Disclaimer: I'm 16 and live in my parents house. How much do you think I own? The song is Numb by Linkin Park. Enjoy
Chapter 1: Two souls, One body.
A serene silence filled my ears, a rarity considering how often the whur of a power drill or the clank of a wrench echoed throughout every crevice of my home.
I lay in a state of semiconsciousness, my mind drifting between my own personal dream world and the reality of another day dawning. I usually awoke before the suns rays intruded the confines of my room but today was a humid, muggy day that merited as little physical as well as mental activity as possible.
I turned in my bed, my mind already drifting into slumber when the oh so loud sound of the alarm clock instantly jarred me awake, sending my mind as well as my heartbeat into a frenzy of panic and confusion. With my mind still muddled it took me a while to realize the source of my rude awakening but once I had I grumpily pounded my fist upon the switch of the annoying appliance a little harder than intended as I heard the sound of something jiggle loose and fall with a small cling on the interior of the clock. With a sigh I turned onto my back and gave a small yawn to purge the sleep from my body before deciding to get up and begin another predictable day in Mystic Ruin.
I languidly made my way towards the bathroom and began the ritualistic habits of taking a shower, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and combing my shoulder length mane though no matter how I try I can never seem to tame it. Giving up on passing a comb through the wild mess I layed the brush back in its proper spot and went into the bedroom to dress myself.
Opening my dresser I pulled out my favorite black jeans with the chains on the side and a long strip of zipper sewed as a borderline that ran from the spot where jean met hip to the soles of my feet. I knew it would be hell wearing black jeans in this kind of weather but these were my most comfortable jeans and comfort beat convenience any day. Once I was done with my jeans I searched for one of my t-shirts, a large white one that ended near the top of my thighs. Though a small would have suited me perfectly due to my small build it is the fashion to wear clothes twice your size. But it also served a second, much more important purpose.
I silently cursed as I observed myself in the mirror. I couldn't believe how quickly it was happening. I thought I had a couple of years more at the very least but fate had other ideas. As if I didn't have enough problems now I had to worry twice as much as before.
Shaking my head I decided to push the thought aside. I had enough on my plate without worrying myself more than necessary. I still had time before it became apparent. Even when it does it won't be noticable unless they were in close proximity, something I can easily take care of. Just as long as I never allow my guard to fall, never forget my lines I should be okay...I've done it before, why should now be any different? Giving myself a once over to make sure every detail was in order I made my way downstairs towards the kitchen to get something to eat.
Once I reached the first floor I began to look around for the alien room. It wasn't a room I was familiar with. Most of the time I became too caught up in my work to think about food, spending hours on end without a crumb passing through my lips. Eventually my stomach would protest enough to gain my attention and I simply went out to eat, too tired to make anything of substance.
After a five minute search I passed a dark room I really couldn't recall having been in. I began to feel around the cool walls for a light switch and felt my fingertips graze the small object. Flicking it on a dim light shone, the small buzzing noise it emminated a protest for a new lightbulb. Ignoring the sound I made my way into the beige tiled kitchen, a pretty simplistic and obviously abandoned place that simply housed the bare essentials. A small oak table with two matching chairs stood in the center of the room. Directly behind it was an average sized refrigerator that had turned from a bright white to a moldy brown due to the accumulation of dirt and lack of attention. Next to it was a steel faucet that allowed the occasional drip to fall onto the cold sink below. A couple of cupboards lined the walls but they were empty since I was always too lazy to place things back in their respective places. Instead I stored my cups and plates in the refrigerator, making it easier to find.
Opening the refrigerator door I found what may have at one time been food though I really couldn't be sure. I pulled out a carton of milk and taking the top off gave a snff. I instantly began to cough, using all my willpower not to gag.
'As if this room needs one more reason to be condemned'.
I placed the offending item back in its spot and looked around unable to find anything that couldn't permanantly damage the ozone were it to be let out of its prison. I swiftly closed the door and made my way out of the kitchen, remembering another reason I never came here.
There was never any food.
"Pancake house it is then" I whispered, grabbing my keys from my living room table and making my way out. I stepped outside and was immediately greeted by an aura of heat causing my skin to shed a sheen of sweat.
"The train better be there or someones going to pay".
I walked the short distance from my home to the train station and sure enough there was the massive creature, a new broken window and yellow tag gracing the already run down compartment. I sat down in between a suit who looked like he owned half of Station Square talking rather loudly on his cell and some lady who was preaching the words of a diety I could have cared less about. I withdrew my headphones and placed them in my ears, looking through my IPOD for my favorite rock band. I turned it on, hoping to drown out everything around me, hoping it would all disappear...my worries...my memories...everyones expectations...her expectations..all gone.
But why did I care? I didn't have a conscience anymore or a moral thought in my body. I purposely deceived people. What kind of person was I to care about anything when I couldn't care about other peoples feelings?...only a hypocrite and I was already too many things to add that to the list.
The sound of a babies cry prompted me to turn the volume up as high as it could go, drowning out my thoughts. I closed my eyes and allowed everything around me to become just what I was...nothing at all.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
I opened an eye and caught sight of the subway map, a blinking light showing our current location.
'Next stop' I thought and once again submerged myself once again.
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
I felt the train stop and got up only to be nearly knocked down as a chubby woman elbowed me in the ribs, her as well as every other passenger in the train getting off. I got up once more and waited until everyone else had gotten off before getting out. I remembered why I didn't like to come to Station Square
There were too many damn people. I prefered the solitude of the Mystic Ruins any day.
