Just a bit of stupidity, bordering on lunacy, involving Gaara and feet- not a foot fetish fic- and we all know that this particular situation would never happen!
There are some bad words, hence the rating. Again, I don't own, I didn't get paid, and suing me would prove to be a meaningless expenditure of money, time, and energy, so please refrain. Thanks!
A Misunderstanding Of The Feet
by Smurf (1/5th of serialhugger)
Being the Kazekage was like anything else in life, meaning that it was both good and bad, having advantages, as well as disadvantages. A perfect example of this was the fact that Gaara now had the respect of his village instead of just their fear. That was definitely an advantage. However, along with that respect came the admiration of his peers. In Gaara speak that meant only one thing. He now had inherited the curse of attractive geniuses the world over. Yes, Gaara now had a fan club, which seemed to be growing at an alarming rate. Oh, the terrible prices one in his position had to pay; it truly was not fair!
Gaara had come across fan-girls before; of course they hadn't been his own. He had met the pink haired Haruno Sakura, and her rival, and sometimes best-friend Yamanaka Ino, who had been the president and vice-president of the Uchiha Sasuke fan club in Konohagakure. He could almost manage to muster some semblance of something akin to sympathy for the likes of that Uchiha Sasuke bastard, and Hyuuga Neji, almost, but not quite. Those two had it easy compared to Gaara. Where their fan-girls would stalk, drool, fight, fawn, and climb all over them, he was positive that neither of them had been cornered in their office by a very naked, very giggly, very obnoxious Gennin, three years their junior, offering up dango, sake, and herself, while professing her love in poem form with a rather bad paraphrasing of a broad selection of Shakespearian sonnets. Now that had been embarrassing, for both parties, and for Kankuro, who had just happened to come into Gaara's office for a scheduled meeting with his younger brother.
It was times like those that made him feel that strange cocktail of emotions that seemed to be comprised of equal parts, embarrassment, and sympathy for others in his predicament, not to mention annoyance, and homicidal rage. Of course he had schooled himself in the art of not letting his tumultuous emotions get the best of him, and so far not one of the exasperating young women had met an untimely and horrific death by enraged Kazekage, although there had been more than just one or two close calls. He was quite proud of that fact. Temari had even baked him a chocolate cake, and invited Naruto over to celebrate his incredible newfound restraint.
That had been two and a half months ago. And things hadn't gotten any better. Nope not one little bit. As a matter of fact his patience was running rather thin. Especially right now. It wasn't uncommon for him to check up on the progress of some of his more promising young shinobi as they trained. He wanted to make sure their sensei's taught them well, as he wanted hisvillage's young shinobito be strong. Today he had decided to take a trip to the training grounds, to view the progress of some of his newest Gennin, and once again he had found himself shadowed by one of his fan-girls.
This one appeared to be new to the fan club, as she hadn't bothered him before. He recognized her as a young Chuunin who worked in the mission room on days when she herself didn't have a mission to complete. Temari had worked with her once or had that been Kankuro? He hadn't really paid her enough attention to remember, he had been in a foul mood when he had met her and had been concentrating more on frightening his siblings into submission. Ah, the good old days when he didn't have a village full of hormonal teenage girls lusting after him.
She was rather mousy and shy looking, with sandy blond hair, and very pale gray-green eyes; she was tall for a girl, equivalent to him in height, and she was quiet. She had been standing there next to him for nearly two hours, and she hadn't said a single word. She had spent the entire time looking as if she wanted to say something but was physically incapable of forming coherent speech. She was blushing slightly, and seemed to be very nervous. Actually she reminded him of somebody else he knew. She reminded him of Hyuuga Hinata; perhaps that was why he hadn't killed her yet, because there was no denying the fact that he was sorely tempted to do so. Maybe murdering one of his obsessed fans would send a very clear I'M-NOT-INTERESTED message to the rest of the starry-eyed girls. On the other hand, smiting ones own shinobi tended to be frowned upon, and he really didn't want to have to deal with a seditious army of villagers. So he chose to ignore her to the best of his ability, as he continued to watch as the young shinobi trained. After another hour had passed he decided that simply ignoring the annoying Chuunin wasn't working. So he changed his tactics.
Gaara was a frightening sort of person, any sane person knew that, and when he fixed someone with his patented I'm-very-annoyed-and-if-this-persists-someone-preferably-you-is-going-to-die glare, they wisely ran away like a dog with its tail between its legs. This Chuunin was obviously not a sane person. Well not entirely. She did appear to be sufficiently frightened as he continued to assault her with death glares that would even make the bravest of men turn in to sniveling pussies who wanted nothing better than to run home to mommy, however she didn't run. She didn't move one single inch. She stayed exactly where she was, and tried her very best to avoid looking directly into those incredibly beautiful and fear-provoking eyes of his.
She was even more nervous than she had been when he had first noticed her prolonged presence at his side. He could smell it rolling off of her in waves, or rather that damned demon sealed inside of him could, and the monstrosity reveled in it. Hell he could see the perspiration beginning to form at her brow; oh yes, she was indeed afraid, maybe she wasn't as stupid as she seemed, but she was still there, so she couldn't be that bright, now could she.
