This story is currently being re-written. I will remove this note when it is completed. For now, all of the chapters that have been redone can be recognized because they will have longer names. Everything that is not done, is still only named "Chapter 1", "Chapter 2", etc...

One Mixed-Up Mary-Sue

Prologue: A Really, Really Bad Night In

The days in Rivendell had been unnaturally warm lately, but that was the least of anyone's concerns. Maybe the heat had gotten to some folks' brains and fried a few neurons too many. Or maybe the soaring increase in wildlife had contaminated the water. Drinking deer-poo-filled water had to mess up your brain somehow, right? Whatever it was, the few sane inhabitants all feared for their safety. Many believed that it was, indeed, the water. They would not touch it, and left with wine as their only beverage option, it was slowly becoming more and more difficult to tell them from the crazies.

But it was early in the morning, so most were only on their first drink and still functioning at a high cognitive level. Before chaos broke loose, you could tell who was a crazy because they would invent new identities for everyone. The oddest part, however, was that they all seemed to agree on these new identities. But then again, they all still seemed willing to follow Elrond's directions. Everyone may be acting oddly, but some remnant of order was still being kept.

This morning Elrond had called a meeting of his "closest confidantes," which by this point referred to anyone who would show up. Last week he allowed an owl to sit in as he spoke. Why an owl was out and about in the middle of the day was anyone's guess, but it was, and it perched quietly beside him as he spoke, blinking it's huge eyes and staring at the group that had assembled. Elrond's mind had been taken a long while ago; he had been one of the first, followed by his daughter Arwen, but strangely enough, not his two sons Elladan and Elrohir. When they didn't turn, a hereditary insanity was ruled out. Perhaps they had been enjoying more wine and less water than their father and sister.

Now, both brothers sat, impatiently waiting for their father, wondering what he would be talking to them about today. Yesterday he had explained to them that he felt they (and all of the other brunette inhabitants) should try to become blondes. He didn't explain how they would achieve this, but just that he felt it would be more "elf-y." Good for business and such, apparently. The owl had hooted in agreement.

Before Elrond arrived, Erestor walked up to the brothers, a grim look on his face.

"Any luck?" Elrohir asked. "We found nothing."

"Nothing," Eretor replied, shaking his head. The past few nights, they had all been working late, reading as much as they could, looking for some explanation of what had happened.

"Thank you all for gathering," came a booming voice. Elrond stood in the doorway, looking in at the small group that had gathered around the modest breakfast table. A group of three crazies cheered for him, complete with clapping and foot stomping. "I am here to discuss a prophecy and the fate of our world."

"Oooh this one soun's good," slurred a late arrival. The blonde elf sat down beside Elladan. "Found nothin' by the way..."

"Glorfindel have you slept at all?" Elladan asked, snatching the wine glass from his hand.

"We're elves, don needta sleep..."

"You do if you are going to be drinking all day long," Erestor quipped under his breath. "Just try not to fall over."

Elrond glared at them and cleared his throat. Glorfindel shot him a thumbs-up.

"The fate of our world rests with one," Elrond declared. "And that one is my daughter. No, it's not Arwen, stop staring at her, it is my long-lost daughter. She is living in another world, and we must find her."

"Whatever," Arwen sighed. "I bet I'm still the prettiest."

"The prophecy actually says that she got you beat," Elrond told her. "You were the practice child... But that is not important! What is important is that she must come here, to Middle-earth!" He threw his arms up as he shouted the last few words and thunder boomed behind him.

"I think this may be the most insane thing he has said all summer!" Elladan exclaimed with a groan.

"Do not question the prophecy," one of the crazies said. "We must find a way to make it so... make it so... make it so..."

"Someone must venture to the other world to retrieve her. Bring her back to me, to our world, so she can carry out the task she was born to preform." Elrond paused, allowing time for another clap of thunder.

"Oh wow," Elladan said, finishing the drink he had confiscated from Glorfindel.

"Choose me, my Lord," one of the crazies said, stepping forward. Erestor frowned; he'd known that elf before he'd gotten his brain turned to mush. Now he was convinced that he was the official Rivendell mailman, named Adam. No one was sure what he did all day, but he always seemed rather bored.

"No we need you here," Elrond said. "You," he said, pointing at Glorfindel. "Is it Frank?"

"Umm... is it?" Glorfindel replied slowly.

