"Woman Dies of Thirst

Ten Feet From Nearest Sink"

Article By Katie McCain

Jessie Burlingame, found chained

To stylish house wife bed

And her husband, Gerald,

Mauled by the Royal Prince

Man, and I thought my family

was screwed up!

(It is baby, it is!)

(Goodwife be quiet!)

Stripped of food, water,

But most of all clothes

This reporter wonders

If that stray dog took more

Than a fresh cut of meat,

Perhaps the woman's hips?

(Now what is he implying?)

(He's implying that you no

fairy tale princess girl!)

(stay out of this Ruth!)

Strain to the arms

And legs

Were found to be components

In what could have lead to

Deadly stress and panicked episode

A sure sign

That she could not keep her cool

(You too would have

panicked if you were

strapped to a bed!)

Wonder how long it took

Till the hallucinations struck…

(Now I know what I saw)

The clumsy decisions….

(Like I had many choices!)

And the voices

That rented a room in her head!

(Hey!)

(I resent!)

(I should really be having you two pay rent)

This reporter is truly appalled

At the stupidity of men

I mean, my God people,

She was screwed while chained to a bed!

(Hey!

I DIED

Don't you dare blame this on me!)

(It was all Gerald's game…)

-Katie McCain 2005