I left the train station and walked down the street, music still set on high. I stared at the concrete floor though I really wasn't paying attention. It seemed like centuries since the last time I walked these streets, our adventure with Chaos causing me to grow up, to face the fact that Sonic and the others wouldn't always be there for me. I should have known that from the very beginning...that I could only depend on myself..after all...no one knew who I really was...so I was always alone.
I walked inside the pancake house near the end of the lane I had been walking on, the cool breeze from the air conditioner bringing an end to the hell the streets had become. I walked passed the counter and heard the waiter shout my name and wave in recognition. I waved back and put up a finger, signaling I wanted the usual. He nodded and went to get my order. I sat down at my usual both and waited, looking through the window next to me at the street outside, at all the furries that were trying to finish their shopping as quickly as possible to escape this heat. But as much as I tried to concentrate I could feel something bothering me in the back of my mind. I casually turned my head to see a both adjacent to mine which housed a couple of male furries, all of which were starring at me.
I silently cursed, a feeling of dread invading my limbs. But they all turned away, their gazes scanning the next table and I let out a pent up sigh. God, that had been a close one. Luckily, my status as "Hero of Station Square" saved me from the usual suspicions others had. But I wondered how the people would feel once they found out that their hero had been deceiving them all along?
I turned back to stare at the males, feeling a bit sorry for them. Their instincts were yelling at them that something was going on but their eyes couldn't discover what their minds knew so well.
I suddently felt uneasy in this place. I was already rousing up too much suspicion. Without a word I made my way out, no clear destination set in mind. I walked down the streets aimlessly, looking through store windows for anything that could catch my interest for a few seconds. Needless to say, there was nothing.
I felt someone tug on my pants and turned to stare at a very small little leopard girl, about five or six looking at me with eerie emerald eyes. I pulled out my headphones and bent down to her level, a smile on my face. I liked children as oddly as it sounded. They were so innocent and pure, traits so unlike me.
"Hello there. What's your name?"
"...Cynthia"
"Cynthia huh? Well Cynthia is a really pretty name."
I watched a blush cover her cheeks before she ran towards her mother, hidding behind her skirts. Her mother smiled down at her before turning her cerulean eyes towards me.
I froze as those deep blue eyes penetrated me and for a second I could see her there, her smile shining down on me like the rays of the sun.
"Oh my little one, you must always remember to be a good little furrie and grow up to do good in the world so that one day, our people can be brought back to their former glory."
I turned to my mother, her blue eyes becoming my beacon. I left the ball I was currently playing with and walked towards her place on the stump in the middle of the clearing. With a thump I landed in front of her at the base of the stump and heard a chuckle escape her lips before her delicate hands picked me up and placed me on her knee.
I looked at her beautiful face and couldn't help but smile at her. She was my world, her existance everything I needed in life. As long as I had her...I could do so much.
"But why mama? Why does everyone hate us?"
My mothers eyes lost a bit of their luster for a moment and I instantly regreted my question. But she simply hugged me to her and I buried my face in her soft fur, her scent of lilacs making me sleepy.
"Because our people are known to be cunning...thieves...deceivers. No one can trust us because of the mistakes our kind has committed in the past. Now we must bear the scars. It is up to you, the future generations to move our people forward and clear our name from the mud. I know if anyone can do it, it's you my little one."
I nodded and closed my eyes. I could do...would do anything for mama. If only to see her hold her head up high one day and smile a true smile...I would give it all.
"You must always remember our three commandments. Never kill, never steal, never deceive. Follow them and you have nothing to fear in this life...no one can ever hurt you with their words...you or your children."
I felt her hug tighten around me and a small drop of water land on my head. She was crying again. She always cried.
"I promise mama...I never will."
"...No" I whispered, shaking my head, begining to step away from her. I heard the little girl utter my name in a fearful tone but my mind couldn't register it. The womans eyes took on a confused gaze but I continued to step away.
"No...No...NO!" I screamed, running away from them...from her. I ran as fast as I could, not caring where I went, her words haunting me...taunting me...punishing me.
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take
I ran to the end of the block and observed a a large crowd there but my mind couldn't process why. I jumped into the throng of people, pushing my way through and eventually, much to the protest of the furries around me cut through and continued to run. The sudden honk of a car turned my attention as my eyes widened. Coming at me was a large truck and I couldn't help but stand there, my fear holding me in place. The screams of the furries around me echoed in my ears but they were just that...screams, nothing more. The screech of tires soon rose above everything else. I watched as it came within a few inches from me and I closed my eyes but the pain never came. Instead, I felt the strong grip of someone holding me, the whush of wind ruffle my fur and the feeling of a heartbeat in my ear. Hesitantly I opened my eyes only to come face to face with him... Sonic the Hedgehog.
"Man, that was a close one...You okay?"
I did the only thing I could think of, something I hadn't done in a long time...I cried. Not because I was alive...I cried because he saved me...and yet I couldn't save myself. I cried because in the end I knew he and everyone else would regret his action, his kindness.
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
I cried...because I couldn't feel anything but despair.
I cried because I had deceived my friends, myself...her.
I deceived everyone and now my guilt was beginning to eat me alive. But I couldn't tell them the truth...I couldn't lose their friendship...not yet...not now.
I couldn't tell them that their friend was a liar, that I had used them...that Miles "Tails" Prower had hidden his most important secret from them and played them for fools.
How could I tell them...
...I was a girl.
Chapter 1 is down. Five reviews for Chapter 2. Peace out and please Read and Review.