When I wrote the Macavity guide, I had no clue that it would be so popular. I'd like to thank all the readers / reviewers of the first Jellicle Guide, and the wonderful author Theresa Green for allowing me to use the Guides' format.
Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, shape, or form, own Mistoffelees. The last thing I'd want would be to have my house assailed by his fangirls...
Dedicated to Ekwy, who asked for this Guide in particular, and to my dear friend Lyrange, who is recovering from recent surgery in her knee (get well soon, Lyra!).
MISTOFFELEES OWNER'S GUIDE
ESTIMATED OWNER:
Thank you for purchasing this MISTOFFELEES unit. Please take a few moments to read the accompanying documentation in order to ensure many years of trouble free enjoyment of your Jellicle (well, not exactly trouble free, but at least 'trouble in excess of that for which you bought your MISTOFFELEES unit' free. After all, if you wanted trouble free then you'd have bought a GUS unit instead).
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Mistoffelees. Also known as Quaxo when set to Mode I (see below for details).
Type: Feline, Jellicle tom (male).
Manufacturers: T.S.Eliot Inc, London, England.
Date of manufacture: 1981. A revisited edition saw the public light in 1998.
Description: Anthro-feline, covered in black fur with some white parts. See the Settings section below for further explanation on possible appearance changes on this specifical Jellicle model.
Height / Weight: Unspecified, tends to be rather short compared to other Jellicle models.
Lenght: Programmable to meet your own needs.
SETTINGS
The appearance of the MISTOFFELEES unit may be somewhat confusing for beginner owners, as there are two possible settings for this Jellicle, which can be changed as ofter as you will. His fur colour, personality, and magical abilities will be different depending on what mode you set the unit to:
I. Quaxo mode: In the default setting, your MISTOFFELEES's fur is mostly black, with a white bib and three white paws. In Mode I, the MISTOFFELEES will show a rather shy and quiet personality, and won't be able to perform any magical tricks.
II. Magical Mr. Mistoffelees mode: When you set your MISTOFFELEES to this mode, his fur will become completely black, with only a white bib, and it will acquire a shiny and sparkly aspect. Never losing his friendly mood, your Jellicle will be less shy, and he will be more than willing to dance and perform any magical tricks you ask for.
ACCESSORIES AND UNPACKING PROCEDURE
Your MISTOFFELEES will be shipped to you in a protective crate. Before opening, please ensure that the arrows on the box are pointing in an upwards position. It is recommended to unpack the accessories first and lay them out readily to hand and clearly visible in order to provide a reassuring and familiar element to the environment that your MISTOFFELEES unit will emerge into.
Your new MISTOFFELEES unit is accompanied by the following accessories:
Silky red cloth
Black bow tie
Paint can containing a multi-colored ribbon
Your MISTOFFELEES unit will arrive to you in his factory condition of travel-stained. Some new owners may feel it necessary to bathe their Jellicle to keep all of his parts free of dust and dirt. This will keep his moving parts in pristine condition and fully-functional. It's thoroughly recommended that you do not activate your unit before the bath: his feline insticts may reject the contact with water and he will most likely end up in throwing you out of the bathroom.
INSURANCE DISCLAIMER: We regretfully must insist upon this document being signed upon delivery of your MISTOFFELEES model, otherwise we shall be unable to release the unit to you. This indemnifies T.S.Eliot Inc. from any claims arising from damage by electric shock and / or divorce proceedings that may arise from use of your MISTOFFELEES unit.
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Apart from the aesthetic value or your MISTOFFELEES, it is not only a lovely decoration for your home, but can be utilized for many handy activities:
Dancer: you are now the owner of one of the finest, tireless and more skilful Jellicle dancers. Take a few lessons from your MISTOFFELEES and you'll surprise your acquaintances with your grace and rhythm in any party, dance contest or dance marathon you attend.
Babysitter: it is well known that MISTOFFELEES units are excellent with small children, especially irritatingly hyperactive ones. He will amuse them with his singing, dancing and magic shows, and his kind and friendly behaviour will make your kids have a delightful time.
