere within the yard. In his arms was someone who had long midnight hair, but was covered by what appeared to a faded red gi, no doubt one that belonged to the pint-sized man who arrived in the blink of an eye.
"MEGUMI-DONO!" the man shouted, his voice penetrating all of the patients, both outside, and a few inside that slid open the door to see what the commotion was about.
Another shoji slid open, forcibly. A woman with long hair stepped out hurriedly, "Ken-san?" She looked at the small man and the bundle in his arms. "Tanuki?"
Megumi rushed forward, producing geta from somewhere and running across the yard. She reached Kenshin and pulled his gi back leaning over, one hand already finding Kaoru's wrist and her pulse. Megumi breathed in sharply when she saw Kaoru's gazeless eyes and small smile. "Follow me," she ordered. Kicking off her geta, she rushed to an operating room, Kenshin close behind her.
"What happened?" she demanded, pulling out a needle, thread, and sending an assistant to get bandages and water.
"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin murmured as he gently eased down. "Forgive this one, but this is not the time for modesty." With a few quick movements, Kenshin removed Kaoru's obi and kimono, exposing the full extent of the damage. Both Kenshin and Megumi stared.
"Never mind," Megumi murmured. "I can guess what happened." She set about operating.
Yahiko swished his shinai with vigor. He was well past his five hundredth stroke, he had lost count somewhere after six hundred. The boy was hardly paying attention to his stance and strokes now, instead swinging his weapon to release his growing amount of frustration.
"Damn busu," he muttered. She was late, and I mean LATE. Late as in several hours after she promised late. Late as in it was almost time for dinner late. She had promised to show him the newest stance. She had promised, dammit! Where was she?
And Kenshin, the jerk, had upped and run off without a word; just disappeared somewhere during Yahiko's training. That meant the entire dojo was under his care, and while he liked the sense of responsibility, he hated the empty feeling. So he continued to swing, focusing on the swishing sound and forgetting the rest.
The stupidity of it all rushed through Yahiko and he swung too hard, loosing his balance and falling flat on his face. Cursing colorfully, he pulled himself up to his knees. "At least no one was here to see that," he muttered, trying to find consolation in his current solitary state.
"No such luck, boy."
Yahiko whirled around; his face flushed half in embarrassment and anger as he grabbed his shinai. "Saitou! Bastard, what are YOU doing here?" He may have been alone, but Yahiko was equally aware of his responsibility: no Mibu wolves allowed. Especially Saitou. He held his wooden sword wearily, ready for anything.
Saitou, to his credit, managed not to scoff. Instead, he flicked his half smoked cigarette onto the pristine wooden floors of the dojo, fully aware of the fury it would cause the boy - not for the dirt, but for all the cleaning he would have to do. "If you're going to be so disrespectful, them maybe I should leave you in the dark," he mused calmly.
As expected, the boy riled, but held his stance. Saitou took perverse pleasure in keeping people on their toes.
"Leave me in the dark about what?" the boy asked carefully, unwilling to fall into some kind of trap.
"Nothing important, obviously," Saitou sighed. He clicked his boots on the wooden floor, knowing he was leaving scuff marks, "if you didn't even take notice."
"Take notice of what? What did you do? Where's Kenshin?"
"My, my. Now you're demanding. You have no respect at all. Here I am doing you a favor."
"You never do favors, bastard! If you're here to tell me something spit it out!"
Well, the boy had some brains in him. Saitou had more, though, and debated on how long he could draw this out. The lowering sun, however, reminded him that time was against him. If he wanted Battousai's woman to wake up and answer his questions, he'd have to gather her precious family fast. The last thing he wanted was the police chief breathing down his neck. Although, now that he thought about it, it wouldn't be too much of a problem, since the old man was scared shitless of him. But it would be an annoyance.
Decision made in the span of a breath, Saitou said, "Battousai is with his woman. You may want to go to the kitsune's clinic." Nickname for Megumi. Fox spirit, usually a trickster.
Yahiko blinked, the implications of those two sentences hitting him dead on. All thoughts of Saitou dropped from his mind as quickly as the shinai dropped from his hands and he ran out of the dojo.
Saitou watched amused at how easy it was to manipulate people. Speaking of which, since it he had nothing pressing until the raccoon girl woke up, he wouldn't mind house sitting for a while. It would give him time to go over the layout of the dojo, reestablish all its entry points and weaknesses.
And, if he waited long enough, it might even be grilled rooster night.
Yahiko was oblivious to all this, however, as he ran through the streets of Tokyo. The people and buildings were a blur, and he didn't really remember much aside from just appearing at the clinic. Yahiko pushed through all obstacles, looking for a familiar face - Kenshin, Megumi. Kaoru if the gods were favoring him. Seeing the familiar hunched shoulders of an aging doctor, the boy made a beeline to Dr. Gensai.
"Sensei!" he cried out. "Where are they? Where's Kenshin? Kaoru? What happened? Are they okay? What--"
"Yahiko-kun!" the doctor shouted over the boy's voice. It was a slap in Yahiko's face, and he was suddenly astutely aware of his surroundings. He looked around, seeing the crowd of patients that he had plowed his way through in his panic, and realizing what a scene he was making.
Too worried to be embarrassed, but too proud to not do something, Yahiko bowed in apology. "I'm sorry. Nobody's told me anything; all I know is they're here and..."
A warm, strong hand grasped his shoulder gently; Yahiko looked up to the doctor.
"I understand," Dr. Gensai said. "Kenshin brought Kaoru in a few hours ago. Megumi-san is still with them."
"Still? How bad is it?" Yahiko could not prevent the raised pitch of his voice.
"Yahiko-kun, you can't do anything for them now. Why don't you go outside and wait?"
"But they're--"
"I know, Yahiko-kun, I know."
With great skill, Dr. Gensai coaxed Yahiko out onto the engawa and sat him down. At a loss of what else to do, he bowed to the doctor, thanking him. But his mind was very far away, so soaked in worry he felt he was drowning. Time seemed to inch along and all Yahiko could do was stare at his bare feet as his mind slowly shut down. The other patients looked on at him with pity, several whispering amongst themselves, but the boy was too far gone to even be insulted by it. engawa: Japanese porch surrounding a traditional home.
"Yahiko-kun!"
Snapping his head up, he whirled to see his coworker, Tsubame, running delicately towards him.
"Tsubame..." he couldn't imagine why she was here.
She seemed to sense his question and explained as she sat down by him. "You were supposed to come tonight, but you didn't." Yahiko looked to the sky. Was it that late already? "I went to the dojo to see what was keeping you..." Her voice trailed off, but Yahiko didn't need to hear the rest. Saitou was probably still there, doing nasty things no doubt, and was more than happy to pass on the information. "Do you have any news?" the petite girl asked.
The boy couldn't bring himself to answer no, he hadn't heard anything. He looked away, pained. Tsubame immediately understood and took his hand in hers, the only comfort she could offer.
It was not long until a third member entered their party.
"Ch'kshou! Ch'kshou! Yahiko, teme! What the friggin' hell was SAITOU doin' at the goddamn dojo! That bastard! What kind of -" the curse died in his throat as Yahiko glared at him. Tsubame shifted closer to her coworker, perpetually afraid of the ex-gangster. Sano stared at the two children, at a loss for words. Comfort and emotional support were hardly the fighter's forte; instead he took up pacing around the front of the engawa, unable to do anything more.
Yahiko wasn't sure how much more time passed, but he lifted his head when he heard a pair of soft footsteps approaching. It was Megumi, pale and haggard, followed closely by Kenshin, missing his gi and looking exhausted. The boy half stood, drawing Tsubame's attention and her quiet gasp. Sano was more vocal, however.
"About fucking time you showed up!"
Megumi, tired and in no mood to exchange insults with her favorite sparring partner, merely leveled an ice glare that, fortunately, had the desired affect. The rooster head immediately shut up.
Flipping her hand through her hair, she turned to Kenshin, who had quietly joined Yahiko.
"Megumi-dono," he cued quietly.
"It was a lot of work," she said finally, "but physically Kaoru will be fine." Yahiko and Tsubame uttered an audible sigh of relief, and Sano cheered.
Kenshin said nothing, having already seen and heard the diagnosis. Seeing his solemn gaze, Yahiko fearfully asked, "You said physically. So she'll be fine right? There's nothing to worry about, right?"
Megumi looked at the boy sadly. "Physically, she will be fine; however her mind is... well..." Kenshin placed a firm hand on Yahiko's shoulder, silently telling him to let Megumi continue. "Well... her mind doesn't seem to be here."
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sanosuke demanded.
"Just that," Megumi clarified. "Throughout the operation, she was completely unresponsive, despite the fact that she was conscious. She does not respond to any prompting or physical prodding, it's like she's not even here. I have read of cases where psychological trauma for a patient is too great, and they bring about a self induced coma. Given the circumstances Ken-san says he found her in, that is a distinct possibility."
"But Kaoru's a lot stronger than that!" Yahiko all but shouted. "She can take anything! She fought the Juppongatana! She fought Enishi! She -"
"Yahiko, that is enough," Kenshin said quietly. The boy immediately silenced himself, looking up to his father figure.
"She'll be fine," Yahiko said weakly. "She's Kaoru, she'll be..." The words caught, fear and uncertainty placing a huge lump in his throat. Tsubame shuddered, lowering hear head into Yahiko's shoulder and sobbing silently while Sano let out a long string of creative profanities. Yahiko could only stare up at Kenshin. "It's happened again," he whispered. "I've lost her again..."
"You have NOT de gozaru yo," Kenshin said in a firm voice. His face was set, determined, as he looked down at Yahiko grimly. "We have not lost her yet."
"Ken-san is right," Megumi said. "Although it varies from patient to patient, it is possible for victims to come out of their comas, self induced or otherwise. The thing she needs right now is right here; friends and family, a normal routine. Talk to her, treat her like she's fine, and hopefully she'll come out of it."
Only Kenshin heard the word hopefully, but Yahiko and Sanosuke immediately snatched up the idea.
"Of course! There's no way Jou-chan would give up so easily! She'll be up and bullying Yahiko-chan in no time!"
"Yeah. Yeah! She can get through this; she can get through anything. Right, Kenshin?" Again, the boy looked up to his father figure.
Kenshin, deep in thought, only hesitated a brief moment before giving his most disarming smile.
"Sou, de gozaru yo. She can make it through this."
