Hello all. I was inspired to write this after watching The Incredibles yet again on DVD and wondering, naturally, "What happened to all the villains?" So for anyone who's ever rooted for the bad guy, ever wanted them to get away with it just once, ever wished evil would triumph some of the time--this story's for you.
"As there is a use in medicine for poisons, so the world cannot move without rogues."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
My plans for the day are ruined. My car is destroyed. I've got scrapes and scratches all over my legs. I can never wear this suit again.
But it is a very good day. Perhaps the best in my life. For they're back. They're back. Look at them, standing there, in the middle of the crowd. They just destroyed that giant, six-legged robot, and are basking in the adulation of the crowds. The three adults--is that big one Mr. Incredible?--I see, are used to it, slipping back into the habit like an alcoholic tossing down wine after years of sobriety. The two children, meanwhile, are overwhelmed by the awe being showered upon them. Get used to it, kids, if you keep up this track record there's a lot more to come.
And I find myself smiling and cheering along with everyone else, though not for the exact same reasons. Oh, don't be mistaken; of course I'm glad to have been saved from that giant machine of death. But that's not the only reason. Not even the main reason.
The main reason is, THEY'RE BACK.
I remember when they left us. Of course, everyone who was around then does. The utter elimination of an entire caste of society is not easily forgotten, especially when the members of that caste can perform acts that seem to break every known law of science. And it's even harder to forget when it's caused by the small-mindedness and pettiness of some ungrateful fools abusing the law.
In my mind's eye, I see the youth of the future learning about the fall of the heroes. "I bet the villains were really glad when that happened," they'll muse. And then they'll be surprised when they find out the answer is "No, not really."
Oh, naturally, they were at first. As soon as the press conference that announced the heroes' forced retirement was completed, every villain watching called all their villainous friends. And they called theirs. And so on. Typically, villains are reluctant to work together; egos tend to get in the way most of the time. But this was an occasion. All their foes gone!
In less than an hour, every single known villain had united in downtown Metroville and begun celebrating in their unique way. And by celebrating, I mean looting, rampaging, pillaging, stealing, and blowing things up. It was a sight to see.
Some of the heroes, of course, immediately broke retirement to try and put a stop to it. And they took down a few of them. But there were just too many for even the most powerful hero to overcome on his or her own, so eventually they had to fall back. And most of the heroes didn't even bother to start. Either they were too leery of the penalties associated with breaking their retirement, or they looked at the terrified expressions on the citizens' faces and decided they deserved it, for what they had done. Deserved it, for forcing them to wallow in mediocrity and anonymity. Deserved it, for unleashing evil while boxing up good. They simply watched bitterly.
Even after the celebration, which ended up racking up property damage and insurance claims in the tens of millions, the villains were still an unstoppable force, just operating individually. By and large, the heroes still wouldn't intervene, and the police were no match for them.
But then something strange began to happen.
One after another, they began to realize it wasn't very entertaining. Sure, they could pretty much take what they wanted. They could blow up things and shock the populace and conquer tiny nations all they wished, but the thrill was gone. Where were the grand, epic battles against the forces of justice? What had happened to the challenge of matching razor-sharp intellects against one another? Where had the fun gone? Where had the fun gone?
It had gone with the heroes. Now there was no fun. And what, they wondered privately, was the point of being an unstoppable supervillain if it's not fun?
And so, they joined the heroes in retirement. They finished one last heist or one final grab for power to keep themselves financially secure, and then they just...closed the books on their past lives. Packed it in. They stored away their gadgets and folded up their costumes.
Some have taken jobs in the mundane world to keep them amused. Some do nothing, drowning in their own depression. Some have become lobbyists in Washington to try and fight the anti-hero legislation. Some have actually found their old arch-nemeses and have made an odd sort of friendship with them. But it's not the same for any of them. Not anymore.
But now...now the heroes are BACK. And after this performance today, I know they won't be leaving anytime soon. The political pressure will rise, and inevitably, the ban will be lifted. Before long, the heroes will be back legally and in full force.
I turn away, away from the heroes, away from the adoring crowd, and begin to walk home.
Where there are heroes, villains are never far behind.
I have some calls to make.
A thought strikes me, and I hesitate briefly in my step.
What if, I wonder, I had never planted that bomb on the brat's cape?
I shrug...ah well. C'est la vie, c'est la vie.
END.