Tseng: My Three Idiots & My Whacko Boss
At a glance, you'd know that Tseng wasn't one to break down all that easily. He was cool, calm, and collected for the most part, the one that had a special gift of keeping order when he wanted to, and the guy that seemed to be able to make order out of chaos. Not a thing could go too wrong with him around, usually. Good luck to him then, because those gifts were a necessity when it came to his colleagues and his boss… Prepare for a trip through hell, A.K.A., a week in Tseng's life.
Monday Morning
"TSENG! WHERE'S MY PEN!"
"Sir, do you think I should use 'X' when labeling the enemy, or should I use 'E'?"
"Sir, a call just came saying you were needed down in the lobby."
"YOU! I NEED YOU IN MY OFFICE, NOW!"
And it was all screamed once…
"Reno, you call me sir, and your pen's in your pocket. Elena, use 'E'. Rude, tell them I can't right now. President, I'll be right there." Tseng sighed. See? See how he manages to make sense out of chaos? Pretty good, even for a guy like him who has to do it day in and day out. But what happens if there's even more clatter…?
Tuesday Night
"And it's nice to see you guys too!" Was what Cloud said to them with a smirk. The rest of AVALANCHE emerged behind him, all with a pretty smirk playing on their face, except for Vincent, who was just being, well, Vincent-ish and said nothing, and Aeris, who just smiled sweetly at them.
Tseng clasped a hand to his forehead. If it weren't for Reno and Elena having another of their petty quarrels, they might have taken them by surprise, but no, they just had to argue about something, namely how Cloud manages to keep his hair up like that. In Tseng's thoughts, it was: "The most idiotic thing to argue about."
Tseng mumbled something that sounded awfully like some type of swear and let out a small sigh. Why, out of all the people possible, did he get stuck with a chatterbox, a moron, a guy who refuses to talk, and probably a boss that has to be mentally challenged! But then the answer came to him: It's because he was Tseng, and that's what his life was, great…
"Gee, Tseng, having a bad day?" laughed Yuffie, pulling out her over-sized shuriken.
"Want us to make it better?" taunted Cloud as the members of AVALANCHE drew their weapons.
Tseng groaned and mumbled something before he and the rest of the Turks got the heck beaten out of them…
Tseng woke with a start, taking a sharp inhales as he wildly spun his eyes around to observe his surroundings: his bedroom. How he managed to have a nightmare like that was beyond his comprehension, but it couldn't be a good thing…
So you see, when there's too many people, it becomes quite a hassle for Tseng to keep them in order… but…
Wednesday Afternoon
"HEY! TSENG! HAVE YOU SEEN MY STAPLER!"
"Sir, there's women on the telephone for you. Is she you're girlfriend!"
"Excuse me sir, but there was a file in my office that belongs to you, where do you want me to put it?."
"TSENG! DID YOU TAKE MY VCR! IF YOU DID, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY!"
And again, all this was screamed at the same time.
Tseng had a strong urge to just slam his head against his desk until he got a concussion or something, but then again, he couldn't. Why? Because he was Tseng and this was his messed up life… Great…
"Reno, you call me sir, your stapler is on your desk. Elena, I do not have a girlfriend, and whoever it is, just tell them 'no'. Rude, just put the file on my desk, and Mr. President, I did not take your VCR, I believe Reeve did." Tseng said as he sighed yet again. His life was just one big plane wreck. But he had to deal with it…
Thursday Evening
RING! RING! RING!
"Tseng here," answered Tseng, picking up the phone.
"TSENG! WHERE'S MY TAPE DISPENSER!" was what came through the line. Obviously it was Reno, who was having trouble locating things, again.
Tseng sighed, but it definitely sounded much more like a groan for that part, but nonetheless, answered: "Reno, you call me sir, and I am NOT your mother, so how should I know where your tape dispenser is! I can't even see you!"
"Sorry, Tseng! Are you having a bad day or something!"
Tseng just took deep, slow breathes as his grip on the telephone grew heavier and heavier. Just pretend the phone's Reno and everything will be fine… I am calm, cool, and collected. I am calm, cool, and collected. I am calm, cool, and collected, I am calm-
"Yo, Tseng! Are you alive! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP HEY! HOW DARE YOU HANG UP ON ME!"
Friday, 2:00 A.M.
DING DONG
Tseng mumbled something before trying to go back to sleep. Must all be his imagination…
DING DONG
DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG!
Tseng graoned as he got dressed, hastily combed his hair, and went to answer the door. Whoever it was, it better be good…
"Hi, Tseng, have you seen my house keys?" asked Reno. Elena and Rude were behind him, so it was obvious they had been out or something. Probably didn't include Tseng because he was already in a bad mood.
Tseng took one look at Reno, and shut the door in his face, leaving yells of protest and slight giggles that must have belonged to Elena.
Why, WHY! Were his thoughts. And then the answer came to him: it was because it was his life, and his life was pure hell…
Saturday at Noon
"TSENG! DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY CALCULATOR IS!"
"Sir! I got another call from that same women! She says she's your fiancée! HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD US YOU HAVE A FINANCÉE!"
"Sir, I have several letters that just came in for you, where would you like them to be placed?"
"TSENG! WERE YOU THE ONE THAT PUT TACKS COVERED WITH SUPERGLUE ON MY CHAIR!"
Tseng didn't reply. Why? Because Tseng wasn't even there… …
Sunday at Some Random Time
"Kill me! NOW!" Tseng demanded Sephiroth, who just looked at him like he was an idiot. "My life's too messed up!" Sephiroth just stood there. Was this some kind of trick? "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! STAB ME! CUT MY HEAD OFF! I DON'T CARE! I JUST WANT TO DIE!"
"Uh… Okay…"
So here's a moral for all of us: Don't be too dependent of others, because eventually, you're going to be on your own. Just so happens Tseng was the 'other person' here.
Aftermath
"What's this?" Asked Elena, looking over Tseng's shoulder's to see what he was writing. "Stab me, cut my head off, I don't care I just want to d-"
"NO! GO AWAY!" Tseng snapped at her, crumpling up the paper.
"S-Sir, are you going to commit suicide!" Elena gasped.
"What's that to you?"
"Oh! You poor thing! I took a psychology course once, and I know you're depressed! Oh, come here! Elena's going to make everything all better! Can you say 'happy'?"
Tseng: XP