If this chapter sucks, please forgive me. It's hard to be humorous when you're worrying about whether or not your father is going to live.
Oh, and I really want to finish this story, but I don't know how I should end it. How many more chapters should I do, and someone please help me by suggesting how I should end this!
Domo Arigato to...
WolfSisterJazlynn: Arigato times three, neechan! You've helped me out so much! I luff you...therefore, I shall run you down with a limo, give you a pencil, then take it back, then run you down again, then give you a ride, then tell you you're beautiful, then somehow know where you live, then I hate you, then I'll marry you and we'll take a bath together...not. Go get your ghetto hobbits and go rape someone, then find some friends, fag. (all inside jokes, folks. Not meant for you to understand.)
Seto's Summer Flower: I can't be held liable for anything my story does to you such as loss of oxygen, fainting, insanity, and death. Arigato! n.n
Slifer02: DUDE! I'm glad my story makes you laugh! And yes, people often wonder about me and my screwed-up ways, so I can relate. Like sometimes, I'll just be sitting at my computer, and all the sudden I break out into evil laughter for no reason, and my dad actually says to me "I'm going to put you on meds.". And hai, there's nothing like coming home at the end of a long, hard day and bashing the hell out of Ti. Arigato! n.n
Bellebell3: Glad you like it! I luff you...in the least gross way possible...in a friendly way! Arigato! n.n
hatethehaters: Yesh, PETA does rock, and I completely support them! Gomen if I insulted you. It was meant to insult both Malik and Fruity-Winged-Horse-Man. Arigato! n.n
God'sChildX: Arigato! I'm glad you like it!
xxNeeChanTomixx: Arigato, Tomi-san! Glad ya like it! And yay! I get to have a stalker! Hope I'll get to see ya soon! n.n
Also, a bit of promoting on my neechan's behalf. Please spare some time to read her story, Boarding School of Doom. I beta that story. It's basically an InuYasha fic, but it's got Malik in it! Pwease read, if you like my stories, you'll luff hers! (WolfSisterJazlynn, by the way. Check out her profile! And while you're at it, lookit mine! There's updates about my stories and shit like that.)
Disclaimer:
Malik: Aw, don't make her say it!
Me: Yesh, don't make me! (glomps Malik)
Malik: Make Yami say it! He's an idiot!
Yami: (appears out of nowhere, and gets handed a script, which he reads) Uh, "Rina-san does not own Yu-Gi-Oh, and it's a damn shame, too."...wait, who wrote this!
Me: Uh...What's that Mom? Okay, coming! (runs away)
Yami: o.o;
Malik: (banishes Yami when nobody's looking)
Chapter Three: Phone Calls & Attempting to be a Hermit
Well, isn't this familiar? I feel like I've had this feeling before...Oh yes! I have! And this feeling that I feel like I've felt before is sheer, uncensored BOREDOM!
I would leave the house, but the whole "Ti encounter" incident yesterday has left me afraid to leave my house, in case I run into her again.
I'm going to have to become a hermit. You know, live by myself, with no human contact for the rest of my life, and all that good shit.
Okay, so if I'm gonna become a hermit...you know, it sounds like I wanna become a crab. I'm going to live in a flippin' shell! Oh joyest of joyed occasions, I'm going to become a form of sealife! Go me! Hail the British Parliment and such!...
So, first thing I need to do is get enough food to last me a month or so. Once my food supply runs out, I will live off of the things I find in my backyard. Yes, I know that wouild mean me going outside, but it's okay, cause nobody will see me. The only person that lives near me is that fag-boy, Joey Whats-his-shit. And he's too busy clinging to his loser friends to ever go out into his backyard.
That doghouse is still back there too. I think Joey got a dog once. He kept it outside. I think he forgot to feed it, because I haven't heard it barking lately, and because every time I go near the fence between his yard and mine, I can smell something dead. Which in turn attracts Bakura. I'm serious, sometimes I'll go out here to shoot the squirrels, and I'll see the top of Bakura's head on the other side of the fence, followed by the sound of mad cackling.
So, back on subject...what was the subject? Oh, me turning into a hermit. I go outside, then realize I don't need to be back here yet, so I go back inside. I pick up my phone and push Speed Dial 2. Speed Dial 1 is Animal Control, because when Bakura sneaks around Joey's backyard, he comes over to my house and tries to set fire to my mailbox. The bastard.
Beep, beep, beep...why is the beeping necessary? To denote that the phone is ringing. Why did I just answer my own question? Because that's what I do. Am I scaring myself? Yes, yes I am.
"This is Dominos Pizza, what the hell do you want?" A familiar voice says.
This is weird. They're being unusually polite today. Last time, some guy told me to some things that are physically impossible, then hung up.
"Yeah, gimme thirty large pepperoni pizzas." I say.