"You will do," Elrond declared. Glorfindel opened his mouth to reply, but only managed to nearly fall over, slumping onto Erestor's shoulder.

"He has not been sober in over twenty-four hours. Do you really think that is a wise choice?" Erestor asked, pushing the golden-haired hero of Gondolin off of his shoulder.

"To be honest, he was just stinky and I wanted to be rid of him for a little while, but you have a point. You will take his place." Elrond clapped and one of the crazies sprung to his feet, and ran over to get Erestor up out of his seat.

Erestor rolled his eyes. The last "quest" that anyone had been sent on had been to retrieve a kitten from a tree branch. Useful as they were for keeping mice away, a cat stuck in a tree was not something he considered an important matter. They always came scurrying down when they were hungry enough, anyway.

"When you arrive, you will see the portal, do not return until you have the girl with you." Elrond reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of pink, sparkling powder. He threw it against the wall, and a bright pink, shimmering pool appeared. Erestor was beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable. As if he was testing the pink thing, Elrond gently tossed a small pebble at it, and smiled when it disappeared as it came in contact with the swirling "portal."

"Now, don't take too long," Elrond said before his chief advisor (turned odd-job-performer) could protest and shoved him into the pink mess.

It was a typical Tuesday evening during finals week, which meant that everyone who lived in the run-down highrise just off campus was still awake. In one apartment, students were blaring music and drinking. These are the kids who know they're doomed, and didn't care, so why not enjoy the rest of the year as best as they could? There was still a whole second semester to go before they had to explain to mom and dad why they were moving home for good. Down the hallway and to the left, two young women were silently flipping pages, hi-liters in one hand, clicking pens in the other, open bottle of Adderall (that one had acquired by putting the moves on her doctor) had fallen over on the living room floor. Two doors further from them is where our story starts.

Emily was loving having the place to herself. Sure, it got a bit creepy, but she could deal with the boogeyman fears. Besides, almost everyone in the building was also a student, and fairly friendly. Her roommate, Cassie, only had to stick around to write two exams, and then took off to see her family back on the west coast for Christmas break. Glancing at the time on her cell phone -nearly midnight- Emily realized that she was probably stepping off of the plane right about now. She sighed, she should have taken Fundamentals of Pottery and Introduction to Italian Cinema with Cassie.

But, she was determined to stay on track with her major, and she didn't have the space for the electives that Cassie did. Emily was a Junior, majoring in Chemistry, and who the heck knew what she'd do with it. She didn't have the money to go on and finish a PhD, nor the patience to go to teachers' college and become a teacher. Regardless of her lack of solid direction, she was convinced this degree would be her ticket to sunny San Diego, or at least somewhere where the words "snow" and "hail" were not part of regular vocabulary. In reality she didn't really think she could leave her family, plus Cassie always joked that to live in California, Emily would have to dye her matte brown hair blonde, drop ten pounds and get a boob job. Emily didn't find it that funny, but she got her back by pouring real milk into Cassie's lactose-free jug. Unfortunately that little passive-aggressive attack had backfired; the girls lived in a one-bathroom unit, and Emily had found herself knocking on the neighbor's door, towel and shampoo in hand, the next morning.

Just as she was beginning to drift off- maybe those pre-study-time beers hadn't been such a great idea?- Emily's attention snapped back to the present as her phone rang. Unknown caller. She frowned, maybe Cassie was calling to tell her how lovely and snow-free things were back home. It was nearly midnight, and she didn't particularly want to talk to anyone right now, so she let it go to voicemail while she got ready for bed.

As she was brushing her teeth, she heard a knock at the door. Not unheard of, especially when so many of the tenants were inebriated to some degree, but a bit strange at this hour of the night. She rinsed her mouth, walked over to the door, and looked out the peephole. It was the pizza guy.

"Sorry," Emily called through the door. "Wrong address, I didn't order any pizza."

"Are you sure?" The guy asked. "Is this 61B?"

"Yes I'm sure," Emily replied, pointing to the dingy numbers nailed onto the door. "This is 51B, you need to go up a floor."

"Oh... well... thanks," he said. "Sorry to bother you."

Emily rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen. She filled a glass of water, but barely got to touch it to her lips before he knocked again. She sighed before shouting from the kitchen.