One week later, Kaoru's physical wounds were well on the way to mending. Megumi, who visited every day to check on Kaoru, stated that the young shihondai was making the best progress of anyone she'd ever seen in such a condition.
Unfortunately, as good as that news was, the bad side was that she had yet to respond to anything. Kenshin and Yahiko regularly including Kaoru in their daily activities. Kenshin would bring the girl to the kitchen and go through cooking lessons with her, let her sit in the sun while he did the laundry, and kept her company through the day so that she was never alone. Yahiko would continuously drag his sensei to the dojo every morning to watch his lessons and constantly asked questions. Sano dropped by frequently as well, usually accompanying Megumi, or bringing Tae and Tsubame, as well as other friends to visit Kaoru and talk to her. Other students from the schools where Kaoru taught visited as well as their teachers, once they heard of the attack.
The show of support for the raven haired instructor was amazing, and very highly appreciated. However, they were not the only visitors that Kaoru had. Saitou visited every day, usually right after Megumi left. He claimed to wish to know what had happened to one of his best informants. Kenshin would always politely inform him that Kaoru wasn't well enough to answer his questions.
Still, by the end of the week, there was an underlying worry that ate away and Kenshin and Yahiko. Kaoru had not awoken. Hopes were high when she had first came home, but as they days continued and she still showed no response, neither could help but worry that she may never shine her sky blue eyes ever again. It had been one agonizing week since Saitou had called Kenshin to recover Kaoru; and she still wasn't responding to anything. They had done everything they could think of. Friends had visited; Kaoru had been spoken to like she was a part of every conversation. Kenshin had taken her to their spot at the riverside where the fireflies came out at night. They had visited some of her favorite spots in town. But there was absolutely no sign that the young shihondai was aware of what was going on around her. None at all. So Kenshin and Yahiko worried.
Yahiko sighed as he dragged Kaoru down the engawa towards the dojo for his morning practice. While Kaoru may not have responded to anything, he sure as hell wasn't going to give up trying. He leaned her against the wall where she could see him and walked off to get his shinai.
Swish.
Swish.
Swish.
The blanket of darkness was wavering. No. It couldn't. The black walls that encased her were all that she had. She had made them strong and thick. When it had happened, she was happy. She finally understood him a little bit better. There was so much that made him an enigma, but she finally understood one little part of him. But she couldn't face him. She couldn't face any of them. She just couldn't. Not after what had happened. It was better for her to stay in this darkness.
Swish.
Swish.
Swish.
The walls were weakening. They always did when the swishing started. No! She couldn't let her walls break! It was the only thing that kept her from having to deal with him! There was no way she could face him! She knew she would have to eventually, but not now!
Swish.
Swish.
Swish.
The walls crumbled. The blackness receded. She could see. He wasn't there. She sighed in relief; he wasn't there. She would have time to build up her walls again. The foundation was quickly laid, but unfortunately, she could see. In front of her was something that was a strange cross between a brother and a son. He was working so hard on a stance that she had promised to help him with. Unfortunately, there was no way for him to improve.
No. She had to build her walls. Quickly. But perhaps, this time, she could do something before encasing herself in the safety of the darkness. Her student deserved that much.
She swiftly rose to her feet, ignoring the pain of the injuries. The pain meant nothing. She had something far more important to do. Standing behind her son/brother, she wrapped her arms around his, adjusting his grip on the shinai. She swiftly kicked his feet into a more stable stance.
"Keep your feet farther apart, you'll loose your balance otherwise," she informed him. "And swing more with your arms. Don't rely on your wrists so much." She guided his arms through the movement. "This may be a different type of swing than you're used to, but the fundamentals are still the same." She took him through the swing once more. "You know better."
Her pupil let her guide him in his swings. She could sense his mouth hanging open. No. Don't look at me. I can't handle that! Not yet! She threw up her walls as his eyes turned to lock on hers. She reinforced the walls with all the strength as much as she could.
Kenshin was headed toward the kitchen when he heard it.
"Kaoru? Kaoru!"
He didn't need to hear anything more. His feet barely touched the ground as he ran to the dojo where he knew Yahiko was doing his morning practice. He ran in, sliding to a stop when he saw Yahiko barely holding up his sensei.
"Yahiko? Kaoru-dono?" He rushed forward, gently taking Kaoru from Yahiko, letting the student help him lay her down. Kenshin held the young shihondai to his chest, wondering how she had ended up in the middle of the dojo on top of Yahiko and why the boy had called out to her. Would it be too much to hope? After a week of nothing, his hopes were slowly fading, but was this what they had been waiting for? Did something finally work? "Yahiko what happened?"
"Kenshin," the boy replied, his voice thick and his eyes shining, "she was here! Kaoru was here!" He went on to explain how Kaoru had suddenly participated in his training.
Kenshin looked down to the instructor, absently running a hand over her head. In a small corner of his mind, he was jealous that Kaoru had opened up to her student first, instead of him. After everything they had been through, why Yahiko instead? But he understood. Kaoru had a very strong and well defined relationship with the boy. While it couldn't really fall into the category of either mother or sister, it was still a strong relationship that they had been building since they had met.
Kenshin couldn't say the same thing for Kaoru and himself. Before he had left for Kyoto, there was a solid barrier between them. The rurouni had felt that he couldn't remain close to anyone, and kept that strong barrier between them. But when Kaoru had followed him to Kyoto, the barrier had broken down. Kyoto had shown Kenshin that once he had true friends, there was no way he could get rid of them. He had accepted them and fought to return to them and to Tokyo during his fight with Shishio. But Tomoe remained a wall between him and Kaoru, even after Kyoto.
It wasn't until after the battle with Enishi that everything that was in Kenshin's way was removed and he could finally start to work on the relationship he had wanted with her. However, because they had only just started on such a path, because their relationship had changed in demeanor over the time they had known each other, they weren't on stable ground. They were still tentatively reaching out to each other and experimenting with the communication and follies that go along with a budding relationship. Kenshin was still learning to try to share everything with Kaoru, still trying to not keep everything to himself. She was still grappling with trying to shoulder his burden when he did offer and not make him worry while doing so.
This made for a relationship where they were both still figuring out where the other stood. With Kaoru in such a delicate emotional state, she needed not only familiarity, but also stability. Yahiko could provide that. Kenshin couldn't. As much as he felt the guilt over not being able to be there for Kaoru, this was one time where Kenshin knew apologizing wouldn't do any good. He also knew there was nothing he could do to rectify the situation.
"Kenshin?"
The rurouni looked down, Yahiko staring at him in white worry.
"Iya, she's fine," Kenshin replied. "This one was merely thinking."
The boy's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare!"
In reply, Kenshin blinked.
"Don't you dare go blaming yourself for Kaoru! This isn't something you can fix; this isn't something I can fix! The only one who can fix this is Kaoru, and the only thing we can do is wait till she's ready; so don't you dare go blaming yourself! It'll only make it worse!"
Kenshin stared at Yahiko. There were times when the boy's anger overshadowed his surprisingly astute observations. Without Mitsurugi training, he still knew what Kenshin was thinking and feeling. He sometimes forgot that people could be as adept as he, himself, was. It was the consequence of being really close to someone. Could Kaoru feel the same thing, even in her coma?
He suddenly smiled. "You're right, Yahiko. This one can't fix this. But it doesn't stop this one from wanting to."
The boy snorted. "Wanting to and blaming yourself for not being able to are two different things!"
He was right of course; and, slightly disappointed that a ten year old knew him better than he knew himself, Kenshin smiled.
"Sumanai. This one will try de gozaru."
Yahiko looked at him skeptically, but nodded. Kenshin could only smile as he lifted the ever-light shihondai up to set her back on the engawa.
Those precious few minutes gave Kenshin and Yahiko renewed hope, and made them work on waking up Kaoru even more. Megumi had come immediately afterwards - Yahiko having been sent to fetch her - but reported no change. This refused to dampen their spirits however, as they tried again and again to repeat whatever it was that caused Kaoru to awaken. The problem was discovering what had prompted the miraculous training session.
Yahiko, refusing to give up, trained with a vigor that few had ever seen of him. He dragged Kaoru to his practice every day, and his sessions were now almost twice as long as before, giving Kaoru as much opportunity as he could before he exhausted himself.
Even after five days of no change, Yahiko stubbornly brought Kaoru to practice. Kenshin cautioned against it, wondering if it really was the training that had awakened her and concerned that Yahiko was pushing too hard. The boy didn't even dignify Kenshin with a response, and the red headed swordsman left the boy to his devices, turning to the neglected laundry.
Yahiko was practicing outside today, letting the breeze dry his sweat and keep him cool. He had taken Kaoru's lesson to heart, adjusting his stance and focusing on his swing. It was not a difficult stance, but for some reason Yahiko could not get the form right.
"Mou, Yahiko!"
The boy froze, afraid to do anything.
"Here, it would be so much easier if you do it like this." The shihondai kicked his foot a few inches to the left and tilted his hips just so. "Now try."
Yahiko did, and found the strike to be perfect. He smiled in spite of himself and in spite of the situation.
"Honestly Yahiko, you focus too much on what you're doing. That will do you absolutely no good in a fight. Instead, you have to be focusing on what you're fighting for - who you're protecting. Without thoughts of that person, you won't have the strength necessary to do what you need to. Even in practice, when you focus your thoughts on what you're protecting, the moves and the lessons will become easier. So always, always, focus on what and who you're protecting."
She let go of his stance slowly, but Yahiko immediately spun around, grabbing her waist in a tight embrace.
"Kaoru!" He looked up, wanting to see her clear eyes, but instead he watched as they glassed over, her weight leaning into him.
"Kaoru!" he cried again, this time in desperation. "Don't go, Kaoru!"
And Kenshin was there, all but appearing to catch the shihondai before she landed completely on top of the boy.
"Kaoru-dono," he whispered. "Kaoru-dono, why are you hiding?"
But she was already gone, her dull eyes and wistful smile firmly back in their places. Kenshin frowned, the only sign of his frustration as he picked up her slight frame for a second time and carried her back to the engawa. Yahiko followed in earnest, relating the events as detailed as possible. Kenshin found Kaoru's speech about protection particularly interesting.
"Yahiko, does Kaoru-dono speak to you about the philosophy of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu de gozaru ka? I mean during training?"
