Author's usual note: please note that there are gaps of time that occur between chapters. Because most (although not all) of the chapters occur in the canon universe, I've pretty much ignored scenes which do not have Aoshi/Kaoru moments. After all, I know what happened and you all know what happened. Anyway, the whole premise of this story is to create a world where Aoshi and Kaoru still fall in love despite all major events happening in the same manner (e.g. Kyoto and Jinchuu Arc). And so, my chapters will only delve in the differences that occur in the canon universe as a result of furtive glances. I'm more focused on the small nuances that trigger the slow development of their feelings for each other rather than other events. Hopefully, my chapters contain enough allusion to situate the readers to the correct timeline in the story. If not, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Furtive Glances—A Rurouni Kenshin Fanfiction

Chapter Five: Close Quarters

He found himself watching her.

It wasn't a conscious decision, the way his eyes would followed her. It wasn't an overt act, the way his ears would catch the sound of her voice above the rest. Furthermore, it wasn't a deliberate intent on his part, the way his nose would pick up the scent of jasmines. It was just something that was there, hovering in the fringes of his consciousness. An awareness of sorts.

He didn't notice it at first. He didn't notice the ease in which he could find her in a crowded room. After all, he was an Oniwaban group leader; it was only natural that he could pinpoint with precision where everyone was in any room he entered. But then, he didn't notice the way he tilted his head in response to the sound of her laughter. Or the way his heart would skip a beat whenever he caught her eyes with his. He didn't notice how her smile could lighten his mood and ease the dark thoughts he worked so hard cleanse.

At least, he never noticed all those things…until yesterday.

He watched her now, her slow progress towards the hallway. Her back was turned from him, and he was quite sure she hadn't noticed him yet. He was even doubly sure as he watched her slow down in front of one particular room. He saw the way she paused and contemplated. He saw the gentle way her fingers ran through the surface of the rice paper door and the way she bit her lip softly before leaning against the panel. Had he been in front of her, he imagined that he would have also seen the way her eyes would fill with warmth, hope and expectation as she listened against the door.

Although he had only seen Kaoru Kamiya thrice in this act, he knew she performed the same ritual almost every morning since they had laid Battousai in a cot in that room. Even the arrival of Megumi Takani and her skills as a physician failed to put a stop on Kamiya's morning routine. It was almost as if she was driven by an inner compulsion to check and make sure everyday. An inner monster that prompted her until she succumbed.

And inner monsters were something Aoshi understood.

This was why he never said anything to her, never commented on her actions, even when he heard her friends tease her whenever they've caught her. And while he didn't hear any malicious intent in her friends' teasing, he did hear the underlying concern they had for her. For while Kamiya almost always laughed off their teasing (or hit them with her bokken, for that matter), there were times when he would notice the slight worry that clouded her eyes. She covered it quite well, for her personality. She was able to utilize her violent outbursts and bossy tendencies to cover up her feelings from her student or from that street thug. And if he had not been watching her as closely as he had been, he was sure she would have been able to hide it from him as well.

Which brought him to this point. Why had he been watching her this closely? Despite his resolution to ignore the…connection between them, what spurred him to ignore the warning bells he had that rang loudly in regards to this woman? What made him observe every little detail about Battousai's woman? And when did it start, this compulsion? It embarrassed him to think that it was Okina who had to bring it to his attention. Thinking back to yesterday, he winced. The old man missed nothing.

FLASHBACK

"Aoshi," he heard his name called just as he stepped out of the Shirobeko. He turned and saw Okina following closely behind him. "Aoshi," he repeated. "Let me walk with you to the temple."

Raising his brow, he nodded respectfully towards the man who had single-handedly kept the Oniwaban group together in his absence. Surprised that the old ninja was actually able to tear himself away from his loud singing even after breakfast that morning, he walked in silence and waited patiently him to explain his presence. From the serious look on Okina's face, Aoshi wondered if the current head of the Oniwaban group had finally come to take him to task for his past actions.

He had expected it, of course, ever since his arrival. Despite the warm welcome he had received from the rest of the Oniwaban group and even the nod of acceptance Okina had given him, he knew that there were still things left unsaid between the two of them. Things that were left unsaid, even in that small log cabin up in the mountains. He cringed, as he often did when he thought of his battle with Okina and the subsequent ending. And now, as he walked down the familiar path that led to the temple, he wondered at the host of new unvoiced concerns that resulted from that day. He lifted his face up and looked at the clear sky. Perhaps now was a good time to talk.

