"Hey," he smiled.
"Hey yourself," Watari whispered, arms closing around him as he pulled him down into another lazy kiss.
Tatsumi rested his head on the blond's chest, reveling in the soft texture of the skin, the scent that was pure Watari, or the gentle strokes of the beloved hands on his backall these things he had missed for far too long.
He sighed with pleasure.
"Taka?" he murmured.
"Hm?" came the lazy reply.
"Why did you do this?"
The wandering hands stopped for a second.
"What do you mean?"
"You were... provoking me. Like trying to, I don't know, push me over a limit?"
There was no answer, and Tatsumi looked up again.
"Did you... recreate it, in some way?"
Watari evaded his eyes as he nodded slowly, and Tatsumi felt his heart clench painfully.
"So this was what it was like."
Oh dear gods... He had held him down, immobilized him, had him at his mercy... and then there had been the shadows, too. It must have been a nightmare...
The blond head jerked around.
"No! No, not at all. I... you weren't... that hadn't been you... but you are now... you're you, and... Seii, I didn't plan to. It just... happened, but..."
He silenced him with a gentle finger on the runaway mouth.
"Are you reassured now? You wanted to push me to see if I... could do something to you."
There was a soft exhalation of air. "It wasn't an experiment."
"No?"
"Experiments are done in a controlled environment," Watari said softly. "I wasn't in control. I just needed... I had to go past that wall, that barrier... and I had to look beyond... and I had to see if... I could do this again... if I could last through it without chickening out."
"If I could hurt you while in the throes of pleasure?" Tatsumi inquired carefully.
Watari nodded jerkily.
"Never, Taka. Not in my right mind. I love you too much. I could never hurt you. Never intentionally. And it wasn't your fault."
"I know."
Watari shifted a little and hissed, and Tatsumi realized with little amusement he was still deeply sheathed inside his lover. He kissed the slender neck and moved carefully, sliding free. Watari gave a moan of loss and turned into his embrace.
"I'd never hurt you, 'Taka. You're my life. I love you," Tatsumi repeated, voice muffled by the golden strands.
"I know. I know that, Seii. Now I do. And I want to repeat this. Again and again. I want to be with you."
Those wide eyes showed so many emotions, Tatsumi felt like he was drowning.
"And I want you to tell me if you want me, too. I know what you've done the past weeks," Watari went on. "I'm thankful for it. But this isn't the solution. You have needs, too, Seii. Tell me. Don't just wait for me to make the first step. Kiss me, touch me..."
And he kissed him. Pulling him close, Tatsumi kissed his partner, holding him flush against him.
"I promise, 'Taka. I promise."
"This takes two to make it work. Two to heal." Watari caressed his cheek. "You were hurt just as much as I was. I understand that now. You don't know what happened..." He hesitated, then plunged forward, "but I do. We can only make this work if we work together."
Tatsumi nodded. "And we will. We have all the time in the world."
There was a soft hooting from the wardrobe and Tatsumi chuckled. "She's a little voyeur, hm?"
"Wonder where she got that from," was the mumbled answer as sleepy eyes fell on the tiny owl. "Her having been an angel once..."
"Must be your good influence, Taka."
That got him a snort. "Riiiight."
Tatsumi laughed and pulled the blanket more around them.
It felt so good. So very, very good. They still had a long way to go and the memories could only fade, never disappear, but he knew they were going into the right direction.
They drifted off into a light doze and Tatsumi was woken by a gentle caress and a pair of tender lips.
"Seii?" Watari whispered.
"Hm?"
The blond head was pillowed on his shoulder, one arm around his chest, and he was unable to look into the expressive eyes.
"I... want to tell you something?"
That got his attention.
"Do you remember Fujikama?"
"Yes. The case." And the devil after Watari's soul... 003 being an angel... all that stuff.
"The case. And you know I knew him."
It wasn't a question. Watari had told him back then that he had once known Fujikama Yukihito, that they had been lovers, and that the man had used Watari.
"Yes?"
