Disclaimer: Never gonna own them anyways.
AN: This was hell to write. Absolute hell. Sorry for the abrupt ending at the end of the chapter, but meh. Writing speed should pick up as I decided that while I really enjoyed my new job, I enjoy writing and having 'me' time more. So's I chucked the job out the window and went back to my old one. Most likely this won't be updated until I get the next chapter of my KH fic out, and possibly another fiction that I'm working on.
As usual, thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews. I really do appreciate the time and effort you put in for reviewing and as always, it gives me lovely little fluffies of happines. XD
Chapter Six
"What the hell are those?"
Tai turned swiftly, to look at Matt and then at the bed, and then at Matt again in shock. "Huh?" he asked looking at Matt in confusion. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
Matt's expression darkened at his question being avoided. "I had to go to the bathroom." He gestured at the bottle that was still in Tai's hand. "What are those?" he asked again, closing Tai's door behind him as he completely entered the room.
Tai's eyes narrowed at the tone in Matt's voice. "They're just headache pills, Matt," the brunette said, tossing the bottle in the general direction of the blond.
Matt caught the bottle and looked at it, noticing that it was prescription migraine pills. Not being able to help himself he glanced down to make sure that Tai's name was written on there. To his relief and embarrassment it was. Still though, it didn't account for Tai taking so many of the pills. The bottle said two, not five, not six, or however many Tai had just popped into his mouth.
He looked at Tai, who was regarding his coolly. "Sorry," he said in apology walking over to Tai and handing back the bottle.
Tai's expression cleared quickly as he put the bottle back on his dresser, "Don't sweat it," he said cheerfully, before turning around and pulling Matt into a hug.
Matt let himself revel in the feel of being in Tai's arms for a moment, before saying, "You should follow the prescription, Tai. Taking that many at once isn't healthy."
Tai stiffened momentarily, but then relaxed again. "Sorry, sometimes I just don't realize how many I take. Besides, I only had four. I know what my body can handle."
Matt didn't say anything, he was pretty sure there had been more pills, but it could have just been his mind playing tricks on him. Pulling back he kissed Tai quickly on the lips and asked, "Are you going to come back to bed for a couple hours?" He decided that right then it wouldn't make things any better if he asked Tai about what was going on between him and his father.
"Yeah, I think we could do that," Tai said with a suggestive grin on his face.
Matt raised an eyebrow at the look but didn't comment, before stepping out of Tai's embrace and walking back towards the bed. He tried not to get self conscious as he heard Tai lock his bedroom door. It hadn't seemed like such a huge deal the night before when Tai had locked it, but now, knowing that Tai's father was awake and after witnessing the display between Tai and his father, frankly speaking it made Matt nervous.
However, he tried his best not to show his nervousness, and smiled at Tai when he joined him under the covers in the bed.
Once Tai was under the covers completely, Matt snuggled back against him and closed his eyes, hoping that perhaps Tai would just go back to sleep.
Within minutes of Tai's arms wrapping around his middle, he started to doze off. He was warm, he was comfortable and it was very nice. It was definitely something he could let himself get used to.
Tai listened as Matt's breathing evened out and hugged the blond closer for a moment, breathing in the scent of his skin, before he reluctantly loosened his grip. He waited a few more moments until he was sure that Matt had fallen back asleep before slipping out of the bed. As much as he enjoyed holding Matt, the things that he had to do that day wouldn't wait for him.
As he gathered up his bath things he could feel his headache just as strong as before he had taken the pills, his body ached with exhaustion, and yet he knew, he knew that if he didn't push through it, nothing would ever change. He'd never change. He would be just as pathetic as his father said. He would have to find a new balance. He would have to find a way to make everything work out. He was sure he could do it; he only had a little more than half a year to go. After that, he would be able to finally stop.
He set out his clothes for the day, grabbed a different pill bottle, made sure that he had his comb and gel, and headed out the door quietly. There was no way he could let himself go back to sleep at this point, it would defeat the purpose of his existence.
Matt had woken up the moment he had felt Tai leave the bed and when he heard Tai leave the room he let out a frustrated breath. He knew that if he had asked, Tai would have stayed, even if he hadn't wanted to. That's why he had feigned sleep. How could he ask Tai to do anything when he was too chicken shit to confront Tai about all the things he kept learning. Who was he to question Tai's routine after only knowing him for such a short period of time? He needed answers, but he didn't know if he wanted to hear them. He needed someone to help him put things into perspective.
Crawling out of the bed, he turned to the only source he knew would help him. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed Kai's number.
