Hey there! I am in love with the Georgia Nicholson series, and you can imagine how excited I was when I found out they had a category in here for the series! So here goes...
Womanosity, Sophisticosity and...er...Snogosity?
by: Emma Bailey (aka MEEE)
Disclaimer- I dont own Georgia and her world. The genius Louise Rennison owns it all
-is jealous-
Saturday May 7th
In my bed of pain (not!)
7:00 am
Life is fabbity fab fab! Up at the crack of dawn to make mutti and vati a delicious, nutricious, breakfast (pop tarts and milky coffee) to show them how grateful I am!
7:25 am
Vati nearly had a fit when I brought the breakfast in,
"Bloody hell, Georgie, what are you doing awake at this hour?" And then he rumpled my hair-dead vati walking-and sniffed the poptarts to make certain they were alright in the 'cooked department'. He got a little huffy though when I asked him if he was alright in the brain department.
9:50 am
That is the last time I ever do anything nice for my ungrateful elders-better yet-my ungrateful ancients
10:00 am
Rang Jas.
"Jas?"
"What?"
"I've just thought of a brilliant new word for 'parents'"
Silence.
"Jas?"
"Yes?"
"Arn't you going to ask me what the new word is?"
"Uh-huh."
Silence.
"Go on then...ask."
"I will I'm just writing a postcard to Tom."
"Why in the name of Wet Lindsays thong are you writing a postcard to Hunky? He lives down the block!"
"I thought I'd be creative."
Oh merde and double poo.
"I don't care about your stupid postcard, Jas. I want to tell you my new word!"
Then Mrs. Huffy knickers got all huffy.
"Well, mabye I don't care about your stupid new word-"
"-Jas."
"-It's probably something really stupid about Elvis or Lindsay or-"
"-Jas?"
"-Or Slim or-"
"-JAS!"
"What?"
"Shut up."
"Fine. Have you pack for Hamburgeragogo?"
"Jas, mon petite nincompoop!You're still ignore-vouzing the fact that I have a new word!"
"Oh bugger off, Gee."
And that's when I hung up on Po.
10:15 am
She is so incredibly rude. Someday I should force her to swallow her giganticamus knickers whole!
10:18 am
Still, haha on her! She'll never know my new word, which I seem to have forgotten by now anyways.
10:20 am
Ancients! That was it! Hahaha.
2:30 pm
Life is fabbity fab and yummy scrumboes and right now. In exactly one week I will be on my way to dreamy-dreamy land. That is once I find my gorgey-porgey sex meister, Masimo and ditch the Ancients and the criminally insane (ie. Libby, Angus and Gordy)
4:00 pm
Uncle Eddie in all his balding glory came round today in his robin mobile. He stuck his head in my door and simply said,
"A duck, a priest and a llama go into a bar and-"
"-Uncle Eddie, as much as I would love to hear the end of this joke I am tres tres busy doing things of much importantosity right now and cannot be bothered."
4:05 pm
Putting on my old nose hammock.
4:06 pm
Triple Ew! I have only just realized that the knickers I was using for my nose hammock were Libbys, who knows where they have been!
4:15 pm
Why havn't any of my so-called mates rang? Do they not know that I am on the verge of boredomosity.
4:30 pm
Rang Dave the L.
"Dave?"
"Hola sex kitty, hows life?"
"Fantabulous. Except for one fly in the ointment."
"And that would be?"
"I am bored bored and tres times more bored."
"Aren't you going to Rosie's for her vegetable party?"
"Huh? What party?"
"Tonight! It was a last minute thing."
"Oh...hmm...yes-that party. I've heard of it. Uh-Dave can I talk to you later?"
"Of course. Ta-Ta."
4:45 pm
Why would Rosie not invite me to her last minute vegetable party?
4:50 pm
Not that I would want to go anyway as Dave the L. will be there and I may come over with the general horn and would not be able to control my red bottomosity.
4:53 pm
Plus. Jas and Tom will be there, being all lovey dovey-esque seeing as the pair of them are two big vegetables themselves.
4:57 pm
Also seeing Tom will only remind me of my late sex god, Robbie, who has decided he loves snogging sheep in kiwiagogo land more than he enjoys snogging me in normalagogo land.
5:00 pm
Stupid trader mates, don't invite me to their stupid vegetable parties. I hate them, I'll never speak to them again. You couldn't force me with a gun to go to that party!
5:15 pm
Lalala.
RoRo rang.
I've been invited to the veggie party! She was running late on sending out invitations.
5:30 pm
Still, this is quite short notice for a party. What will I wear?
5:35 pm
I will never dress as a stuffed olive again, because we all know how what a disastrosity that was. I could make my nose look like a tomatoe if I pinched it for a bit.
6:00 pm
Dressed in all red and put my hair up with a green hair clip. Hopefully I look like a tomatoe-just not as round.
