I blame sugar for any and all craziness expressed in this story.
I hate those stupid workbooks you get in school that try to get you excited to learn…
Muggles and You Workbook
This book belongs to Angelina Johnson
Hey there, future muggle studies expert! Have we got a surprise for you! This year, you are going to explore the depths of muggle culture, see some genuine muggle artifacts and inventions, and even discover the purpose of the electric tooth brush! Isn't this exciting? But first things first, eager beaver! We need to discover what you already know about muggles!
Does Professor Fert really expect us to write in these things? Am I really supposed to be excited about muggle studies? Am I even a beaver? Book, you are truly stupid.
I honestly know nothing about muggles. Why else would I be in here talking to an over-excited workbook? I think one time I was walking with my mum and this muggle lady came up and started begging us for money, or something. I'm pretty sure I gave her a chicken wing or something, but now that I think about it, maybe it was just a dream. That lady was scary!
Wow! That's quite some information, Einstein! Are you sure you even need to take this class with brains like that? Now that we established that, I want you to put away your cauldrons and self-charmed cheeses and take a look at your classroom through the eyes of the non-magical! Don't be shy, take a try!
Do I have to really put away my self-charmed cheese? Book, you are truly cruel! Self-charmed cheese is my life! My soul! I hate you, book!
On an unrelated note, I really have to give you a name or something. 'Book' sounds hairy. Hairy… Harry Potter? Nah, that name's already been used… I'm going to call you Shelly. Shelly, in every sentence so far you've either ended it with a '?' or a '!'. You are an excitable book and for that I love you.
Great observations! Most likely, you took note on how in muggle life, candles don't float in mid-air and there are no quills that taste like sugar. Must be tough being a muggle, eh?
Shelly! You used a period! I'm so proud of you!
You bet it'd be hard! Now let's get on to my favorite subject... You! What has influenced you to take muggle studies?
What? Shelley, I'm surprised at you! That wasn't a question about me at all! Stupid! Too, bad. I'm going to write about me anyway because you are a selfish little Shelly.
Right now I am insanely mad at a pair of quidditch chasers. Okay, maybe not exactly mad, but supremely annoyed at the least. They both went to divination even though I pleaded them to come with me to this class! Honestly, I would've gone with them if it wasn't for a certain red-headed twin who makes my heart flip with just one look at him. I know what you're thinking, Shelley. 'Oh, she must have gone to muggle studies just to be with the love of her life, Fred Weasley.' Did I ever mention that he has a superb name? I mean, no weird spellings to embarrassingly screw up on or anything! Anyway, Shelley, you're earlier thought is absolutely wrong. He's in divination. I came to this class just to get away from the sickening feeling of my heart fluttering about like a butterfly. I can't stand being around him long enough to embarrass myself.
Don't matter anyway. Freddy-boy's already got himself a girlfriend. Her horrid, rotten, good-for-nothing name is Trisha. Fred and Trisha? Ew… Fred and Angelina? Yes!
And now I return back to you, my dear Shelley. By the way, are you single?
That's a really good reason to learn about muggles! Now look to your left and look to your right. There is at least something there that's also a muggle object! Name one!
Lee Jordan is a muggle object? Sometimes I wish you were a real person so I could slap you in the face when you act real stupid. Silly journal.
Yes! Tables, chairs, all that good stuff! You're really getting the hang of this now! Now, if you had to compare yourself to a muggle, how would you do so?
How would I do so? With, uh, a comparison? Do you mean, how are we different? I guess I must assume so. The main difference is that I don't go around on the streets begging people for money and getting chicken wings in return.
Very good! You got a lot done today and guess what? We're done for now! Don't worry, we'll start off again tomorrow! Goodbye!
Bye, Shelly! I love you!
Chapter 2: Lee Jordan!