I figure that should be enough to cover at least a month, even if I do have to eat it cold. Marik came over at one point and put explosives in my microwave, so I can't heat anything up.
"Fine, whatever. It'll take a while, so if you don't like it, piss off and die." Then he hangs up.
Service was nice today.
Okay, now that I got that out of the way, time for the next thing, which would be...ano... ... ... ... ...I don't know. I guess all I can do is wait for my food supply to get here. So what do I do while I wait?
...Lightbulb! I can prank call people!
I pick up the phone and dial Yugi's number. Don't ask how the hell I know it, because I don't know.
...Damn, message machine. Can't prank call a message machine. Well, I can, but it's not as fun.
"You know what? You fucking telemarketers need to stop calling me about your growth supplements, because I don't want them! And Joey, you don't have to call every five minutes to see what I'm doing! I have a life, unlike you! I hate you all, you sorry motherfu"
I hung up. Because...wow...that was...damn scary...Shall I call someone else? I shall. There we go with the answering myself again.
How about...that creepy unicorn-looking guy. Trisha or whatever his name is...again, do not ask how I know his number.
Dammit! Another message machine! Don't tell me he has a life? Oh well, might as well have some fun with this one.
"Oh my God, you called me? Dude, no one ever calls! Please leave a message! I need human contact! Nobody's called me before! I'm so happy!"
"Beep."
I use a high-pitch girly voice and leave a message. "Hey, it's Becky. I just wanna say that I'm so madly in love with you, and that you're my world, and I think your hair is so sexy, the way it's all pointy. And the way you run around like an idiot is so hot. I wanna see you, so meet me later at the..." I'm pretending that I'm going through a tunnel, so it's all static. "...ca...mo...fe...sa...by..."
I hang up, proud of myself. Poor idiot, he's going to end up killing himself because he's not going to know where "Becky" wants to meet him.
Actually, I didn't think the guy had a life? I mean, he didn't even answer his phone. Well, actually, I did think it, or else you wouldn't have known I thought that. I did though.
Flashback
Dammit! Another message machine! Don't tell me he has a life?
End Flashback
See? I told you I did. But no one ever believes me! You're all haters!
Tch. Damn queer is probably too busy looking at boobs on the internet to answer his phone.
I shall dial another number. Let's see if you can guess who it is I'm calling. For the last time, do not ask how I know these people's number.
Screw it all! Doesn't anyone answer their phones!
"Hey there, hon. Can't get to the phone now, I'm signing autographs for my fans. Because I am loved. I'll try to get back to you, but only when I feel like you need to hear my beautiful voice again."
I hang up. Cocky much? Much too much.
"Ding!"
My doorbell! Why doesn't it "dong"? What's the point of having a doorbell if there's no "dong"! Cheap piece of shit!
I answer the door to find...Yami!
"Here's your damn pizza. I dropped one, but you'll have to guess which one I dropped, and what I dropped it in. That'll be 49.97." he says, not even looking at me. He's staring at his painted-on pants like he's into them. Creepy, ne?
"Send the bill to Kaiba, Pharaoh." I say, trying to see if he remembers me.
His head snaps up. "Who told you who I am? Dammit!" Then he runs down the street, waving his arms in the air.
Okay, that was fucked up. But now I have my pizzas, and I can begin my new life as an Blonde Egyptain Tomb Keeper Hermit living in Japan.
"Ding!"
What the hell...I'm supposed to be a hermit! No human contact! And I hate that damn doorbell! The "dong" was the best part!
I answer the door. This is the last time though.
It's Yami. Again. "Sorry, I haven't taken my meds today. And Yugi's gone on vacation with Téa, so I've been bored, which is why I volunteered to work at Dominos."
Um...Yugi and Ti on vacation...alone, together?...I. Do. Not. Want. To. Know.
"Wait...when did they leave?" I ask him, suddenly recalling that I ran into...or rather, landed on top of, then ran from...Ti.
"Last week." He says, chipping the paint off my door.
What the hell? But I saw her yesterday, much as I'm disgusted to say. Don't tell me it was a fangirl! Yes! It was a Ti groupie! I must say, she did get the whole "friendship rant" down perfctly. Very convincing.
I don't have to be a hermit after all! Yay!
"Well, I sent the bill to Kaiba. I must go. Egypt needs me! Trojan Man!" Yami says. Now he's peeling off his painted-on pants and running down the street screaming, "Bow down, bow down, before the power of Santa, or be crushed, be crushed, byyyy his jolly boots of doom!"
Why the hell did my family he would save mankind? I endured a hot poker to my back as a child all for him!
No wonder our civilzation died out...
Dammit all! I grab my hose and chase off Bakura, who is trying to set fire to my mailbox. The bastard!
Again, sorry if it sucked. But please review! No flames! That's Bakura's job.