He already knew what Kai was going to tell him to do, what his logic would be, but Matt was one of those people who even though he knew the answers to his own questions, needed someone else to tell him what to do. It was one of his most fatal flaws, but one that he hadn't managed to break himself of, yet.
He waited patiently, listening to the ringing in his cell phone. He knew Kai wouldn't be happy; being woken up just after dawn wasn't one of Kai's strong points. Of course, there was always the chance that Kai had stayed up all night partying, but Matt doubted that.
Eventually, a cranky voice answered, "Why the fuck are you calling me so early, Matt?"
Yep, Matt could feel the wince he had on his face. "Well you're awake enough to check the caller ID at least," he said, in what he hoped was a joking voice.
"No," Kai said sleepily, "You're just the only person crazy enough to call me this damn early." Shuffling noises could be heard for a moment, "So what's wrong?"
"How do you know anything is wrong?" Matt asked; bewildered as to how Kai could have figured it out so quickly.
"It's not that difficult to figure out, Matt. The only reason you'd call me this early in the morning was if something was bothering you. So just spit it out already," Kaishi said a bit impatiently.
So that's exactly what Matt did. He told Kai everything that he had seen that morning, all the questions that he had lingering in the back of his mind and all of his fears. He knew that if anyone would be able to tell him to stop being such a baby it would be Kai. Kai never did sugar coat things very well.
After he finished he waited quietly for Kai to digest all the information and to make his verdict.
"Why the fuck did you wake me up for this, Matt?" Kai said, disgruntled.
"What?" Matt asked in surprise, "What do you mean, Kai? You're supposed to tell me what to do."
"Why the hell do I?" Kai said, "You already know what you want to do and what you need to do. You're a big boy Matt, grow a backbone."
Matt opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out. He couldn't for the life of him fathom why Kai was acting this way. "Why won't you just tell me," he finally managed to force out.
"No," Kai said stubbornly. "I won't tell you what to do, but I will ask you this, do you love him?"
Matt's brain stopped functioning. "What?"
"Do you love him," Kai said slowly as if he were talking to a five year old.
"I've only known him for..." he was cut off by Kai talking over him.
"Don't give me excuses Matt," Kai said impatiently. "It doesn't matter how long you've known him, or how well you know him, all that matters is if you love him."
Matt blinked wondering briefly who he was talking to and what the hell they had done with Kai. "I never pegged you for a romantic," he said doubtfully.
"I'm hanging up now, Matt. Call me sometime later, preferably when the sun has been up for hours, not minutes."
Matt didn't even get to say bye before he heard silence from his cell phone. He looked at his cell phone as though it was the source of all the problems in the world. "Well that didn't help very much," he said with a scowl.
He was still sitting there, scowling at his phone when Tai walked back into the room, toweling his wet hair.
Tai froze when he saw Matt was awake. He had planned on at least being back in the room before the blond had woken up.
Matt looked up from his phone and his breath caught in his throat. A wet Tai, wearing only a towel about his waist was definitely a delicious thing to behold. Well hello yummy muscles. His eyes widened and if he were inclined to drooling, he most likely would have started that. For now though, he would be content to just stare in gratitude while devising lovely images for later use.
Tai noted the look on Matt's face and felt his heart skip a beat. He felt like he was being devoured just by Matt's eyes. It was the first time that Matt had such an expression on his face when looking at Tai. Tai knew that he often beheld that expression when he saw Matt in certain situations, but this was a first for him. He hadn't known that Matt could pull of the "I'm molesting you with my eyes", look so well. Tai decided that he liked it, a lot.
He smirked and rained an eyebrow. "Like what you see?" he asked trying to, and failing, to mask the amusement in his voice.
Matt snapped his eyes away from Tai's abdomen, and up to his face. He knew without a doubt that he had to be blushing. It always embarrassed him when he got caught staring.
Tai laughed at Matt's expression and decided that Matt really was too adorable to not have to molest, just a little. His smirk widened into a grin as he made a show of locking the door and removing his towel.
Matt watched wide-eyed and licked his suddenly dry lips. Part of his mind was telling him that this was a really bad idea. But it was easily over-ruled by the far more imaginative portion of his mind. Dear lord Tai had a hot body.
Tai watched Matt seemingly zone out again, and shook his head in amusement. He knew now that no matter what kind of excuses or pleas that Matt gave him, he wanted Tai's body very much. He kept his gaze on Matt's widening eyes as he stalked naked over to where match was sitting, trying to not let the lustful look Matt was giving him turn him on too much. Of course, he was failing miserably.
