Lights...Camera...CUT!
by MeowthMix
LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 5
"Ugh...how many more of these horrible scripts are there?" Misty complained.
"Hm..." James said as he looked over at the pile of un-read scripts, "I'd say about thirty..."
Brock looked up from his coffee, "Well, which one are we going to read next?"
Jessie was already looking through them, "Uh...Blair Witch, Star Wars, Flubber, Titanic...take your pick...It's kind of like renting really crappy knock-off movies...except they have us in them!"
"Here, look at this one...'Pokémon Semetery'," Ash read off a title, "This one sounds cool!"
"No it doesn't," Meowth snapped.
"We don't have anything better..." Misty pouted, "I say we just hurry up and get it over with."
"Do you think the director will be coming back any time soon?" James asked.
"I think I saw him buying plane tickets to Hong Kong on the phone before he left..." Ash told them, though he didn't fully comprehend what he was saying.
"This is just great! We're going to be stuck in this tiny room reading scripts for weeks! And if that's not bad enough, you guys made the director go insane!" Jessie fumed.
"If I'm not mistaken you were making him go insane right along with us," James pointed out.
"Shut up! I'm making a point!" Jessie yelled.
"Well, do any of you have anything better to do?" Meowth asked.
"Actually-"
"Quiet, Brock. You don't have a date."
Brock pouted, "Maybe I would if I wasn't stuck here with you guys."
"No you wouldn't"
"But what if-"
"No!"
"Rats..."
"Lets just start the stupid script already! All this childness isn't getting us nowhere," Ash said, "Oh! I can't get the straw into my juice box!"
"Ash, that's a cereal box...not a juice box," James told him.
"Oh yeah, well there's no such thing as a fruity cereal!" Everyone sat and stared at Ash for a moment, then opened up the script that he had suggested earlier.
JAMES: Isn't it great! We're finally almost to our new house in Middle-of-Nowhere, Maine? What do you think kids?
"Kids?" there's no way I have kids in this script!" James yelled as he jumped off his seat and threw his script down, "Did the writers stop to think of how old I am and that I'm unmarried?"
Everyone else was snickering.
"You'll have to get used to it, James," Misty giggled, "It's only a script."
James scowled as he picked up his script, figuring it was impossible to argue with all of them.
JAMES: Isn't it great! We're finally almost to our new house in Middle-of-Nowhere, Maine? What do you think, kids?
MISTY: This is so boring, dad, we've been driving for hours!
ASH: I'm bored, too!
JESSIE: Shut up, kids!
It was now James's turn to laugh his head off as everyone else yelled obscenities at the script...except Brock.
"Who wrote this crap?" Misty yelled, "Don't tell me they have a bunch of mankeys back there because those would be some pretty STUPID mankeys to be writing stuff this bad!"
"You'll have to get used to it, Misty," James mocked what she had said earlier, "It's only a script."
Jessie, Ash, and Misty said several more obscenities but returned to their scripts.
MISTY: I can't believe you're making us move to Middle-of Nowhere, Maine! It's practically in the middle of nowhere!
JAMES: Oh, you'll love it! This place has a pool and everything!
MISTY: Really?
JAMES: No.
ASH: Does it have a cemetery where you bury your dead pokémon and they come back to life and try to kill you because it used to be an Indian burial ground and it's cursed?
JAMES: Oh, don't be silly! The pokémon don't necessarily have to be dead! I'm sure plenty of people bury them alive, too!
ASH: pales Oh...
JAMES: Seriously, Jessie, what are you teaching this poor child?
MISTY: He was an accident, wasn't he mom.
ASH: Mom, tell her I wasn't an accident!
JESSIE: What did I teach you about lying, Ash?
ASH: pouts
JAMES: Look! There it is!
JESSIE: Wow...it's so...so...so dilapidated!
JAMES: Just think of it as 'broken down!'
MISTY: I don't wanna live here!
ASH: I want a banana!
JESSIE: You already had a banana today.
ASH: I want another one!
JESSIE: You're still eating the last one!
ASH: I want another ooooooooooone!
JESSIE: SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BRAT!
ASH: I want a pineapple!
JAMES: gets out of the car This is great! Just look how big this place is! And there's no one around for miles!
BROCK: Hi!
ASH: AHHHH! It's a scary man!
BROCK: Ha! Kids say the darndest things! face turns serious You wanna see something really scary?
ASH: scared No.
BROCK: Ha! See? What'd I tell ya? face turns serious What are you doing here?
JESSIE: We just moved in.
BROCK: Oh! How wonderful! face turns serious Do you have any pets?
JAMES: Uh...didn't we have a pet of some sort?
MISTY: He's in the trunk!
MEOWTH: from in the trunk I can't breathe!
BROCK: Ha! Pets say the darndest things! face turns serious Be careful for the highway. Kids and pets run out onto it and skinned knees happens just like snaps fingers that!
JESSIE: gasps James! I told you it wasn't a good idea to move into a place like this! What were you thinking?
