A/N: Alright, I thank anyone that reviewed (alright, read) the last chappie. That makes me feel… whatever… I don't know. Anyway, I still don't have any ideas on my other fics (they're starting to annoy me, though), but I hope I do get some soon. Yeah. Also, I don't really mean to offend my fellow Diablo players, it just seemed random at the time. AND… just live with the script-like writing, it just felt right.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, Squaresoft does. Diablo is a registered trademark of Blizzard Entertainment, so I obviously don't own it. And many of these ideas have been found by the help of Overly Obsessive and her overly obsessive-ness. But, I do own myself, or so I have been led to believe…

Ch. 2 ShinRa News

The screen opens up to the one and only Zachary Knightblade sitting at a reporting desk, next to an empty chair. Slowly, he turns his head to the left and stairs at the empty chair, the turns to the camera again. Then, he smiles and the annoying newscaster music begins.

"Hello, and welcome to ShinRa News." he states, smiling. "It's my first day on the job and I guess I will be broadcasting alone today…" he then laughs somewhat, but quickly continues to speak. "Apparently… my co-host is drunk?" Zack then quirks an eyebrow, staring at the camera. Then, some random set dude runs over and whispers something into the Colonel's ear. "Oh…" the black-haired man nods. The random set dude then runs out of the immediate view.

"Sorry for the confusion, folks." Zack states as he scratches the back of his head and laughs falsely. "We appear to have lost track of my co-hosts. But now we'll go to eye witness news with Scarlet…"

The scene goes into a blue backdrop and Scarlet's face appears and the little logo of 'eye witness news' flashes across the bottom of the screen. Suddenly, the screen goes to an obvious impersonator with a microphone. This impersonator wears a lopsided blonde wig above their mass of black hair, a red dress over their purple military uniform, and jewelry over their gloves. It's quite obvious that this is the Colonel of the ShinRa Army, is it not?

"Hello." s/he states in a false voice. "I come to you live from…" s/he looks at a cue card in his hand. "… some random computer geek's house…" s/he blinks a few times, but then smiles somewhat scarily. Then, the scene changes to a nearly bare room with 'Scarlet' and, truly, 'some random computer geek.' The 'geek' himself is probably about fifteen to sixteen, his hair is a ruffled brown and thick spectacles obscure his eyes. His clothing is ruffled beyond that of Reno's, which is really a statement, and covered in things the viewer/reader can only imagine. In the scene, the boy is obviously playing a version of Diablo.

"Now…" 'Scarlet' states, holding out his/her microphone to the boy. "Can you tell us about yourself…?"

"Well…" the teen replied in a nasally voice, breathing in loudly. "I've been playing Diablo II," he inhales here, "and I'm a level 79 Necromancer," inhales here, "and I'm in Lut Gholien," inhales here, "on the Arcane Sanctuary Quest," inhales here.

The blonde/black haired man/woman just stares at the teen, and nods with this huge plastic smile on his/her face. "Well, you saw it." s/he states, nodding. "This is what will happen to your children and grandchildren if you allow them to overuse the computer."

"Uh…" the 'geek' states inhaling. "Who are you," inhales here, "anyway?" the man/woman just slowly turns their gaze toward the boy. Then, the camera sort of fizzes out.

The next scene is slightly different than the last. 'Scarlet' is there, with some, apparently random hyper girl. This girl is wearing a hoodie, ripped jeans, glasses, and her hair is done up lazily. And, at the beginning of this scene, she is somewhat jumping up and down.

"Now…" 'Scarlet' states, watching the girl jump up and down. "…could you tell us a little about yourself…?" the girls nods rather enthusiastically.

"I'm… some random age and I'm HYYYYYYYYYYYYYPER!" she screams, causing 'Scarlet' to put a finer in his/her ear. "Which reminds me…" she says slowly. "Why are you here, Zachary?"

"Zachary?" 'Scarlet' asks, somewhat backing away. "I'm not him. I'm Scarlet."