"How have things been, Aoshi?" Okina broke the silence.

He glanced down at the man beside him. Whatever he had expected Okina to say, he had not expected him to start with question regarding his well-being. "As well as it could be," he replied carefully. What was this leading to?

"Did you enjoy breakfast?" Okina continued, confusing Aoshi with his line of questioning.

He thought of breakfast at the Shirobeko, where the Oniwaban group and the Kenshin-gumi had been staying while the Aoiya was under repairs. He thought of the people, both Oniwaban group members and Kenshin-gumi representatives, that gathered around the table during mealtimes. It was a rather large group of people for one table.

"Yes," he replied curiously. "It is...a refreshing change."

The man before him nodded sagely. "I agree," Okina said. "Having Kaoru and her friends here have been a blessing to the Oniwaban group and most especially to Misao."

He looked closely at Okina, attempting to decipher the man's calm expression.

"As I understand it," Okina rambled on, "it was under Kaoru's influence that Misao was able to make the right choices during her brief time as the head of the Oniwaban group." He shook his head. "To think that she actually thought of purchasing a gatling gun."

He drew in a sharp breath. A gatling gun.

"You didn't know?" Okina prodded. "Yes, Misao was feeling a little overwhelmed for awhile and the thought of having such a powerful weapon must have been a quick answer at that time. From what I understand, it was Kaoru's voice of reason that prevented her from making the purchase."

Surprise covered his features.

"In spite of all the friendly squabbles she seem to have with her own student," Okina continued on, "that girl is a good teacher."

He nodded, unsure what Okina expected of him.

"They're a good influence, that Kenshin-gumi," Okina stated.

Again, he nodded in agreement as they both continued to walk across the stony path.

Okina remained silent for a few minutes before beginning again. "You watch her, you know," he said, his voice deceptively soft.

He looked down at the man who was the closest he had to a father this past years. "I watch all the Oniwaban," he responded steadily, "and that includes Misao." Was this man matchmaking? He had thought that Okina knew better than to pair him up with a child. Or anyone else for that matter.

Okina shook his head and stopped walking to face him. "Do not deliberately misunderstand me, Aoshi," he admonished. "You know I speak not of Misao."

Confused, he stared at the man before him. Later, he would berate himself for being too slow to understand Okina's meanings, but for now he looked at the man in confusion. "I don't know what you mean," he stated the obvious.

"I've seen you," Okina replied, his eyes serious. "You watch Kaoru Kamiya like a hawk. Kaoru, not Misao."

He frowned. Kaoru Kamiya. Battousai's woman. "Again, I'm not quite sure what you're getting at," he replied. "If you are implying anything inappropriate regarding my behavior—"

Okina waved him off. "I'm not implying anything or suggesting anything inappropriate," he interrupted. "I am simply stating a fact." He took a deep breath. "You watch her, Aoshi. Maybe the others haven't noticed, but I know you and I myself have watched you these past few days. I know what I'm talking about when I say that there's something…more in the way you look at her."

Aoshi brushed him off. "You are making something out of nothing," he declared, moving past Okina so that he could continue to walk towards the temple. Although he was sure his face betrayed none of his thoughts, his mind was racing as he thought of his actions these past days. What had he been doing?

"Aoshi!" called Okina, his voice brooking no disobedience.

Aoshi stopped and turned around to face him, his face impassive.

"I heard you came to the Aoiya after our battle," he stated calmly. "Shiro told me what happened." Okina peered at him. "You told Kaoru that I was alive."

"What of it?" he asked in a tone that could have been discussion the weather. Inside, he was a mass of confusion as he thought of that day. Why had he told Kamiya of Okina's fate?

"Don't be dense, boy," reprimanded Okina. "And today…" he sighed, "today you offered to let her accompany you in your meditations."

His eyes narrowed. "I thought she needed it," was his bland response.

"Oh?" snorted Okina disbelievingly.

"You heard them today," he said almost defensively. "How her friends tease her over her restlessness. They joke about her stopping by Battousai's room every morning to see if he's awakened yet."

