The Cloud and Tifa cooking Hour: Part III
"Cloud's Day Out"
Author Note: Hey, sorry about the huge break, I kind of left the site for a while. It happens to the best of us when our computers crash... but, back now, and hopefully soon running up to speed.
(We enter to Cloud sitting atop a stool drowning his sorrows in a beer at the 7th Heaven bar, Marlene, though only like what? Lets say 12, is sitting behind the bar wiping glasses [it could happen, the girl needs to make some side cash like everyone else.])
Cloud: I mean, does it look stupid? ::lifting a hand gesturing to his head::
Marlene: No, no, no... of course not, it's just a little more...
::Cloud looks up in a clumsy jolt, his expression slightly defensive, almost offended::
Cloud: A little what?
Marlene: Um... creative?
Cloud: Creative? What do you mean creative?
Marlene: um, well -
Cloud: Paintings are creative, video games can be creative, song lyrics are creative... it's hair, it's stupid looking or not.
Marlene: But, um... ::muffled under her breath:: shit think quick, come on what's quick save.
Cloud: hmm? Save what?
Marlene: Um, your hair, how can you talk so slanderously of it. You have to save it.
Cloud: I have to save my hair?
Marlene: Yes of course, don't you see?
Cloud: Well yes, but that not the problem, I just don't understand why we're trying to save my hair. I mean it's my hair, not some noble cause like the endangered mammals. It's not like I-
Vincent: For the love of all that is sacred and holy please shut up now.
Cloud and Marlene: Where did you come from?
Vincent: I've been standing in the corner shadows listening to you banter on for that past seemingly longest five minutes of my life.
Marlene: How'd you get all the way over there without anyone noticing?
Vincent: I'm a creature of the night, I do that.
Cloud: He's sneaky ::drunkenly giggles to himself and begins humming tuneless melody while drunkenly rocking back and forth::
Vincent: Okay then...
Marlene: Well anyway, I meant that your hair was like art, unique, special.
Cloud: It is?
Marlene: Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
Cloud: Oh.
Vincent: I still don't understand what he's saving it from...
Marlene: Do you want the author to have a seizure?
Vincent: Kinda, I doubt it would really have any adverse bad affect on this story.... I mean, the things can't get much worse.
::Suddenly there is a flash of light and Vincent is transformer body and mind in the flash of an eye. And now where Vincent once was, sits a and inflatable sheep, about two feet tall::
Marlene: ::eyes wide in disbelief:: wow.
Cloud: Holy mother of- THUD! ::Cloud is cut short as the momentum from his surprise literally carries him off of his stool and inter the floor::
Marlene: Well, honestly, I did not see that coming. I thought he would have just been smitten from existence.
Sheep: Oh this is rich...
Marlene: Whoa!
Cloud: The exotic sex toy talks!
Vincent: I'm not an exotic sex toy, I'm an undead creature of the night remember?
Cloud: An undead sex toy...?
Marlene: ::moving closer and examining Vincent's new body more thoroughly:: What are all of these holes for?
Cloud: ::drunkenly stammering:: It's because he's inflatable, duh...
Marlene: No, I mean these other ones, it's like they're built in for somethin-
(At this point the author decided to once again blind everyone in flash on light for the sake of moral content. Vincent is transformed from a sheep back into a vampire.)
Cloud: Wow!
Marlene: you, you're a-
Vincent: Okay nice try Mr. Author type person, but seriously, not funny.
Cloud: She's hot!
Marlene: You're a woman!
Vincent: Nice of you to catch up to speed. Now, author guy, about the breasts...
Cloud: No, don't take the breasts, take anything but the breasts! You can have the girl ::gestures to Marlene:: but please, don't hurt the boobs!
::Vincent and Marlene both stare coldly at a drunken Cloud drooling on himself unable to focus on anything but Vincent's chest.::
Marlene: Okay, I think you've had enough for tonight Spikey...
Cloud: ::drooling:: pretty...
Vincent: Cloud didn't you have something you were supposed to do tonight, like that show this Tifa was nagging you about the other day.
Cloud: uh huh.
Vincent: Well when is it, aren't you going to be late?
Cloud: uh huh.
Marlene: He's a dumb, drunken, hornball of a lost cause... I doubt he'd do Tifa much good right now anyway...
Cloud: uh huh.
Marlene: I wasn't even talking to you Cloud.
Cloud: uh huh. ::his eyes having not blinked in the past couple minutes beginning to glaze over::
Vincent: Okay... so if the author would like to kindly flatten my chest we could move on with the story...
(the author nods in agreement)
::Vincent's chest deflates and his slender curving form grows masculinized::
Cloud: Hey!