"Okay!" the hyper girl responds loudly. "ANYWAY… I'm a writer on fanfiction and I just got an eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil idea." she twiddles her fingers and her eyes dart. Then, she raises her index finger forcefully in the air. "TO THE EVIL MOBILE!" with this, she runs away in some random direction, from which a loud crash is heard.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what will happen if you give a child sugar." 'Scarlet' states, smiling. "I'm now going to hand it over to Hojo with the sports…"

Once again, the backdrop becomes blue, but this time a large picture of Hojo's head pasted onto a football player's body, which is pummeling through the opposing forces. 'Sports' flashes across the bottom of the screen. The screen changes to another impersonator, who appears to be short on breath. Their black hair is pulled back, even though its large spikes are still protruding from their head, and thick spectacles cover their mako glowing eyes. A white lab coat is pulled over the military uniform and is beginning to rip apart at the seams. Once again, it is obvious that it is the colonel.

"Thank you Scarlet," 'Hojo' states, pushing up his glasses and catching his breath. "Our recent story is dairy verses slushies!" the impersonator cries, raising his hands into the air.

The scene changes to a nice warm day in the park. In the middle of the park is a large wrestling ring, and upon a ring is a large glass full of milk and a cardboard cup filled with slushie flavors and covered with a plastic top. 'Hojo' appears beside the ring, andseems to be the only one watching.

"We shall now begin… the challenge!" the man cries, ringing a bell. When the bell is rung, the two drinks pull out straws and prepare them like swords. Just as the two are about to clash, te camera switches back to 'Hojo.' "Fascinating, isn't it? But, no one really cares any more, so I'm going to turn it over to Vincent with the weather."

The, the backdrop becomes blue, again, and a small chibi version of Vincent appears in the corner of the screen as the word 'weather' flashes across the middle of it. When the camera focuses on Vincent, it is obvious this is an impersonator as well. There is a poorly wound red bandana in his black hair, and only Vincent's trademark red cloak is about is shoulders, covering his purple army uniform, and golden paint is over his left arm. Obviously, it is still the colonel.

"… yes…" 'Vincent' says, clearing his throat. "Well, the weather for today is," he pulls out a pointer as the weather map comes up behind him, "doom, doom, and more doom for those who didn't like the first two dooms." the impersonator states, tapping the middle of the map. "And its…" 'Vincent' trails off, staring at the camera, suddenly waving. "Hi mom! I'm on TV!"

A loud crash is heard from behind the camera, but the shows goes on. 'Vincent' taps the camera screen. "What's that," he states, still tapping. Another loud crash is heard, but it is quickly forgotten. And now, the impersonator has started to peck the ground and flap his wings…err… arms like a chocobo. "WARK!" he cries. Then, suddenly, the scene returns to the original studio.

After a moment of staring at an empty desk, the colonel runs onto screen and immediately sits down. He is dressed normally, not including the fact that his hair was more tangled than earlier and gold pain was all over his left arm, and his breath is short.

"Breaking news!" Zachary cries, waving his arms madly. "We're being over-run by an army of evil, maniacal hobos! Run for you lives!" he cries,contuning to wave his arms madly and scream. Then suddenly, he is calm and looks at the camera, smiling. "I'm Zachary Knightblade, and I'll be seeing you tomorrow…" he states, "… is there is one, that is."

Then, the television shuts off. At the ShinRa headquaters Scarlet looks to Hojo, and the evil professor looks back to the head of ShinRa Weapons Development. After a moment, of silence, they break out into hysterial laughter. Meanwhile, Vincent sits within the ShinRa Mansion and laughs with his demons as the screen went black. In the life stream, Sephiroth struggles to turn on the TV with the remote, using the Masamune, and has,thus, missed the entire ordeal which he and the otherco-hosts placed Zachary in.

A/N: Yeah… I really don't know… I still have school (not summer school, but the official kind) and I just finished off all of my projects, meaning that I'm very hyper because I haven't typed any fanfiction in a long time. Yeah. And if you didn't get this chappie at all, Zachary is doing all of the hosting jobs because everyone else is just in some random place. Also, anyone can use these stories to make their own, please! They're all one shots! Hehe, yeah… just review and this personage (me) will be happy… but do you want me happy…? Fagh, just review.