He was going to stop just outside Matt's reach to tease him, but he saw Matt shift uncomfortably. Tai took a good look at Matt's slightly flushed face, parted lips. He let his gaze travel down to confirm his suspicions, and was rewarded with seeing a decent sized bulge in Matt's sweatpants. Once again telling himself that it was entirely not his fault, he pounced.
Normally one would think that the one who was watching the other person so hungrily would have been the one to make the move. In this case however, they would have under estimated Matt's self control, and over estimated Tai's patience. Needless to say, Matt hadn't known what hit him.
Matt's head hit the wall hard enough so that he could see stars on the inside of his eyelids as Tai jumped onto him and pushed him haphazardly down onto the bed.
Matt didn't even have time to cry out in pain before a warm tongued had invaded his mouth. He tried to turn his head away, to catch his bearings, but Tai's hand under his chin held him firmly in place. He barely had time to process that fact before he felt Tai's other hand down his pants, gripping his erection almost painfully hard. He let out a song that sounded suspiciously like a squeak, but ended in a moan as Tai began stroking him with slow, firm strokes.
Things were moving entirely too fast for his confused brain to process. He struggled a little, trying to get Tai's attention so that he could tell him to slow done, but when he did, Tai's pressure on his jaw increased. He stilled, wondering what had gotten into Tai and tensed his muscles, getting ready to push Tai away with all his strength. Just when he was about to use his arms to push Tai away, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
Tai wrenched his mouth away from Matt's and he panted slightly. There was a decidedly glazed look in his eyes, and he shook his head as if to clear it, when the knocking was heard again, louder this time.
He pulled away from Matt completely, pulled on a pair of boxers, and stumbled over to the door, unlocking it and opening it enough to poke his head out.
Matt rolled over, facing the wall. He could hear Tai and his mother talking, but was unable to hear what was being said. Of course, he wasn't trying very hard to eavesdrop, as his mind was elsewhere. What had gotten into Tai to make him ac that way? Was it a one time occurrence, or was that how Tai always acted?
Matt didn't think that it was normal behavior; he and Tai had shared quiet times together before, and those intimate times hadn't been quite like this one. Then he had a sudden thought, what if it was him who was over-reacting to the situation? If they had been at his house, or if Tai's father hadn't been at home, would he have reacted differently? Had he been leading Tai on? All these thoughts were running through his head, making him so very confused.
He didn't hear Tai shut his door. He didn't hear Tao approaching the bed. He didn't notice much of anything until he felt the bed move as Tai lay down behind him. When Tai's arms circled around his upper body, he couldn't help but give an involuntary flinch. It was that flinch that gave him away.
Tai sighed into the back of Matt's neck when he felt Matt flinch. He knew he had been moving too fast, but damn, it wasn't really all his fault that Matt turned him on so much, was it? Plus, the look Matt had been giving him was a look of complete want. Sighing again he whispered, "Sorry that I got out of control, Matt. It's just..." he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders.
Matt could feel the shrug and could have let things go, but he needed to know what had happened, and more importantly, if it was going to happen again.
He turned in Tai's arms, so that he was facing Tai, still wrapped in Tai's embrace. "What happened, Tai? Why did you push that far, that fast?"
Tai wouldn't meet Matt's eyes as he gave his response. "I couldn't help it. The look you were giving me was screaming that you wanted me. Not that it's an excuse, it's just that your look, coupled with how much I want you, overrode my control."
He finally looked into Matt's eyes, doing his best to hide his hurt. "Why don't you want me?"
Matt's breath caught in his throat as he thought about that. "It's not that I don't want you Tai. It's just that it's too soon. All we've had together is a few short weeks," Matt's eyes hardened slightly, "Hell Tai, we barely know anything about each other. Is it so wrong to want to wait?"
It was Tai's turn to stiffen up, and he slowly unwrapped his arms from around Matt and sat up against the head of his bed. "I just don't get it, Matt. You obviously want me; I obviously want you; and yet we can't be together because it's too soon? That doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense to me."
Matt closed his eyes and counted to ten. He should have known that Tai wouldn't understand, and he also knew that he had in fact been leading Tai on earlier. He opened his eyes and sat up, the blanket pooling into his lap as he reached over and placed a hand on Tai's cheek, turning it so that they were facing each other. "I'm just not ready, Tai. Will you just accept that and leave it?"
Tai looked at Matt for a few minutes, and finally bit out, "Fine."
They sat there for a few minutes in silence, before Tai abruptly got up and started changing. Matt watched him for a few minutes, not liking the way things had gone and were going. "Tai, are we going to do anything, today?"
