Summary:...I will not lie to you...

Disclaimer: Today, for lunch, I had nachos at school...bad move...right about now, the nacho cheese is thickening in my stomach to the EXACT texture of congealing paste...yum, paste...and the point of this story is to tell you that I DO NOT own Naruto... can you see the connection?...I should hope not...

Chapter 3: Kynophobia, the fear of rabies.

Naruto rolled out of bed that morning, with a serious need of sleep, and one bitching hangover. How he got the hangover is one of the many great mysteries of this world, most probably involving tequila body shots, a slutty sue and his rival Sasuke who had his birthday the night before...Well, he tried, but then ended up almost choking on his own vomit...with as much dignity as a drunk and vomiting person can have... but that is a different story, for another time...

Well, anyways, in the process of rolling (literally) out of bed, and whacking his head on the floor, he came up with the most brilliant idea that a person could with the IQ of a stapler, and that was to pretend to be sick in order not to have to train with Jirarya this lovely morning...or he could just die, and then that would take care of the headache as well... but that was too predictable...or so he thought...stupid little child...

Of course, he didn't know how to pretend to be sick, so, well, that was the problem… but, very much to his surprise, he remembered something he had seen on one of those damn British comedies he had seen on a public service channel. There was this idiot man trying to get out of work and needed to make up a terminal disease and then put a bar of soap in his mouth so it looked like he had rabies (or maybe he just wanted to look like me when I was excited, me being so very cool and all :continues to stroke own ego:). Well, at this time of the morning, and with that state of mind, that sounded like a grand idea…and that goes to show how very idiotic he was being at the time…

Without fully planning this expedition, Naruto grabbed a bar of soap in the bath room, and ran out to meet Jirarya in all his pajama-d glory. And without shoes….gross…and it just so happened to be national break-all-your-glass-in-the-house-and-throw-it-in-the-streets day, in celebration of some obscure pagan ritual about fertility and crap…sucks to be Naruto..

Jirarya was waiting patiently for Naruto to come, still giggling over his childish prank on Kakashi("That'll show him for making fun of my bad grammar")…well actually, he was spying on the women's bath…but that doesn't sound as heroic as waiting patiently…but that is probably only in my mind, so don't listen to me… when Naruto arrived at a run, all scratched and bloody and foaming at the mouth. He looked like the victim of an animal attack…a …a RABID animal attack…

"Gaspwheezegaspwheezegaspwheeze…."

Naruto wondered what was going on with his ero-senin, but took his apparent look of absolute horror to be a sign of him believing his charade, and took a step closer.

"Gaspwheeze…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Naruto didn't know that it was possible for his mentor to scream so much like a girl… to bad he didn't have much time to contemplate, for the women using said bath discovered their presence, and were indignant at the unwelcome intrusion. They were suddenly surrounded by scary, raging, and nearly naked females with a blood lust that would even scare Gaara. These women proceeded to beat the living shit out of Jirarya, but when they turned to beat Naruto, he gave them the cutest chibi look that anyone had ever seen, and the hearts of all the women softened.

15 minutes later, Naruto had a large harem, and some poor random anbu was charged in scraping Jirarya off the wall. "So, maybe this is not going to be such a bad day after all…"

But little did he know, Sasuke was waiting for him…

Rants: I…I have nothing to say…. ….. …. I feel so lost… Please review …