"Yes," Okina agreed, "but she's not the only one concerned over Himura's well-being. I don't see you asking any one of them to join you in this little trip."

"It's different," he informed him, "her feelings are different."

"Oh? What makes her concern any different than the rest?"

Aoshi remained silent and thought of all those times Kamiya came to the makeshift graves of his men. He thought of all those times he found flowers gently laid against each stone. He wondered if the same compulsion that spurred her to stop by Battousai's room every morning spurred her to leave flowers on the unmarked graves of his men.

"Is there something I don't know?" pried Okina, after the long silence of waiting for his response. "Aoshi?"

"No," he finally replied, choosing keep the grave visits to himself. Not knowing what else to say, he began to make his way towards the temple again.

"Aoshi," Okina called, softly this time.

He paused.

"If it was your intent to keep whatever this is to yourself," he began, "then asking Kaoru to meditate with you in front of everyone this morning was not a wise decison."

He clenched his jaw. "I have nothing to hide," he stated. "There is nothing to hide," he repeated. "I asked her as a gesture of friendship to one who has been a friend of the Oniwaban group." He gritted his teeth. "And in case you didn't notice, she turned it down." In fact, she laughed it off.

Now why did that bother him?

Okina looked at him closely and then behind him, to where the temple stood atop a hill. "Is that all you have to say regarding this matter?"

He nodded curtly.

"Then I'll have one last say," Okina said, his voice a little resigned. "If you hurt anyone in the Oniwaban or Kenshin-gumi again, I won't forgive you." With that, he turned his back and walked back from where they came from.

Aoshi watched his retreating form and cursed softly.

END FLASHBACK

The old man was right.

He had been watching Kamiya. Whether he meant to or not, his eyes strayed to her form when she happened to be in the same vicinity as him. It was only in his meditations at the Zen temple, a faraway enough place from the Shirobeko, it was only in those times when he could safely say that he did not know where Kaoru Kamiya was.

And he had the bright idea to invite her.

Not that she accepted.

He didn't know which galled him more: the fact that he invited her at all or the fact that she refused unequivocally.

And now, as he watched her listen against Battousai's door, he knew he would most likely ask again.

As she slowly passed by Kenshin's room, she felt her steps falter bit by bit until she stood directly outside the rice-paper door that separated her from the slumbering man inside. She took a deep breath and turned to face the thin barrier, gazing intently at the outline of the frame. Placing her hands against it, she leaned close and pressed her ear against the door. She held her breath for one…two…three…seconds, hoping against hope that she would hear a rustle of activity. Even the sound of silent footsteps. Anything that would indicate that Kenshin had woken up from his exhaustive slumber. She leaned closer, feeling her cheek touch against the door and waited with bated breath.

Nothing.

Not a sound of rustle or footsteps. Not even the sound of a breeze.

Just nothing.

She pushed herself away from the door and sighed, disappointed. She was hoping that today would be the day. But then, she always did. It seemed that almost everyday she would go through this same ritual only to come out with the same feeling of helplessness. Giving a helpless sigh, she stared blankly at the door. Perhaps tomorrow would be the day.

"Kaoru Kamiya," a deep voice called from above her head.

She jumped, recognizing the owner of that voice at once. Slowly, with dread, she turned and stared at the ice blue eyes of the man before her. She looked away from him and towards the hallway as she felt her face flush with embarrassment. Had Aoshi Shinomori caught her listening against the door like some sort of…pervert?

But of course he has!

She mentally slapped herself for such a stupid question. How could he fail to notice what she had been doing? Pasting a weak smile on her face, she turned to face him and inclined her head in acknowledgement. There really was nothing left to do but try to extricate herself from this situation with as much grace as she could muster. After inclining her head in acknowledgement, she made a move to depart when he spoke once again.

"He will wake up in good time," he stated quietly, his voice low.

She glanced back quickly at him, her eyes widening in surprise at the intentness of his gaze.

"He just needs the rest," he told her steadily. "Battousai fought hard and well."

She nodded shakily in response to his words. "I know that," she replied softly. She knew it. In her most rational moments, she knew that Kenshin's body just needed time. Megumi herself had reiterated it on the numerous occasions she had caught Kaoru doing the exact same thing Aoshi Shinomori had just caught her doing. She gave the door before her another quick glance before turning back to look at the Oniwaban leader. "I must seem very silly to you right now," she said almost softly. She gave a weak laugh. "Perhaps I should have accepted your invitation to the temple," she muttered under her breath.

