The Chronicles of a Fop: Raoul's Journal
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, blah, blah, blah, blah…
Chapter 1: The Magnificent and Unparalleled Adventure of the Vicomte, Regarding a Hair Clip and a Some Hair Gel
Christine is singing for gala night. I am in love… with the hair clip that she is wearing! It must become mine! That hair clip would look so nice in my hair! I must have it! While I sing about could it be Christine, in my mind, I am singing, "Can I get… Can I get that hair clip?" I then stand up, say bravo and applaud, supposedly to Christine, but actually to serenade the hair clip! The performance is now over, so I guess I'll go to her dressing room and see if I can get that hair clip! I'll take some flowers and talk about our past so that I can tactfully slip in a request for that hair clip!
Today a mysterious gift from Erik showed up in my dressing room. It was a giant bottle of hair gel and a shirt. The shirt had the words "The Viscount is a Fop" written in large letters… He also wrote a caring note that said, "Take it, you fop, before I am forced to Punjab you to death! Signed, O.G." How sweet… I'll take it to the managers and annoy them with it…
The managers are acting stupid. They are angry over their own notes and are calling me a fop! If only Firmin would let me borrow his hair gel. My hair gel has mysteriously disappeared and so have some of my shirts… Oh, woe is me…
She wouldn't give me the hair clip… Life is so unfair… Christine has told me all about Erik. Maybe I can get Erik to loan me some hair gel… From what Christine said, he seems like he is in desperate need of a hug… On a happier note, I was a suck-up towards Christine, so maybe now she'll give me the hair clip!
Who is this Persian that is wandering around the opera wearing such a stylish hat? I must have his hat!
I asked him if I could have his hat and he said no. Why does everyone hate me?
Christine has been kidnapped by Erik. I am convinced now that Erik stole my hair gel and my shirt! I'll go and talk to the managers and see if I can borrow Firmin's hair gel.
When I got there, they were yelling about a safety pin. Maybe they needed it so that they could make sure that Erik won't steal any of their clothes or hair care products!
I'm going down to find Erik and to rescue Christine. I'm following the Persian to Erik's lair and I still want his hat! I must get back my hair gel and shirt! Raoul to the Rescue!
We're finally down in the lair… We've fallen into a hall of mirrors. Oh No! When I was looking in a mirror, I saw that my hair was messed up! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! No! Must fix hair! But Erik stole my hair gel! Oh, wait. I used up the hair gel myself…
But Erik still stole my shirt! I must get back my shirt from Erik and rescue Christine so that she can loan me her hair clip…
We finally got out of the mirrors. I'm glad so that I can leave that hair-inflicted hell!
We're in Erik's lair. I was correct about the fact that Erik has my shirt… And, Oh My Gosh!… He's wearing it… And he got it wet… Oh no! I could take me weeks to clean it perfectly…
I was about to ask Erik for some hair gel when he started trying to strangle me… All I wanted was my shirt back and some hair gel! Is that too much to ask! Why did he have to try to strangle me! I've noticed that after every line in Erik's singing, he is mouthing the word "fop" to me…
Christine saved me from Erik! Yay! And my hair is only a little bit messed up! Now we're escaping! A mob is coming… I hope they don't accidentally mess up my all ready messed up hair. Before we get in the boat, I take one last glance at myself in one of Erik's mirrors. Oh No! My hair is messed up even worse than I believed! The World is Coming to an End! I'll fix it when I get back out of Erik's lair—and by the way, when he removes his mask, he has the worst hairdo!
I'm going to marry Christine so that I can have unlimited access to all her hair care products and hair clips! There is a message in the paper that says, "ERIK IS DEAD."
Darn! That means that I can't get my shirt back from his! Darn! Oh well; at least Christine has a lot of hair care products I can use, a lot of hair clips I can put in my hair and a lot of nice shoes that I can wear!
Chapter 2: Raoul's Quest for his ShirtI guess that Erik isn't dead… He sent a message to me today that said, "YOU ARE THE KING OF FOPS. SIGNED, ERIK". If he's not dead, then that means that I can get my shirt back!
I'm going on a journey to get back my shirt from Erik! Wherever the heck he is…
I guess I'll take all of Christine's hair products and hair clips with me…
I've gone across half of the world and I can't find Erik. And, Oh My Goodness! My hair is messed up and I'm out of hair gel! Oh No! My hair is messed up! The World is Coming to and End! I give up…
Did I just say half the world…? I guess I forgot that the other half was there in my messy hair induced frenzy! I guess I'll continue on…
I think I've almost found Erik and… Oh No! I got dirt on my shirt! And there isn't a dry cleaners for the next 1000 miles! The World is Coming to an End! I need to go shopping! But the nearest store is 4000 miles away! The World is Coming to and End! Oh woe is me…
I've found Erik now… And he's still wearing my shirt! I must have it back!
He's trying to strangle me because I stole what was allegedly "His Shirt"… It's MY shirt! MY Shirt! MY Shirt! MY Shirt!
Erik refuses to give me back my shirt, but he has successfully messed up my hair! Oh no! He's strangling me still. I'm down on my knees in tears now! I just noticed… MY shirt that he is wearing is covered in dirt and grime! I yell to Erik, "You can keep it! You can keep it!" This made him stop strangling me. He said to me, " This shirt belongs to ME!" Before I induced any more of his wrath, I ran away before he could mess up my hair and clothes and more badly than he already had…
Chapter 3: Erik's Revenge, Or The End of a Foppish EraI was in a store yesterday, minding my own business and shopping for shoes, when suddenly, a strange voice above me said, "Go away, you fop!" I knew that this voice must be Erik. Then, the strange voice was all around me, surrounding me in terror. The voice then said, " You are the King of All Fops! You have become even more foppish since the last time we met!" Erik then appeared behind me and messed up my hair! My hair! Oh no! Not my hair! How dare he! He messed up my hair! The World is coming to an End!
Last night, Erik appeared in my dreams, holding a Punjab lasso that had a sign on it that said, "Fop's Head Here" in large letters. He then ripped my shirt and messed up my hair.
I woke up in a cold sweat from the horror of my shirt being ripped and my hair being messed up! When I got out of bed, I found that it was true! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! No! Not my hair and shirt! The World is Coming to an End! Why is Erik tormenting me in this way!
Erik is giving me the most horrible of punishments! He is messing up my hair every day and is hiding my shoes and hair clips in strange place. Yesterday, he hid my favorite hair clip underneath the sink! What did I do to deserve this!
I've got to confront Erik about this problem.
Extract from Erik's Journal
Raoul is trying to fight me because I am taking revenge on him! I just flick my wrist and he is dead. The stupid fop forgot to keep his hand at the level of his eye! The fop is dead! My troubles with the fop are over and it is the end of a foppish era!