"I told you this is the wrong address!" For a brief moment she regretted letting her lack of sleep show and wondered if she had been a bit too harsh. She'd worked crummy jobs and been forced to be nice to jerks, too.

"Emily?" It wasn't him. This time it was a girl's voice, one she could have sworn she recognized, but she had no idea from where. She crossed the small apartment again, peeked out the peephole again and unlocked the door.

"What are you doing here?" Emily asked the girl standing there. She ushered her inside, closing the door behind her. "And why do you need a giant suitcase?"

"Emily, we're family," the girl replied with an arrogant humph. "Do I really need to explain why I'm here? Shouldn't you be welcoming me with open arms?"

"It's midnight and you are showing up here unannounced. You're underage, you're a pain in the butt and I have exams to study for." Emily seethed. Her cousin had always been a bit of an odd child. Emily's aunt and uncle had adopted her sixteen years ago when she was just a baby. She had been left abandoned in a basket in front of an orphanage. Real original. The name on the note that accompanied her was Arimirandrisleahsparkle; they called her Ari, but the girl called herself Princess Sparkle. When she was three, everyone had thought the princess thing was pretty cute. Now, it was a little much, especially when she demanded to be treated like one.

As the years had gone by, she'd grown into an over-indulged teenager. She would spend hours doing her hair, makeup and clothes just so. Her therapist thought it was because she was abandoned by her birth parents, and now she was subconsciously afraid of being abandoned for one of her perceived imperfections. Not that she really needed it; she was a pretty girl! Even at midnight, hair wet from the rain, she looked like she'd stepped out of a movie or magazine. She had that perfectly disheveled look that never happened by accident, like the messy bun that takes twelve tries to get just so. The therapist couldn't explain the snooty brat mentality though, that he was afraid was just how she was, and it irked Emily that her aunt and uncle, two amazing people who tragically could not conceive a child of their own, had to put up with her.

"I need a place to stay until my parents cool down," she said, shrugging her shoulders. She was twirling a strand of her blonde hair around a finely manicured finger.

"What did you do, Ari?" Emily asked. "They love you so much, you'd have to frigging murder someone for them to kick you out!"

"I may have crashed totaled the car, they may have told me I have to pay for it."

"So you're just going to lie low here until they forget that they owned a car?"

"Pretty much," Ari said with a smile. Emily sighed. "They're old, dementia will set in in a decade or two."

"You can stay here tonight, but in the morning I'm going to bring you back home. They're probably worried sick about you."

"Ugh, you are such a downer," Ari said. "Now show me to my quarters..."

By the time Emily crawled into bed, it was after one a.m. Ari had given her nothing but complaints about sleeping on the couch, but Emily wasn't about to let her into Cassie's room. Finally, the young girl had gotten comfortable enough, or had run out of complaints, and Emily could sneak away during a quiet moment. Her eyes were just drifting shut when she was startled by music blaring. Not party music, but some loud, resonating instrumental piece.

"What are you doing in here?" Emily demanded, stepping into the living room. Ari was sitting up on the couch, staring at the television.

"Shhh... it's about to start."

"It's way too late for movies," Emily said. She picked up the remote and was about to turn off the television when Ari snatched it back from her.

"It's the Lord of the Rings, and I need to watch this movie, Emily. I can't explain why, but I have to watch it every night before I go to bed. It's like I'm connected to it somehow. I can recite all the lines, and I could recap every single scene that has Legolas in it. But don't tell anyone at my school, it wouldn't be good for my image. This movie has been out long enough that it's fallen from hottie status to nerdy status. But I-"

"Okay, okay, enough, enough," Emily said. "Just keep it down, please."

"Fine," Ari said, rolling her eyes. "Hey do me a favor and watch while I use the bathroom. Pause it if Legolas comes on the screen, ok? I need to dry my hair, I must look like a homeless person..."

And somehow Emily found herself sitting on the couch, trying to keep her eyes open for her cousin's crush, wishing she had just refused to open the door. She could have pretended she wasn't home. She could have acted like she was in a deep sleep. Damn, she could have pretended to collapse and die on the floor.

She was jolted to attention as something hard hit her face, just above her right eye. A small stone fell to the floor, along with a couple of drops of blood. Softly touching the sore spot, she stood and glanced around the room for the source of the stone. The windows were closed, and she could hear Ari singing over her blow dryer in the bathroom. Pretty freaked out, but with nothing else to go on, she slowly sat back down.