He looked past her and to the door behind her, almost as if he could see through the rice-paper barrier.

And who knew? Maybe he could.

She looked up at him hopefully.

"If there is anything I could do," he offered, "please do not hesitate to let me or Okina know."

Why did she have a strange feeling that his words meant more than what they say?

She nodded. "Shinomori-san," she said softly, with a tinge of finality, before she gave a slight bow and moved to escape down the hallway. She was painfully aware of the slight brush of her kimono's sleeve against his arm. She noticed the slight catch in her breath as she passed him, and hoped against hope that he didn't notice.

"Kamiya-san," she heard him call out.

She paused, and slowly turned to look back at him. She could see the slight indecision in his eyes at what he was about to say.

"About the graves," he began.

"Please," she interrupted, throwing a guilty look at the door she just left. She had known and known for quite some time that Aoshi Shinomori had wanted to talk with her about this very topic. Unfortunately, she herself was not ready to have any sort of coherent discussion regarding her actions. She had seen his questioning eyes follow her enough times to realize that he had been waiting for her to broach the subject. Except…how could she when her own confusion over the matter had led her to this situation? "I—," she began, looking for words that would bring a halt to this conversation.

"There's no one here," he said quietly, "no one to hear this conversation, if that is your worry. Most of them are downstairs already."

She attempted to look at him steadily.

"I know that you have kept your visits to yourself before," he continued. "I understand why you wouldn't have wanted anyone to know given the circumstances. You believe your friends would have felt betrayed by your actions."

Again, she sought out words to reply and found nothing but the awkward silence.

"You don't give them enough credit," he declared, his voice impassive. "But I respect your wish to keep this to yourself."

She glared at him. "You don't understand," she replied hotly. With another guilty look at the door to Kenshin's room, she faced Aoshi Shinomori.

"Yes, I do, Kamiya-san," he contradicted. "I, more than anyone else, know the consequences of my past actions. Furthermore, I understand this," his hand gestured towards her and the door to Kenshin's room. "I understand why you do this." He looked at her intently. "For some time now—,"

"Please," Kaoru whispered, interrupting him, "can we not discuss this another time?"

He paused and Kaoru could hear his deep even breathing. "I doubt that any other time would suit you, Kamiya-san," he said gently. "However, I will abide by your wishes. I won't discuss this any further except to say..."

She looked up at him.

"Thank you," he finished. "For the visits and the flowers." He gave her a deep bow, before moving past her in the hallway. "They were all much appreciated."

Kaoru turned quickly and watched as he walked away. Words failed her. She was almost glad that his back was turned; otherwise, she was sure he would have noticed the look of utter surprise on her face. She almost called out to him. To say what, she never knew. But she stopped herself and instead watched the retreating figure disappear from her sight. His word reverberated in her mind.

I understand this, he had said.

She shook her head, trying to ignore the way those words made her feel. Instead, she focused on the last thing he said.

What was it about Aoshi Shinomori that left her tongue twisted in knots? Would it have been so difficult for her to say, "Your welcome!" to anyone else? Would it have been so difficult for her to have any sort of conversation with anyone else? The answer was patently obvious and so now she wondered. What was it about Aoshi Shinomori that had her defenses all go up?

I understand this.

She gave a frustrated sigh as she stared at her surroundings. The quarters at the Shirobeko hot-pot restaurant were cramped with the entire Oniwaban group and the Kenshin-gumi staying over while the Aoiya underwent repairs. Truth be told, she didn't really mind, or notice for that matter, the limited space that she and her friends lived in. Most of the time, she was just grateful for Sae's—Tae's twin sister—generosity at allowing them to stay over for this extent of time.

It was only in moments such as this—when she and Aoshi Shinomori manage to be in the same vicinity of each other—that she felt almost trapped. Cornered like a prey. Even now, as she watched the empty hallway, she could still feel his eyes. Try as she might, she could not prevent the tension that grips her entire body whenever she sees the leader of the Oniwaban group. And in such enclosed space, encounters such as this occur on a daily basis.

I understand this.