Marlene: Okay Cloud, last call and all that jazz. We're closing up for the night.
Cloud: But beer... it's foamy, and nice... good beer. ::he smiles to himself and his frothy half empty mug::
Marlene: Yes... and evolution among the Y-chromosomes beyond Neanderthal status is still a feat I have yet to see...
::Cloud grunts in question::
Marlene: Okay big guy, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here, I'm done cleaning up and heading out.
Cloud: But where'm I gonna go? ::his speech cutely slurred in drunken innocence::
Marlene: In reality, you'll probably make it to the street and pass out.
Cloud: But I don't wanna... ::Cloud sits and pouts:
Marlene: I so don't want to deal with this anymore...
::with that, Marlene's eyes begin to glow in a red rage like manger as se reaches behind the counter to reveal a decent sized steel flask::
Cloud: that's not right...
::Marlene brandished the flask over head for a split second, only before bashing it into the side of cloud's skull, rendering him unconscious::
Marlene: That was... interesting.
Vincent: Apparently the author thought you needed some sort of supernatural vindication.
Marlene: Actually I just wanted someone to shut him up, but going all Linda Blair (Exorcist reference) on him works too. Either way, now I just need to find some way of getting his dead weight outside.
Vincent: I can help you out, it's the lease I can don't since I'm still kinda on this estrogen buzz.
::Vincent walks over and pokes at Cloud on the floor. After no response...::
Vincent: Alright buster, I've had about enough of your pig-head and disrespectful attitude to women for one day.
::Vincent hoists Cloud by his collar and carries him outside where he drops his lifeless body on the curb::
Marlene: Think Tifa's gonna be pissed?
Vincent: About what?
Marlene: That Cloud got drunk and missed her show.
Vincent: Well, it's not her show, I think it's supposed to be something they host together.
Marlene: Ah.
Vincent: Yup.
Marlene: So she's way passed pissed then and probably more on the warpath type territory.
Vincent: Yup.
::They smile to one another::
Author Note: Okay, so I apologize in advance if this isn't up to par with my old work, but I'm still getting back into the swing of things. Oh, and secondly, yes there are random errors in my work, I don't care. This is fun to me, and I'm nowhere near anal enough to be a perfectionist so I hope people can content themselves with my drafts. And, yes the next one will be better.
"Cloud's Day Out"
Author Note: Hey, sorry about the huge break, I kind of left the site for a while. It happens to the best of us when our computers crash... but, back now, and hopefully soon running up to speed.
(We enter to Cloud sitting atop a stool drowning his sorrows in a beer at the 7th Heaven bar, Marlene, though only like what? Lets say 12, is sitting behind the bar wiping glasses [it could happen, the girl needs to make some side cash like everyone else.])
Cloud: I mean, does it look stupid? ::lifting a hand gesturing to his head::
Marlene: No, no, no... of course not, it's just a little more...
::Cloud looks up in a clumsy jolt, his expression slightly defensive, almost offended::
Cloud: A little what?
Marlene: Um... creative?
Cloud: Creative? What do you mean creative?
Marlene: um, well -
Cloud: Paintings are creative, video games can be creative, song lyrics are creative... it's hair, it's stupid looking or not.
Marlene: But, um... ::muffled under her breath:: shit think quick, come on what's quick save.
Cloud: hmm? Save what?
Marlene: Um, your hair, how can you talk so slanderously of it. You have to save it.
Cloud: I have to save my hair?
Marlene: Yes of course, don't you see?
Cloud: Well yes, but that not the problem, I just don't understand why we're trying to save my hair. I mean it's my hair, not some noble cause like the endangered mammals. It's not like I-
Vincent: For the love of all that is sacred and holy please shut up now.
Cloud and Marlene: Where did you come from?
Vincent: I've been standing in the corner shadows listening to you banter on for that past seemingly longest five minutes of my life.
Marlene: How'd you get all the way over there without anyone noticing?
Vincent: I'm a creature of the night, I do that.
Cloud: He's sneaky ::drunkenly giggles to himself and begins humming tuneless melody while drunkenly rocking back and forth::
Vincent: Okay then...
Marlene: Well anyway, I meant that your hair was like art, unique, special.
Cloud: It is?
Marlene: Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
Cloud: Oh.
Vincent: I still don't understand what he's saving it from...
Marlene: Do you want the author to have a seizure?
Vincent: Kinda, I doubt it would really have any adverse bad affect on this story.... I mean, the things can't get much worse.