"A little," he answered, not sure what Kenshin was getting at. At the redhead's prompting, Yahiko continued. "She goes on about general stuff, you know? About the sword that protects and revitalization. This is the first time she's talked about it with actual fighting. You talked about it more than her."
Kenshin nodded, processing the information. "Sou de gozaru... ka..."
"Did you figure something out?" Yahiko asked excitedly. "Do you know how to wake her up?"
"Iya," Kenshin said solemnly. Yahiko wilted, but Kenshin continued. "But this one may be beginning to understand why she's locked away as she is."
Kenshin became a permanent fixture at Yahiko's training after that, suppressing his ki so that Kaoru wouldn't know he was there. He watched in steady concentration, some attention on Yahiko and both eyes firmly on Kaoru. Today the boy was training in the dojo, Kaoru in her usual place where Yahiko had put her. Kenshin kept well away from her, half hidden in doorway.
The rurouni glanced over at Yahiko and watched as he swung too fiercely, almost loosing his balance. But, disciplined as he was, he reset his stance and swung again. Kenshin noticed, perhaps for the first time, that the boy had improved, really improved. Kenshin had rarely been there for Yahiko's big battles, always moving past him to bigger battles. But now, as he watched Yahiko dutifully practice, he saw what he had seen when he had first seen the boy. Skill. Raw skill. Yahiko had a talent that few people possessed, and it surfaced in a way that few people noticed. It was not a physical trait, such as speed or strength or even grace. The skill Yahiko had was in his ki and in his discipline. The talent was reaching its potential under the firm hand of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu.
The redhead blinked, realizing yet another reason Kaoru opened up to the boy. She trained with him every day; she surely saw what Kenshin saw. How would she see that? He snapped his eyes to the shihondai in question. Yahiko was the future, he was her legacy. She was awakening to him because he was the continuation of everything she believed in, and she had to finish for when she wasn't there anymore.
Kenshin was suddenly a lot more worried, turning his gaze back to Yahiko and his new symbolism.
There was a quiet silk sound, and Kenshin backed almost completely out of the dojo, hiding himself as he watched Kaoru - awake, alert, and abrasive Kaoru - as she walked over to Yahiko.
"You must be so proud of yourself for being able to manage one stroke." She stepped behind him and wrapped herself around Yahiko's stance. "Well, Yahiko-chan, if you think you're so good, why don't you try combo strikes?" Slowly, she expertly guided her student through a simple kata, five strikes.
"Here, I'll show you." Kaoru disconnected herself from her pupil and walked across the dojo, picking up her trusted bokken off the rack. She glanced over to the engawa, and Kenshin withdrew himself fully, following the pair only with his ears and his senses.
"Watch," she said. She went through the simple kata, Kenshin could sense the relaxing of her ki. When she completed it, she explained. "Kata serve two purposes in kendo. The first that most people think of is the practicing of moves; swinging the sword over a series of patterns. That's secondary. The primary reason for kata is for the mind. The moves are specifically designed to relax and smooth your ki, leaving your mind to focus on the philosophy of the art."
Kenshin slowly peeked into the dojo. The instructor's back was to him, and Yahiko was nodding slowly. The boy didn't look at her directly, convinced that doing so would send her back to wherever she was hiding herself.
"Yahiko, katsujinken, the sword that gives life, the sword that revitalizes, isn't something that can be simply explained. There are very few philosophies that can be. They have to be FELT. This is why every school has kata. It is through slow movements, a quiet mind, and a single focus that we discover the truth about swordsmanship. The schools change over the years - not in ways that most people notice - but they do change as new masters come and refine the philosophy. I can only teach you the basic principles, and tell you what I have found. The rest falls on you."
"But, Kaoru," Yahiko asked weakly. He raised his head, not quite looking up at her. "Why can't you teach me it?"
Kenshin could hear the smile in her voice as she replied, "It's good that you question. That's how the whole process starts. Things like this are hard to understand at first. Besides, I won't be around forever; you have to learn these things on your own."
Kenshin took his cue. He had been silently padding up to her, trying to find the right moment to make himself known. He wasn't sure how she would react to his presence, but she did make it obvious through her awakenings when he was on the other side of the dojo that she did not want to see him.
"Kaoru-dono," he intoned softly, placing a calloused hand on her shoulder. "Kaoru-dono, you don't need to hide from us. Everything is okay."
She stiffened, her ki going as rigid as her body. "Everything's not okay," she whispered quietly, and her body was suddenly limp, puddling into his arms.
"Kaoru-dono!"
Another clue to her condition to process, but now was not the time for it. Yahiko was instantly by her side.
"Kaoru! Kaoru! Dammit busu, if you keep this up, I won't forgive you!"
Well, in response, Kaoru opened her eyes long enough to aim a well placed fist into his head.
"... -chan..." escaped her lips before she lapsed back into her coma.
Interestingly, after that, Kaoru could look Yahiko directly in the eye. Somehow, the encounter helped her to come out of her coma. Within a week she was able to stay awake for most of the day and interact with her mismatched family. However, Yahiko remained the only one she could look in eye. Should anyone else try to make eye-contact, Kaoru was guaranteed to end up back into hiding in her coma until the following day, or longer. It became an unspoken rule to avoid looking into the young shihondai's eyes unless she initiated the contact.
Kenshin and the others were greatly relieved at her marked improvement. Megumi's visit lessened to once a week now that Kaoru was up and around, but her inspection was usually a long examination of dialogue more than the dressing of Kaoru's wounds. The young doctor was very happy to report that the wounds were healing well and there would be minimal scaring, if any at all. The young kenjitsu instructor moved stiffly, but never aggravated the stitches, obeying Megumi's prescribed regiment to the letter, which raised Kenshin's eyebrow.
Kaoru wasn't one to sit still easily, being a very active person. Her listening so closely to Megumi's instructions, while in many ways a relief, didn't fall under what defined Kaoru as Kaoru. Still, Kenshin couldn't worry about Kaoru all the time. Their money was dwindling. The money that the shihondai made from giving lessons had stopped the day of Kaoru's attack. What money had been saved up was shrinking fast, but Kaoru couldn't give lessons, even if her mental health wasn't so fragile. She needed time to heal, both physically and emotionally. Kenshin was wondering in the back of his head if he should start picking up odd jobs around town to supplement their non-existent income.
But before he could even consider all that, he would need to discuss it with Yahiko. Kenshin wasn't sure whether or not he should attempt to broach the subject with Kaoru, but something had to be done soon.
After he went to the market to get some groceries. Kenshin looked over the dojo as he headed for the gate. He could hear Yahiko's yells in the dojo. Kaoru would no doubt start baffling him with questions for him to ponder on the idea of katsujin-ken. It seemed her lessons had switched from physical strikes (which was good as far as Kenshin was concerned, that meant Kaoru didn't have to exert herself while healing), but to more philosophical questions that tended to make Yahiko's eyes go swirly. Actually, they were fascinating to listen to, but Kenshin needed to get some food from the market before they starved.
Yahiko struggled through his kata. Honestly, one wouldn't think it would be so hard. He already knew each of the strikes like the back of his hand. But somehow, trying to put them into some form of pattern of attack seemed to just trip him up. Especially in the turn from attack to defense. If he ended up in on his face/bottom one more time, he swore he'd give up for the day. Thankfully, his brain was getting a rest. Busu had been asking him so many questions lately. To make matters worse, the questions weren't easy questions to answer. The young protégé felt like he was going to bed with a headache every night. Maybe he was just getting used to the steady throbbing.
Yahiko finished his kata with a great deal of difficulty and entered the motions again, trying to get some sort of fluidness in his moves. Sure enough, when he was supposed to pivot on his toe, he twisted on his ankle instead, tumbling to the ground.
Groaning, Yahiko sat up, mumbling several words from Sanosuke in frustration.
"Yahiko?" Kaoru quietly padded over to him, kneeling down. "Are you alright?" She placed her cool hands on his tender ankle, trying to assess the damage.
"It's fine, busu," the young student bit back in reply. "I'll try again."
"No, you certainly are not, Yahiko-chan," she replied.
"DON'T CALL ME CHAN!"
Chuckling softly, Kaoru reached over and ran her hand through his hair affectionately before sitting back down. "I want you to stay off that foot for a day or two. You've been placing a great deal of stress on it and it probably needs some rest."
Yahiko grumbled incoherently, but didn't argue. He was sure he could sneak in some practices somewhere along the way. He'd just have to be more careful not to strain his ankle.
"Ne, Yahiko?"
Oh no. Yahiko knew that tone. Kaoru was entering into her philosophical mode. He was about to get another headache. Granted, Yahiko kinda liked some of the questions that Kaoru asked; they were thought-provoking and made him look at things very carefully before he answered. The questions provided some fascinating insights, but damnit, it was all too much at once.
"Why is a sword so important?"
Yahiko fell over from his seated position to flat on the floor. She had to be kidding. What kind of question was that? It most certainly wasn't the philosophical kind.
"Isn't that obvious?" he replied.
Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "Enlighten me anyway."
"A sword is a weapon to use in either offense or defense. Swords can come in many different sizes and shapes, but the purpose remains the same."
"You're right, Yahiko," Kaoru replied. "That is one reason why. What's the other reason?"
Yahiko fell to the floor again. "Other reason?" Smirking, Kaoru nodded. Groaning, Yahiko righted himself, trying to figure out what could possibly be another reason for why a sword was important. The young student grumbled. If Kaoru kept up this kind of questioning, he was going to go insane!
"To represent the school of the swordsman," came a gruff reply. Yahiko started, whipping around and standing up to face the intruder of his lesson. "The sword becomes like an extension of the arm and as it's used, it reflects the owner's character and schooling. Since you obviously couldn't figure that out, I doubt you'd have much luck in whatever 'deep meaning' lies behind this ridiculous Kasshin style of yours."
"Saitou," Yahiko growled. He unconsciously stepped in front of Kaoru. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm here because the Battousai is not. That means I can finally ask his woman what happened to my informant." Saitou grinned, pulling out a cigarette. "I'm sure you don't have any problems with that."
"You bet I have problems with that!" Yahiko shouted. "Get out of here!"
"Yahiko," Kaoru snapped. "Whatever your opinion of him, some respect is necessary." She turned to the officer. "I am ready for your questions."
"Hang on!" Yahiko interrupted. "Isn't it obvious? You found her! Why do you need to ask what happened?"
"That informant was good. It's difficult to find talent like that and he's now gone. I need to make sure that the informant died for good reason." Saitou smirked. "But then, I don't have to explain myself to you, child."