Not that the man has done or even said anything untoward in the time that they have all stayed here. If anything, he was the epitome of politeness, the model guest. This episode today was the most he had ever even deigned to talk to her. He stayed out of the way for the most of the time, disappearing into the Zen temple for the better part of the day. When he was in the Shirobeko, he never failed to offer his assistance to the proprietress. Not that Sae ever accepted. Kaoru had a feeling that Tae's sister found the ninja quite intimidating.

Which then begs the question as to why Kaoru felt so discomfited around Aoshi Shinomori. The man had done nothing to warrant her wariness. Well, nothing for the past couple weeks at least. There was that time when he was hell-bent on killing Kenshin, after all.

As much as she would like to deceive herself, she knew that her reaction to the leader of the Oniwaban group now had nothing to do with his past actions against the Kenshin-gumi. That would have been too simple, too easy. And if there's anything she learned these past few weeks, it's that nothing is ever that simple or that easy.

I understand this.

She almost banged her head on the wall. Why couldn't she get his words out her head? It was just like yesterday when—

FLASHBACK

Breakfast was an event at the Shirobeko. In fact, she had a feeling that breakfast, lunch, and dinner would always be an event whenever the Oniwaban group and the Kenshin-gumi were at the same room. And so today was no different as she watched Sano and Yahiko fight for the next last piece of fish, Okina sing another song out of tune, Omasu apologize profusely, Megumi bicker with Sano, Misao attempt to get Aoshi's attention, and Aoshi…well...Aoshi didn't really do anything ontoward that would call attention to himself.

"Hey, Jou-chan!" Sano's voice rising above the commotion.

She looked up at the ex-street fighter and tilted her head in question.

"The fox doctor said she caught you spying on Kenshin again," he smirked, waggling his brows suggestively.

She blushed profusely. Damn that fox doctor and her big mouth!

"I wasn't spying," she shouted, smacking Sano in the head with the first thing her hand got hold of. Which happened to be her bokken. She knew it was handy to have that around!

"Hey, Hag," came in her student's contribution, "you're not turning out to be one those…you know," he gave her a suggestive look.

She looked at him evilly. "Just for that, one thousand swings before noon," she replied, "and just for the fun of it, I've volunteered you to help Sae in the restaurant this afternoon."

"One thousand swings!" he screeched.

"Make it two," she decided. Yes, two thousand sounds good. It would give him a chance to think about the perils of teasing his teacher. And calling her a hag.

"Have you forgotten about this?" Yahiko demanded, pointing at his sling.

"You've got your other arm free, don't you?" she asked loftily, despite blushing even more. She had forgotten. She had been so preoccupied…so restless.

"Ken-san will be up soon, you know," Megumi had to pipe in. "I have examined him and there's no reason why he shouldn't," she assured her.

Kaoru looked at her would what would have been resentment were it not for the fact that the presence of the fox doctor made her feel slightly more at ease in regards to Kenshin's health. She had hoped that Megumi would keep their little encounter that morning to herself, but she really should have known better. She had confided about her restlessness to the doctor and she had a feeling this was Megumi's way of making sure everyone takes care of her as well.

"Yeah, Jou-chan!" Sano heartily endorsed. "No need to keep snooping by his room all the time."

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine herself anywhere else, anywhere else but here where she could feel all eyes staring at her.

She was sure they meant well, that Sano and Yahiko and Megumi. She was certain that this was just their attempt at making sure she was alright and that she wouldn't succumb to another bout of depression like before. And any other time, she might actually appreciate their efforts.

Any other time except now.

Not in front of the Oniwaban group.

Not in front of Aoshi Shinomori's piercing eyes.

Right here and right now was neither the time nor the place she would have preferred to be bombarded by her friends' caring words.

"It's just habit now," she defended herself. She was lying, of course, but they didn't need to know that. "I've gotten so used to checking up on him on my way down that it's almost second nature."

Megumi and Yahiko looked at her skeptically.

How…how…how could she explain the reason for her restlessness?

"Right," said Yahiko, willing the drop the subject after meeting her eyes.

"Nah," interjected Sano.

She looked at him furiously.

"I think Jou-chan's just impatient for Kenshin to wake up," he declared. He leaned close, his next words for her ears only. "You wanna tell him how you feel, dontcha?"

