Collection of Short Stories: Chp 7

Story 31: Future Baseball Star

Rinku was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!". He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed.

"Strike Two!" he cried.

Rinku then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.

He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,

"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed.

"Strike Three!"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

Story 32: Wrong Number

Several men are in the locker room after a match in the Dark Tournament. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. Sakkyo picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It's me."

"Sugar!"

"Did you win the match?"

"Yes."

"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from home. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500."

"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000!"

"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?"

"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!"

"Bye."

Sakkyo hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?"

Story 33:The Island

There were three people stranded on an island, Touya, Karasu, Shishi. Touya looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So he announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So he swam out five miles, and got really tired. He swam out ten miles from the island, and he was too tired to go on, so he drowned.

The second one, Karasu, said to himself, "I wonder if he made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So he attempts to swim out. Karasu had a lot more endurance than Touya, as she swam out 10 miles before he even got tired. After 15 miles, he was too tired to go on, so he drowned (A/N: YAY!).

So Shishi thought to himself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So he swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but he said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So he swam back.

Story 34:The Vending Machine

Karasu is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which he has never seen before. He sees the slot for money, gets money out of his pocket, puts 65 cents into the machine, and pushes a letter and a number.

He is mesmerized by the coils turning just enough to let out the candy.

He does this many more times. After a little while, a man comes up behind him and says, "Young man, could you please move? I would like to get some candy."

He replies, "Excuse me! Can't you see I'm winning here!"

Story 35: Game Master's Way To Deal with Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married, kids, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

5. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

6. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

7. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

8. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

9. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh No!" and then hang up.

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

11. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

12. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

13. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a pizza.

14. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

15. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mom?"

16. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

17. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.