A/N: Hey everyone. Here I am... posting yet another story. lol. Honestly, I don't know why I'm starting this one because I still have to finish "Changes", "Come Home", "And Then There Was Ethan", and "The Last Battle". I know I said I wasn't gonna post this until after I finished Changes, but the idea was really bugging me and I had to get it out. But I promise that I will update (and finish) Changes soon. Well, here's the first chapter. Hope you like it. Please RR! (BTWthis will be told in Angela's POV and I know she may seem OOC, but please just go with it)

disclaimer: i do not own BMW or any characters

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I wiped the freshly fallen tears from my face that had recently cascaded from my eyes like rain drops from the darkest of clouds and sighed as I sat on my bed. I sniffled as I looked at the picture I held in my hand, remembering the days when everything was ok. When I had friends, people I could look to for help when I needed it. More tears fell as I gazed at the cheery faces of Cory, Topanga, Shawn, and myself. I don't know why things happened the way they did. Suddenly everything had just fallen apart and seemed as if my world was broken forever. Nothing would ever be the same... not since that day... Well, there is no use crying over the past. What's done is done, and nothing can ever change that. Standing up, I placed the picture in the top drawer of my dresser and stumbled into my bathroom, closing the door behind me.

"What've you done to yourself, Angela?" I asked myself as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. "What happened? Why are you letting yourself be destroyed?" Knowing I would never receive the answers to my questions, I sighed and threw open the medicine cabinet. I felt through the items until I reached what I was searching for. Flipping open the pocketknife that I held in my hand, I began to wonder 'Why am I doing this? Do I really think that adding another cut will help me?' I felt hot tears begin to run down my face once again like they had been doing for so long.

"I can't help it," I whispered aloud. "The pain won't help, but I enjoy the pain." My body shook in uncontrollable sobs as I wondered why I am doing this to myself.

"Pull yourself together, Angela. You can do this. What's another cut? It's not like you have anything to live for anyway. Not after what happened... but that was so long ago. Why am I still thinking of it? Why can't I just let it go?" I cried through my tears. After wiping my eyes, I sniffed and looked at the counter where I had laid the knife. My hand reached out for it and I felt the cold blade in my hand as my fingers wrapped around it. Taking a deep breath, I lowered the blade the my flesh and pressed down until blood flowed from the new cut. I pulled the knife down, making the cut longer, ignoring the new tears that were falling from my eyes, and waited. I waited for the feeling; the feeling that I would one day get when I finally succeed; the feeling that I would feel when I realized I had finally met the end, the feeling of death. I haven't felt it yet, but I suspected that I would very soon. After adding a few more cuts to my arm, I saw that today was not the day that I would finally experience that feeling, an end to all my pain, and I returned the knife to its place in the medicine cabinet. I left the bathroom knowing that I had once again failed to experience what I had been longing for for so long.

"Maybe tomorrow," I muttered under my breath as I checked the clock hanging on the wall of my apartment's kitchen. 11:30. I made my way into my bedroom and crawled into my bed thinking about how my life had been turned upside down and how the affects of that day are still messing with my mind. Thoughts of these questions played over and over in my head until the darkness of the night overcame me and I fell into a deep sleep.
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"Angela! Angela! Wake up!" My eyes opened and I found myself staring into the face of my boyfriend of three months, Mike. After the day when everything had fallen apart, Mike had shown up acting like he would always be there for me, like he loved me, and I believed it. I believed him. But I didn't know what I was getting myself into until I saw the real him.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily, turning over under the covers, never wanting to get up.

"It's almost nine in the morning. Why aren't you up yet? Where were you last night? You were out with some other guy weren't you?" Mike demanded as he ripped the covers from my body. I quickly sat up to defend myself.

"No! I was here. I was just having a bad night last night," I explained quietly. He glared at me disbelievingly before responding.

"You expect me to believe that? If you were here then why didn't you answer the phone when I called? You're lying, you little slut. Now tell me the truth!" Mike bellowed. I shrank back in fear, trying to remember when the phone had rung. Then it hit me... I had forgotten to pay the cable bill so my phone lines were disconnected.

"I was here. It's just that my phone lines were disconnected and-" I broke off and gasped in pain when Mike suddenly grabbed my wrist and twisted it painfully behind my back, dragging me off the bed.

