Sincerity and (In)Sanity

By: Nuriko

Title: Sincerity and (In)Sanity

Author: Dark Nuriko

Category: Gundam Wing

Genre: Drama/Humor/Romance

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 5x?

Warnings: Yaoi, language, insanity, and lemon

Rating: M

Disclaimer: With every story I've ever done, as well as all the other fanfiction written by other authors, you should all know this. The Gundam Boys and Gundam Wing do not belong to me. For as much as I would like to think otherwise, seeing as Duo is always over at my place, they do not belong to me. Please don't sue, for I'm writing this for fun and not profit.

Author's Note: As usual, I'm writing this before the end of the story. I do this in order to allow my readers to know what's going on in my insane mind. I'm going a different path with this story. In fact, I'll be going about ten years past the usual of most of these stories. After the wars, the pilots went their separate ways. The last thing anyone had known of Duo, he had headed off to school to 'find his own path'. Now, at the age of twenty-five, Quatre decides it's time for all the former pilots to get together and catch up on the missing years. What a surprise when Duo declines due to being 'too busy at work'. After all, Duo was never one for work. What was it that makes the former pilot so busy? With a plan in mind, Quatre moves the reunion to where Duo is. Only trouble is, what will they all think when they see what Duo's done in the last eight years.

Indicates thought.

/ Indicates remembrance.

'Italics' Indicates something read but not spoken.

Sincerity and (In)SanityBy: Nuriko

Prologue; A.C. 198; End of War; January 1st:

A shift in covers, a soft sigh, and the squeak of bed springs greeted Duo Maxwell's first day of the new year. He slowly opened one violet eye and stared into his alarm clock, which was silent for the first time in a long while. His lithe, slender body was sore, but deliciously so. The night before, he had celebrated with the rest of his fellow pilots, who were now officially former pilots, and then had a very enjoyable night in the arms of the one person he had loved for as long as he could remember. . .or since the day they had met, anyway. Drawing a sigh from his lips, he turned to wrap an arm around his lover, only to find nothing but the slightly cool sheets where a warm body should have been. Sitting up swiftly, ignoring the covers that were tangled around his waist and the dizziness that had hit his head, he looked around, both eyes wide open.

"Damn it!" Duo cried as he realized he was alone. A single piece of paper sat on the pillow where his lover's head should have been. Picking up, he read the neat, precise writing that belonged to only one person in their little group and felt tears fill his eyes.

'Thanks for always being there for me.'

That's all that this had been summed up to for him. A simple need to be there for him. Duo was upset and hurting. He couldn't stand it! This isn't want he expected to wake up to. Not when he had every intention of telling him that he loved him with the dawning of this day.

"Damn you to Hell, Heero Yuy! How could you do what we did and then just leave!" Duo growled, his tears slowly spilling over his lashes and down his cheeks. He had always said he'd remain strong, that he'd refuse to be a baby and cry. Boys didn't cry, and damn it, he was a boy. Well, in another month, the world would see him as a man, even though many already did.

Wiping his eyes angrily with the back of his hand, he struggled to get out of the covers and eventually stumbled over to his closet. Unmindful of his nudity, he grabbed out a black shirt and pair of pants before going over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of boxers. He then staggered into the adjoining bathroom and turned on the water, unmindful of what the temperature was. He just wanted to clean up and dress and get the hell out of here before he did something he was libel to regret. After all, he was very good at doing something terrible if he needed to, and at the moment, he was just about ready to see how many explosives he could place on a certain Japanese pilot's brand new car. He could use a nice firework show to ring in the new year.

Stepping into the water, he was suddenly grateful for the cold chill that washed over him. It calmed his anger and seemed to convince him that he need not retaliate. After all, Heero had been drunk last night. He possibly didn't even recall what had occurred. In a way, Duo was kind of grateful for his ignorance. In the middle of the most passionate moment of his existence, Duo had cried out what his wildly pounding heart had demanded of him.

/"Hee-ro, I. . .I love you!"/

Man, if one person could lose all control at the wrong moment, Duo had managed it. He had kept those words buried so deep that he had thought he'd never have to worry about. Unfortunately, he had also been drinking, which had lowered his ability to keep his real feelings from showing. That in turn, had led to those fateful words from his lips right as Heero and he had met their climaxes at the same time. Heero had instantly fallen on top of him and passed out after that, but Duo was still certain he had heard him all the same. If only he could be absolutely certain that it wasn't his confession that had scared him off. Yet he wasn't certain of anything anymore.

Swiftly washing himself clean and making certain his hair was thoroughly clean he jumped out of the shower and dried off. He rang his hair out over the tub, of which Quatre had pressed upon him, before wrapping his towel turban style around his hair. He then quickly dressed, before taking down the turban and brushing out his hair. He was in too much of a rush to spend the half hour it normally took to blow dry it, so he braided it while it was still wet. It would leave it extremely wavy when he next took it out, but that wasn't a major concern for him at the moment. What was important was that he get all of his things together so he could leave.

Granted, he had told Quatre that he would stay throughout the week, but after what had happened, it was better for him to leave than Heero. Heero was still trying to adjust to humanity. He would adjust better if he could be near others who could understand him. Duo, on the other hand, was fairly well versed in humanity and didn't have to worry about much in that respect. Carefully pulling his duffel bag from under his bed, his last remaining reminder of Father Maxwell, beside his name, he quickly began tossing his few, meager belongings into it. As soon as he was done, he picked up three pictures from the five on the dresser and placed them carefully on top of his clothes. One was of the five pilots with their Gundams standing proudly behind them. Quatre had Rashid take it once they had all agreed that they should work together instead of separately. Quatre had then had four copies made up on top of the original and given one to each of the pilots.