6:15 pm
Just did my makeup and nails. Now to tell the ancients about the vegetable extravaganza.
6:45 pm
Loon leader about laughed his arse off when I told him I was going to a vegetable party. Oh very ironic,El beardo, seeing as you are 'legalet' the lord of the rings suare attender.
"Why can't you be like a normal teenager and go to normal parties?" He laughed.
"Why can't you be a normal Vati and drive a normal car and do DIY in a normal shed?"
Mutti came in and began tutting and adjusting her giganticamus basoomas,
"Has anyone seen Libby?"
Just then someone burst into the room (ie. Libby) in the nuddypants with Angus and Gordy in either hand singing,
"Sex bum, I'm a sex bum!"
"I found her." Mutti sighed.
"Gingey, Ginger, Gingey-goo!" She called after me, "Me want to come to veggie party too!"
"No Libbs, it's a big girl party only."
"Bad Boy!" She yelled and hit me round the shins with scuba diving barbie.
In my room
3:00 am
What a night!
I went to Rosies at 7:00 and Sven answered the door dressed as a gigantic carrot.
"Oh Ja, Georgie, chickie. Velcome to the vegetable party, jah."
I walked in and found Rosie dressed as an onion, Ellen a pepper and Jools a leaf of lettuce.
I danced like a madwoman and ate some veggies and dip for three hours straight. Then Dave the laugh showed up. I almost burst out laughing when I saw him. He was dressed in a full out banana costume. Bright yellow and everything!
"Hey Gorgeous." He winked at me in a cool way and I felt my bottom turning several shades redder-even if he was in a banana costume.
"You are dressed as a fruit, you know."
"So are you." Came the voice of good old Jassyknickers from somewhere behind me.
Her and Hunky had just arrived and were both dressed as cucumbers, except Tom was a boy cucumber and Jas was a girly cucumber-a girly cucumber with a pair of giganticamus pantaloons and a crap fringe. I had still not forgiven her for not listening to my new word earlier today.
"What are you blithering on about, oh wise woman of the woods?"
"Tomatoes are fruits."
"No they're not."
"Actually they are." Added Hunky. Well of course the vegetable twins would know.
I left the V. Twins to talk about all the lovely badgers and sticks they would meet on their next trip to crazytown (ie. the wilderness)
"I broke up with Rachel." Came Dave the L. in my ear, he was looking at me all wide-eyed and serious.
"Oh-er-I'm sorry?" I couldn't honestly say that I was...thats why I said it dishonestly.
He laughed in a very, er, laughing way.
"Don't be. Listen Georgia, I think we should talk."
But I did not hear what Dave had said because suddenly a light shined from somewhere above.
What light shines yonder...uh...
Ohmygiddygodstrousers! It was the sex meister!
What in the name of Vatis clownmobile is he doing here? Isn't he supposed to be off in Hamburgeragogo land by now soaking up some-uh...amber waves of grain?
"Ciao, bella Georgia." He said, touching his hand to my cheek. Ooer.
He looked groovy and fab and cool and yummy scrumboes and scrummy yumboes.
"Nnnghhh." I said. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Dave the L. walking away sadly.
Oh well-the sex meister had landed. There is no time for boys that are a laugh!
"I thought you were in Hamburgeragogo land?" There! I said something sane! Well...half sane.
"Yes, well, my family decided to not go. It was too much of, how you say, rush?"
I tried tosmile attractively and put my tongue behind my teeth and suck in my nose, but then I saw Wet Lindsay and my attractive smile turned into a glare. Lindsay glared back, then-No!-She came and put her tiny forheaded head on Sex meisters shoulder. Erlack! I will never be able to look at his shoulders the same-nevermind, they are pretty yummy scrumboes. All broad and muscular and...uh...anyway.
Wet Lindsay smiled smugly,
"Masimo, sweetie, we're supposed to be celebrating your permanent stay in Britain. Lets get out of this juvenile party."
She is such a drip. A stick insect, small foreheaded drippy drip.
"Okay, Lindsay. I just come to tell Georgia the good news. She is...a nice kid."
A nice kid? A NICE KID!
I am full of womanosity and sophisticosity and...er...snogosity.
"Ciao, bella."
"Ciao." P.S. I hate you.
I turned and went to find my so-called mates so that they could come and comfort their poor miserable, helpless, defenseless little Gee.
"Why so sad, Gorgeous?" It was Dave the laugh.
I prepared myself for an emergency getaway in case my lips began to pucker.
"Masimo." I answered.
"I see." Since when is he chalked full of wisdomosity?
"Masimo is uno jerkio." I said. Sometimes I amaze myself with my ability to stay cool, calm and collected in times of sheer desperadoes.
Dave the L. laughed in a very Dave the laugh kind of way and suddenly I found myself attatched to his lips.
Oh mondieu! Tres merde and double poo!
My red bottom has come out to play. Next thing I knew I was in a closet with him. Nip libbling and ear snogging extravaganza. Double cool with knobs!