"I am not a kid!"
"That's enough, Yahiko," Kaoru interrupted. "There is a lesson here for you in what Saitou-san just said."
Both Saitou and Yahiko looked to Kaoru as if she were nuts.
"This is why every life is precious," the shihondai explained. "No matter what that man did to me, he was still important to someone else. He was important to Saitou-san because he provided useful information for Saitou-san. That is why what I did was so wrong. There had to have been another way."
"Such as?" Yahiko shouted back. "From what I heard, he deserved what he got!"
"Does anyone who dies by the sword deserve what they get? Or those who die by guns? Does death by violence automatically mean that the person who dies deserves it?"
"Huh?"
"No matter what a person has done, there will always be someone left behind when they die."
Saitou snorted. "I'm afraid that informant was rather worthless. Nobody misses him."
"But you do, Saitou-san." Kaoru turned toward him, her eyes, as always, not focusing on him. "You miss the information he could provide. Therefore, he didn't deserve to die. Nobody does."
"Fascinating as this all is," Saitou retorted, "your lesson to your boy doesn't tell me what happened."
Yahiko bristled; both at the insult and Saitou's persistence on having Kaoru relive such a horrible experience. Like hell he was going to let this happen. There had to be some way to contact Kenshin.
"I was almost at the Akabeko when I heard the scream," Kaoru stated. Yahiko paused, about to head toward the door and get Kenshin when she spoke. Was she really going to tell her story of what happened? Was she insane? Who knew what that wolf would do with the information? "As Yahiko and Kenshin know, the Akabeko was going to be my first stop for the day. They expected me home for a late lunch.
"When I heard the scream, I naturally ran for it. I was in a kimono, so I didn't have my bokken handy, but I couldn't let a woman scream like that without going to help. Nobody else on the street was taking notice of it."
Yahiko stared at Kaoru, who currently had her eyes locked onto Saitou's amber orbs. She was going to explain what happened. He couldn't help it. Yahiko couldn't move. The seriousness of her tone riveted him to his spot, the tension making his ankle start to throb. He knew he had to go get Kenshin, but he couldn't move.
"I found your informant in an alley dragging a woman away, his hands already trying to reach at her."
As much as Kenshin needed to be told about this, Yahiko realized that this was something he needed to listen to. It was somehow important, but he couldn't determine why yet.
"There was a plank of wood leaning against one of the walls. I grabbed it, ran forward and slammed it into your informants head. I yelled at the woman to run." Kaoru smiled ruefully. "She didn't need to be told twice."
Why? Yahiko couldn't help but wonder why Saitou wasn't interrupting her with questions. Was he as riveted as Yahiko was? No, Saitou was too cold of a bastard for that. Wasn't he?
"The plank of wood wasn't a bokken, so it broke on contact. Your informant wasn't all that pleased that his 'date' had run away." bokken: thick piece of wood shaped and weighted like a sword.
Saitou smirked at that.
"He grabbed at my hair as I tried to get away. I fell down and hit my head on the stone beneath." Kaoru turned slightly, peeling back her hair and showing where Megumi had stitched the wound closed.
"I remember kicking and screaming a lot, but I don't remember how we got to that...apartment."
Apartment? From what Yahiko had been told "apartment" wasn't the word for it. Where was Kenshin? Kenshin needed to be here! Yahiko knew that he was just a boy. He would never admit to it, but as a child he wasn't sure he could handle this. It wasn't the story. It was the dead calm manner in which Kaoru was delivering it. Shouldn't she be reacting to this story somehow?
"He threw me down and suddenly he had a katana in his hand."
Yahiko's fists clenched. That bastard.
"Behind the crate was a metal pipe. I grabbed it and started to fight back. But pipe is no match for a katana. He knocked me down and put a sweet smelling cloth against my face. My movements started to slow down a great deal after that."
"Chloroform," Saitou growled. Yahiko glared at the wolf, not understanding or recognizing the word. But whatever it was, it seemed to make the officer angry.
"The next thing I really remember is being back against the wall as he started to rip open my kimono. His sword was stuck in his sash. I grabbed it, sidestepped, and backed away quickly, trying to get the crates between him and me. I remember tripping as he lunged at me. Everything is blank after that."
Yahiko's fists were shaking as he stared at Kaoru. The silence was deafening, since neither he nor Saitou seemed to be able to speak. The young shihondai broke the silence, turning from Saitou to Yahiko.
"Do you understand now? Why it's so important to learn the Kamiya Kasshin style?"
Yahiko just stared. Ignoring her question, he asked, "Are you alright, Kaoru?"
"I am fine," she replied. "The Kamiya Kasshin style is about protecting. You must protect not only the loved ones you are fighting for, but also your opponent. Your opponent will always have someone who will miss him. I took not only the man's life, but also the information that he could give Saitou, and any other things he might do during his life." She looked flatly at Yahiko, the seriousness of her tone increasing. "This is why it's so important that I teach you all that I can as quickly as I can. So you don't have to commit my sin."
Saitou snorted. "I may not have his information immediately, but I will eventually. He's no great loss. He's not worth shedding tears over."
Kaoru turned, glaring at the wolf in an officer's clothing. "You are a swordsman, Saitou-san. Even you must know that everything has a life. Every rock, every tree, every gust of wind. You can sense its ki. Nobody living may cry for that man's death, but his ancestors will. That--" Yahiko gasped as her eyes started turn glassy, and her mouth turned up to that infuriating small smile, "--is what I--" Kenshin appeared behind Kaoru, already holding her gently as she slumped into his arms, "--must live with."
"Busu!" Yahiko ran forward. He didn't know how or when Kenshin arrived, but he was grateful the rurouni was there. Kaoru needed him. Yahiko needed him. Yahiko knelt by his instructor. "Kaoru! Don't hide again!"
Kenshin turned burning violet eyes to the police officer. "Leave."
"I still have a few questions for her," Saitou retorted, scowling.
"Clearly, she cannot answer your questions," Kenshin replied, his voice low and menacing.
"No, your woman can't." Saitou stood, placing his cap back on his head and adjusting the katana at his hip. "She has potential for satsujin-ken. Aku. Soku. Zan. She did so extremely well."
Yahiko stood, and ran to get his shinai. He couldn't take Saitou any more. As he ran forward, however, Kenshin grabbed his shoulder. Yahiko looked back and Kenshin shook his head minutely. "Your ankle is not well," he stated. Flustered, Yahiko blushed. If Kenshin knew that fact when he hadn't been here all day, then Saitou probably knew about it as well.
Kenshin gently handed Kaoru's limp form to Yahiko, who sat down to hold her. Kenshin stood and stepped in front of the two of them.
"Don't worry, Battousai," the wolf stated. "I have all I need. I'll make report and find a replacement." Saitou smiled. "Perhaps you would like to fill the position."
Kenshin shrugged, a rurouni smile tugging at his lips. "Perhaps you should."
Saitou chuckled as he left.
Kaoru quickly recovered from her relapse - never mind the scare she gave everyone - and was back to training Yahiko to the ground. Kenshin noticed that her training had become much more intense. Mental training was always much harder than physical training, and the break-neck pace she was setting for her pupil only made matters worse for Yahiko. Most recently, he'd acquired an eerily vacant look half of the time, his mind far, far away as he pondered and worked through the most recent bout of training with the shihondai. He sometimes stopped to ask Kenshin some question - often very jarring in both its simplicity and complexity of answering. Kenshin was beginning to realize just how deeply one lived the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu.
Yahiko, when not training, had taken on double and sometimes triple shifts at the Akabeko to keep money coming in. Tsubame was a frequent visitor, checked on him to make sure he got enough sleep and that he was well fed. When she saw how untrue the latter was, Tae soon visited and offered Kenshin a job; he would run about doing errands and she would keep them fed.
Kenshin was preparing to leave for such an errand when Sano and Megumi appeared at the gate. They were, of course, bickering bitterly.
"I told you, it wasn't anything! It doesn't even hurt!"
"Indeed. If it doesn't hurt then you must have severed all the nerves in your hand. Except I notice how you're favoring it. But fine, fine, if you've decided to retire from fighting, then I suppose this is the best way to do it and save face."
"Who ever said anything about retiring, huh? You act like I'm disabled for life! It's just a little sore."
"Oh, so now it's a 'little sore.' You've broken at least two knuckles - again, I might add - and who knows what else. If it hurts you enough to think about getting it treated; if it hurts you enough to consider sparring with me, if it hurts you enough to bring yourself to my clinic, the least you could do is show me enough respect to have me look at it. Unless, of course, you don't think I can handle it. If THAT'S true, than I have a few words for you."
Kenshin broke out into a smile as Sanosuke, unable to ever win a match of wits with Megumi, finally gave in and shoved his poorly bandaged fist in her direction.
The doctor sniffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she opened the gate. "I'm not going to look at it."
"What!" Sano pounded his fist into the fence, and immediately regretted it. "Dammit Megitsune, it's a goddamn pain in the ass! Would you at least look at it?"
"Your ass? I think not." Her ears popped out as Sano fumed, and then turned to Kenshin. "Are you heading out?" she asked. "I can come by later."
"Iya, de gozaru. Tae-dono won't mind if I'm a few minutes late, de gozaru yo. Kaoru-dono and Yahiko are out back, training."
"Stubborn as ever, I see," Megumi said. Deliberately ignoring Sano, she followed Kenshin.
Yahiko could not hear all of this. This was not on Sano, Megumi, or Kenshin's part. All of Tokyo could probably hear them. This was on Yahiko's part because he was in the middle of a kata. It was still a lot of work, but his mind was starting to become clearer as he progressed. It was starting to happen more and more often, and as a result, he was finally beginning to see what Kaoru meant about pondering the philosophy of kendo. Tsubame, Kaoru, his parents, several people filtered into his mind as he though about protection. His battles surfaced in an odd, third person clarity, and for the first time he could see himself objectively. The detachment was strange, and somewhat disturbing, but what it showed him was even more so.
"Yahiko," Kaoru asked. She was in her training gi at last, stretching slowly and carefully as she worked her way through new knots and stiff, unused muscles. "What do you think about when you're in kata?"
The boy, having just finished, looked down to the ground. "People, everyone. You, Kenshin, Tsubame, Sano and Megumi, Tae, Dr. Gensai."
"No, no," Kaoru corrected. "What do you THINK about? The people are just representations of the thoughts."
