Notes: Yep. I use Fyu's name ONCE. And I use it like THAT. So suck it up. I like y's. Other than that... the main character is easy to guess. :) Yep. Woo, drugs!

Summary: This is AU. Kurogane and Fye meet at college. Uh, if I continue this, Fye's gonna... pseudo-stalk Kurogane.

Pairings: Slight Kurogane and Fye.

Rating: T, for language, some sexual reference, drug reference, the beating, mangling, and defecating of Shakespeare and/or archaic prose, and attempted hugs.

Disclaimer: God has led me astray.

Stalk Me Not

I'd seen him around school. A few times, here and there, but I recognized him, each and every time I laid eyes upon him. With a smiling face and heavy lidded eyes like that, it was easy to spot him in a crowd; and with his tall, willowy form and blond hair, it was easy to recognize him from across the courtyard. He just stood out like that. Against the backdrop that was everyone else, he shone brightly.

And he was the biggest druggy around.

I only had a vague (read: biased) idea about what exactly it was he did. The word was anything from LSD to Marijuana to Speed. Mixing all that together... well, even I knew that was one of the dumbest, most self-destructive things one could do. You had to be really stupid, or really masochistic to pull a stunt such as that. Or you had to be really desperate.

But, then again, that was only what I'd heard about him. The amount of gossip about him and the utter bullshit of it all was closely related. (Read: no one knew crap, and so rampant lies charged naked and unashamedly through the ranks of the undead college students who had nothing better to do than a little guesswork about everyone's favorite enigma.) He was a popular subject at lunch, all the same.

That was probably why I had, after calmly giving my eating companions the finger, taken my food and myself outside and away from anyone who felt the need to make up another flamingly gay lie about someone they had never even fecking spoken to. My head doth wanna go splodey.

And that, my friends (read: wankers), was what brought me outside and under this huge fecking tree of which I was slightly wary. And I had every friggin right to be. The thing was this humungous monster of a plant, devoid of all leaves. The trunk itself scared the crap out of me. I mean, I'm pretty tall. I've got long arms. If I went up to this tree and tried to hug it, it would be like spreading my arms against a wall. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. There was a slight curve. It served to remind me "okay, this thing is round... so it is a tree." But I'm not a tree hugger. I'm not a hippy. So shove off, I'm not going to give into your sick fantasy and hump a plant that's older than I am. Or one that's younger. In fact, I'm not gonna hump a plant, period.

...I don't think I was the only student who thought that, with its straining, reaching limbs, near black bark and general presence, it was going to eat me. Death by man-eating tree. Well, at least my name'll get in the papers, albeit 'deceased' will be tagged to the end. Or something like that.

Fuck, but I hate this tree.

So, I had no idea why the hell I decided to eat there of all places. I'd like to blame the expiration date on my water. WHY there was an expiration date on my water, I'll never know, but I blame it all the same. Fecking water.

I was about halfway finished when someone actually dared approach me. Danger, danger, Will Robinson! Take out teh lazars!

"Hey!" And when I looked up, there he was. The man behind the name I'd wanted to escape. Just for once. I'd say "Is that too much to ask?" but it would be moot. Completely moot. So instead of whining inside or flying into a rage or anything else, I just stared at him. Blankly.

And he...?

Well, he obviously didn't seem to mind as he took a seat right next to me. Smiling. And I swear, for once he didn't seem so lucid.

For a moment, he didn't say anything, and in accord, neither did I. Not that I had planned to say anything, anyway. I didn't really have... anything TO say. So, instead, slowly, I began to eat again, and ignored him.

Until...

"Ah. I know this is... weird. And maybe rude. And, well... could I borrow about seventy cents?"

Borrow? (Read: have.)

And he was right, for the most part. That was an odd request. Seventy cents? For what? I thought about this, mulled it over and over in my mind. I looked at it from every angle, and sifted through every possibili-

"No."

Ah, well, I guess that was that. Now leave meh alone.

He made a strange noise, like a soft keen, and it startled me, making me blink. What the fu...?

"That's mean." He near-cooed, in a soft voice. I could hear a pout in it. But at the same time, I could hear his damn smile.

I grunted. Then, I growled, "No, it's not. You interrupted my lunch. That's mean."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him; and he did pout. But, then he replaced it with a smile. Again.

"You looked lonely."

"I wasn't."

And I wasn't. I was fucking creeped out was what I was. I mean... fuck. How the hell had this tree stayed alive this long?

"Oh? Well... would you like to know what else I thought?"

Oh, god.

"No. But you're going to tell me, anyway."

He seemed to perk up a little. "Exactly!"

Guh. Pity me, ye Gods, for I am not gonna get outta this one. Not unless I kill him.

That... sounds like a good idea.

"I thought you looked lonely; I also thought you looked like you needed a hug."

Then he made as if to lean in and wrap his arms around me and I quickly abandoned my food in favor of scuttling sideways and out of reach. But damn, did he have long arms. Even after I evaded him, he continued to smile.

Holy Flying Banana Monkeys, the guy was effing loopy.

"You know you want it," he near-cooed once more, and this time he seemed to sing it a little.

"No. I most certainly do not. Keep yer paws off me."

He smiled. And it looked like he was going to try again. So I dug out a dollar bill from my pocket and threw it at him.

"Here! Now leave me alone!"

And I was struck by how much he should have been wearing one of those T-shirts - the ones that say things like "Give me a dollar and I'll leave you alone."

He brought the money up and pulled from either side, slightly, to make it flat. He made another sound, but this time his lips were slightly parted, and it was clearer. And he grinned. "But the vending machine doesn't take bills anymore - just coins."

Ah... what? "Vending... machine?" I scowled, but it was my "What the hell are you on?" scowl, and not my "Oh, just feckin' die" scowl.

He nodded, and handed the dollar back. "They have jellybeans."

And that was when I realized that I was at a loss for words. Completely; utterly; totally.

Until I realized he'd taken advantage of my newfound stupidity and had crept closer. I had a fair idea what he meant to do.

"Don't hug me!" I spat out, and scooted backward, out of his range. He chuckled, and it was a soft and low sound and it was odd.

"Why not?"

Why not...?

You have cooties.

Bitch.

"Just don't." And this time, when I scowled, and it was my "Oh, just feckin' die" scowl, I wasn't looking at him. I was looking to the side, and I was looking past him.

We were quiet for a moment, again, and it looked like he wasn't going to try and hug me. But this time, it was his ceaseless smile that fucked me up.

I sighed. I dug my hand into my pocket and fished around for some loose coins. I came out with two quarters and a few dimes. Without bothering to count it, I shoved my hand out, towards him. He extended his hand, palm up, and I dropped the money into it.

"Will you leave me alone, now?"

He 'hm'd, smiled, counted the coins, gave back a dime, and said, "Maybe."

Before I could ask just with the flying fuck that meant, he'd risen and, without a backwards glance, left.

Off to get his fucking jellybeans, I suppose.

I guess some of the rumors were true.

Fye was feckin weird.

-Stalk Me Not-

-END-