Four hours! Four fucking hours! This definitely sucked! The girl was by far one of his most troublesome admirers. Hell, she even had him thinking like Temari's lazy-ass, genius, leaf-nin of an obsession, Shikamaru! Finally training was over. Gaara stayed wanting to have a word- a none-to-happy word- with the instructor about one or two rather stupid and possibly fatal mistakes he had noticed. He expected the girl to go home, or to the mission office, or somewhere. Didn't she have a life? But, still, she didn't move. He felt his eyebrow twitch, just once, and only barely, but it was still a twitch, and he was about to threaten her with death by sand if she didn't leave him alone when the voice of the instructor and one of his pupils broke his train of thought.
"Umeko nee-chan," a boy with brown hair and gray-green eyes looked at the Chuunin to Gaara's left, "You didn't have to stay to watch me all day," the boy gave his sister, whom Gaara now knew was called Umeko, a broad grin.
"Yes," the sensei, a rather attractive young Jounin with a faint scar that bisected his right eyebrow looked at the girl covetously, the scarred brow arched quizzically, "Why did you stay?"
"I- uh- I- um," she was having trouble forming the words she didn't want to embarrass the Kazekage in front of her little brother and his sensei, but if she just stood there and said nothing then she could be stuck there for another four hours with the red headed young Kazekage who seemed to dislike her immensely for no reason that she could come up with. "I didn't mean to… I- um- well, you see I- I really wasn't expecting to stay and watch you all day Jiro," she said to the little boy, "I just couldn't help it is all." With that said she silently prayed to every deity she knew of, a few she had made up, and a fair number of well known demons that everyone would choose this moment to all go on their separate ways. But apparently neither the heavens nor hell was interested in listening to her, and everyone remained as they were.
"Nee-chan," Jiro tugged at her sleeve, "Come on, we're going to be late!"
The girl didn't move, "Um, why don't you go on ahead and I'll catch up to you, okay?" She glanced over at Gaara nervously. She was trying, really and truly she was. She didn't want to die because she pissed off someone as unbalanced as Gaara.
"But, why? Come on! I don't want to get in trouble!" this time the boy grabbed her by the wrist and tugged. She still didn't budge.
"I just can't uh- move right now is all…" little brothers could be a royal pain in the ass. The boy looked at her suspiciously as did the other two men, and she wanted so very much for the ground to open up and swallow her whole.
"Why? Are you hurt? You seem fine to me. Come on. Let's go Umeko!" the boy insisted.
Gaara gave her a withering look and then opened his mouth to speak. He had, had about enough of this girl's foolishness for one day, maybe he couldn't kill her right at the moment, but he could damn well give her a piece of his mind.
"Would you go home, and leave me alone before I change my mind about not killing you?" he demanded in a quiet yet menacing voice, just loud enough for her to hear.
Umeko let out a small squeak. She had heard about some of the things Gaara had threatened Kankuro and Temari with when they were younger, and they were his family! She didn't want to know what he would do to someone he barely knew… someone like herself. She paled, and for a brief moment Jiro, his sensei, and Gaara all thought she might faint. Instead though she began to tremble ever so slightly, and looked at Gaara with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.
"Okay! Okay! I'll go!" she was radiating fear and all because of Gaara, the other two males would have had to be blind, deaf and utterly stupid not to notice it. "I'll go! Please! I promise!" she had seen the homicidal look in his eyes. "JUST GET OFF OF MY FOOT AND I'LL NEVER COME WITHIN TEN YARDS OF YOU AGAIN!" she begged.
Gaara stared at the frightened Chuunin in utter shock, before he felt his face heat up and his skin alter its hue until he was roughly the colour of a ripe tomato and looked down at his left foot. It was in fact on top of her right foot, effectively pinning her in place. He removed his foot and continued to blush, and too embarrassed to speak.
Umeko had picked up her little brother and ran away from him muttering to herself about red heads and insanity, so swiftly that she made it home in less than fifteen seconds. The Jounin was trying desperately to hold in his laughter however he was also failing miserably and was now on the ground in a trembling mass of hilarity.
Gaara was still blushing when he got home that night, he barely said a word, which wasn't unusual, but the way he was mumbling about stupid feet, idiotic fan-girls, blond Chuunin's, and laughing Jounin's convinced his siblings that perhaps their little brother had really and truly lost it.
Okay, that's the end of this one! Yeah… the very ending kind of sucked. But I'm currently channeling the spirit of Shikamaru and am too lazy to rewrite it.
Here's a little trip into my slightly broken brain. Enjoy!
Gaara: Why must you constantly embarrass me?
Smurf: I don't, Gaara, it's all in my mind.
Temari: I still don't know why I wasn't in this fic more than I am! I'm barely mentioned!
Smurf: HEY! Neither is Kankuro! (Tears up and looks over at the puppet wielding sand sibling who is too involved fixing one of his marionettes to notice much of anything else) I'm sooo sorry! (Hugs Kankuro and continues to cry) Can you ever forgive me?
Kankuro: (looks at Smurf) Umm… uh- (rubs Smurf's back to comfort her) there, there… it's… okay? (Is completely uncertain of what to do, he's never had to deal with a sobbing Smurf before)
Smurf: (beams up at Kankuro) Yay! You forgive me! (Glomps Kankuro) Lets go find Chouji and steal- I mean- borrow some of his chips! (Drags Kankuro off in the general direction of the afore mentioned leaf-nin.)
Temari and Gaara: (Sweat drop)
Gaara: She's such a blon- (Gets struck in the head with Temari's fan before he can finish that sentence)
Temari: (Steps over Gaara who is currently glaring at her and rubbing at the rather large lump on his head) Please review! Thanks! (Runs away before Gaara can exact revenge upon her)