Watari exhaled softly. "There's more to it."
More?
His tension grew.
"We were lovers, but... not like the two of us. Not anything close to it. Back then I believed it was love because I knew nothing else... but Yuki... he liked things... rough."
Tatsumi froze and as Watari continued, his voice soft, slightly monotonous, detailing what the man had done to the young student, he was thankful for the fact that Fujikama was already gone.
He would have torn the man apart.
"Seii?"
The soft, tremulous question drew him out of his murderous thoughts, and he looked into the wide eyes of his lover. Wide and filled with fear.
Fear?
"Why didn't you tell me that before?"
Those eyes evaded him. "I... kinda forgot."
"Forgot?"
How could anyone forget this? Yuki had used and abused him!
"Yes..." was the hesitant answer.
"But you told me about Yuki, about how you met, that you became lovers, that he killed you... and you forgot that part?"
"Y-yes..." Watari swallowed hard. "I... was ashamed. I was afraid what you would think of me." He laughed wryly. "Here I am, fifty years dead... and I'm afraid of something menial like that."
"It wasn't menial!"
And they all had become shinigami for a reason. Not because of a happy life but because of a pain that refused to go away. Tatsumi knew that only too well.
Then it hit him again. Fear. Afraid.
"You were afraid of me?"
"Of what you would think of me. Of how you would perceive me... afterwards."
"'Taka..."
"Do you... still love me, Seii?" Watari asked hesitantly.
What!
"Of course I do! Why do you think otherwise?"
"He used me," Watari whispered, lowering his eyes. "He made me into his toy... and he told me he loved me for it. He told me I was good... and that it was supposed to be this way... and I believed him. I feel... dirty sometimes."
"No, Taka, no!" Tatsumi sat up, embracing his younger lover, pulling the unresisting form against him. "No, you're not. I love you. With your past and everything. And knowing what I do now... I admire you."
"W-what?"
"You survived, 'Taka. All of that. And you can still love. You love me. I'm so thankful for it. For you love."
Watari swallowed. "You mean that?"
"Every word. I love you for what you are."
The younger shinigami gazed at the mattress. "What I am...? What am I, Seii? It all started again with this case," he said softly, as if talking to himself. "With seeing Yuki again. I had it all pushed aside, locked up, and here he was, dragging it into the light again. I relived it all... and suddenly I started looking at our relationship. Even before the... incident. I was the one who approached you, Seii. I was the one who threw himself at you, offered himself... and I wondered where the difference was to Yuki. I wondered if I was still so very much conditioned."
"'Taka..."
"He made me," Watari whispered harshly. "He conditioned me. My responses... I questioned everything sometimes. You, us... You're a powerful man, Seii, and maybe I was just projecting Yuki onto you, gave myself to you because of those conditioned responses."
"No, 'Taka, no!" Tatsumi interrupted him. "You didn't."
"How do you know?" the blond demanded.
"I do. Ours isn't that kind of relationship. This isn't about power and submission. This is about love, our love, not what Fujikama tried to tell you is such an emotion. I never forced you, I never tried to bend your will to mine. If anything, you changed me. You instigated it all because I would never have done it on my own. I was..."
"Shy?" Watari whispered, a slight smile on his lips.
Tatsumi snorted. "Well, yes... no... I was just... careful. Because I was afraid, too. I'm still afraid. Afraid to lose you, 'Taka. Because I love you so much."
He cupped the narrow face and held the expressive eyes.
"How about we make a deal, Watari Yutaka? Whenever one of us feels like talking, we talk. All of this is the past. It's a part of us. It's what made us into who and what we are. We all carry pain and nightmares, but we don't have to carry them alone. Maybe I have questions again, about you... your past ... about this... and I want us to be able to talk. Just talk... I don't want to forget about this, but let's just see what the future brings."
Watari covered Tatsumi's hands with his own. "Deal," he whispered.
"Thank you," Tatsumi whispered and kissed him.
Snuggling against him, Watari caressed his sides. "Seii?" he asked after a while, sounding relaxed.