The second photo was of the five pilots after the war, bright smiles and peace signs on everyone's lips except Heero and Wufei. Those two looked extremely serious and it was almost comical the way they were trying to stand apart from the three who were happy. No such luck, especially when Duo wanted a 'family' portrait. The last one was taken during Duo's birthday party last year. It was of just Heero and himself. He loved it dearly because it was one of the few pictures he had where the normally stoic pilot was smiling. It was his present to Duo. Heero wasn't one for making a big to do for someone's birthday, but when Duo had asked to have one picture of them together with Heero smiling, the Japanese boy had given in. It was Duo's favorite possession. Writing a swift reply to Heero's note, he slipped it into an envelope and made certain all was taken care of.

Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he opened the door to his room at one of Quatre's places for the last time and gazed back at the bed. A heavy sigh escaped from his lips. So long, dear room. We've sure had some interesting times, ne? Duo thought. He then turned from it, swinging the door quietly closed behind himself. He strode purposefully down the stairs and into the dining area, where Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei were already at. Quatre greeted Duo with a warm smile, until his gaze took in the duffel bag. Then his smile slowly faded, his aqua colored eyes losing their bright shine. Trowa, noting his lovers expression, turned to look at Duo as well, his lone emerald eye gazing seriously at the American. Yet it was the surprise in Wufei's ebony eyes that caused Duo to smile slightly. He wasn't used to cracking the Chinaman's calm façade, unless he was trying to anger him.

"Duo?" Quatre questioned, surprise and worry in his voice.

"I'm leaving, Quat," Duo said softly, looking down at his hands, which were much smaller than most males his age.

"Why?" Wufei questioned. "Did Yuy say something stupid while drunk last night?" Duo laughed quietly and shook his head.

"It wasn't, Heero. It's me. I've come to realize I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I need to find my own path. One that I won't find staying here. I'll keep in touch, I promise. Perhaps we can even get together from time to time. Yet I'm thinking my path will lead me to Earth. I've managed to save up some pretty good money while fighting in the war, I can do a lot of things. I just need to find what's really me." Quatre gave him a watery smile, nodding his blond head in understanding.

"I always thought you'd be the last to want to leave," Quatre admitted sadly. Duo laughed while Trowa nodded his head in agreement with his lover.

"Don't be a stranger," Trowa said, holding his hand out to Duo. Duo took it and shook his hand.

"Aren't you going to eat before you leave?" Quatre questioned, trying to prolong the moment. Duo shook his head.

"Nope. I remember Howard saying he was leaving for Earth today. If I leave now, I can catch a ride with him."

"Take care of yourself, Maxwell," Wufei said finally, knowing there was no changing the braided boys mind. Duo nodded, holding out his hand. He was surprised when Wufei shook it and then gave him a light hug.

"You too, Wufei." Wufei's eyes widened as Duo said his name correctly and Duo simply laughed. "See, I can get your name right sometimes." Wufei smiled in return. It was then time to face Quatre. He cried openly and jumped into Duo's arms, hugging him tightly. Duo hugged him in return, one lone tear escaping his rigid control.

"I'll miss you, Duo," Quatre whispered softly. Duo set him back and gently brushed away the Arabian's tears.

"I'll miss ya too, Q-bean. I'll miss all of ya. You're all family. So don't be a stranger, either. Ya all know my email." Quatre nodded, sniffing loudly before hugging Duo once more. He then stepped back and Trowa placed a comforting arm around him. Duo then wiped his own tear aside and handed an envelope to Quatre. "See that Heero gets that, would ya?" Trowa and Quatre nodded at the same time.

"Of course."

"I'll drive you to the space port, it'll save time," Wufei commented, already gathering his keys and jacket. Duo smirked, nodding his head in agreement instantly.

"Thanks, that'll be a great help." Wufei lead the way out while Quatre took the letter from him. He then waved as they left.

"Think something happened last night, Trowa?" Quatre asked once they were alone.

"Of course. Otherwise, Heero would be here still sleeping off his drink and Duo would have been his usual cheerful self." Quatre nodded in agreement and placed his head on Trowa's shoulder. Trowa held his small lover tightly against himself.

"Should we worry about him?" Trowa raised an eyebrow, although his lover couldn't see it.

"About Duo?" he asked. At Quatre's nod, Trowa shook his head.

"Out of all of us, he's used to making it on his own. He'll be fine. Just you wait and see."

Heero returned to Quatre's home to find everyone gone and an envelope with his name on it sitting on the table that led into the main hall. He picked it up, recognizing Duo's bubbly writing style, and opened it. Inside was a piece of paper with two simple lines on it and his initials.

'As I thank for you always being there for me. Love you always, Hee-chan. D. M.'

Heero blinked in surprise at this unexpected turn of events and went on up to his room. He was heading off today, of which the others already knew about. All of them except Duo. When he paused at Duo's room, he was surprised to find one of Quatre's maids cleaning it. Duo never allowed Quatre to clean his room unless he was gone. Hearing the door open downstairs, Heero walked over to the banister and looked down to see Wufei coming into the room. Wufei looked up at Heero and nodded.

"Yuy," Wufei said. Heero nodded his head in return.

"Chang," Heero responded. "Why is Duo's room being cleaned?"

"He left. In fact I'm just coming back from dropping him off at the space station."

"Left? Why?" Heero questioned.

"Said he needed to find his own path." Heero looked down at the letter in his hands. He was certain there was more to it than that, but apparently he wasn't about to tell anyone about what had gone on last night. Heero knew that if Duo wanted it kept quiet then he would keep it quiet. Instead he turned around and headed into his own room, wanting to get everything together before he had to start work as Relena's bodyguard tonight. After all, he had agreed to it just last night, he couldn't very well go back on his word now. He'd just have to go search for Duo on his own time, whenever that was.