Yahiko frowned, mulling that one over.
"Go through another kata," Kaoru offered after a while. "It will help."
Understanding, Yahiko obliged, yet again beginning the stance and working through the movements. The same things that he saw previously came to him again: his previous battles, the various people he wanted to protect, how they did and didn't intersect. When he came out of it, Yahiko had is answer.
"I guess it's my failures," he said slowly.
Kaoru blinked, looking up from her stretch. "Your failures?"
"Ah. I was too young to do anything about my father; I couldn't do anything for my mother; I failed myself and became a pickpocket; it feels like I just screw up everywhere I go. I couldn't help Kenshin; I couldn't stop Enishi; I couldn't do anything." He looked up. "How can I study the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu if I'm such a screw up? It's no wonder I couldn't help you."
Kaoru blinked again, and then swatted him with her nearby bokken.
"Baka. For one thing, you're confusing protection and sheltering. Yahiko, you can't protect people from LIFE. A bad thing happening is a just as likely as a good thing happening and we all have to go through it if we're going to grow. You can't put someone in a bubble; it would suffocate them. You can't make decisions for them, either. Look at Kenshin, he's always giving everyone a choice, whether their decision is one he likes or not. Your father chose to fight in the Bakumatsu no Doran; nobody could have changed his mind about that. Your mother chose to give you as normal a life as possible, not matter what the cost to herself. You of all people couldn't have changed her mind. You chose to become a pickpocket in order to honor your parents and pay their debt; do you think anyone could have changed your mind?" Bakumatsu no Doran: war of shogunate versus imperials. Kenshin fought in the war with the imperials.
"... No," Yahiko said.
But Kaoru wasn't finished yet.
"You chose what you believed was honorable to your parents and their memory. In that respect, there was no way you could possibly fail them; anything you'd have done would have made them proud of you. You have to respect a person's decision as a result. I chose to help that girl. When I made that decision, nothing could have changed my mind. Because of that--"
"BUT I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE!"
Kenshin stopped in his tracks, having just entered the back yard with Megumi and Sanosuke.
Kaoru also stopped. "What?"
"I could have made the CHOICE to go with you! I could have helped you take down that stupid lecherous jerk and prevented everything that happened to you! I could have protected you!"
Kenshin watched; everyone did, stupefied. Yahiko was shaking, his shoulders high and taught as he shouted. Kenshin noticed, not for the first time, how much Yahiko loved his new family. For all his rude comments and abrasive demeanor, he loved Kaoru and Kenshin more than anything, and seeing either of them hurt, hurt him more than anyone realized.
Kaoru came out of her shock first. Getting up from her stretch she walked over to her student. Yahiko was close to tears, still shaking.
A deep breath, and then, "YAHIKO NO BAKAAAAAAAA!" She pummeled him.
"Omae, what the hell was that for?" gruff "you".
"After what happened I'm not WORTH protecting!"
That froze Yahiko in his place, but not Kenshin. Instinctively, he was by her side and wrapping his thin arms around her even thinner frame. Kaoru stiffened for an instant, and the struggled, trying to get loose. She knew who it was, but Kenshin would not let her go. He would never let her go again.
"Kaoru-dono," he murmured into her shoulder. His voice was thick with emotion, and he tried again. "Kaoru-dono, you ARE worth protecting. You are always worth protecting. Always."
This seemed to only upset Kaoru more. "No I'm not. No I'm not!" Still twisting, he turned and looked the doctor Megumi directly in the eye. "I took a LIFE! All life is precious, all life is sacred and I carelessly, selfishly, deliberately killed someone!" Her eyes shifted to Sano, again looking the former member of the Sekihoutai directly in his chocolate eyes. "I betrayed my father, his teachings, his ten years of study and investigation, I've sullied everything about him! I'm less than human, I'm lower than dirt! I'm not worth protecting!" Sekihoutai: former army that Sano was part of that was wiped out by government.
Kenshin only hugged her tighter. "Kaoru-dono," he started.
But Kaoru was not ready to listen to him, he realized, as she fell limp in his arms. Scared that she had again lapsed into her coma, the rurouni was relieved to see that she had instead fainted, her sudden adrenal rush too much for her still recovering body.
It was deep; her pain. Kenshin felt it since the beginning, and now it finally manifested itself. In some ways it was a step in the right direction. That she could speak of what happened to her, that she could express what she felt about it, was a marked improvement. But now Kenshin had the puzzle of how to approach her, how to help her. She was tacitly avoiding him, and now he was beginning to wonder if it was the uncertainty in their relationship. Kaoru seemed petrified of whatever she thought Kenshin would tell her. Kenshin had no idea of what that could be. His rurouni ignorance was, for once, genuine. His experience with women was numerous, but his experience on the romantic level was painfully limited. Tomoe was not the average relationship, and even if it were, Kaoru was so wonderfully different he could not draw a comparison.
"Ken-san," Megumi said, "if you don't let go, she'll suffocate."
"Oro?" Looking up, he realized that he was still clutching Kaoru to himself, and that the fox doctor was trying to examine her. "Ororororo!" Quickly, he let go and let Megumi do her work. She quickly barked orders to Sano, injured hand or no.
Yahiko knelt by him, silent. Kenshin absently put a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder, the reaction automatic as much as it was comforting.
Yahiko was able to get through to her. So would Kenshin. He swore it.
Kaoru recovered from her faint within the hour. Of course, Kenshin and the rest of their mismatched family were hovering around to make sure that she was alright until she started to threaten her bokken. As Kenshin expected, Kaoru was able to look both Megumi and Sanosuke in the eye, indicating that she had somehow overcome another hurdle in her healing. Once Kaoru had chased her hover-minded friends away, she was finally ready to actually start practice again.
Kenshin watched from afar as she put Yahiko through his paces by giving him several stances, kata, and strokes to go through for the afternoon. The earlier incident had put into sharp relief exactly what was happening to Kaoru. Her pain was two-fold. She had to deal with one pain before she could even feel the other. The problem was that Kenshin didn't know how to help the lovely shihondai deal with the first aspect of her pain. It was a pain he was deeply familiar with, but she seemed to be avoiding him to no end. Yes, she acknowledged his presence and included him in conversation, but when it came to any kind of deep and meaningful exchange, she regularly retreated. If he couldn't do any more than speak of the weather, then he wouldn't get anywhere.
It seemed that all Kenshin could do for the time being was to remain close by. He wouldn't be able to do anything unless Kaoru let him approach her on the subject. He couldn't think of any other way.
"Ah! There you are!"
Kenshin turned around to see Tae entering the dojo.
"You were rather late today, I was hoping you were alright," she said, walking over to him. "You're the fastest runner I've ever had," she winked, "and I had a lot of things for you to do when you showed up."
"Sumanai de gozaru yo," Kenshin replied, rubbing the back of his head apologetically. "We were rather worried about Kaoru-dono this morning."
"Eh?" Tae turned to watch Kaoru and Yahiko go through their practice. "Is she alright? She looks fine now."
Kenshin hesitated, not knowing how to really describe what had happened that morning. It felt too private to really share, but Tae wouldn't leave without some kind of answer. The proprietress, however, didn't seem to feel like waiting for Kenshin's reply. Instead, she ran over to Kaoru.
"Kaoru-san! Are you alright?"
"Tae-san?" Kaoru carefully slid out of her warm-ups, clearly still tender in certain areas.
"When Kenshin-san didn't show up for work this morning, I got worried that something happened to you."
"I'm alright," Kaoru replied, smiling brightly, if a touch strained. "It's been a long morning, that's all."
"Kaoru-san!" Tae gasped. The next thing Kenshin, Kaoru, or Yahiko knew, Tae had Kaoru in a bone-crushing hug. "You're finally able to look me in the eye! Kaoru-san, I'm so happy. You're getting better!"
"Ano, Tae-san?" Kaoru asked, her face many shades of red, "I'm still sore."
Tae quickly released the young shihondai. "Of course. Oh Kaoru-san, it's so good to see you getting better. I keep hearing from Yahiko-kun and Tsubame-chan that you're getting better, but it's so nice to see it for myself."
Kaoru's face remained several shades of red, albeit for a different reason. "I'm fine, Tae-san. Honestly, I'm fine."
Tae and Kaoru continued to exchange pleasantries while Yahiko continued his practice. Kenshin, however, sat on the engawa, pondering. Evidently, the incident earlier had not only allowed Kaoru to look into the eyes of Sano and Megumi, but also other people as well. Kenshin was fairly certain that she could look into anyone's eyes now, if this were any indication. Chances are it was because she finally let some of the pain out when she shouted out the source of her pain. Yet she still couldn't look Kenshin in the eye. It was frustrating. Surely, Kaoru knew that Kenshin of all people would understand. Surely she knew that he had gone through the same thing, only worse? Surely she knew. But she still didn't look to him for comfort.
Kenshin's eyes widened as something fell into place. The small tinge of a smile that Kaoru had worn while in her coma. He finally understood why she was smiling when he and Saitou had found her. Kaoru was smiling because she finally understood a small part of what he had gone through during the Bakumatsu no Doran. Kenshin shuddered. She shouldn't have to be going through this. His days as a hitokiri shouldn't be comprehensible to anyone other than a hitokiri. Kaoru and Yahiko had experienced enough glimpses into what his life had been like. Such a precise measure wasn't necessary.
A hand on his shoulder brought Kenshin out of his thoughts. "Yes, Tae-dono?"
Tae gave a small smile and gazed at him gently. "You can have the week off. I think your family over there needs you more than I could."
"Arigatoo, Tae-dono. You are far too kind to this one." Thank you
Tae chuckled. "If I didn't try to feed you during your time of need who would?"
Kenshin chuckled as the restaurant owner left and turned to once more watch Kaoru and Yahiko practice.
The following day, Kenshin sat in the dojo, watching Kaoru and Yahiko go through their warm-ups. Megumi had already checked on Kaoru as an extra precaution, and Sanosuke had wandered in a few moments ago, already teasing Yahiko. Kenshin couldn't help but smile as he watched his sort-of-surrogate son leap into attack, chomping at Sanosuke with everything he had until Kaoru used her bokken to smash both of their heads in.
Kaoru had started her kata, Yahiko already going into his own when she straightened. "Yahiko," she said, "do you recognize who's approaching?"
"Busu!" the boy countered. "I could only start sensing things a few days ago! How can I recognize someone I don't even know?"