JAMES: Oh! Just because our family's lives are in danger is no reason to leave!
ASH runs out into the street and nearly gets run over
ASH: I want a chocolate cake with cookie dough ice cream and gummy bears!
BROCK: Ha! Kids say the most idiotically stupid things! face turns serious I have some cake with cookie dough ice cream and gummy bears at my house. Would you care to join me?
MISTY: Well-
JESSIE: Misty! The stranger is offering you some candy! What did I teach you about that?
MISTY: Oh! Right! Yes, sir, I would like some candy.
JESSIE: Misty!
MISTY: I mean...yes, sir, I would like some candy...PLEASE!
JESSIE: That's better! Now get out of my site!
BROCK: Ha! Crazy mothers say the darndest things! face turns serious I think your Meowth suffocated in your trunk.
BROCK takes MISTY and ASH to his house, which is across the highway
JAMES: What a nice man!
JESSIE: Don't you think we should let Meowth out?
JAMES: He's fine.
Later...
JESSIE: It's going to take me at least a week to get used to living here...
MISTY: Mom, it's been at least three months...
JESSIE: Yep...a long, long, time...
JAMES: Dinners on!
They all sit down at the table
ASH: I don't want this! I want chicken!
JAMES: But it is chicken...
ASH: ...Uh...I want turkey!
MEOWTH: Can I have some?
ASH: Silly Meowth, you can't talk!
MEOWTH: But-
ASH: Silly Meowth, you can't talk!
MEOWTH: pouts on the floor
JESSIE: So, Ash, what did you learn in school today?
ASH: I don't go to school...
JESSIE: So, Misty, what did you lean in school today?
MISTY: I learned how to tell zombie pokémon from the real things!
JAMES: Speaking of zombie pokémon, how does everyone like the steak?
JESSIE: I thought it was chicken...
JAMES: It was.
JESSIE: I think I'm full...bye! runs up to her room
JAMES: Jessie! You didn't finish your french toast!
ASH: I want a nuclear warhead!
The next day...
JESSIE: Why are you dragging us to some stupid pokémon cemetery in the pouring rain?
JAMES: Because I'm an idiot.
ASH: Mud! jumps up and down!
MISTY: I hate this family.
JAMES: There it is!
JESSIE: OK, I've seen enough...bye! runs off
ASH: Mom's gone crazy again...
JAMES: Wow! Look at all the tombstones! There's tons of dead pokémon here! Isn't it cool?
MISTY: Dad's gone crazy, too.
ASH: Can we go now?
JAMES: No! You haven't seen all the graves! Look! Here's one with a growlithe...and here's one with a rattata...Ooh! Look at this one! It's a pikachu!
"Pika...pikachu..." Pikachu said angrily, threw it's script on the floor and stomped out of the room. Nobody cared.
MISTY: All right...we've seen the graves...can we go now PLEEEEASE?
JAMES: But...but the graves...
MISTY: Dad...
JAMES: Five more minutes?
MISTY: Come on, time to go!
JAMES: But I don't wanna!
MISTY: You'll miss your naptime!
JAMES: Not nap time! gets up and runs back to the house
The next week...or next year or whatever...I don't really care
JESSIE: James! The kids and I are leaving for two weeks! Bye!
JAMES: engrossed in the making of his model ship Have fun.
Door slams shut behind JESSIE
BROCK: Hi! face turns serious Is that a model ship you're building?
JAMES: What are you doing in my house?
BROCK: I live here. face turns serious You're in MY house, ya weirdo!
JAMES: I thought it looked a little different.
BROCK: So... face turns serious How's the family been?
JAMES: They're all alive.
BROCK: That's good! face turns serious It would be a shame if one of them...say that meowth or that Ash kid of yours...were to be hit by a truck out there...
JAMES: True.
BROCK: Speaking of which... face turns serious I need you to identify a body for me.
JAMES: 'K.
They walk outside to where JAMES sees MEOWTH laying lifelessly in the snow...despite the fact that it was summer
JAMES: Oh! Meowth, no! Why! Why did it have to be this meowth? Misty's gonna kill me!
BROCK: Don't worry. I have a plan...
JAMES: Well...
BROCK: 'Well' what?
JAMES: Isn't your face going to turn serious?
BROCK: gives JAMES an odd look You're weird...just follow me!
BROCK stuffs MEOWTH into a garbage bag and leads JAMES back out to the pokémon cemetery
JAMES: What are we doing here?
BROCK: Good question... Oh, crap! I was supposed to go the other way!
BROCK leads JAMES to a cursed Indian burial ground
JAMES: OK...so what are we doing HERE?
BROCK: Dig a hole.
JAMES: What?
BROCK: Dig a hole.
JAMES: Why?
BROCK: Just do it already!
JAMES: I can't do it by myself!
BROCK: I'll help.
JAMES: Oh...all right...
JAMES digs a hole...BROCK stands next to him and watches
JAMES: I thought you were going to help me!