::Suddenly there is a flash of light and Vincent is transformer body and mind in the flash of an eye. And now where Vincent once was, sits a and inflatable sheep, about two feet tall::
Marlene: ::eyes wide in disbelief:: wow.
Cloud: Holy mother of- THUD! ::Cloud is cut short as the momentum from his surprise literally carries him off of his stool and inter the floor::
Marlene: Well, honestly, I did not see that coming. I thought he would have just been smitten from existence.
Sheep: Oh this is rich...
Marlene: Whoa!
Cloud: The exotic sex toy talks!
Vincent: I'm not an exotic sex toy, I'm an undead creature of the night remember?
Cloud: An undead sex toy...?
Marlene: ::moving closer and examining Vincent's new body more thoroughly:: What are all of these holes for?
Cloud: ::drunkenly stammering:: It's because he's inflatable, duh...
Marlene: No, I mean these other ones, it's like they're built in for somethin-
(At this point the author decided to once again blind everyone in flash on light for the sake of moral content. Vincent is transformed from a sheep back into a vampire.)
Cloud: Wow!
Marlene: you, you're a-
Vincent: Okay nice try Mr. Author type person, but seriously, not funny.
Cloud: She's hot!
Marlene: You're a woman!
Vincent: Nice of you to catch up to speed. Now, author guy, about the breasts...
Cloud: No, don't take the breasts, take anything but the breasts! You can have the girl ::gestures to Marlene:: but please, don't hurt the boobs!
::Vincent and Marlene both stare coldly at a drunken Cloud drooling on himself unable to focus on anything but Vincent's chest.::
Marlene: Okay, I think you've had enough for tonight Spikey...
Cloud: ::drooling:: pretty...
Vincent: Cloud didn't you have something you were supposed to do tonight, like that show this Tifa was nagging you about the other day.
Cloud: uh huh.
Vincent: Well when is it, aren't you going to be late?
Cloud: uh huh.
Marlene: He's a dumb, drunken, hornball of a lost cause... I doubt he'd do Tifa much good right now anyway...
Cloud: uh huh.
Marlene: I wasn't even talking to you Cloud.
Cloud: uh huh. ::his eyes having not blinked in the past couple minutes beginning to glaze over::
Vincent: Okay... so if the author would like to kindly flatten my chest we could move on with the story...
(the author nods in agreement)
::Vincent's chest deflates and his slender curving form grows masculinized::
Cloud: Hey!
Marlene: Okay Cloud, last call and all that jazz. We're closing up for the night.
Cloud: But beer... it's foamy, and nice... good beer. ::he smiles to himself and his frothy half empty mug::
Marlene: Yes... and evolution among the Y-chromosomes beyond Neanderthal status is still a feat I have yet to see...
::Cloud grunts in question::
Marlene: Okay big guy, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here, I'm done cleaning up and heading out.
Cloud: But where'm I gonna go? ::his speech cutely slurred in drunken innocence::
Marlene: In reality, you'll probably make it to the street and pass out.
Cloud: But I don't wanna... ::Cloud sits and pouts:
Marlene: I so don't want to deal with this anymore...
::with that, Marlene's eyes begin to glow in a red rage like manger as se reaches behind the counter to reveal a decent sized steel flask::
Cloud: that's not right...
::Marlene brandished the flask over head for a split second, only before bashing it into the side of cloud's skull, rendering him unconscious::
Marlene: That was... interesting.
Vincent: Apparently the author thought you needed some sort of supernatural vindication.
Marlene: Actually I just wanted someone to shut him up, but going all Linda Blair (Exorcist reference) on him works too. Either way, now I just need to find some way of getting his dead weight outside.
Vincent: I can help you out, it's the lease I can don't since I'm still kinda on this estrogen buzz.
::Vincent walks over and pokes at Cloud on the floor. After no response...::
Vincent: Alright buster, I've had about enough of your pig-head and disrespectful attitude to women for one day.
::Vincent hoists Cloud by his collar and carries him outside where he drops his lifeless body on the curb::
Marlene: Think Tifa's gonna be pissed?
Vincent: About what?
Marlene: That Cloud got drunk and missed her show.
Vincent: Well, it's not her show, I think it's supposed to be something they host together.
Marlene: Ah.
Vincent: Yup.
Marlene: So she's way passed pissed then and probably more on the warpath type territory.
Vincent: Yup.
::They smile to one another::
Author Note: Okay, so I apologize in advance if this isn't up to par with my old work, but I'm still getting back into the swing of things. Oh, and secondly, yes there are random errors in my work, I don't care. This is fun to me, and I'm nowhere near anal enough to be a perfectionist so I hope people can content themselves with my drafts. And, yes the next one will be better.