Kenshin's ears perked up. Yahiko was finally able to start sensing ki? He shouldn't be ready for that for at least another two years. While Yahiko had a great deal of raw and untrained talent, Kaoru's tutelage was forming him into a fine swordsman. But he was still too inexperienced to start sensing ki. The fact that he sensed at all attested to the fact that something had changed. Sensing ki required a clear mind and keen observation. Not every swordsman could master the art. Kaoru herself was very inexperienced with ki, but knew enough to tell when a situation was off or not. Kenshin wasn't aware that she had started to recognize the ki around her.
The rurouni scolded himself. Of course she was able to recognize ki. Given the strong ki of both himself, Sano, Saitou, and many of the people they had met, she would naturally start recognized all of the strong ki around her. But for Yahiko to be able to sense things, Kenshin wondered just how Kaoru's simple, yet complex, questions about life, protection, and honor could change one person's perceptions so much.
When he had first commented on the Kamiya Kasshin style, Kenshin had stated that it was a sword style for the innocent who would never have to shed blood. A sweet lie that was preferable to the truth of swordsmanship. But if those few questions had changed Yahiko so much, then Kenshin had to wonder if the Kasshin style wasn't just for those who would never use a sword, but could also be a style for those who would use a sword. A way of living that any swordsman could follow.
If Kaoru's lessons to Yahiko could make him progress so much, what could she do with a protégé? And if her lessons affected her student so much, then what really was the Kamiya Kasshin style? Kenshin had always thought of kenjitsu as the art of killing. Using a sword to slice down an enemy. But if the Kasshin style could produce such an effect, then perhaps the Kasshin style had something more to it. Perhaps the Kasshin style was what kenjitsu was really about. Maybe swords were originally designed for killing, but by choosing the path of the sword, perhaps one chose not death, but the protection of life. If that was true, then all other sword techniques that had been taught for the purpose of killing were actually taking a student away from the true path of kenjitsu. It seemed Kaoru's father had found what that true path was and Kaoru was refining it for her students.
If this truly was the path of the way of the sword, then there really was no surprise in the fact that Yahiko could sense ki so quickly. He could sense ki because he didn't have bloodstains blocking his way.
"Yahiko-chan, I think that you can recognize that ki quite easily."
"DON'T CALL ME CHAN!" Mumbling to himself, Yahiko closed his eyes and concentrated. "One of them feels... cold, and the other is like... wind." Both Kenshin and Kaoru nodded. "Wait, does that mean it's..." Kaoru smiled.
"You got it."
Sanosuke grumbled around his fishbone. "Anyone care to fill me in?"
"Kaoru-chan!" The young shihondai in question easily evaded the lunging hug, letting the wind ki slide across the floor.
The cold ki merely entered quietly and sat down with Kenshin and Sanosuke.
"Misao-chan, Aoshi-san," Kaoru greeted, bowing. Kenshin noted that she was able to look both in the eye. "It's nice to see you again, what brings you to Tokyo?"
Misao just tackled Kaoru. "I'm so sorry we didn't come sooner," the young shinobi replied. "We were down in Kyushu investigating possible training ground when word came to Kyoto. Okina told us when we got back and we got on the first ship headed here!"
Kaoru's smile became somewhat strained, but she remained light-hearted. "You didn't have to come all this way."
"We did," Aoshi stated quietly.
Kaoru paled slightly, but not noticeably to anyone other than Kenshin and Yahiko.
"Busu," Yahiko interrupted. "Are we going to finish my lesson today or not?"
Kaoru smiled at the needed distraction and smacked him with her bokken. "Very well," she stated. Yahiko groaned. Her tone indicated he wasn't going to be doing stances, kata or swings, but developing a headache instead. Kenshin grinned despite himself.
"This outta be good," Sano smirked. "Haven't seen one of your practices in a while, Yahiko-chan!" Kenshin shook his head. Sano hadn't seen any of the boy's practices since Kaoru woke up. Yesterday didn't really count since they had come in to see Kaoru yelling on her unworthiness. The former gangster hadn't seen the lesson that led up to it, though Kenshin could take a few guesses in how it had proceeded. So Sanosuke would be surprised that Kaoru wasn't going to be having the boy do physical labor for the insult. Actually, Kenshin mused, not only Sanosuke's, but also Misao's and Aoshi's reaction to Kaoru's lesson would be interesting.
Yahiko sat down in front of Kaoru, who also took a seat. Kenshin could already feel the confusion of the other three in the dojo.
"Do you remember my lesson yesterday?"
Kenshin and Yahiko looked to Kaoru flatly. Both doubted they'd ever forget it.
"Good, I have a question for you." Yahiko groaned.
Sanosuke interrupted, "Aren't you going to make him swing a hundred times or so?"
Kaoru glanced at the tall man slyly out of the corner of her eye, smirking evilly. "Perhaps you could answer this question for Yahiko instead?"
"Che, I didn't even see your lesson yesterday, how could I?"
Actually, Kenshin would have been interested to see Sano's reaction to whatever Kaoru had in mind.
"Can I try it?" Misao asked. "I love to learn new stances and kata! You never know when they'll come in handy!"
Out of the corner of his eye, Kenshin noted Aoshi nodding approvingly, if slightly.
"No, Misao-chan," Kaoru replied. "This is for Yahiko."
Yahiko scoffed. "Like a rooster or a weasel would get what you're teaching me."
Before either animal could pounce on her precious student, Kaoru quickly got to her lesson. "You can't stop someone's choices, even if you know they're going to make a mistake; so if you can't protect someone from life, what can you do?"
Yahiko closed his eyes in thought, used to this line of questioning. Kenshin smiled, knowing the answer already, and glad that Yahiko would be able to come up with it on his own. He felt a certain pride in how Yahiko's training was going, even though he had no hand in it. It was the three other reactions that made his grin even wider. Aoshi, who had closed his eyes in apparent indifference to what was going on around them opened them and looked to the young shihondai. Sanosuke's customary fishbone fell out of his mouth as he sat back down from the pounce he was about to make on Yahiko's earlier comment, and Misao just openly stared at Kaoru.
"While you think about that, I'll go make some tea for everyone." Sanosuke, Misao and Aoshi all watched her go as Yahiko continued to think about her question.
"Jou-chan's lesson been like that the whole time?"
Kenshin nodded. "You haven't been around for her lessons since it happened de gozaru," he replied quietly. "She's been pushing Yahiko very hard. She's introduced him to kata, some of which are starting to get complex, and has been asking such simply complex questions the whole time."
"The result?" Aoshi asked, an eyebrow raising.
Kenshin smiled with a twinge of pride. "Yahiko sensed your ki coming de gozaru."
Aoshi's other eyebrow rose to match his previous and Misao gasped. "No way! He's not ready for that yet!"
"Apparently he is," Kenshin replied. "Her questions are more direct than most training, but they go straight to the core of the Kasshin style. The answers are surprisingly simple, but are harder to put into practice de gozaru yo. Because of what he's been absorbing over the past three odd weeks, his ki has become highly refined. It's actually no surprise that he can sense ki and recognize ours de gozaru."
Aoshi and Misao nodded. "Is she really alright?" Misao asked quietly, unconsciously reaching out to her fellow Oniwabanshu member.
Sanosuke snorted. "No. I'm surprised she can look you two in the eye. She hasn't been able to look at me or Megumi until yesterday. Still can't look at Kenshin."
Kenshin smiled sadly. "She is living in very deep pain right now de gozaru yo. The pain is two fold. She's trying to deal with taking a life right now. This one thinks once she's accepted that, she will be able to deal with the attack on her de gozaru."
"She killed her attacker!" Misao hissed. "The message we got didn't mention anything about that!"
Realizing that neither Aoshi nor Misao knew the whole story, Sanosuke and predominantly Kenshin explained everything that had been going on since the attack while Yahiko continued to meditate on the question that Kaoru had posed. Once the past weeks had been recounted, Misao seemed pale and Aoshi's lips were a thin, barely visible line.
"It's a good thing that bastard is dead," Misao growled. "Because if he wasn't, I'd kill him."
"Tea?" Kaoru called as she entered the dojo once more. Her training clothes had been replaced with a kimono and ribbon as she glided across the floor with the tray of tea in hand. She walked by Yahiko and stepped up to where Kenshin and the others were sitting.
"Arigatoo, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin took the offered cup and sipped it. It was strong, but not bad. No one commented on the strong tea.
"Ne, Kaoru-chan," Misao asked, "what's with Yahiko's training? I didn't think he was ready for that kind of teaching yet." The shinobi scowled. "He definitely needs to learn some manners before he gets into this kind of training."
"I heard that, weasel," Yahiko called over, glaring.
"Nan desu te!" Misao shouted back. "Ke-cho Kick!"
Yahiko dodged the kick, but tripped over the shinai he had been practicing with earlier. It wasn't long before the both of them were fighting. Kaoru, Kenshin and Sanosuke laughed while Aoshi merely looked on with a twinkle in his eye.
"Your lessons are multifaceted," Aoshi commented, turning his gaze to the shihondai pouring him tea.
"The Kamiya Kasshin Ryu is about protecting. Yes, there are certain strike patterns and kata that are unique to the Kasshin style, but the core of it can be applied to any style. In many ways, Kenshin practices the Kasshin style."
"Oro?" Kenshin blinked though what she said made sense. When he reversed his blade, he no longer chose to kill. The lessons that Kaoru had been giving Yahiko were guiding him to the basis of the belief system behind why Kenshin fought. Though Kenshin chose not to kill as atonement for his mistakes during the war, the principles of the Kasshin style still flowed in how he carried out his atonement.
"Indeed," Aoshi replied, sipping his tea. "Why is Yahiko learning this now?"
Kaoru turned away. "I won't always be here," she replied. "I've learned that the hard way." The pain was just barely kept out of her voice, but Kenshin recognized it from the many times he had kept pain from his own voice. He reached out and put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder. The young woman got up, sliding from Kenshin's reassurance and pulled Misao and Yahiko apart.
"Ne, Yahiko," she stated, "do you have an answer? What can you do when you can't protect people from life?"
The student calmed down, threw a minor glare at Misao and turned back to Kaoru. "You advice them. If you know someone is going to make a mistake, point it out to them. Have them weigh the pros and cons of the decision. If what you're protecting is important enough to protect, then maybe you're important enough to the person you're protecting that they'll listen to you."