BROCK: I'll help you put the dirt back in...but first we gotta put yer meowth into it.
JAMES: Why?
BROCK: Just trust me on this like you trust me to watch your children.
JAMES: But I don't trust you to watch my children...
BROCK throws the bag containing MEOWTH into the hole
MEOWTH: Ow!
BROCK: Quick! Now put the dirt back in before he gets out!
JAMES: But he's still alive! Why are we burying him?
BROCK: So I don't seem like the only crazy one here!
JAMES: Fine!
JAMES puts the dirt back into the hole
JAMES: You didn't help me this time either!
BROCK: No, no! Watch! sets a small pebble on the top of the hole See?
JAMES: No what?
BROCK: Dig him back up!
JAMES: What?
BROCK: It's a cool magic trick! He won't be there when you take all the dirt out again!
JAMES: sighs and digs the hole back out again...MEOWTH is still there and swearing quite loudly
BROCK: Darn! It didn't work this time! OK, put all the dirt back in!
JAMES: Oh, come on! What is the point of all this?
BROCK: He'll become murderous and try to kill you!
JAMES: All right...all right... puts all the dirt back
BROCK: Now, we have to run around in the woods!
JAMES: But I'm tired from digging!
BROCK: You have to run or it won't work!
JAMES runs around in the woods
JAMES: panting OK, so what did that accomplish?
BROCK: You're now in better physical shape than you were before!
JAMES: I hate you!
BROCK: Let's go back now!
JAMES and BROCK go home
The next day
JAMES: Hm...I gotta remember to get revenge on Brock later...
MEOWTH: There you are!
JAMES: Huh? Meowth! You're alive!
MEOWTH: You idiot! You buried me...twice! Now I'm going to bury a screwdriver in your head! holds up a hammer If only we HAD a screwdriver...
JAMES: Great! Now when Misty gets back she won't even know you died!
MEOWTH: But I didn't die!
JAMES: She'll be thrilled to pieces!
MEOWTH: starts swinging the hammer at JAMES I'll kill you!
JAMES: Oh! I'm missing the football game! runs inside
MEOWTH: You've won this round...
A couple days later
JESSIE: We're home!
JAMES: That's great! And guess what! Meowth didn't die!
MISTY: Good! Where is he?
JAMES: I think he's playing in the highway with Ash, or something...
MISTY goes out to play in the highway, too
JESSIE: So, what'd you do while we were gone?
JAMES: Um...besides watch football?
JESSIE: You watched football without me?
JAMES: You don't like football...
JESSIE: But it's the principle!
JAMES: Oh..well...good thing I didn't watch football...
JESSIE: But you were watching football when I got back...
JAMES: Yeah, well, I wasn't paying attention...
Some time other than the in the past or present
MISTY: Dad...have you noticed anything...um...strange about the way Meowth has been acting recently?
JAMES: Oh, he's the same as he always was...
MEOWTH: shaking in the corner, still clutching his hammer All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...
MISTY: Well, he's been a lot smellier since we got back...
JAMES: He hasn't taken a bath in his life!
MISTY: That's true...but...oh forget it...do you wanna come out and fly a kite with me and Ash and mom and Brock right next to the scary highway?
JAMES: Sure!
Scene changes to outside where ASH is flying his kite
ASH: Whee!
JESSIE: Ah, this is so much fun! I mean, this is, like, one of those days where nothing could possibly go wrong!
ASH gets hit by a truck
JESSIE: laughs Whoops! Spoke too soon!
MISTY: Ash!
ASH is several yards away, stunned
His lower lip trembles...then he realizes he skinned his knee and screams in pain
JAMES: thinking to himself I need to get him out to that burial ground to bring him back to life...but Jessie would never let me...unless... Yells aloud Jessie! Look behind you!
JESSIE: looks behind her
JAMES grabs ASH and runs off the burial ground
ASH: W-what are you doing?
JAMES: Burying you.
ASH: Why?
JAMES: To...uh...to...oh! Brock is so much better at explaining it than I am!
Buries ASH
JAMES: Perfect! Now all I have to do is un-bury him, re-bury him, and then run around in the woods!
An hour later
JAMES: OK...All done... returns home
BROCK: Did you bury your son in the burial ground?
JAMES: Yeah...so?
BROCK: You fool! Do you realize what you've done?
JAMES: Um...I buried my son in the burial ground...
BROCK: Oh, I was just checking to see if you remembered. walks away
The next day
JESSIE: Boy, James, it's such a good thing you buried Ash in the woods...otherwise we would never have him back!
ASH: That is right, father...I am so glad you nearly killed me...Don't you agree, Meowth?
MEOWTH: Shaking in the corner, still clutching his hammer All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...All will die...
BROCK: Ha! Zombie pokémon say the darndest things!
JAMES: They sure do, Brock! faces the camera They sure do...
The actors stared at the scripts. They were incapable of even mentioning how scared they were. Now, let us never speak of this script again.
So. It keeps going. I'll soon continue.