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A Trial of the Heart: Chapter fourteen

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Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it.
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Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.

Anais Nin

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Sara sifted through her inbox. After two weeks of vacation time, and a month of desk duty, she had been glad to start cases. With her first full week back to full duty status, she knew the cases she was being given were handpicked, but she didn't care. She was starting to feel normal again.

"Hey Sara wh—wow." Greg stopped in his tracks, sizing up his colleague. She was dressed in a tailored black pinstriped suit, accented with a red shirt, with a white collar and cuffs folded over the suit coat.

She tried to hide her smile. "Greg?"

"Wow," he reiterated.

"You said that already," she joked, walked around the desk. Leaning against the front edge; she took a moment to enjoy the sense of camaraderie she shared with the younger CSI. Finally, she smacked him on the forehead with her folder. "Your entire vocabulary has been reduced to a three letter word because I'm in a suit for court?"

He smiled. "Just think what you in a dress would do to me."

Laughing slightly, she said, "I wouldn't like to think about that Greg."

"Hey," Grissom's voice filled the office.

Greg straightened slightly. "I need to go get some coffee." His voice turned serious, "Good luck in court."

Waiting for Greg to leave before talking, Sara sized up the man in front of her. He too was wearing a suit. Charcoal with a dark blue shirt as an accent; a grey and blue striped tie hung around his neck, untied.

"Wow," she echoed Greg's earlier words with a smile.

Grissom cocked his head, considering her statement.

Covering the space between them in one long stride, she grabbed the ends of his tie. She pulled him closer to her, but remembered where they were, and began tying it deftly.

Grissom watched her with a bemused expression. He felt her fingers flutter against his collar, and reveled in the feeling as they would randomly graze the skin on his neck. The two weeks spent at Ingleside had allowed them to rebuild their friendship, and take the initial steps toward their relationship. Grissom couldn't help but feel cheated by Wilson. They had been forced to admit their feelings without the life and excitement of a newfound relationship to reveal their love.

"Excuse me?" Judy asked behind them, interrupting his thoughts. "Ms. Sidle, I have a message for you," she continued, handing the pink paper over to the brunette.

She quickly read the note. "Is this a joke?"

"No, the call came in when you were in the meeting," the secretary explained, confused.

"You should have come and got me," Sara told her sternly, and grabbed her brief case and her keys.

Grissom watched her with concern. "Sara, where are you going? You're due in court in an hour."

Walking out the door, she called over her shoulder, "I'll be there, but I need to take care of this."

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Sara steady herself with a breath, and pushed open the heavy door. She thought she had seen the inside of the hospital enough for one lifetime, but the message was one she could not deny.

Inside the sterile room she studied the still figure on the bed. Walking up to the chair, she took a seat, trying not to draw attention to her presence.

Marni slowly turned her head, and managed a small smile. "Sara?"

Her eyes almost filled with tears. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and leaned forward. "Yes." Her answer was simple. She wanted to take her hand, and offer physical comfort, but she also knew she was at least two months ahead of the young woman in their recovery.

The blonde's hand reached out, tentatively searching for Sara's. When she found it, she seemed to steady herself as if she felt relief to touch someone. "My doc… my therapist, she told me about you," she started, and her thumb swept across the healing burn scare on Sara's wrist. "He…did he…" her voice cracked.

Sara squeezed her hand gently. "Shh. You don't have to talk about him. I'm here for you."

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Rushing into the courtroom, Sara smoothed her hair down; hoping her rush to make it from the hospital to the courthouse wasn't that obvious. Glancing around subtly, she found Grissom and sat next to him. His arm, the one that had been resting on the back of the bench, drifted closer to her, and their position in the back of the room allowed him to rub small calming circles on her shoulder blade.

She looked to the witness stand and tuned into Brass' testimony. "When we approached the noises, we found Dr. Grissom chained to the wall, and CSI Sidle was being tortured by Dr. Lee Wilson."

Sara closed her eyes; she remembered that moment more clearly than anything else that had happened.

The only sounds she could hear was the hum of electricity and Lee Wilson's steady breathing. She couldn't fight anymore, and she could feel her body giving up. The pain stopped.

Wilson sat down next to her; he seemed to sense her resignation. He brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Sara, you can't comprehend how groundbreaking this moment is. 'Love surpasses pain'. We've found your breaking point, but your love won't let you fall over the cliff. Amazing."

"Go to hell." Her voice was cold, and determined.

The pain returned, and two shots rang out.

Grissom removed his arm from around her, squeezed her hand, and stood. "I'm up."

Sara watched him walk confidently to the stand. Once he was sworn in, he focused intensely on the man sitting in the defendant's seat.

"Dr. Grissom, you understand that this is a sentencing hearing?" The lawyer started the long drawn out line of questioning.

She half listened. Wilson had been found guilty in a very short trial-- the city had expedited as quickly as they could. When two of their own were involved, a drawn-out process was never an option; the only remaining detail was for the decision to be made on whether he would get the death penalty, or life in prison with no possibility of parole.

Trying to focus on Grissom's words, she realized she didn't really care as long as she never had to think about the man again. She didn't even want to be participating in the hearing. The only thing that brought her there was Marni and Jerrod. They couldn't testify for themselves, and she owed it to them to explain the victim's story.

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As Grissom finished up, nervousness bubbled up within Sara. She rubbed her sweaty palms on her pants. Her eyes darted around, never focusing on one thing for more then a moment. Finally, her eyes came to rest on the judge. She knew her, and had testified several times in her court. The older woman was watching her intently, the sympathy very evident in her eyes.