Tai shrugged and started combing his hair. "I have things I have to take care of for my dad. After I do that we can hang out if you want to."
Matt bit his lip. Tai wouldn't look at him right now, he knew that. But, even if he was angry at Tai and Tai was angry at him, he didn't want to start the day like this. The day itself so far had been horrid, and he knew that if they parted feeling like this, then it would just be worse for both of them. Quietly he got up from the bed and walked over to where Tai was still trying to comb his hair. He wrapped his arms around Tai's waist and leaned his head against Tai's back. "I'm sorry."
Tai's arm stopped mid-motion, and he set the comb down. "It's fine Matt. I can wait if you need to." He turned around and hugged Matt back for a few minutes, until he felt Matt calm down. Then he stepped away and continued getting ready for the day. "If you want, you can stay here for a few hours and get some more sleep, or whatever. I really do have to go out today, that's why my mom was at the door. My father expects me to do a couple things today, so I have to get that done before I can do anything else."
"Can I come with you?" Matt asked hopefully.
Tai shook his head, "No Matt. That quicker I get stuff done, the more time I'll have to spend with you later."
Matt watched Tai, feeling as though Tai wasn't telling him the whole truth, but let it go. "Nah, it's okay. I'll just go home and do whatever. I should probably get some work done anyway, before I fall behind."
They spoke casually as they continued to get ready for the day, and with a quick kiss on Matt's cheek, Tai let him leave the bedroom, escorting him to the front door. "When I'm done for today I'll give you a call," he said with a smile.
Matt nodded and smiled back, before putting his shoes on and leaving. There were plenty of things he could do that day to keep his mind off of Tai, at least until he got to see him later.
As soon as Matt left, Tai closed his eyes in exhaustion, before opening them up again, with a firm look of resolve on his face. As tired as he was, and he was tired, he really did have things that he needed to get done that day and while thinking about this situation with Matt was one of them, it wasn't the most important.
He went to the kitchen and grabbed a thermos of black coffee, kissed his mom on the cheek and left for the day. If his father wanted him to read the damn chapter, he would have to go to the school and get it from his locker. While he was there, he might as well grab the syllabus for his other classes and head over to the library. There was no way that he was going to let himself fall behind.
After he was done with that, perhaps he could go look for a new job. Provided he didn't get grounded again for not reading that chapter. Maybe during all that, he would think of a way to handle the tenuous situation with Matt.
The day hadn't gone like Matt had planned it to. First, he had a list of chores from his mother to do when he had first gotten home. Luckily, he was awake enough to set about doing them quickly and they hadn't taken very long. Shortly after that though, he had gotten a phone call from work, asking him if he could go in for a few hours and bus tables. Apparently one of the bus boys had called in and they couldn't get anyone to cover for him. Matt knew that they were probably desperate, since bussing tables wasn't in his job description, but he readily agreed since he seemed to have an abundance of nervous energy.
Those few short hours turned into a longer shift than he had thought they would, and by the time he had finished it was already five in the evening. He had repeatedly checked his cell phone throughout the day, hoping that Tai would call, or leave him a message when the brunette was done with whatever it was he had to do that day. He was immensely disappointed when he saw that no one had called.
Still, he didn't give up hope for the day. Hopefully Tai would be finished with whatever he was doing soon. With that thought in mind, Matt went home, ate a small meal, and went to his room to get some studying done.
He must have fallen asleep at his desk, because the next thing he knew it was dark outside. The alarm beside his bed read just after eight at night, and he fumbled for his phone to check his messages.
There weren't any messages, but even worse, there wasn't any record of anyone calling either, which meant that Tai had blown him off. He bit the inside of his lip in frustration, and rested his head back onto his desk.
"Hey."
Startled, Matt jerked up off the desk and looked around, finally seeing someone sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall. "Tai," he questioned, knowing as the name left his mouth that he was correct. He reached out and flipped on his desk lamp, bathing the room in its bright glow.
With the lamp on, he could clearly see Tai and was flabbergasted by his presence. "What are you doing here?" he finally managed to ask.
Tai shrugged, "I said I'd see you later if I could," he smiled, "Well, it is later."
"Why didn't you call or wake me up? How did you get in here?" Matt questioned as he swiftly stood up from his chair. He ignored his muscles protest at the abrupt movement.
"I left my cell at home today because I would have been distracted. Your brother let me in," Tai said, the smile still etched on his face.
"But why didn't you wake me up? Have you been waiting long?" The anxious feeling and nervous energy from early had once again sprung up, turning Matt into a pile of nerves.
"You looked peaceful sleeping, and no, I wasn't waiting long," Tai said.
