Food for Thought
Part 5
Remus' Letter to Severus
Dearest Severus,
Every day I light a cigarette to your name. All the others are smoked in vengeance. I want to kill myself because of what I did to you. I regret it every day. The months have passed and I've spent them alone. I resigned and am now living alone.
I can still picture the hospital. You were in the intensive care unit. I was confused because Albus had told me it was nothing serious. Minor wounds that had already been healed. The nurse sat me down and tried to explain it to me a gently as she could. You were Lycaprosy intolerant. No matter how many times they flushed your blood, my own clung to you. Killing you.
I can still picture the last time I saw you. You were lying on a bed, eyes closed. You looked so pale and delicate, like a flower that was wilting away. I wanted to hold you, to kiss you, to apologize to you. But they kept me from you. They said I was a danger to you.
When you died, I was shocked. I knew it was coming but I still couldn't accept it. I loved you. I still do. I want to be with you again, and I will.
I still weigh myself every day.
140
133
127
115
106
100
93
I don't eat at all now. Everything that goes into my mouth is vomited right back up. I smoke two packs a day, as well. I can see all my bones, clearly defined like yours used to be. I haven't really been taking very good care of myself. My hair is a lot longer, and my nails are brittle and chipped. I'm afraid, baby. I miss you so much.
87
82
75
72
70
66
62
Look baby. Now I'm finally lighter than air. I'll be seeing you soon, I promise.
Yours always,
Remus J Lupin