"Oh crap," she muttered, inspecting the blood on her hands. "I need to get in the bathroom!"

"Just one more minute!"

Emily sighed and looked up to resume the movie. But the movie was gone. On her television screen was a swirling, pink, sparkly mess. It looked like what ou'd get if a unicorn blew up.

"What the fuck?" Emily asked herself, inching closer to it. Reaching out a hand, she was about to touch the swirling mess when something knocked her backwards. Before she could recover, the something was off of her. The something looked at her, frown on it's face. The something was a someone.

"You need to come with me," he said. It was a person, but not like Emily had ever seen. He was tall, slim and dressed like he'd come from Medieval Times.

"Did Ari invite you over here?" Emily said. "Because that is not cool. This is my house. And what the fuck just happened?" She was looking frantically back and forth.

"I need you to come with me," he repeated. "I can not explain everything right now, but when we return, Lord Elrond will tell you all you ned to know."

"What in the world? Is this a joke? It's not funny! Did you throw that rock at me?" Emily took a step back form him as he approached her, but soon enough he had her backed up against a wall in the kitchen. Unfortunately, her small apartment didn't provide much area to retreat to.

"This is no joke, and trust me that I do not want to be here any more than you want me here." He said with a frown. "If you would come with me..." He made a grab for her arm, but Emily pulled it away and ran to where she had put her phone down. She punched in 9-1-1, trying to stay out of his reach.

"Please, help me," she begged frantically. "There's a man in my apartment. He keeps telling me he wants me to come with him somewhere. Please help me..."

"Who are you speaking to?" He demanded. "Come with me!" He took her by the shoulders. He wasn't rough enough to hurt her, but it was enough to startle her into dropping the phone. It crashed to the floor and Emily let out a scream. Where is everyone? Emily thought to herself. What's the point of living in a super-cramped building if your neighbors won't even come over to save your life? And Ari was still in the bathroom! She'd probably barricaded the door and was on the phone with the police as well. Emily suddenly wished that she had been nicer to her.

He still hadn't tightened his grip on her, so Emily took her chance, swinging and kicking with all she had. Nothing hit him, but he'd let go of her. She ran, grabbing the pot of coffee she had made earlier and flinging it at him. Unfortunately for her it was pretty old and didn't slow him down much, no dramatic scream of agony after being burnt by old, lukewarm coffee.

This time his grip hurt. Long fingers dug into her upper arm, and she couldn't free herself. He was stronger than she would have guessed. She opened her mouth to scream, but he clamped a hand down over it. She reached forward with her free arm to try and hit him- even to grab a handful of his dark hair and pull- anything to free herself! But he was too strong and too smart to let her.

"What is the matter with you?" He snapped, pulling her back to the living room. They stopped in front of the television. The pink thing had grown, and ever so slowly, he stepped forward, pulling her along beside him, until it was all around them. It became brighter and brighter until Emily couldn't see anything but bright, pink light. She was panicking, trying to pull free from the stranger's grip, shouting and cursing at him. Her heart was pounding and her head was killing her, and eventually it all became too much.

When she woke up her head didn't feel much better. It was still throbbing, and she was still surrounded by a bright light. She blinked, then squinted her eyes, trying to gather her bearings. She was laying down, rather comfortably actually. When she bolted up, her head pounded even harder. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, trying to keep the light away. As the pain in her head slowly relented, she peered at her surroundings.

The light was coming in from a very large window to her left. Light, gauzy drapes did nothing to keep the sun out. The walls were bright white, and her mind jumped to hospital room. She tried to concentrate, and piece together what had happened. Maybe she had gone nuts and they'd thrown her in here. That sure would explain what she thought she had seen. She had a cousin several times removed who had been locked up, but then again, she remembered reading that insane people never believe that they're insane. And based on last night, she was confidant that she was certifiably loopy.

Slowly she got out of the bed. She was wearing a weird-looking hospital gown. It wasn't the traditional butt-hanging-out getup they usually handed out, but maybe she was in some private facility. She was just happy all her bits were covered.

