This was so much fun to write again! I love torturing Sasuke!

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-*The Shackled Stallion*-

Sasuke sighed, knowing a headache would arrive in about ten minutes. He could feel his head getting lighter already, preparing for the sharp throbbing pain that would radiate from both the back of his head and the bridge of his nose simultaneously, sending little shockwaves to his eyes and finally, culminating in an unwanted orgy all over his brain.

"Dammit."

He was a patient man. It was a requirement in a job like theirs. He had to be able to wait, to melt into the background so well a dog wouldn't even notice his presence. He had to be able to let the whole world pass in front of his face as he waited for his mission to unfold. He'd been doing this job for a while, and as a result, he possessed the enviable capability of sitting out gnats and mosquitoes and flies and clients that droned on and on without ever getting to the point.

He was a top-notch, #1, A-class shinobi, and he was patient like a rock. Like a turtle. Like a damn vulture.

But all the gnats and mosquitoes and flies and loose-lipped clients in the world had nothing on the aggravation made possible by one Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke was getting pissed like Whoa.

The day before, he had just gotten home from a thoroughly long and sweaty mission when a messenger bird had smacked him in the face with a summons to appear in the office of the Hokage RIGHT NOW, don't even bother to take a shower. He hadn't even had the chance to take off his sandals.

Tsunade was blithely and inanely exasperating, even more so when the promise of a nice bath seemed so far away. She plied him first about the details of the mission, the client's satisfaction, then the transportation system, then the weather and the horse he rose in on, all while serving him tea and biscuits. Thankfully, Naruto had arrived before his tenuous control snapped.

He had been bouncy and perky as always, fresh from the shower, smelling of peaches and oranges. The hair was still matted wetly to the back of his neck.

And somehow, possibly because he was distracted by this small detail that no one should have noticed At All, he had been roped into yet another mission, which just so happened to be one of the strangest assignments he had ever heard.

Naruto had actually cackled.

A gleeful Naruto was something to hide from. A Naruto who grinned to himself while muttering and rubbing his hands together…well, that was a sign to get out of town, though probably even moving to the next continent wasn't enough.

The next afternoon, when he had rested and showered and was in a more non-homicidal frame of mind, they had talked about the mission. To his downfall, his dear partner had oh-so-innocently asked him what he was going to wear.

"Pants and a shirt," he had replied dryly. He had no idea he was digging his own grave with those words.

"You can't wear bullshit like that to where we're fucking going!"" His foul-mouth friend had screeched indignantly while propelling him out the door. "It's so…out of character!"

Silly him for thinking he could get away with it. He had forgotten that he was in the clutches of Mr. Espionage, Mr. 'I can't buy a carton of milk without putting on a fake moustache'.

Sasuke knew it stemmed from the blond's status as a pariah when he was a child. Hell, he'd become one himself after the whole Sound incident. Sweet anonymity had been a blessing then. It was Neji, however, who had turned Naruto's head to the good side of being ignored, and when Neji talked, Naruto listened with big, big ears, because that long-haired nosy perfectionist was, surprisingly enough, a really crafty trickster in his own right.

And from that short five-minute conversation was born the Konoha Prankster's love for disguises.

Like the one with the mini-skirt and stockings and fiddly bits in his hair. There had been makeup. There had been stretchy, lacy, pearl-pink garters.

The Fifth had spit her sake all over their report, laughing so very loudly that other people had come into the office to see what the matter was. Sasuke had nearly died of shame.

That wasn't to say that Naruto was bad at undercover missions. Due to his disguises, he was the best in the village. If he hadn't become a ninja, he would have been a great actor. He did a Bookish Professor particularly well, and a decent Affluent Businessman. He had his Talkative Photographer persona, Shy Writer and Street Hawker, and if all else failed, 'Miko-chan' and her sex-drive was always an option. Sasuke always suspected Miko was his friend's favorite character. He always got so in to it, so involved in her personality that during one unforgettable mission, Miko-chan had made a pass at a fire hydrant.

And though they were completely stupid and entirely uncalled-for, they were excellent disguises. The people being shadowed never had a clue that he was a ninja, or sometimes even a He, until the crucial moment when there was a sharp edge pressed to the soft underside of their chin.

Not to forget the fact, an inner demon reminded him, that you think he's hotter than a plateful of tamales on a summer's day.

A noise behind the curtain of the changing room brought Sasuke back to the present and to his ever-waning patience.

Naruto had dragged into this shop five hours ago, after talking his ear off about character enhancements and current styles and all the other little things that made up Dobe Chatter. He was in a part of town he'd never been in before, in a shop he'd never heard of, standing with an armful of clothes that wouldn't dissuade a breeze, waiting for Naruto to change for the nth time.

If you weren't so interested in what he'd come out in next, you'd storm right out of here, right?

Exactly.

Wait. Interested?

I am not interested, Sasuke told himself, trying to silence the devilish chuckle that was coming from somewhere deep inside his mind. I don't care what he's going to wear. I just want to get out of here.

"You know, if that next one is going to be as stupidly lacy as the next one, I'm going home."

Keep telling yourself that.

"There's nothing wrong with a shirt and slacks, Naruto." He tried again, intent on drowning out all the insidiously, annoying thoughts that were popping up out of nowhere. "It's comfortable, easy to fight in, decent. It's a stupid idea, dressing up of a mission like this. You're a bigger dobe than I thought you were if you think there's any way you're going to get me to-"

"Never say never, Sasuke-teme." The ringed curtain shlinked away, and he thanked all the gods there were that he was genetically unable to blush. "What do you think?"