If I hadn't been so distraught I would have yelled out 'Phwoar..."
And so just now I snuck into the house at the late hour of 3:00 am and crept up the stairs into my bed. And the ancients are none the wiser. I am so fabulously sneaky...and a queen of snogging!
3:05 am
Something moved outside my door and I quickly went into 'false slumber mode'
3:10 am
It was only Libbs. Bless her.
"Ginger, I can't sleep. Bad dreams."
"Go see mum then, Libbs."
She slapped me, "Bad boy! No!I sleep with you!"
And then she climbed into bed with me, equipt with pantalitzer, scuba diving barbie and what felt like Muttis giganticamus bra.
Sunday May 8th
In my room
11:00 am
All aloney on my owny. None of my so-called mates have rang. Except for Jas who rang at 10. But I still havn't forgiven her for her attitude yesterday.
11:05 am
What am I going to do about Dave?
11:10 am
We were in that closet snogging for a good hour. Does he expect us to get married now?
11:15 am
And what am I to do about my vacation to Hamburgeragogo land? Quest-que-ce la point without masimo (ie. Italiano Pratio) there?
12:00 pm
Perhaps I can convince the ancients to let me stay behind.
12:02 pm
Hahahahaha. For a moment there I actually believed they would let me.
12:05 pm
Life is crap.
1:00 pm
Rang Rosie.
"Hello?"
"RoRo? It's Gee."
"Gee-good I was about to call you. Big news!"
"What?"
"I-I. Oh. I-just. I-"
"Rosie, you're dithering..."
"I GOT TO TEN ON THE SNOGGING SCALE WITH SVEN!" She blurted
"Non."
"Oui."
"Non."
"Oui!"
"So you-?"
"Yes!"
"And you-?"
"Yes!"
"And...the whole way?"
"YES!"
3:00 pm
Emergency ace gang meeting at my house.
Jas, Rosie, Ellen, Jools and Mabs all came.
Rosie was blushing like a...mad blushing thing.
All of us sat in silence for quite a while, then Jools said,
"So how was it?"
Rosie blushed and didn't look at us all in the eyes at first,
"Very nice."
A few more moments of silence then Granny Jas piped up,
"You're only 16, Rosie!"
"Shut it Granny Jas." I said
She glared at me and then looked at Rosie with what she must have thought looked like an understanding look.
"Describe it all...every bit!" I said breaking the tension.
And after that it was smooth sailing. Rosie stopped blushing and told us everything while
the rest of us listened with intensosity as we stuffed cheesy snacks in our faces.
"And thats how it happened." She finished with a sigh, "Who knew I'd be the first."
"Who knew it would be with Sven!" I laughed. I am so full of hilarity it cracks me up.
Everyone laughed and even Rosie giggled a little.
"Did he say 'Oh Ja' much as it was going on?" I added and we all laughed a little more.
We ended the meeting by each taking turns saying where we'd gotten to so far on the
snogging scale.
"Rosie we know got to ten. Ellen?"
"Six and 1/4, Lip nibbling with Dave the laugh." She looked a little sad at this and I put an arm around her, trying to make up for my guiltosity.
"Lezzie." Jas muttered.
"You're just jealous." I stuck my tongue out. "How about you Jools? How far have you gotten with Rollo?"
"Six, tongues."
"Mabs?"
"Only five," She looked a little ashamed, "I havn't really had a steady boyfriend."
"Jas?" I smirked, "How far has Hunky and Po gotten to?"
"Seven." She answered promptly, "What about you Gee?"
"Well as of last night I am up to seven and a half."
"Theres no seven and a half." Jas scoffed.
"Thats because I just added it in. Its closet snogging. And in closet snogging you do everything up to number seven...only in a closet" I told them.
They all blinked at me like five little goosegogs.
"Who'd you get to seven and a half with then?" Asked Rosie.
"Uh..." I looked at Ellen, I couldn't say Dave the laugh infront of her. Jas was looking at me in a looking at me kind of way and I wanted to strangle her.
"...Masimo!" I said the first thing that came to my mind.
They all looked very suprised to hear this, even Jas, whom I thought for sure would not believe it.
In bed
11:00 pm
Emergency snogging scale update:
(1) Holding Hands
(2) Arm around
(3) Good-night kiss
(4) Kiss lasting for 3 minutes without a breath.
(5) Open-mouth kissing
(6) Tongues
(6 1/4) Lip Nibbling
(6 1/2) Ear Snogging
(7) Upper body fondling-Outdoors
(7 1/2) Closet Snogging
(8) Upper body fondling-Indoors (in bed)
(9) Below waist activity (b.w.a) and
(10) The full monty (ie. Rosie & Sven)
A/N
Hey guys! Thanks for reading I really hope you enjoyed the first chapter! There is many more to come! Please review if you liked it and review if you didnt lol.
Thanks alot.
Emma