Her fist flew out of nowhere to punch him in his cheek. "Sano," she said lowly, threateningly.

"Perhaps a small amount of meditation may help," a voice interrupted. "If so, then Kamiya-san is more than welcome to join me at the temple."

She looked at Aoshi Shinomori, her mouth agape. The ninja sat back and drank his tea as if nothing unusual had happened. Did she just hear him correctly? She looked around her. Judging from the stunned silence around their table, she would venture to guess that: a) yes, she did hear him correctly and b) everyone else was as surprised as she was.

She met his eyes from above the rim of his cup as he drank more of his tea. What was the meaning of this? Was he in league with Megumi to 'help' her?

"Huh?" she heard Yahiko demand beside her. Strangely, she could feel his protective hackles rising.

"Umm…no, thanks," she stammered finally, disturbed by the thought that Aoshi Shinomori might think her unstable. She tried to laugh to lighten the mood. "I can meditate on my own, you know."

"What?" she could hear Misao's demanding voice in the background.

Yahiko snorted. "Ya got that right," he said acerbically. "You've got no idea how many times I've had to sit still for hours with Ugly here during meditation lessons. Why—"

Kaoru drowned out the rest of his words, her mind still on Aoshi. What had prompted him to make that offer?

"Well then," Aoshi Shinomori stood, his eyes fixed on hers, "I will be on my way." He bowed before them before stepping out of the Shirobeko.

Kaoru watched as Okina followed closely behind the blue-eyed ninja. What just happened?

"Kaoru-chan," she looked up to see Misao standing directly over her. "Are you…are you mad at Aoshi-sama?" she asked hesitantly, quietly.

She looked at the young woman in askance. Mad at Aoshi Shinomori?

"I understand if you are," Misao pressed on, "because he tried to harm the man you love." Misao dropped to her knees knelt in front of her, taking her hands with her own. "But he's changed," Misao said earnestly. "He's not the man he was before. Himura brought him back to us."

"Misao-chan, I'm not mad at your Aoshi-sama," she replied, her mind emphasizing the fact that Aoshi Shinomori was first and foremost the love of her new-found friend's life. "Whatever made you think that?" she asked out of curiosity.

The young ninja looked at her closely, as if judging the veracity of her words. "You seemed…different towards him," she replied astutely. "And you refused his offer of help just now."

"Oh, well, I don't need help," she informed the young woman, choosing to deliberately ignore the first part of her answer. "I'm perfectly fine. Really."

END FLASHBACK

She shook her head, willing herself to forget Aoshi Shinomori and his words. She felt her shoulders relax and her breathing come back to normal as soon as a comfortable distance separated her from the object of her musings. This time, she ran forward to make sure he was out of sight. One never knew with that man. He moved about so silently that half their encounters come upon her as a complete surprise.

I understand this.

She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. She could fight this.

She smiled when she began to hear the beginnings of another bout of loud singing from downstairs.

Some members of the Oniwaban group, she had no trouble spotting. Just beneath the clamor, she could hear a familiar apology coming from Omasu. That pretty ninja had been doing a lot of that lately.

She grinned as she rounded the corner and caught Sae's look of amusement.

"He does get started early," she observed ruefully.

Kaoru nodded in agreement. "Do you need me to help you with anything today, Sae?" she asked. She had been doing little chores for the restaurant under Sae's supervision. It was the least she could do given the circumstances. For some reason, however, Sae hasn't let her back in the kitchen since after that first day.

"Oh we shouldn't be needing much help today, Kaoru," the businesswoman replied. "Tuesday is usually our slowest day of the week so we should be able to take care of the customers and our guests."

Kaoru nodded in acknowledgement. "Well, if there is anything you need," she offered again, "don't hesitate to let me or Yahiko know. We'd be more than willing to pitch in."

Sae smiled in acceptance and nodded her head before passing her. Kaoru turned back, watching their hostess walk away with a sigh of regret. They really shouldn't impose for much longer. She could see signs of weariness in Sae's eyes and she knew that as much as their hostess may deny it, their presence must be taking a toll on her and her business.

I understand this.

She bit her lip. Hard.

How could Aoshi Shinomori understand when she herself was at a loss?

Next Chapter: A chance meeting draws two healing souls closer together.