Oh my god…

Sasuke cleared his throat and schooled his expression into one of unruffled nonchalance. "You can't be serious."

"Like a restraining order."

The blond took one step out of the cubicle and nearly twisted his ankle in the five-inch pumps he had fallen in love with the minute they had walked into the store. Sasuke caught him around the waist, then cursed his reflexes as his headache bloomed at the feel of soft skin and leather.

Oh my god…

"Ah, sorry, Sasuke..."

Naruto straightened up and smiled sheepishly as if he hadn't started a commotion of epic proportions in his best friend's stomach. He stepped away, twisting to try and see his ass in the mirror. Sasuke stared vacantly at the seven straps of red leather that were a very major part of this outfit. Number one was a collar around his neck, while number two was encircled his hips. Number three was a straight line down his breastbone to his navel, connected to both leather rings, with numbers four and five on either side of it, forming a little triangle at the bottom. The last two, six and seven, went under his arms and crossed as they went back up to the neck. Add in the miniscule black shorts that were molded to his ass and the aforementioned pumps with their nonsense silver buckles…

Sasuke felt blood trickle down his nose.

"- or do you think I should get the teddy? I think the dark grey one really brings out my eyes - "

"No, that's fine!"

He had never moved faster. In one move, his lecherous reprobate of a friend had been bundled into the cubicle's former curtain. The cashier barely had time to look up before one of her repeat customers was hauled away at speed by his dark-haired friend, a few bills flying in their wake.

-And Then…-

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

The blond stood in front of him, a pair of leather pants dangling from his hand. He was already dressed in his idiotic excuse of a costume. Sasuke was hard-put to think of anything else at the moment, what with Naruto standing in such an arrogant way, his other hand on his hip and a challenging look on his face.

"We're going to a gay bar called The Shackled Stallion. What did you think the dress code would be? This calls for a little S&M."

"S&…" The normally unimaginative brunette tried desperately to put a leather-clad, whip-wielding Naruto out of his mind. "There is No. Way. In. Hell. And get changed, dammit." He didn't think he could even focus on their mission with Naruto dressed like that. It was better to put temptation away, shove it in a box, lock it up and throw it into a volcano.

"I'm just trying to look the part, since I knew you weren't going to come as the uke in the relationship."

"U…" Enter bound and gagged half-naked Naruto, on a bed. Sasuke pinched his nose again, this time to make sure he didn't bleed all over the linoleum. "Where in Kami's name did you find that…that shop anyway?"

"Gaara told me about it."

His eyes threatened to pop free from his face, and his eye sockets didn't seem inclined to stop them. "Gaa…"

"Neji likes the stuff there better than at Thongs and Things, y'know, the little shop down the street from the onsen?"

"Ne…" He could feel the ache from the impact of his jaw hitting the floor. "Tho-"

"Yeah, and he's all jealous 'coz I got to buy the boots before he did."

Maybe hell had frozen over. Any time now, Kiba was going to come prancing in, wearing a Little Bo-peep costume, and announce that he was adopting a litter of kittens.

The leather pants, jingling with silver chains and whatnot, were flapped in front of him again. "C'mon, we've gotta look the part, otherwise they won't let us in. Pleeeeeeaaase, Sasuke."

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling his headache, which had been banging away at his temples for a good hour and a half, get even stronger. It was like an incompetent marching band had taken up residence between his ears. This was not a time for surprises or unexpected revelations or inappropriate clothing. And Naruto was not helping.

"Fine…"

-And Then…-

"Naruto, where's my coat?"

His partner stepped out of the kitchen. He was getting really good at walking in those shoes, Sasuke mused absently. They made his legs look longer, and every time he took a step, his hips rolled…

Let's stop right there.

Oh, but it's just getting good.

Maybe he was getting a mild case of schizophrenia. He shook his head, so busy trying to dislodge the disquieting thoughts that he barely noticed Naruto come closer until there was a blond puff under his nose. Slender fingers fiddled with his shirt, but he didn't mind because he was lost in the smell of apple shampoo and the warmth of a body close to his. It felt like home and safety and peace. Gods, what he wouldn't give for a lifetime like this…

The vision of heaven slowly melted away as the blond pulled back and a passing breeze brought to his attention that his shirt was hanging open. "Naruto!"

"I think you look hot like that."

The innocently spoken words made him blink, and the power of those blue eyes was such that he relented and left the last three buttons at the top open. "Fine, you happy?" The blond's grin could've split his face wide open. "Now let's go. It's an hour's trip and I want to get there before nine."

"Let's go then!" The blond marched past him, ass swaying, an enticement to every sapient being.

Sasuke stared at the expanse of bronzed back and his strait-laced mind rebelled. Surely that wasn't all of it. "Aren't you going to put the rest of it on?" He asked, uncharacteristically uncertain.

The blond looked down and chuckled ruefully, going back to the closet. "I forgot. It'd be so embarrassing, going out like this." He fumbled around for a minute.

Sasuke breathed a little easier. At least he wasn't going to have to look at Naruto's almost naked ass, and practically everything else, all the way to-

Naruto found what he was looking for, and made a triumphant noise. There were two trenchcoats, both long and relatively decent-looking. He handed Sasuke the black one and pulled on the other with a happy smile.

It wasn't until they were out the door that Sasuke realized that the other trenchcoat was white.

And completely see-though.

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-* End of Chapter One *-

…

To those who were disappointed that I didn't put anything new in it, I'm trying to get back into the mood of the story. But no fear! I shall try my best! Let's all look forward to the next installment!