Bodyguard: your MISTOFFELEES is not only a full-grown Jellicle tom, but also an expert magician. So, having to deal with tax collectors, solicitors and door-to-door salesman can now be a thing of the past. He also makes a good escort late at night when about the town, especially because of his naturally improved feline sight.
CAUTION-- Though not as well known as the RUM TUM TUGGER model, there is a chance of fangirl mobbing, and precautions should be made and alternate escape routs planned in case this occurs.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
Your MISTOFFELEES is compatible and friendly to almost all other units. However, as it is a complex and delicate piece of Jellicle technology, a certain care must be taken in exposing him to certain units to avoid undesired results.
VICTORIA unit: this is perfectly safe to interact with your MISTOFFELEES unit. Depending on what software you programmed them with, they can behave as siblings or as mates. The company is not responsible for any damage your personal relationships may sustain if your favorite behaviors are discovered by your significant other.
Married female owners may find that their partners, in a fit of misunderstanding, acquire a VICTORIA unit with the express intention of exposing your MISTOFFELEES unit to it. It is however remarkably unlikely that the husbands in question will be able to tear themselves away from their VICTORIA unit for long enough to make good on this threat.
RUM TUM TUGGER unit: this Jellicle will be the best friend your MISTOFFELEES can have. He will act as a Master of Ceremonies in his magical shows, protect him from any damages, and gently encourage him to overcome his shyness.
If you happen to be a Fanfiction writer who is looking for some inspiration (and do not mind to share), please ask your local retailer for the Slash Update Kit 2.0 to be equipped on these two Jellicle units.
CLEANING
Your MISTOFFELEES model, being a Jellicle, does not require frequent cleansing, as it is equipped with an auto-cleaning function. If you wish to maintain his fur soft and smooth as the first day, you can join your MISTOFFELEES to help further instruct him in proper bathing procedures. A gentle brushing of his fur one a week is recommended, and it can also provide a relaxed moment for you and your Jellicle.
TROUBLESHOOTING
Problem: The first night after I received my MISTOFFELEES model I found that he glowed and shimmered in the dark. Is this normal?
Solution: You must have switched him accidentally to Mode II. Always remember to put him in Quaxo mode if you intend to sleep.
Problem: My MISTOFFELEES keeps saying that I smell like a human. What can I do about this problem and placate my unit?
Solution: Unfortunately, because your unit is a feline, this problem will always exist for him. However, you may be able to placate your unit by asking him to join you in the shower to ensure that you no longer smell offensive.
Problem: My MISTOFFELEES unit has taken to abducting my neighbour's grandfather, and refuses to let him go home.
Solution: Is your neighbour a red-headed man? Your MISTOFFELEES has mistaken his grandfather for a DEUTERONOMY unit, and is just trying to rescue him. Unless you can reach an agreement with your neighbour to pay you for the grandpasitting, we recommend that you acquire a DEUTERONOMY model to avoid this situation.
Problem: My neighbour has a MACAVITY unit and whenever near my MISTOFFELEES looks at him with grave anxiety and becomes extremely nervous, sometimes even trying to attack the MACAVITY with a lightning bolt.
Solution: This is normal behaviour, but it can be prevented by informing your MISTOFFELEES that MACAVITY is not a threat for him, and is well taken care of by your neighbour. If that fails, inform him that you will not allow him to dance, perform his magic, or join you in the shower. This should stop all further instances of this behaviour.
FINAL NOTE
Your MISTOFFELEES unit is guaranteed for a period of time depending on the model you have acquired. A MISTOFFELEES belonging to our CatLike series will last up to 15-20 years. If you have purchased a HumanLike series model, it can last up to 80-90 years. Please call the Customer Service hotline at 1-800-MY-JELLICLE often for available updates to keep your Jellicle working properly.
During the guarantee time you can exchange your MISTOFFELEES for a new one, but only in case of malfunctions. Be sure that the neccessary dispositions are made in your last will in order to avoid quarrels between your heirs for the property of the model.
From now on, I'll be posting alternatively one Guide and one chapter of Ray of Gold. That other fic is on a complicated moment, and I need to work a lot on it, so I apologize in advance if the frequency of the next Guides is not the ideal one.
Thank you for reading!