This is probably the worst thing I could have done. I'm writing a Southpark Movie spoof. Believe me, Southpark: Bigger, Longer and Uncut is one of my favorite movies ever and I highly respect Trey Parker and Matt Stone. But the beauty of fanfiction and animation is the ability to make fun of just about anything, and I want to try my hand at it. There is going to be A LOT of swearing and content from the movie. I'm going to try to follow the movie as closely as possible, but I'm not going to copy it completely. I'm also going to still promote Taiora, but I will also do something different. Normally, I'm more of a Takari fan, but Daikari is going to work out so much better in this one. And I know it may seem uncharacteristic of the Digidestined to be so impressionable, but too bad. Otherwise, there'd be no story.
I own none of this. Southpark belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Trey Parker and Matt Stone belong to themselves. Digimon belongs to Toei and others who were involved in the creation. This is only for fun and I plan on gaining nothing from this. So here we go. There's no turning back now.
Digimon the Movie X: Longer, Wronger, and Unadulterated
Chapter 1: The Movie
There were a bunch of birds in the sky. And some cars went zooming by. Flowers were blooming underneath a blanket of cherry blossoms. Young Davis Motomiya was walking along singing some song about another Sunday morning in a quiet mountain town. But he did not live in a quiet mountain town. He lived in a bustling city in Odaiba, Japan. But on this particular Sunday morning, he was enthusiastically strolling to his friends' homes. First he would stop at Cody's house. He found Cody on his break from his Kendo practice, sipping some tea while sitting on the planter in front of his apartment.
"Hey Cody!" Davis greeted. "Come on! We're going to see that new foreign movie, Southpark: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut!"
"Davis. I'm at Kendo practice right now," Cody protested.
"No you're not," Davis smiled and grabbed Cody's arm. He dragged the poor kid along and on to the next destination. They arrived to find Ken kicking soccer balls in the front yard of his apartment.
"Hey Ken!" Davis shouted in excitement. "We're going to go see Southpark!"
"Cool. Let's go."
"Ken!" his mother called. "Where are you going?"
"Uh… we're going to play soccer!" Ken answered with a more acceptable activity.
"Well, don't forget to bring your little brother with you!"
"Mom! He's not my little brother! You just adopted him last month!" Ken shouted back, annoyed.
"KEN!"
"All right. Sorry," Ken shrank back. "Come on, Mike," he called and waited for the little three-year-old to catch up. Their mother watched them leave.
"Such vulnerable and impressionable children they are," she thought. "Thank God we moved to this city."
There was one more stop on their journey to the movie theater. They stopped at a small convenient store. The little bell on the door jingled. Yolie remained in her lazy slouch at the counter.
"Mom! Customers!"
"Hey Yolie! We're going to the Southpark movie! Let's go!" Davis urged her.
"Yes! Oh God yes!" she sang as she tore her apron off and escaped a nearly boring Sunday working in the store.
"Soon, our lives will be complete!" Davis cheered.
"Yeah! Because Southpark is sweet!" Yolie added.
It was the moment of truth. They approached the ticket office. Davis slapped the money on the counter. "Five for Southpark: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut please," Davis said proudly.
"No," the cashier answered while wearing a smile.
"What?" Davis stuttered in confusion.
"Southpark: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut was rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America," he explained, still wearing his obnoxious smile.
"Why did they do that?" Davis asked.
"Because it has naughty language!" he shouted. "Next!"
The kids hung their heads in defeat.
"That's not fair!" Yolie whined.
"There has to be a way to see that movie!" Davis punched his hand. "Where's Veemon? He can fix this!"
"Wait a sec, Davis," Ken interrupted him. "I've got a better idea."
-
"Six for Southpark please," a young man wearing a white robe said.
"This movie may not be suitable for the kids," the cashier explained.
"Hey, Davis. He says this movie may not be suitable for you," he whispered to Davis.
"Look, Gennai. If you don't want the ten bucks to buy a new phone card so that you can stay in touch with us longer at cheaper rates, then be my guest," Davis muttered back.
