:Simulated Guilt:
Disclaimer: If I were to own Saiyuki, I would be getting a thousand dollars from my red packet money instead of just a few hundred dollars and less. But I shouldn't complain anyway.
Warnings: The regular shounen-ai and the use of language. And slight OOCness for Sanzo. But if I don't make Sanzo slightly OOC, there will be no shounen-ai. Please bear with me.
Sanzo almost sobbed in agony. Thoughts of his master, illusions of unattainable happiness, flooded his mind, as he watched the blood flow from his hands. Goku's blood. He had killed his own loved one. No youkai had did it; human or monster had killed Goku. But he was the one who sent Goku to his death. The gun he chose as a weapon to kill himself whenever he wished was the one which sent Goku to his pure, innocent death.
How he did it, he didn't know. All he saw was his gun, Goku, and his blood-smeared hands. He was the only person there, so the only person he could have done it was him.
He killed Goku.
Goku watched worriedly from the doorway. Sanzo was having another bad dream. Even worse, it wasn't raining. What could have triggered off the painful groans from his beautiful sun?
Nah, it's probably nothing. Goku assured himself. Sanzo always has the same nightmares again and he always returns to his normal self. But I do wish his nomal self could be a little nicer… With that thought, he went back to his own separate room.
What Goku didn't know, the nightmares Sanzo were having now, weren't the same.
"Urrr...I feel like shit…"
Strangely, Goku couldn't sleep properly last night. He had first thought it was the sheets that weren't washed properly, but after he found out they were just brought out of the washing machine, he thought it was because he didn't have enough food, and after he remembered that he had one whole table of food to himself during dinner he later thought that maybe it was because he slept through the whole day, but later he remembered he was busy competing with Gojyo on who had came up with the most names for the other and that one of Sanzo's bullets created a centre parting in his hair for his great efforts, he finally concluded that he was thinking too much.
But it wasn't like him to think so much -he did think, as much as the kappa said he didn't- and just before sleep too, after a long day where everything had consisted of yells and a certain amount of rude words and gunshots.
He couldn't sense what was bugging him, but he knew that something was bugging him, and he felt as sure of that feeling as much as he was sure that nikumans was food that had dropped down from heaven.
He looked around absent-mindedly, and he finally noticed that his sun wasn't there. That was even stranger. Sanzo always was the second one to wake up, or if he had a bad dream -like last night- there could be a chance he would wake up earlier than Hakkai. Either way, he would always rise early in the morning, screaming at whoever was still asleep -mainly him and Gojyo- and awaking them, regardless of whether they had enough sleep.
He wasn't wrong as referring to him as his 'sun'.
Or his personal -and very,verypretty- alarm clock.
"Hakkai…"
"Mmm?"
"Where's Sanzo?"
That question led to a long, uncomfortably tense silence. Goku could almost feel Hakkai's thoughts flitting through his complexed mind, and as complexed as Hakkai's mind was, Goku could feel that Hakkai was beginning to find it suspicious that Sanzo was actually late. It meant that Sanzo wasn't early. It meant that Sanzo overslept, and Sanzo never overslept.
It could only mean one thing.
Sanzo wasn't himself today.
Gojyo entered the room. "Why's everybody so quiet? Oi, Hakkai! 'KAI! I know that you are a quiet person, but you TALK. And you, monkey! HEY! Don't ignore me!"
Gojyo paused, sensing that something -or somebody- was missing from the room.
"Uhh.. Where's the bouzu?"
That did it. Goku and Hakkai rushed to Sanzo's room, with the kappa following grudgingly behind.
Goku opened the door slowly. Sanzo was still sleeping, but that same panicked look that Goku saw that night was still on his face, never changing. It was even worse, as Sanzo was sweating, and he kept uttering inaudible words in his sleep, with horrid groans following after.
"Sanzo! SANZO! Wake up!"
Sanzo's eyelids fluttered open.
He reached for Goku's head and held it gently-
Before ramming his charge's head into the floor.
A/N: Hell, what am I doing, starting a new fanfic before I haven't even updated my other one. But I felt a loss of 39 these few days, so I started a story where there is certain to be 39, all the way. It is so inauspicious writing an angst story before Chinese New Year, but who cares.