Kaoru, Kenshin, Misao, and Aoshi all nodded in agreement. "Very good," Kaoru replied. "What else?"
Yahiko landed on the floor. "There's more?"
Kaoru merely smiled.
Picking himself off the floor, Yahiko pondered the question briefly.
"What if the person still wishes to do what you think will cause them harm de gozaru ka?" Kenshin offered.
"Help them," Yahiko replied. "I mean, if they're still going to do something stupid, let them do something stupid. You may not be able to protect them from everything, but you can help them heal, right?" Yahiko turned back to Kaoru. "That's what you do for Kenshin, right?"
Kenshin and Kaoru blinked. "Eh?"
"You can't protect Kenshin from what he decides to do, but you help heal him when he's hurt." Kenshin was sure his face was as red as his faded gi. Maybe as red as his hair. No, his face had to be as red as Kaoru's kimono. "You help him pick up the pieces, reassure him." Kaoru stared down at her pupil, her eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
Finally, she smiled. "A very good answer Yahiko." Turning to her observers, who were similarly open-mouthed, she said, "I'll go make some snacks. Aoshi-san, Misao-chan, you must be hungry from your journey."
She hurried out of the dojo.
"As you can see," Kenshin commented, "Kaoru-dono has become very adept at avoiding certain topics. Mainly the incident that occurred, and issues dealing with this one de gozaru."
"But why avoid you?" Misao asked. "Himura, you've got to be the one person who understands the most on what it's like to kill someone." The shinobi glanced back at Aoshi. "Well, the one she'd be willing to talk to in any rate."
Kenshin shook his head. "This one is afraid that that is the reason Kaoru-dono may be avoiding this one. This one believes that she is still trying to deal with what happened before she can face the difficulties of understanding this one's past so... acutely."
"I disagree," Aoshi murmured, looking to the doors where Kaoru had disappeared.
"Oh?" Sano asked. "Why's that? You haven't been around here lately, have you?"
Misao used a well thrown kunai to slice some of Sano's hair off.
"Oi!" Yahiko yelled. "I'll be the one who has to repair that!"
"The fact that she smiled in her coma meant that she already accepted what had happened to you," Aoshi continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "This goes deeper."
Kenshin and Aoshi suddenly straightened, looking over to Yahiko. From the door of the dojo came a clatter as Kaoru dropped the tray of crispy-looking food she had just brought in. With tears in her eyes, Kaoru ran forward and picked up Yahiko into a bear hug.
"Oh Yahiko!" she shouted. "I'm so proud of you!"
"... huh? What'd I do?" The question was muffled under the crushing hug of Kaoru, but it could be heard.
"You've done it! You've done it! You understand it! You can live it! You can live in the Kamiya Kasshi Ryu!"
Misao, Sano, and most notably Yahiko, blinked.
"... I did?"
"You did! You did! This is cause for celebration! Come on, Yahiko, we have to get changed. I'm treating everyone to the Akabeko." Kaoru all but dragged the boy out of the dojo, only pausing enough to bow apologetically to everyone else and say, "we won't be long," before she and her pupil disappeared.
"... What just happened?" That was Misao.
"..." was Aoshi's reply, debating one whether to tell her.
Within minutes, Kaoru, dressed in her finest and still totting her confused student along, pulled everyone out and began marching to the Akabeko. They ran into Megumi along the way and she quickly joined the parade.
Tae was surprised to find the entourage and confused at the cause of celebration. Kaoru explained.
"Yahiko has mastered the spiritual half of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu."
"Really? That's wonderful, Kaoru-san! That's quite an accomplishment for one so young. Honey, it's on the house."
"Eh? Tae-san, you don't have to--"
"Yes I do. Don't worry, Kaoru-san. It's all taken care of." The proprietress gave Kenshin and Yahiko meaningful looks, and the pair hung their heads at the thought of free labor.
Missing that, Kaoru and the rest crowded into a booth and Tsubame quietly served them.
"So, what's this about mastering the Kasshin?" Megumi asked.
"And how did he do that in the span of a few minutes?" Misao asked.
"There are two parts to swordsmanship, moves and philosophy. They intertwine for the most part, the moves leading to the philosophy. Yahiko has completed mastery of the philosophy."
"But how can you tell?" Yahiko asked. "Even I can't tell."
Kenshin answered that one. "It is in you ki. Can you not sense it?"
The boy moaned. "I'm not that good at it yet."
Nodding Kenshin explained. "Look at my ki right now."
The boy complied, closing his eyes and focusing his mind before looking at the rurouni. "It's like heated stones."
Kenshin said, "Now look again." Kenshin focused his thoughts on the ideals of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu and waited for Yahiko's reaction.
"Woah, it changed. But how?"
Kenshin explained. "When a swordsman masters a sword style, and more importantly the beliefs behind it, his ki changes; it completes. That is not exactly the right word," he added. "But it is perhaps the closest. This one, for example, left Shishou in the final stages of training. This one's ki was beginning to complete, but it was not finished. It never fully completed until this one learned the Amekakeru Ryu no Hirameki. Do you remember that everyone said that this one looked different?" Yahiko nodded in reply. "That is why."
"It is possible to loose that spirit." He inclined his head to the older Oniwabanshu member. "Aoshi lost his beliefs as a result of Kanryuu."
Aoshi nodded his head slightly. Tastefully said.
"But he was able to regain it during his fight with this one at Hiei-san."
Yahiko nodded, absorbing the information at his own speed. Tsubame came with their orders when the student asked his next question. "What about non-swordsmen? Do they complete their ki?"
Aoshi provided that explanation. "Look at Sanjou."
Yahiko did, again taking a moment to focus his thoughts. Everybody noticed the blush on both faces. "Is that what it looks like to be complete?"
Kaoru nodded. "Non swordsmen complete their ki in other ways. Tsubame-chan completed her ki the night you helped her and the Akabeko."
The pair turned red as Western tomatoes and found their hands or feet very interesting. Tsubame at least could hide behind her tray.
"The spirit of swordsmanship is all based on the creation and development of moral and ethical values," Kaoru concluded, "You can sometimes tell the maturity of some people by looking at their ki with that in mind."
Blinking, Yahiko looked around, focusing his mind. "Sano and Megumi aren't complete." The boy grinned evilly. "They're still kids!"
Both hit him soundly in the head.
"They are both very close, however," Kenshin said lightly, trying to break up the fight.
"Misao's isn't complete either."
Said Oniwabanshu member turned scarlet. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm complete! I'm the Okashira of the Oniwabanshu! I'm the greatest ninja that ever lived, I'm--"
"Incomplete in your training," Aoshi interjected. Everyone stared at him for a moment before his wry comment sunk in. Then they all burst out laughing.
Sano grabbed his jar of sake. "Alright, enough with this education shit, let's get this party started! Kenshin, Aoshi, I challenge you guys to a bout. Let's see who gets drunk first!"
Much, much, much later that night, Kenshin and the other were either walking or being carried, home. Kaoru was one being carried - oh so delicately - by Kenshin. Megumi was another, hanging more carelessly over Sano's shoulder. Sano himself was distinctly tipsy, needing his free hand to keep his balance. Misao was also swaying back and forth, kept on her feet only as a result from the occasional hand from Aoshi, who was the only one stone sober. Yahiko, having discovered his laughably low tolerance for alcohol previously, was only slightly flushed.
"Yahiko, Aoshi," Kenshin tentatively started. The pair turned his way. He paused, collecting his thoughts. "It is alright if you left the dojo to Kaoru-dono and this one?"
Yahiko blinked, his reduced thought capacity taking a moment to catch up. Aoshi was quicker.
"You want to speak with her alone."
"Aah. She has clearly overcome many of her obstacles and has healed greatly. But she still will not look or speak to this one. This one must try to fix that, and it is time it happened."
"Of course," Aoshi replied, pausing to guide Misao back to the group.
Yahiko also understood. "I can start that free labor at the Akabeko." He made a face briefly.
And so, the next day, Yahiko announced his need to pull a triple shift at the Akabeko. Aoshi and Misao were already gone, who knew where, and Kaoru spent the morning working off her pounding headache. While she recuperated, Kenshin deliberated through his own headache on how to best talk to Kaoru and make her listen. The direct approach was clearly not going to work; Kaoru had become rather skilled in avoiding conversations that she didn't want to participate in. Therefore, Kenshin had to think of a way for her to come to him. In the end, the answer was actually quite obvious.
By late morning, Kaoru had come to him or rather, her curiosity and brought her to him. Kenshin had lit incense by her father's shrine and had stayed there in quiet meditation and prayer since breakfast. Sure enough, the sent triggered Kaoru's natural curiosity and brought her to the dojo and her father's shrine. She didn't say a word, but quietly stepped into the dojo, sliding the door shut behind her. Her footsteps were silent as she glided over to Kenshin and sat down beside him, also praying.
They sat together in silence for a time indeterminate. Kenshin quietly observed the shihondai. She seemed as she did every day. Distant. Pained. Searching desperately for some way to anchor herself and just comprehend everything that had happened to her on that one day. And yet, she was still able to live life day after day. Going through things almost mechanically when things seemed unbearable. Kenshin wanted to help her but she had to be able to reach out to him. Instead she was pushing him away; drowning in her pain. No, she wasn't drowning in her pain. She used Yahiko as her life preserver; and understandably so. But enough was enough.
"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said quietly, after finishing his prayer. "You think that you've betrayed your father de gozaru." It wasn't quite a question, but it wasn't quite a statement.
"It doesn't matter anymore," she replied, eyes still closed. "Yahiko has inherited everything save some advanced stances and kata."
"It does matter, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin stated quietly. "This one does not wish to discuss Yahiko, this one wishes to discuss you de gozaru. Do you feel that you betrayed your father de gozaru ka?"
There was a long pause.
"Yes."
Kenshin sighed inwardly in relief. She wasn't running. She was talking. "Do you honestly think your father would condemn you?"
There was an even longer pause.
"I honestly can't say." Kenshin raised an eyebrow at that. "My father held so very tightly to the idea of never having to kill someone." Kaoru's lips quirked up a small bit. "But if he would make a special exception for this? That would mean he'd have to make a special exception for all. So I don't know if he'd condemn me or not." Kaoru chuckled, her eyes still closed in prayer. "But as I said, it doesn't really matter. Yahiko has inherited. My father's ideals have been passed down, even if it wasn't to me. My father would be happy with that."