"Hm?"
"I've got a question."
Tatsumi tensed a little, steeling himself. "Yes?"
"These Brussels sprouts... you really like to eat that stuff? Stink and bitterness and all?"
And he laughed. It was a little chuckle that turned into a free laughter. Hugging Watari close he kissed the tousled head.
"Yes, 'Taka, my love, I do. Stink and bitterness and all."
Watari gave him a deep sigh. "Oh, okay."
He buried his face in the wavy curls. "But you don't have to cook it for me. It's not like I need it to survive."
"Now you tell me?" came the outraged cry.
And Tatsumi laughed more as he was pounced.
° ° °
"All right, so you agree to do what I'd like?" Watari asked, eyes shining, face lit up by a bright smile.
There he was, standing in Tatsumi's office, dressed in his habitual lab coat, the black turtleneck and with that mischievous expression in his eyes. Tatsumi didn't know whether to be afraid or just indulge in the so normal sight of his lover.
Four months had passed since the incident. Four months in which they had begun their relationship again, in which there had been so many downs, Tatsumi had barely dared to believe in an 'up' again.
But they had made it.
With the help of their friends and the continuous support of Hisoka, who regularly still met with Watari. It did his lover a world of good and Tatsumi didn't know how he could ever repay this.
"Thinking of it," he now mused out loud, "we've never had a real date. How about it, Watari Yutaka?"
"You're asking me out? Officially?"
Watari's eyes sparkled with delight as he grinned at his lover, and for a brief second Tatsumi doubted it had been such a good idea. On the other hand they hadn't had a real date before. And this was... like starting all over again.
"Yes, I'm asking you out."
"Cool. And I have just the right event in mind for it. I'll pick you up at seven tonight, Seii. Dress for the occasion."
Watari was halfway out the door of the office, a bounce in his step.
"What do you mean, you pick me up? Isn't that supposed to be my part since I'm the one who asked you out?" Tatsumi called, flabbergasted.
"You can do it next time. Tonight is my turn."
A long wet kiss landed on his lips before Watari was off again, leaving a slightly bewildered Tatsumi behind. Just the right event? And what did he mean by dress for the occasion'?
° ° °
When his door bell rang at precisely seven, Tatsumi couldn't hide the smile of amusement. It Watari could just be as punctual when it came to work related issues... opening the door the next thing he had to do was catching his jaw to prevent him from hitting the floor at the sight of the appearance that was standing before him.
Damn, but that man knew how to wear a tux... black tuxedo, crisp white shirt that looked as if it was made of silk and a dark burgundy cummerbund over a pair of black pants that were hugging his behind just the right way.
"So that's what you meant with dress nicely? I think I'm a little underdressed for this - occasion."
"A little." Watari's eyes sparkled with mischief as he bent forward and stole a kiss. "But I forgive you. Want to change?"
"Hn. Since I have no idea to where you intend to kidnap me, I think I better."
"I'll give you five minutes."
Tatsumi almost laughed. It felt so good. It was so wonderful to be doing this, to have Watari back in his life, he was about to agree to anything and everything, go wherever Watari wanted to go...
Leaving his apartment exactly ten minutes later, Tatsumi found a taxi already waiting for them.
"Now, where do you take me 'Taka?"
"You just wait and see, Seii. But I bet you'll like it."
Tatsumi was in for the next shock of the evening when he realized what it' was.
"'Taka, what... ?"
"It's a vernissage, koibito. And just look at the title." Watari grinned from one ear to the other when Tatsumi read the title"Eros".
"You're taking me to a vernissage of erotic art?" he coughed, looking at his lover who took two glasses of offered champagne nonchalantly.
"No."
"No?"
"No." Lips neared his ear and he shivered with the breathed kiss that Watari placed on his neck.
"I'm taking you to a vernissage of gay erotic art."
And then he was pulled into the gallery, unable to resist, unable to fight it, and he didn't even want to.
Wherever you go, I'll go with you, Yutaka.