"Stop! That hurts. Stop, please!" I cried in pain, holding back more tears that were about to fall. Mike twisted it harder and I squeezed my eyes shut. I balanced on my knees holding myself up with my right hand as Mike held my left arm twisted behind my back.

"I'll stop when you tell me the truth!" he yelled furiously.

"I am telling the truth! I-" my voice broke and I stopped talking for fear of crying, showing Mike my defeat, and I couldn't do that.

"Go ahead and cry, bitch! Let it out! You dirty slut. You deserve everything that happens to you!" Mike shouted as he twisted my arm even more and I felt a tear begin to fall but quickly brushed it away with my right hand. Finally giving up on getting another answer from me, Mike placed his right foot in the middle of my back and, still holding onto my left arm, stomped me to the ground. He dropped my arm and kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I closed my eyes and tried to take the pain until he finally stopped and left my apartment without another word.

It was finally safe to cry. Hot tears fell rapidly from my eyes as I tried to push myself up with my right arm. I leaned my back against my bed and got into a sitting position before looking down at my left arm. It was black and blue from where Mike had held it and I could tell that I would have to go to the hospital. Shakily, I stood from the floor of my bedroom, feeling a great deal of pain in my ribs. Feeling as though I would fall, I thrust my right arm out to catch myself on the wall and decided to ask my neighbor to take me. Balancing against the walls, I made my way to the front door of my apartment and stepped out into the empty hallway. I knocked on the door across the hall from my room and waited. A few seconds later, a blonde girl named Tori answered the door. After taking one look at me she gasped in shock.

"Angela, what happened?" she asked. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that it was all Mike and that he'd been doing this to me for three months. I wanted to show her the bruises and scars, but I couldn't. I couldn't because every time I thought of telling someone my secret, I thought of what Mike had said he would do to me if I ever told anyone and I backed out of it.

"Can you please just take me to the hospital?" I asked, ignoring her question. Tori looked me over for a moment.

"Yeah, of course. Let's go," she replied. Tori flicked the lights off in her apartment and we walked down to the parking lot to get into her car.

The drive was quiet. I didn't say anything to Tori about why I looked the way that I did, and Tori didn't ask, even though I knew she wanted to. When we finally arrived at the hospital, we walked into the emergency room. I was taken to a room and was told to wait for the doctor, while Tori had to stay in the waiting room.

About two hours later, I opened the door of my apartment again, but this time I was wearing a sling on my left arm. The doctor had, of course, wanted to know what had caused this to happen, and I, obviously, refused to tell him. I sat on my couch and began to wonder.

Why am I with Mike? He is so abusive, why don't I leave him? Shawn would have never hit me. Oh, why did I believe Mike? I could have made things work with Shawn. If I would have known that I would be dealing with someone like Mike, I would have made things work with him instead of so easily giving up. The moment I left Shawn that day was the moment I knew that things were only going to get worse. First it was Shawn, then Cory, and then Topanga. Soon afterward Eric, Jack, and Rachel as well. It all happened so fast and I didn't know what to do or how to stop it. But now, looking back on what happened that day months ago, I wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder that if I had just told Shawn that I still loved him and wanted to make things work that maybe we'd still be together. I wonder that maybe if I hadn't pushed away my friends, we'd still be close. As I ask myself these questions, I realize that everything that has happened has been my fault. It's my fault Shawn and I broke up. It's my fault that my friends left me because I pushed them away when they tried to help me. Everything is my fault. It's even my fault that Mike hits me. Maybe if I wasn't such an attention seeking bitch, like Mike said, then someone out there could love me. But this is just the way things are.

"I'm so confused," I whisper out loud. I stand from my couch and wander into my bedroom. Collapsing onto my bed, I think of Mike and I think of Shawn. I wonder if things will ever go back to the way they used to be, but I know they won't. Refusing to let myself cry again, I lay there on my bed, thinking, alone.
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A/N: well there's the first chapter. hope you liked it. this story was actually inspired by one of my favorite songs, so at the end of the story I will post the lyrics to the song. once you read the story and then read the song lyrics, you will see how well they fit together. anyway, hope you all liked the first chapter. i will try to update this as well as Changes soon, but no guarantees. so, please RR and if you have any ideas or wanna talk, i have Yahoo, MSN, and AIM so you can check my profile for my screen names. please RR!