"But now most of the day is gone," Matt said, aware of how completely stupid that sounded.
"It wouldn't have mattered," Tai said. "I just finished everything I needed to do an hour ago. We wouldn't have had much time anyway."
"Well you still should have woken me up," Matt said in exasperation. He noticed that Tai had made no movement to get up off the bed and he studied him silently for a moment. "Do you want something to eat?"
"I already ate."
"Then what do you want to do?" Matt asked, wondering why Tai was being so seemingly difficult tonight. Normally it was himself who would only talk when being asked questions. It was hard to be the one asking such meaningless questions.
"Watch a movie?" Tai asked. "I don't have to be home until midnight, and my mom said she would come and get me."
"Okay," Matt acquiesced, holding out his hand to help Tai off the bed. Watching a movie wasn't what he had expected Tai to say, and not what he wanted him to say. It would be nice, but with his family here he wouldn't be able to cuddle the way he wanted to with Tai, since his mother might walk in at any moment. That put him off quite a bit more than he had been expecting it to.
They both headed out to the living room and selected a movie. Matt quickly made some popcorn and Tai poured them some drinks. Once the preparations were completed they started the movie, leaving the lights in the room off, sitting next to each other but leaving a respectable distance between them.
By the middle of the movie Tai had already gotten up to refill his soda twice and Matt couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. When he had tried to make mention of it, Tai just brushed him off saying that he was fine.
T.K came into the room right after the second time that Tai had gotten up, and forced Matt closer to Tai, as he took a seat on the other cushion on the couch. Now there was almost no distance separating the two and Matt felt quite glad about that. Not touching Tai for the last few hours with him so close was driving him mad. He wondered how it was affecting Tai.
Finally, not being able to handle it anymore, he reached over and grabbed Tai's hand in his, intertwining their fingers, his gaze still forward, watching the movie.
Tai glanced down at their joined hands and shrugged. It was dark enough that no one would notice at first glance, and for now it was acceptable. He had thought long and hard earlier about Matt's problems with intimacy, or at least that's what he termed it. He had come to the decision then to back off. Not completely mind, but enough to where he could keep his hormones in check. He was sure that the decision in part was a way to get Matt back for his ridiculous notions of chastity, but also because he wanted to prove that he could do it. Matt had said they were going to fast, so it was up to him to slow it down. He would miss the reassurance he got from when he touched the blond, but if that was what was needed to calm Matt down, then he would do it. He would make this work, no matter how hard a time he had at controlling himself.
He did have to get up twice more before the movie was finished to refill his soda, but each time he came back he would wait until Matt moved to take his hand. One of the things he decided on by taking this course of action was that he would not initiate anything with Matt, which Matt didn't do first. It was the easiest way to insure that he didn't push Matt too far, too fast.
Once the movie all three of them sat around talking for a little bit, until Tai decided he should call his mom. The night had gone better than he had hoped it would, and while he was aching to touch Matt, he was happy with the amount of control he had exhibited.
Once he had hung up the phone, he slipped his shoes on and was surprised to see Matt waiting by the door for him. When he raised his eyebrow in question the only response he got from Matt was, "I'll go down and wait with you." So he shrugged, and wasn't surprised in the least when Matt grabbed his hand while waiting for the elevator.
Once they were both in the elevator, Matt gave in to his baser needs and gave Tai a scorching kiss, which Tai responded to. That response relaxed Matt enough that he was able to pull away and ask what was on his mind.
"Why are you being so distant tonight, Tai? First you didn't wake me, then you suggested that we watch a movie, and it seems like you're giving me the silent treatment," he sucked in his breath as a thought occurred to him. "You're not mad at me, are you?"
Tai looked Matt in the eyes when he responded, so that Matt would know that he meant what he said. "I'm not mad at you Matt, really. I'm just tired from today and I thought it would be nice to just sit back and watch a movie. That's all right, isn't it?" He hadn't directly lied to Matt, since he did feel that way. No, it wasn't how he would have preferred to spend their evening together, but since he wasn't going to get what he wanted, he had settled for the next best thing.
Matt studied Tai's eyes closely and finally appeased with what he saw in them gave a smile. "No, it's fine. I'm just not used to you acting this way is all. You're usually much more active and cheerful."
Matt gave Tai a warm hug, and was thrilled when Tai hugged him even closer, giving him a sweet kiss on the top of his head before pulling away as the elevator doors opened.
They didn't need to wait but a few moments before they spotted the Yagami's car coming down the street.
It wasn't until Matt was back inside, getting ready for sleep that he realized that Tai hadn't told him what he had done that day.