A mirror across the room caught her eye, and she slowly walked over to it. The floors were a cool stone, and felt nice against her bare feet. She frowned, staring at her reflexion: disheveled hair, hospital gown and bruised-up arm... The man had grabbed her arm. Had she been so crazy that she had attacked a paramedic? Suddenly, her heart was thumping again. What if she wasn't crazy? What if there really had been a bad person in her apartment? And she'd been kidnapped. What was going to happen to her? She decided then and there that whatever happened, she would fight with all she had. If they tried to tell her she was crazy, she'd demand to see her family. She couldn't trust anyone. Paranoia, that wasn't a good sign...

She was torn between yelling for help and curling up into a ball and praying no one would come near her. Her decision was made for her when the door creaked open. She spun to face the visitor.

"Who are you? Where am I? What do you want?" Emily shouted out the questions, stepping back into the opposite corner of the room.

"My Lady, you are awake!" He seemed overjoyed. Emily remained cautious, but was relieved that he didn't seem angry or violent. But she had seen enough episodes of Criminal Minds and Law & Order to know better than to let her guard down. Plus, this guy looked nuts. He was dressed in some old-timey-looking costume that made Emily uncomfortable. She thought that girls looked silly when they wore leggings instead of pants, men just looked like perverts. At least they weren't stretched so tight that his underwear was showing. You all know the look. Ugh.

"Where am I?" Emily asked again, a bit more quietly this time.

"You are in your father's house," he replied.

Ok, now her crazy radar, carefully honed by hours and hours of Netflixing crime-dramas, was sounding off the red alert. This was definitely not her parents' little place in the suburbs!

"I have a family you know, people will come looking for me!"

"We are all the family you need," he said with a smile. "You do not remember? Come and sit with me for a moment." He stepped into the room and sat down on the bed. Still with the creepy smile, he patted the empty space beside him.

"Oh fuck no," Emily said and she bolted out the door. She didn't expect to see other people here, but quickly adjusted to running around the shocked strangers. Some may have also been bowled over in her frantic flight. They all looked like crazies. Was this some sort of cult? She didn't have time to figure it out, she just knew that she had to get out. She finally got out of the twisting hallways and outside and mentally cursed. It was not a smooth run ahead of her, but she powered on as quickly as she could, picking her way along the rocky path, trying to ignore the pain in her feet. She'd heard a statistic before they if someone took you and moved you, they were probably going to kill you. She had no doubt that her only chance to get out of here was to run for it.

Behind her, she could hear him shouting at her, but she ignored it. Ahead were open plains, and maybe she could loose him if her head start was large enough. She didn't dare waste time to look behind her.

But he knew what he was doing much better than she did and caught up easily. He was tall, and his long legs afforded him a much larger stride- he also had the advantage of having shoes on. As his hand landed softly on her shoulder, Emily wondered how many other girls he'd chased down. With a defeated groan, she fell to her knees, slowly becoming aware of the tightness in her chest and soreness in her legs. As he leaned over her, breathing became harder and harder.

The sicko almost looked genuinely concerned she thought to herself before falling forward and passing out, face down in the dirt.

When she came to, Emily was lying down again. Trying to take account of her surroundings without appearing awake, she fidgeted about, trying to act natural. As far as she could tell she wasn't being restrained, just under another blanket. She squinted her eyes, trying to get small glimpses of the room. From what she could tell it was the same one she had woken up in earlier.

"Please I am not stupid do not play games," came a cold voice. Emily couldn't hide the startled noise she made, so she just sat up in bed, furious that she did not have the upper hand. It wasn't the same man but they looked somewhat similar. They both had blonde hair and seemed rather tall. She hadn't gotten a good look at the last guy's face, but this one seemed harder, whereas the first had seemed almost... simple.

"What do you want?" Emily demanded.

"Since you frightened the precious prince, he asked me to keep an eye on you. He said that he was not interested in chasing you down again and getting himself dirty." He sounded like he resented the fact that he was here. Emily wondered if she could use that to her advantage.

"My name is Emily," she said.

"Hm, I thought it was longer, but to be honest I have not committed it to memory... Whatever your story, I want to make it clear to you that I do not believe it even for a second."

"My story?" Emily asked, disbelief flooding her voice. "My story is that someone snatched me out of my home and kidnapped me! I want to go back home, please. Please don't let them hurt me..."

"No one here would dare hurt you," he said as if she had insulted him. "You do know where you are, correct? Why you are here?"

"Not a clue," Emily said.

"Oh dear," he said with a sigh and long sip of his drink.