Kenshin nodded to himself. Yahiko's training had pulled Kaoru through her feelings of betraying her father. The only way that she could atone to her father's style was to ensure that the style was passed on without the corruption she felt that she had permeated into it. What was more, Yahiko was like a young son, and he guaranteed that Kaoru's family's ideals would be there not only for this generation, but given Yahiko's passion for kenjitsu, the next generation as well. While Kaoru still felt that she had betrayed her father, she had dealt with it in a positive and constructive way. For that Kenshin was grateful, even if he felt a little envious that he couldn't help in that part of her healing.
"Kaoru-dono, why did you smile?"
He observed the young shihondai from the corner of his eye. Her face bore the same sad smile that he had been referring to. "Because of the irony."
Kenshin sat in confusion, though he did not show it. He said nothing and waited for her to continue. She needed to go through this at her own pace. Kenshin refused to rush her. He of all people understood that pain took time to go through. To even talk about. So he waited.
"Hitokiri Battousai." Kaoru stated slowly. The name bore no malice or repulsion. It was just a name being stated. "A man that killed many, taking lives until he bore the reputation of a demon. A man that was locked up and buried deep inside." Kaoru chuckled, her laughter mirthless. "Someone his other half finds despicable and unworthy because he took life. Someone his other life holds in contempt." Her laughter became anguished, and tears started to appear in the corner of her eye. "If someone who kills is so beneath his other half, how could either he or his other half accept me."
Kenshin slowly reached out and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. Two days earlier, when Kaoru had been proclaiming her unworthiness, he had automatically embraced her in a fierce hug. It had not helped. So this time, he reached out slowly. Though she did flinch, she didn't pull away. Kaoru curled up on herself, tears still threatening to leak.
"Maybe, maybe he could accept me for being soiled. But he can't accept me for being beneath him. And the irony? He considers himself unworthy of me when I'm the one unworthy of him."
Kenshin marveled at Kaoru's perceptiveness. Even though they had just been starting a relationship, she was still able to pick up on his lack of self-worth and his perceptions of his two parts. However, there seemed to be an underlying level of insecurity in Kaoru that the attack had brought to the foreground in blazing color and sharp relief. Kenshin knew there were times when she doubted herself, but it was never with such vehemence as she showed now. Her statement of the irony of it also explained why she was refusing to let him comfort her since it had happened, or even acknowledge him. She felt beneath him because he buried his Battousai nature. That would make talking with her rather difficult. There was a way around it, but Kenshin wasn't sure he really wanted to go there.
"Isn't it up to this one to determine if you are worthy or not de gozaru ka?" he asked quietly. "Was it not this one's choice, once all barriers were removed, to pursue you? This one finds you very, very worthy de gozaru yo, Kaoru-dono."
The kenjistu instructor laughed, pulling her shoulder away from his hand. "That was before," she stated harshly. "Suffice to say that things are different now. You could never accept me." Kaoru stood up quickly, turning to leave. Kenshin would have none of that and quickly grabbed her wrist. A gentle grasp, but one that stopped her from leaving nonetheless.
"This one does accept you de gozaru yo," he replied in earnest. "This one accepts every aspect of you, good or bad; before, now, after, it doesn't matter de gozaru. No matter what happens, you are still Kaoru-dono, and this one wants you in his life."
Kaoru's tears finally started to fall, and she tried to wrench her wrist from Kenshin's gentle yet firm grasp. "It's impossible," she sobbed. "I took a life! That makes everything forfeit! You can't-I can't-" Kaoru's sobs started to overtake her voice. Kenshin tried to pull her close, comfort her, but the more he tried, the more she pulled away. She couldn't accept what he was saying because of who was saying it. Kenshin understood that to Kaoru, his words were merely reassurances, and didn't have much meaning. While her assumption was untrue, Kenshin couldn't think of a way to get through to her, save one.
His eyes turned amber.
"Dammit, don't you know by now that I love you?" Kenshin shouted. Kaoru's struggles ceased as she froze on the spot, though tears still fled from her eyes. Slowly, she turned to face him. Kenshin didn't know what to expect, her pain making her unpredictable, but when she looked into his eyes, she didn't hide in her glassy-eyes or tiny smile. Instead, she continued to stare into his eyes.
She seemed to resemble a frightened deer, ready to run at a moment's notice. Not knowing what else to do, Kenshin waited for her to make the first move. It hadn't been his first confession of love to the small shihondai in front of him, but it wasn't something he said often. With so many people in their lives, finding the quiet moments to say such a small statement was rather difficult.
Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Kaoru finally broke down. Her legs failed under her, and she fell into choking sobs. Kenshin held her close, still unsure of what to do. Kaoru clutched his gi tightly as she rode out the storm of tears and sobs. Watching her ki intently, Kenshin observed that this crying fit was removing a great deal of the darkness that had dimmed her vibrant being. He inwardly nodded to himself, Kaoru was finally truly acknowledging what had happened, and facing it, rather than running or dealing with something else. However, that did not automatically remove all of the damage done to her. No, Kenshin knew that such scars took a very, very long time to heal. He silently vowed to himself that he would be there every step of the way for her.
The sun finally waned to afternoon, before Kaoru's anguish was controllable again. She pulled away from him slightly, wiping her face dry. Looking up at him, she smiled sadly, and placed a hand tenderly on his scared cheek. "You can't stay as the Battousai. You vowed you never would again." Her hand started to stroke the scars. "You have the Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki. You don't have to be the Battousai ever again." Kaoru leaned over and gently kissed the scars, a gesture of healing she often gave him that meant more than she could ever know. "Once you go back to the Rurouni, I will no longer be worthy of you," she whispered, her voice low and tired.
Kenshin growled in frustration. Why wasn't he getting through to her? Battousai or Rurouni, he still loved her, no matter what she had done. They may be halves, the Battousai and the Rurouni, but both were still Himura Kenshin. There had to be something that he could say or do in order for her to throw away this self-worth issue.
"Love," he started, his deep voice gentle and light, "I became the Battousai the first time I killed a man." Kenshin was grasping at straws, he knew, but it was the only thing he could think of. "I ceased to be just Himura Kenshin, I became what I am now, Himura Battousai, feared demon of the war. When I took my vow not to kill, I pushed down part of who I am and became a rurouni instead. I seek atonement so that my scar can fade."
He took her hand from his cheek, and placed it over Kaoru's heart. "Right now, you have a scar. You've become your own Battousai. You've ceased to be Kamiya Kaoru. Now, you must become your own rurouni to atone for what happened." Kenshin raised his other hand to caress her face. "What happened to you wasn't your fault. What happened to me wasn't my fault. Nevertheless, we must atone de gozaru yo."
Kenshin's eyes faded to a mix of amber and violet. He hated have to draw a comparison of what Kaoru had done to what he had done, but he didn't see any other way. Kaoru was comparing herself to him anyway and was refusing to accept anything but her own worthlessness.
"How?" Kaoru asked, half whispering and half sobbed.
"Continue what you have done with Yahiko," Kenshin suggested softly. "Ensure that no one else must suffer as we have."
Tears fell from her eyes once more, but this time, Kaoru wasn't smiling sadly, she was smiling happily. Her ki, though scarred, finally started to shine with a small fraction of the radiance it had before. Kaoru was far from healed, Kenshin knew that. Healing took a very long time. What his small shihondai had now was a purpose to head for. Something to help her work through her grief and anguish of taking a life, and perhaps the attack on her as well. But at least now she was ready to carry her own burden as well as some of his.
A week later, Yahiko finally appeared from his triple shift at the Akabeko. The triple had quickly turned into what the boy called a "million-tuple" shift as Tae had him work off his entire half of the free meal he had had. He explained how he had slept in a loft upstairs - a place he had never known about before, and boldly stated that he enjoyed the week reprieve from Kaoru.
Well, THAT earned him more punishment than even Kenshin could imagine, and he quietly kept to the laundry, trying his darndest to keep the smirk off his face as Kaoru ran Yahiko through his paces. Megumi had made her final stop the previous day and certified Kaoru as finally healthy. Sano, of course, was another story, as he had used his broken fist in another fight. Megumi had gone into great details of his incompetence and idiocy, a devilish smirk on her face as she related the story. Kenshin thought he saw the fox ears more than once during the recounting. Aoshi and Misao had already said their goodbyes, having appeared almost as soon as Kaoru had begun her atonement.
Kenshin, meanwhile, had waited patiently for certain tasks to come to fruition. A day after Yahiko's return, it happened. A police officer wandered in, looking around with a look between curiosity and suspicion.
"May I help you?" Kaoru asked, coming out of the dojo.
"This is the Kamiya Kasshin school?" he asked slowly.
"Yes, it is. Are you here to see Kenshin?" she asked, giving the rurouni a skeptical glance. He pretended he didn't see it and worked steadfastly on getting the sweat stains out of Yahiko's gi.
"Who?" the officer asked. "I'm here to see if it's really true."
"If what's really true?"
The officer held up a sheaf of paper and handed it to her. "That you arrested the fake Battousai, Hiruma Gohei and have been teaching the only sword style meant for the Meiji Era."
Kaoru skimmed the paper, growing more suspicious with each word. "Tsunan Tukioka. . ."
Kenshin dunked the gi purposefully into the basin. Nope, he had nothing to do with it; not a thing; uh-uh; not at all.
"Kenshin. . ."
Busted.
". . . Thank you." Turning back to the police officer, she said, "yes, my school was responsible for the capture of Gohei, and I do teach kendo. I believe and teach katsujin-ken, the sword that protects and gives life. As for being the only style meant for the Meiji Era, I'd hardly go about making that claim."
"Katstujin-ken?" the officer prodded.
"Yes. As an officer, you must protect the people of Tokyo. As a man, there must be someone in you life that you dearly wish to protect. That is the first step to learning Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. If you're interested, you can come in and I'll demonstrate what you can do with the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu and show you the basics."
"Sure, that'd be great." The young officer eagerly followed the shihondai. Within the hour a dozen people had arrived, turning Kaoru's impromptu demonstration to a basic lesson. Kenshin watched from the sidelines, smiling with love and pride as Kaoru entranced her audience with her philosophy and her grace. They quickly signed up and were more than happy to spread the word that there was a sword style that taught the ideal of the Meiji era.
Kaoru had her means of atonement. Kenshin was a step closer to completing his.
They loved each other for it.
Owari - The End