"Thank you, Dr. Grissom," the judge spoke, still watching Sara. "Ten minute recess?" She posed the question in such a way that the room thought she was conferring with everyone, but she was in fact waiting to see if Sara needed to break, or needed to testify and get it over with.

Sara nodded her need for a few more minutes, and waited only for the gavel to connect twice with the bench. She shot up, and walked out of the room before it closed in on her.

After several deep breaths she leaned against the wall, and felt Grissom's presence to her left. "I don't know that I can do this," she admitted honestly.

He placed a comforting hand behind her neck, and pulled her to him, not caring who was around them.

"I didn't have to appear during his trial, why now?" her voice sounded fragile, her face pressed against his chest.

Wrapping his free arm around the small of her back, he murmured, "You don't have to. They have the testimonies of Nick, Greg, Brass, myself and your doctor. That's more than enough evidence to get him the death penalty."

She pushed off slightly. "Is that what you want? You want him dead?"

His mouth opened to answer, but when none came, it closed again. He searched her eyes. "What do you want?"

Allowing a sigh to escape her, she clutched his lapel. "I want it to be over."

"It's almost over," he encouraged her. Allowing a brief silence to overtake them, he finally asked the question he had wanted the answer to since she left the lab. "Where'd you go?"

Sara pushed away, composing herself. "Marni called."

Biting back the disapproving comment, he waited for her to continue.

"I know what you think, Grissom, but I can save her," she explained, noting his questioning look. "You're going to spend all your time in hospitals helping the people you couldn't save."

Quoting the words he spoke to her a lifetime ago, after they closed up the Pamela Adler case, recognition dawned on him. "Sara, there was a lot I didn't know about you then."

She nodded her head. "I know, but you were right, I started to burn out. I can handle this, I need to handle this. Marni deserves closure."

He wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "So do you."

Before she could reply, they noted the people who had begun funneling into the courtroom. Lawyers, television stations, and reports all anxiously awaited the decision that would be made by the end of the day.

"You sure you're ready for this?" he questioned with concern.

Nodding, she walked into the courtroom, ready to recount her experiences with Dr. Lee Wilson.

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"…I don't remember much after the gun shots." She finished, relieved she had gotten the story out without a breakdown, but slightly embarrassed that the entire time she focused on the microphone in front of her. His eyes were on her the entire time-- she knew that-- but she couldn't look at Wilson.

The judge leaned over to the petite brunette. "Thank you, Sara, you can leave now."

Still staring at the mike, she stood and walked instinctually to Grissom. He was standing near the door, ready to take her from Wilson's presence. Holding the door open, she stopped suddenly.

"I need to stay," she whispered, took his hand and led him to a seat near the back again.

Wilson already had his hand on the Bible, and was watching to see if they were going to stay. As they sat down, he smiled slightly.

The lawyer began speaking. "Mr. Wilson, this is not a trial, we're not interesting in what you did, but the court would like to know why you did it."

"It's Dr. Wilson, and that's simple; I had a theory that could only be proven with empirical research." His voice retained the same calming quality he used in the cell.

"A theory. You tortured and killed people for a theory?" The lawyer was appalled at his nonchalance regarding his actions.

"Well no, I tortured them yes, but I did not kill anyone. They all had choices and they made them." He looked directly at Sara. "The clinical data I recorded will be hailed as a monumental break through."

Sara looked at Grissom. "He recorded data?" She hadn't know that, and she couldn't decide if she was mad at being left in the dark, or upset that she even knew. Her mind began analyzing what that data would include.

"Stop thinking about it. The evidence is sealed and was reviewed only by Catherine. She censored it for court, and gave them only the bare facts," he encouraged her.

She considered him, and his inability to look at her. "You read it." She already knew the answer, and looked back at the man that tormented her dreams.

"Love, specifically the love I discovered Sara and Gil had, has a rare quality that begs to be studied. Their love is selfless, and will survive anything." He continued his testimony. "And I found that."

Sara stood, and pulled Grissom up with her. She had heard enough, and had no further desire to be under Lee Wilson's microscope. Before the double doors closed, she was enveloped in a tender hug. "He didn't find it, Sara. It's our love, he has nothing to do with it," he promised her.

Breathing in the scent of his cologne, she let his words sooth her. She felt dirty, like Wilson had been inside of her head again. "Can we… Do we have to go back to the lab?"

He smiled encouragingly. "No, we have the rest of the day."

"Can we go home?" she asked, not caring whose place they went to-- it felt like home to be in his gentle embrace.

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Settling down on the couch, Sara let him stretch out first, while she snuggled against his chest. "How long do you think it'll take?"

He flipped on the TV, searching for a comedy they would both like. "His testimony was the last, and sentencing decisions usually don't take more than an hour to decide." He stopped on a movie channel that was playing Two Weeks Notice.

Sara smiled. 'Full circle' she thought to herself, and felt sleep start to overcome her.

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The ringing of the phone jolted both awake, and Grissom searched blindly for the receiver. "Yes?" he answered it tersely, and then quietly listened. Finally he spoke again, "Thanks Jim, I will." Punching the 'end' button, he set the handset down.

Sara looked up at him, holding her breath.

"Death by lethal injection," he announced quietly, hugging her tightly to him.

She allowed herself to weep into his chest.

"Shh, it's over Sara. It's finally over," he comforted her. "We can move on with our life."

At that moment, Sara understood that after all they had gone through Grissom was right. They were one life, and they were both ready to find out where that life was going to take them.

THE END