"Six please," Gennai promptly addressed the cashier.
-
"This is gonna be awesome!" Davis whooped as they found seats near the front of a nearly full theater. "Hey Yolie, give me some candy."
"Get your own candy, hair boy!" Yolie pulled her concessions away from him. Davis would have began a fight with her had the lights not dimmed, indicating the beginning of the previews then the beginning of the movie.
The movie began with a nice, cinematic song. The little boy in the red poof ball hat sang about another Sunday morning in their quiet mountain town. He walked along, gathering his friends for a day at the movie theater. First was the little boy in the orange coat. Then it was the little boy, kicking his baby brother around the front yard. Finally, they arrived at the fat obnoxious kid's house.
This seems familiar, Davis thought to himself as he watched the movie. Boy, Yolie would kill me if she knew what I was thinkin'. He chuckled to himself at the comparison of Yolie to Cartman.
The song ended as the children arrived at the theater, only to be denied entry to the rated R flick. But being the clever little kids they were, they found a way in. The movie began, opening up to the very first fart joke which was the norm. What happened next caught them by total surprise.
"You're such a pig fucker, Philip!" the movie character shouted. The children in the movie gasped in shock, as did the Digidestined in the front row.
"What did he just say?" Ken murmured in disbelief.
"Shit-faced cock master!"
"Shit-faced cock master?" Yolie muttered in awed surprise.
"You donkey-raping shit eater!"
"Don-y wawin shii eaer!" little Mike tried to say.
"You'd fuck your uncle!"
"No! You'd fuck your uncle!"
And the two broke into song.
It was at this point that most of the theater had already cleared out. Very few remained by the mid-point of the film. But the kids were oddly attracted to its crude and utterly offensive charm. They saw the movie from beginning to end, absorbed the words of each song and basked in the excitement of their new-found vocabulary.
"That movie was fuckin' awesome!" Davis shouted, leaping from the ground in exhilaration.
"I must admit that was some entertaining shit," Cody agreed.
"Hey!" the cashier shouted. "Where's your guardian?"
"Uhh…" Davis stuttered.
"I knew it! You paid an adult to get you in!"
"Eat shit you donkey raping shit eater," Yolie replied smugly. The cashier was taken aback and he knew that if anyone found out, he was in deep shit.
-
They hurried to the park, anxious to spread the word to the other kids. A small soccer game was going on between the neighborhood kids.
"Hey! Where have you guys, been?" Tai asked as the five approached.
"Oh, nowhere," Yolie said in an innocent tone. "We only went to see the Southpark movie."
Suddenly, all activity stopped. "THE SOUTHPARK MOVIE?" Everyone crowded around asking numerous questions.
"Hey! Back off you shit face cock masters!" Yolie shouted.
"Ooooo," they said in amazed awe.
"It was amazing!" Ken announced. Everyone instantly knew that if Ken Ichijouji liked it, it was indeed a good movie. Davis' attention lingered to the soccer field, where his gaze fell on the only other thing he like more than soccer. Kari Kamiya was running around with the soccer ball and she made her way to them to see what the excitement was about.
"Hey Davis," she said, stopping in front of him. Without warning, he blew chunks. "EW!" she shrieked.
"Whoa! Must be getting the stomach flu," he reasoned. Just then, TK Takaisha ran up next to Kari.
"What are you doing here, TP?" Davis growled.
"I was just playing soccer with the others. Where have you been?"
"We just went and saw the Southpark movie," Davis sneered, standing up as tall as he could.
"I see," TK muttered. "Come on, Kari. Let's go kick the ball around while we wait for everyone else." He ran off in the opposite direction.
"Bye Davis," Kari smiled and ran to catch up with TK. Davis sighed heavily. Apparently, no amount of swearing was going to get Kari's attention.
"I don't think this movie's such a good thing for them," Sora muttered to Tai when they were away from all the commotion.
"They'll probably swear so much they'll get bored of it," he said, throwing his hands behind his head. "Of course I never get bored of swearing," he smirked. Sora responded by blushing deep red.
Well. It's a start. I hope this is entertaining. Let me know.